Here is a collection of stick jokes for your enjoyment!
Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of
a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.
Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.
How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds
just the right one.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.
A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner.
He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb
Then he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher
replied, "Do you know how
many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use.
What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails
down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes...
How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair...
How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutists playing in unison.
How many flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 1, but she'll break 10 bulbs before she realizes they can't be
pushed in.
What key is the alto flute pitched in?
G-- I really don't care, either!!
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but she'll have to twist it back and forth for an hour to
make sure she gets it just right.
What's the difference between a flutist and a seamstress?
I seamstress tucks the frills.
How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.
What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim.
How do you tune two piccolos?
You shoot them both.
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