I love you all... - 7.16.03
Im not feeling very good. I dont even feel like typeing. I miss Lauren.. I wish I could talk to her about whats going on in my head... I already spoke to Maticus who made me feel a load better. I feel so sick right now. Nautious, light headed. I hate my abuility to actually think... Why me? I feel like I screw everything up. Im so mad at myself. And indeed I have been crying. I stoped a while ago so my face feels a little tough and sticky. I want to go wash my face but I dont feel like moveing. I feel like this, and tomorrow I have to go to Malibu and Tampa Lanes with Zell and Q-tip.
I feel so empty or something. I tried talking to Kaze but he seemed to just tell me I am acting rediculious, I guess in a way I am, but I seriously cant help it. I guess right now Im talking to Spongebob about it. I feel so weird calling him Spongebob. So now on Ill just call him his real name, Kyle. I guess.. I dont feel like typeing so Ill just do the little thing Jared and Vanessa did... Yeah, Im going to write some peoplez a message... You know who you are...
1) You know more than anything, that I love you more than life itself. I know I may seem a little screwed up in the head sometimes and Im really sorry. I know you will always love me in return, so when I say "No you don't" Its because I love hearing you say that you love me. Even if we dont make it lasting relationship, I will always remember you as someone I once and will always love.
2) I know things can get bad between us. We get in fights, then we end up spending the night at eachothers house and getting over it. I know you have someone new that you love, and Im very happy for you. Just always remember, dont be afraid to come cry on me. I do love you, as a friend.
3) I know we've only met twice, actually. And we talk alot online. I enjoy getting advise from you, and I love giveing advise to you. I think me and you will make GREAT pals to the end. I am makeing sure to keep hold of you because I know if I ever have a problem I can talk to you, even if it is about the worst subject of all time.
4) I have known you since like... 7th grade band. I didnt talk to you much, but now that I do, I always talk to you when I want something and you always do it. I almost feel like im useing you, but im not. I love talking to you about my boy problems, because who else COULD I ask? I luff you lots, and sorry for always telling you that your not 100% my friend. You really did diserve my word...
5) Hey, I know we really only talked online, and saw eachother like ONCE in person. But I think of you as one of my best friends. I guess its because I feel confertable talking to you. I know that your sad about alot of things, and all I want to do is cheer you up. You should be happy a little more often and forget about GIRLS. Your a very GOOD DDRer, and I respect you to the fullest.
6) Hey man, I know we didnt get off on good terms. But, for some reason, when you took me to Steak N Shake that one time, my trust just grew in you. Sometimes your a real shit head, but if you wernt you wouldnt be you. I like the way you are! As much as people say "Make him stop being an ass hole" I cant help but say I like you that way...
7) Hey bro. I know we havnt talked much in a while. But I still luff you. Im so glad you found my new screen name, or else we would never be able to talk again. I cant wait to meet you in person, youv been there for me from the time I first started dateing Vile. (God i hate that kid now) Keep IMing me.
8) Hey you! I know you like me, for one I already knew. But you got the courage to tell me. I think its great you can do that. I truely hope you figure everything out with you and your girlfriend, even if it costs breaking the relationship. You really do diserve to be happy... And thanks for your help with everything, you proved your self a loyal friend.
9) Hey, I know we are haveing problems. I still cant talk to you about them because I still feel like I hurt you worce than anything. AS much as it will seem of me spaceing from you, its only for the good of both of our emotions. Im not sure if I want to see you in person again, but I do enjoy talking to you online. And to my highest respect. I am VERY sorry for just entering your life...
And thats all I can do... I would like to make more friends, but I truley am scared...
Yeah, so thats it. I do feel a little bit better. I wrote to the people that I care most about. You all know who you are. Ill protect you mentaly and physicaly. Even though I havnt known some of you for long, I cant help but care... You are such great people, dont let anyone tell you other wise.
And make sure if anything happens to me. Just move on. Im not going suicidal or anything. Im just saying. Move on... Forget about me. Find a new friend. But if something DOSE happen to be, I will always be there... Even if its not physicaly. You are all always with me because you have all become a part of me. I love you all.
Song of the day: Dir en Grey - Cage
Mood: Depressed and Sick
Seen Pirates of the Caribbean: 3 times
Much Love,
Shane-Dono