1. You meet someone new. What's the first thing you want to know about them?
"Are you single?"
"How can you help my meteoric rise to stardom?"
"Are you going to cause me any trouble?"
"What's your political affiliation?"
"What kind of music do you like?"
"Do you have any food with you?"
"What makes you special and unique as a person?"
"What can I do to help you?"
"Will you be my friend?"
"Tell me, do I make your horny?"
"HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !!"
I don't want to know anything about them! Just leave me alone, dammit.

2. Which best describes your sexual preference?
Men
Women
Both men and women
Furniture
Domo-kun
All of the above
I'm an asexual organism, so none
Sex!? GROSSNESS!

3. What kind of friends do you have?
One close friend whom I do everything with
A small circle of friends who all get along great with each other
A few close friends who don't know each other
Some people I've known a long time, even if we don't have a lot in common
Mostly a lot of casual acquitances - no one I'm particularly close to
Developers, developers, developers, developers
Friends? I know they're all plotting against me behind my back
None - my work does not permit me such luxuries.

4. Which of these adages best describes your philosophy in life?
"Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff."
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
"There is nothing new under the sun."
"All's well that ends well."
"The ends justify the means."
"Without evil, there can be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes."
"...whatever."
"Let's Positive Thinking!"
"The family that prays together stays together."
"If there's grass on the field, it's playing time."
"Love hurts."
"Life is a sexually-transmitted disease."
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
"Only the strong survive."
"Good things come to those who wait."
"Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten."

5. Which of these genres of music do you enjoy most?
Alternative
Classical
Classic rock
Country
Emo
Folk
Gabber
Gospel
Hip-Hop
Indie
Industrial
Jazz
Nu metal
Pop
Porn groove
Progressive rock
Punk
Trance
Myself pounding on the drums!

6. What best describes your ideal date?
A fun trip to the amusement park
A romantic dinner
Creating something together with my lover
Sitting around the house and cuddling
Playing Counterstrike
A peaceful walk on the beach
I kiss you!
A trip somewhere intellectually stimulating, like a museum
Hot all-night sex
How about a concert?
Or maybe a dance...
I don't know. Surprise me!
Romance is inherently a waste of time.

7. Which of these best describes your religious beliefs?
Religion is for cowards and fools.
It's impossible to us know anything about the existence of a higher power (or lack thereof).
I identify with a particular faith and follow it devoutly.
I'm occasionally interested but I generally lead a secular life.
I don't identify with any particular faith but I have a strong spiritual side.
I find theology very interesting but it doesn't affect my personal life much.
Time Cube Disproves Gods.
I used to be more interested but religion doesn't seem to fit my life any more.
I've never really thought about it.

8. Which of these would you be most likely to spend an afternoon doing?
Arguing with someone
Attending a religious service
Building some new invention
Chatting with my close friends
Doing something artistic, like writing or painting
Eating
Getting it on
Hacking images in Photoshop
Hiking
Partying!
Playing a game of strategy, like Triple Triad or chess
Plotting a political campaign
Practicing a musical instrument
Reading a book
Standing in the corner and looking mysterious
Sticking lobsters to magnets
Torturing people
Tweaking settings on my computer
Wallowing in self-pity

9. What is your greatest fault?
I tend to dwell on the past.
I overcommit myself and don't know my limits.
I'm headstrong and irresponsible.
I'm a compulsive liar.
I can't express myself in coherent English.
I have a short fuse and tend to overreact.
I'm too apathetic or lazy.
In pursuit of my goals, I tend to ignore others' needs.
I'm too much of a doormat when it comes to interactions with others.
I lack tact and don't treat others' problems with the respect they deserve.
I'm judgmental and tend to hold a grudge.

10. Does the way you project yourself in public differ from the way you are inside?
Yes - I'm nasty on the outside but good on the inside.
Yes - I'm sweet on the outside but sour on the inside.
No - I'm generally a caring person and it shows.
No - I act like the callous jerk I am.

11. What is your greatest fear?
Dying
Not being able to change
Being alone forever
Betrayal by someone close to me
Failing to exact the change in the world that I wanted
Being reminded of my own inherent worthlessness
Rejection by my peers
A scary animal or other phobia
For better or for worse, I have no fears.

12. What kind of party would you be most likely to attend?
A LAN party
One with lots of food!
My only requirement is that there aren't any drugs or alcohol.
One with a small group of my close friends
A big one, so I can meet new people!
A political rally
A massacre! Blood!
A get-together with people I haven't seen in a while
Only my own birthday parties
An orgy

13. Which of these is the most important goal to you?
Love and romance
Fame or wealth
Seeing my ideals for the world realized
Seeing the people close to me succeed
Peace of conscience
Revenge
Goals? Only immediate pleasure, of course!
I don't have any goals. Why bother? Nothing matters.

14. What do you require in a lover?
Someone I can trust completely
Someone who's a true romantic
Someone who can protect me
Someone to encourage and support me in my many endeavors
Someone who will make me feel important
Someone I can experience life with as an equal
Someone I can lavish attention on and worship
Someone who shares my sense of humor
Someone with a HOT BODY :>

15. What is your greatest regret about your life so far?
Losing my one true love
Being born. Life is nothing but endless suffering.
Not being able to protect the people I love
Taking too long to realize what's really important to me
Sustaining a severe physical injury
Running afoul of those in charge
My wasted youth. I grew up too quickly.
Being gullible and letting myself be led astray from my true self
Why regret anything? You can't change the past.

16. How do you usually get what you want from people?
I ask directly and move on to someone else if I don't get it.
I can usually fast-talk or flatter my way to it.
I use force!
I show them upfront the benefits of helping me.
I talk with them and appeal to their emotions.
I talk with them and appeal to their logic and reason.
I whine until they give in.
I mope around until someone takes pity on me.
I ask directly and move on to someone else if I don't get it.
I don't even try.

17. If you could have one wish, what you wish for?
Peace on Earth
All your base
Food. I... so hungry
To meet the man/woman/chair/dolphin of my dreams
Half the money in the world
To know the absolute truth about the meaning of life
To be completely understood by those important to me
A long vacation
Forgiveness for all I've done wrong

18. Finally, pick an element...
Earth!
Air!
Fire!
Water!
Your Mom!

This code has whored itself out to everyone almost as much as "Dragula" and might as well be in the public domain by now. Special thanks to Kit and Andrea for many of the graphics.