Unbeknowest to us, the general manager of security at the PX was watching. He followed us out of the store and into the Townhouse. He walked past our table a few times giving us an eyeball. I noticed that he had walked back and fourth past us quite a few times, but I just thought he was going back and fourth for food; hes pretty chubby.
After getting bored, we got up and left. We walked out of the Townhouse and crossed the street to Moyer. Here, we started to play tag. It is pretty obvious that I can run way faster than Brian, so I just ran pretty much all the way to Moyer, Brian gave up chase because he is fat.
Upon arriving at Moyer, Brian and another person used the phone while I went to the bathroom to piss. When I finished and started walking towards the pool room, I hear a redneck asshole from behind me say, "There's one of 'em." I take a quick peek back and spot some short, ugly, fat guy with a combover and two MPs. I continue walking towards the phone and say to Brian, "Lets get the hell outta here." We go outside and the MPs follow along with the redneck-asshole.
We went around to the back of Moyer. I knew what was about to happen, so I dumb-ass-ed-ly threw my knife into the bushes. Here the MPs and redneck-asshole confronted us. The pigs asked us to empty our pockets. I dumped all my shit on the curb and Brian slowly, hesitantly, dropped his things one by one. He dumped everything except the knife, and then he said to the sow (female pig),
"ALL OF IT?"
"YES, all of it!"
He took his knife out and put it down.
The sow-bitch said, "Hes got a knife."
6'5" pig said, "GET ON THE GROUND!"
Brian got a nice little push to the ground by the sow.
I got knocked down and imprinted into the concrete by the goddamn giant pig.
So, here we are, face down on the curb. I'm wearing my "RICH BUSINESS TYPE TYCOON" suit and Brian is wearing his usual getup.
The redneck-asshole says, "There were 2 knives, one silver and one black."
"WHERE IS THE OTHER KNIFE?!"
"In the bushes."
"WHY?"
"I don't know."
We spend the next 10-15 minutes face down on the curb as the quiet Korean guy goes and looks for the knife. Five more pig vehicles appear. Four of them are MP SUVs and the last is an MPI car. The guy finally finds the knife, I told them exactly where it was and it still took them a while. "The bush with the big leaves."
This whole time, the redneck-asshole is bitching something about dumping our stash in the dumpster. I dont know what the fuck he was talking about. He was just a stupid redneck pigfucking inbred asshole who loves insest.
Anyways, they let us back up and we spend the next 2 hours sitting on concrete waiting for our parents to pick us up and carry us off to "prison" (home).
The next 2 hours were pretty boring. We carried on sporadic conversation with the pigs, turns out one guy's soon to be ex-wife was born in a town not to far from where I was born. Now that I think about it, that guy looked a hell of a lot like the one from my pig mask incident. The big pig tried to talk to us about the show COPS, but he was stupid and I hate him. The best line that whole night came from Brian.
"I shall never harm another innocent piece of paper again."
This is how the redneck asshole's story went:
He said he followed us out of the PX and into the Townhouse, where he saw us cutting up paper with our knives. He said that he then told us that he called the MPs and they were on their way. He said that we got up and ran the moment he told us he called them. This statement, folks, is total bullshit. This bastard did not say a word to us until we were talking to the MPs.
Brians dad came about 20 minutes before mine. Brian didn't get in any trouble, he just got his knife taken away. My parents came and my dad was a total asshole. He is a redneck like the other redneck, but a redneck on a lesser scale. I guess all rednecks, no matter how red or pale, must be assholes.
[The gist of my dad's screaming]
BAH!! MPs!!! TROUBLE!!! DAHH!!! I SHOULD KILL YOU!!!! ME RETARD, ARGUE LIKE 6 YEAR OLD!!! ME RIGHT YOU WRONG!!!! IM OLDER!!!! IM STRONGER, BIGGER, I CAN KICK YOUR ASS!!! I COULD GET FIRED!!! YOU EXPLAINED TO ME THAT YOU DID NOTHING ILLEGAL BUT THE ONLY REASON THEY DIDNT ARREST YOU IS BECAUSE THEIR BOSS KNOWS MY BOSS EXCEPT IM TOTALLY WRONG AND CANT ADMIT IT BECAUSE IM A REDNECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111 (They could not arrest me beacuse I didnt do anything illegal, it would be illegal for them to arrest me and I would stomp all over their asses)
Ladies and gentlemen, my dad is a... [edited to protect myself - insert your own goddamn insult]. (Incase he finds this page)
My dad's reasoning in arguements is as follows:
* Because I said so
* Because I'm your father
* Because I'm older
* Because I'll beat the hell out of you
* Because I don't care about anybody's point of view other than my own
* Because I'm always right even though I may be totally ignorant of what the fucks going on
* Because you got in trouble, you may have done nothing wrong but you still got in trouble (EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY TROUBLE WAS THE MPs CALLING MY PARENTS, HEREBY CANCELING THIS REASON, BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER TO HIM)
So, he broke my knife in half and grounded me until I leave Korea. I was ungrounded two weeks later.
MAIN PART I PART II PART III (Not up yet)