| D E A D H E A R T |
| Dreams of Ending Attempts to Destroy Hope in Everything Above Reality's Ties |
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| Late Februrary: I've been feeling pretty dang bad about these last few photo shoots. It seems like I can't find my "touch". I dont know what happened. I dont understand why I can do things one time then not be able to figure out how to do anything right at all. I sware its like a photographer's form of writer's block. There's an image in my head and I can't get it out, I can't explain it. Visions are useless when my head is cloudy. 6 rolls and I have nothing to prove, but I guess every "artist" (can I call myself that?) goes through a dry spell. Now I know why 1/2 of them are insane. I let it get me down for a few days but I'm feeling better now. I'm trying to adapt to a style that's nothing like mine and its rough. Maybe thats why this is harder than any other shoot I've done, not only am I leaving my "comfort zone" but I'm attempting a style I've never tried before. |
| "What happens when you end up doing photography at a retard camp, i know it sounds horrible and this probably isn't the best futuristic picture but bear with me. Those aren't all going to be good pics, you have to learn how to deal with it and work with it and work even harder to change it. And you will with time and more and more pictures." |
| Inspirational Conversations |
| "So by 'working harder to change it' would that mean somehow making the kids not retarted?" |
| In response to my awful mood about having 6 rolls of film and nothing to prove: |
| "Exactly, well or get a better "angle" of them, like some people have a good side and bad side, while others should just wear black and sun glasses and jeans to not stand out." |
| The Pessimist |
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| Yesterday (March 2) was the photo shoot for the model pics. So far I'm pretty optimistic (whhahhahat?) about them. I'm not positive they're gonna be exactly what modeling agencies want...actually I'm pretty sure they won't be...but it's ok cos it'll still look good in my portfolio. Right on. I didn't really try much, I just went with the basics. It's better to master the tiny things first before I go out and try bigger and better stuff. I made sure I got a few of each pic exposed normal, over exposed, and under exposed so I can be sure that's not a problem at all. I randomly used the flash too, I dont know how that will work out. So *this is the scary part* the main thing I have to worry about is simply composition. |
| A slug with wings? |
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| April: Ohhh an optimistic pessmist? I think it just might be true. The Annie photo shoot went surprisingly well. I inspired myself (strange, but true) to keep going. While I can't say I was about to stop doing photo because I was failing, I can say I was going to stop trying to go somewhere with it. LAME. But hey, that's how I work sometimes. So yup if you haven't checked out the annie photo shoot you need to! See my eye controlled focus in action. Woah be careful. Yeah its 9:45 am, I've had 45 minutes of sleep and my eyes keep shutting themselves as soon as I stop paying attention. That's my cue. I'm out. |
| God said thou shalt not kill. We gave murder a new name and indifferently aborted 1,374,000 unborn babies in last year alone. |
| May: This concert photo thing is driving me crazy. I can't take concert pics with the lenses that I have and I keep trying and it's just not working. And I know it's not going to work but I always hope that it will and try anyway. So basically I just keep setting myself up to fail. Grrrrrr. The other thing that's pissing me off lately is that I've realized no matter who I'm working with...I need contracts. So those will soon be added to my little photo world because I'm not getting what I deserve with this. I'm also starting to get pushed to charge some money for what I do. The invisible hand is taking a smack back. I'll have pictures from the Ataris show soon. |
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