• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"
• You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
• You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
• You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
• You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
• The blue book value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
• You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge'.
• One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.