The Underground Word |
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Volume I, Issue 1 January 15, 2003 |
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The parking lot sticker on Mr. Tooker's car. |
The truth is out. That innocent-looking, curly-haired, vice-principal isn't so innocent anymore. The suave gentleman might have been hired for his administrative skills, but that is not why he's here. Can we all say "espionage?" Only this time he's not in her Her Majesty's Secret Service, and instead of double-oh seven, he's double-"oh yeah." Oh my, Tooker is a double agent. I'm sorry if you didn't see it coming, but some of us always knew that our new vice-principal would look a little too stylish in a |
tuxedo. Our beloved "Hill" has been infiltrated by one of Del Oro's best. Did you think it a coincidence that our football team lost so many of those games? Who creates his super-spy devices (or how hides all of them in his hair) has yet to be revealed, but his recent "hip-hop" duet with Mr. Panteleoni did not go unnoticed. Next time you see him, you'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, and fo' sheezy you'd better not diss the cafeteria tater-tots. He's liable to lock you up in one of those underground bunkers. -Jason Tolliver |
TOOKER, MR. TOOKER |
Message from the Council |
We, the Council of 4, in order to form a more perfect newspaper, have been self-appointed by...ourselves to entertain and educate the minds of the denizens of Placer High School...and ourselves. By no means do we mean to usurp the authority of the "Hillmen Messenger," nor would we wish to rob them of any investigatory glory; however, the right for students to have an enjoyable newspaper has long been suppressed. The literary revolution has come! We want to give the students what they want...No, not that! We're trying to provide the students with a reliable source of propagan...uhh...information, news that people actually care about. So please, welcome us into your hearts and homes. We promise not to hit on your sister. -The Council of 4 |
Shoe Tree: MIA |
Celebrity Interview |
Although nobody seems to know it, the Anna Nicole Show is obviously the finest piece of televised entertainment...ever. Jordan Sterling's sister met Bobby Trendy, one of the people on the show. However, I don't know his sister, Jenny, so I interviewed Jordan instead. Colin: So your sister met Bobby Trendy, huh? Jordan: Yep. Colin: Really? Jordan: And he called her Jenny from the block. Colin: Killer. And there you have it. If you have no idea what this is, then go watch the Anna Nicole Show, stupid... -Colin Pass |
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Walking through the lower parking lot, we looked up to find shoes of all shapes and sizes, hanging from a tree. As vulnerable freshmen, we hoped and prayed that we would not come to the same fate. If a group of seniors walked towards us, only one thing would come to mind: run. As upperclassmen, we waited for the day when we would have the right to throw freshmen's shows into the tree. This was not an act of hate or terrorism but was a tradition, yet some wrongdoer did not like that tradition. They cut down all these ancient relics of Placer alumni. Is this a result of separation of Church and State, ruining the rituals of the old days? There even are rumors that the trach coach needed shoes for the track program. Only this upcoming track season will tell. -Stephen Muff |
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This tool, dubbed by me the CheatMaster 5000, is a spying device James Bond would be jealous of. Manufactured in top-secret sub-zero laboratories, it was brought to America by pirates where it found its way into the hands of Dean Pietromonaco. |
Aside from its calculating functions, the transparent screen adds as an infrared, answer-detecting scope. This coupled with strategic seating can turn any test into a good test. Verdict: 9/10 |
Product Review: GOPC-OH-7000G |
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Compiled by Chauncy Peppertooth |
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Here is where we put a letter written by a fellow Placer High School student. They can complain about things on campus, in town, or the world in general. This will be a forum and an outlet for student opinion and voice. If you want to rip apart, slander, publicly humiliate, yell or scream at someone, go for it! Just not here. As the only council on this campus representing what we (the students) |
feel, it is important to us that you get your voice heard. Yes, I will bless you with a response from the Council, and if worthy, you might even make it into the next issue. Try to keep letters short and to the point. No more than two handwritten paragraphs, please. WARNING: We do reserve the right to edit anything we find "objectionable." |
Letter to the Council |
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Edited by Stephen Muff |
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Compete with Dr. Amelie? I don't think it's possible. For many times (uh...twice), she has endowed upon us such valuable advice. Due to our outstanding commitment to excellence here in the Council, I intend to give you advice of a slightly different nature. This is real advice, like how to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you by utilizing a jar of peanut butter and a divining rod. So whatever questions you might have, don't be shy. Come up and ask me. Now for a final piece of advice: Watch out for cover bunnies! |
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As prescribed by Jason Tolliver |
The Corner of Tolliver |
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Presidential Recall |
For this country, war lingers on the horizon. The future is uncertain. Many factors have led to a resounding cry on the Placer High School campus to recall President Bush from public office. To begin with, consumer confidence has taken a nose-dive as of late. With the stock market floundering, the economy is in the tank. More importantly, recent studies by America's top scientists have linked Bush's presidency to childhood obesity. -Steven Mockford |
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Beat on the Street |
Mixed by The Mock |
Why do people of the feminine persuasion feel the need to go to the restroom in pairs? |
Girls like to talk to each other wherever they go, including the bathroom. |
-Megan Thomas |
That way they can check each other to make sure they look good or fix their make-up. |
-Keilynn Baque |
In case theire's no toilet paper in the stall. |
-Lauren Carden |
To contact the Mothership. The aliens can only scan our brainwaves in pairs. |
-Kristian Lum |
First Amendment- Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or of the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. |
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January 15, 2003-Volume I, Issue 1 |
THE COUNCIL HAS SPOKEN... |