Chapter Twenty-Two

CONCLUSION

My grandmother never knew what Grandfather earned or even exactly what he did. She accepted the housekeeping she was given, with no questions asked. Worse, she had to save towards the weeks when Grandfather was on holiday. She dreaded holidays. He received no money, so he could give her no housekeeping at all.

My mother fared better. Before marriage, she earned her keep and a pittance besides. Afterwards, at least she knew how much Father earned. He alone decided how much housekeeping to give her. Mother had retired before she attained the pinnacle of her own financial life; she wrote her first cheque.

I have managed bank accounts in England, France, Spain and New Zealand. I have bought houses in all four countries, three on forward exchange contracts. I have negotiated on behalf of clients in multi-million affairs, and I retired at 40.

Progress? Of course. But it did not come easily. Who could forget the male bank clerk pleading with my husband not to open a joint account? Then, when he insisted, begging him at least to countersign any cheque I wrote!

There is still a long way to go.

You have already taken a great stride towards financial emancipation if you are still with me in Chapter 22. Armed with your new knowledge, where do you go from here?

Wherever your compass points

BE REASONABLE

'I think it's really rotten of banks not to lend to single mothers living on social security,' complained Angela, who, although herself a barrister, had no idea about money.

'With no income, and no security, how are they going to pay back their debts?' I asked.

'What's that got to do with it?"

You need to understand how the world works first. Then you can think about changing it. Or you may throw out the baby with the bathwater.

It is unreasonable to expect to be treated as a financial equal unless you put in the homework men do.

You cannot expect to be treated as a financial equal if, the minute things go wrong, you flutter your eyelashes, profess congenital ignorance of all things financial and turn to the nearest male to sort you out. The first time, he may feel flattered. The second, he will be annoyed. Besides, you need real charm for it to work beyond 35. Tears, sulks and flirting may win a battle at the expense of losing the war.  And don't expect to play the helpless little widow if you are confronted by a single woman of your own age who has had to fight her own battles in life.

Priscilla was like that. She swanned into the office, trading on her father's name. She believed that a quick flourish of her handkerchief would melt all hearts.

Priscilla had set up three limited companies. She got into an almighty tangle through her own pig-headedness. Then she opted out completely, tore up all letters, refused to answer the phone - until she found herself in court for tax bills of tens of thousands on profits she had never made.

'I'm so glad you're dealing with my little problem,' she smiled bravely through her tears. 'A woman is so much more understanding.'

I understood alright. She thought everyone would yield to her, that every rule would bend. Someone would make her path easy, just like Daddy always had. If I had been male, it would have been,' Men are so much more understanding'.

In the end, Priscilla had to go sobbing to make  a clean breast of her misfortunes to her latest husband. He came to see me, his jaw tightly clenched. I will swear he was muttering, 'Bloody fool of a wife', under his breath. He confessed that this was not the first time he had listened to a tale of woe and bailed her out, even in their short marriage.

In fact, it did not take me long to straighten out Priscilla. She had caused the tangle by refusing to do anything at all. But she could never face me again, and we had difficulties getting our money.

Priscilla also had a long career in public life. I hope she did not act in the council chamber the same way she ran her businesses.

Be reasonable. When you are confronted with apparent injustice, ask the reason. There may be one. Tax law used to deem (treat for practical purposes) all a wife's income to belong to her husband. So they sent him a tax return to cover both. Processing one return per family saved the country a vast sum. This meant that taxes did not need to be so high; it was a valid reason.

Yet it had some cruel consequences. A wife had to tell her husband all her income, while he did not have to tell her a thing about his. A wife could not even save up in secret to surprise her husband, other than slipping money under the mattress. If she kept quiet, she risked him getting into trouble for hiding 'his' income.

Even worse sufferers were unmarried mothers who had passed themselves off as widow, divorcees, etc. Also, married women had to confess to their husband if they received money from the child's father under a paternity order. You can imagine the body-blow this could strike at a marriage, especially if the husband was already being badgered by the Inland Revenue for lying about this hidden income, of which he knew nothing.

Before now, sympathetic female tax staff have done everything possible to hide such facts from husbands - even to the extent of phoning the wife each year to say the bill had been posted so that she could intercept it on the doormat and pay it secretly herself!

There were good reasons why only one tax return was completed for each married couple, but public opinion changed. 'Good reasons must, of force, give place to better', as Shakespeare says. (Julius Caesar, Act 4 scene 3). Now, in the interests of equality and because more women have their own money, everyone completes their own form.

It was also reasonable for shopkeepers to refuse to give hire purchase to married women when, as the law stood then, they were not responsible for their own debts. Both they and their husband could easily wriggle out of paying altogether. This has changed too.

A lot of energy is wasted by targeting 'reasonable' discrimination rather than the unreasonable. For instance, a wife might run her own business, but if she paid too much tax and a repayment was due, the cheque was always posted to the husband, and made out to him! Nobody ever complained about that.

The only justification was that the wife's income was deemed to belong to the husband, so her repayment was his repayment. Infuriating! But few women knew the system well enough to know when they were being hard done by. This example has now been rectified.

When you are turned down - for a loan, say - it hurts. You are naturally upset. But try not to take it personally. Many men get turned down too. Their remedy is often to get drunk; a woman is more likely to go sick. Of course, if there is real evidence that you were turned down because you were a woman, this is a different matter, although difficult to prove.

Be reasonable with what you expect from your money too. Money can offer you peace of mind, something a little bit different, temporary importance while you are spending it, novelty, comfort, entertainment, even power if you have enough of it. Money can never give you real friends or good relationships - it may even make them more difficult - or youth.

Be reasonable in what you expect from your adviser. Even the best adviser cannot transform your affairs if you ignore their advice, only follow the bits you like, make later changes without a word to anyone or bluntly refuse to change a thing. I have known all happen.

When seeking advice, you must constantly watch out that your own interests remain paramount, even when you are footing the bill. Hilda came to us in great distress. Her husband and sons ran a business which she suspected was in trouble but they refused to seek advice.

Hilda dragged her menfolk to the first meeting with our male partner. She badgered them into admitting their problems and then, relieved that something was being done, never came again. The partner and the men got on fine together. He gave them advice totally in their own interests, although Hilda was paying for it. Poor woman, she thought their interest was her interest.

The accountant, our partner, investigated the business and arranged its sale.  Imagine Hilda's shock when her husband suddenly skedaddled to Spain with a girlfriend. The accountant channelled all the sales proceeds directly abroad to her absent husband and Hilda was left out in the cold.

Why? Surely she could sue the accountant? No. He had done nothing wrong. He had simply arranged everything from the male viewpoint. He deals with men all day long. To do things that way was as natural as breathing.

What should Hilda have done? Been more involved all the way along and insisted on being informed. Admittedly, this is often far easier said than done.

Personally, I find it hard to understand how women marry men they know they cannot trust with money. If you already know you dare not trust someone with something as simple as money, is it wise to rely on them for your future, your children or even - given that your husband is statistically the person far most likely to murder you - your life?

On the other hand, when it comes to money, being female does bring advantages:

- You live longer, so you are more likely to inherit wealth.

-  You can admit your ignorance and ask for an explanation or even pay for help. Often a man's pride will not let him.

- If you are married, most men still consider you must be dependent on your husband. The Inland Revenue are less likely to investigate your affairs, and if anything is wrong, you are less likely to be punished. Unscrupulous husbands and a few unscrupulous women play on this for all it is worth.

- If you are a married women who starts a venture, there is less at stake if things do go wrong. You and your family will not starve.

- You are more sceptical of get-rich-quick schemes, especially those bordering on illegality.

- You take the long view, not the here-today-and-gone-tomorrow approach, and it pays in the long run.

THE WICKED PROSPER, BUT NOT FOR LONG...says the Bible

You will be handling money for the rest of your life. Take courage. with investment, with accounting, as with any review of your past life, whether you conclude you have succeeded or failed depends greatly on when you stop to do your sums. Today's apparent success may shrivel into tomorrow's flop. Today's failure may slowly blossom into a long-term success.

We women have come a long way in our struggle to get and keep our own wealth. We have not arrived there yet. Liberation remains a sham while men still tell us how to use our money. It means they are still telling us how to live our lives. Who was it who claimed that an independent mind starts with an independent purse?

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