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I dont know whats going on. I just feel like writeing. Everything for some reason is starting to get depressing again, but why? Everything is going weird. I truley dont understand whats going on, is it me?
Lizz and i arnt on good terms, maybe its because everytime I want to spend time with her shes always online talking to Stev. I told her at Malibu "You know Lizz, just tell me a day when your willing to stay offline so that I can spend the night and have a good time..." I am so seriously sick of being walked on by people. My day today wasnt that great... I did have fun at point, but then I ge tto thinking about what pissed me off. Its 5:07am and Im writeing this shit now. Ugh... Well yeah.. Things on my mind, lets scope a little. -Lizz is being... weird... -Huy and I cant spend much time together... -Kaze seems a little more depressed then usual -My dad is a sick head -My mom... Well... Ill get into that -MY CAT WONT FUCKING SHUT UP -Im depressed for no aparent reason -Yet again I cant cry again... -Iv been haveing negative thoughts about EVERYTHING... -I cant fucking play DDR for a fucking shit -I have no money to actully have a life, I need a job... Well you get the point. Just the normal crap. I just wish everyone can be happy. I dont care anymore, Lizz can go off with her Stev... Just make her happy. My dad can keep bitching and ill just nod like the nice little girl I should be. Maybe I should go back to being completely emotionless... I cant tell anymore. I try so hard to make everyone happy, but when I do that I make myself sad. Why do I do this to myself...? Maybe my sister was right, Im going to call that phsycologist tomorrow... I dont know anymore... Well lets do my topics... Kaze seems so depressed... I just want him to be happy. Hes my best friend and all I can do is offer a sholder and a ear... Why should he talk to me? Good point! I dont know why. but he dose. I love listening to him also. He makes me happy to just sit and listen to. this one time at Malibu, he sat next to me, and put his head on my sholder, and I got to huggle him. He truely is my best friend. He always makes me laugh when Im sad and he always encourages me to keep trying. My mother, wow... I asked her "Hey mom what are you doing Thursday, do you think you can take me to Kaze's house?" ANd she said "No Im going to the doctors." ANd I said "What for" And she said "For tests" And I was like "Well thanks for imforming me..." And she goes "it nothing to worry about." And I said, "Why do you have to go?" And she said "My doctor asked me to." And I was like "Why would the doctor ask you to if he wasnt concerned..." So yeah... You get the point. Im scared to death... This is horrible, yet again, I cant cry! I used to not be able to cry, then I hit a few emotions, and started becomeing a cry baby, and I just noticed I cant cry. I sat at my gay computer and tried to make myself cry. I even read my old die-ary entrys, and watched people spill to me, and I cant cry. Yeah Im messed up right now... Ill get better... Maybe ill be better if I call the phsycologist... Hmm... I dont want to go alone... Im so scared... Song of the Day: Tatu - 30 Minutes Thought of the day: God Life SUCKS What made me feel a little up: Watching a little bit of anime My concerns: Kaze :( Tatu - 30 Minutes(English) Mama, Papa forgive me Out of sight, out of mind Out of time to decide Do we run? Should I hide For the rest of my life Can we fly? Do we stay? We could lose we could fail And the more minutes take To make planer, or mistakes 30 minutes, the blink of the night 30 minutes to alter our lifes 30 minutes to make up my mind 30 minutes to finally decide 30 minutes to whisper your name 30 minutes to shelter the blame 30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies 30 minutes to finally decide Carousels in the sky That we shape with our eyes Under shade silhouettes casting shapes crying rain Can we fly do I stay We could lose, we could fail Either way, options change chances fail, Trains derail. 30 minutes, the blink of the night 30 minutes to all of our lifes 30 minutes to make up my mind 30 minutes to finally decide 30 minutes to whisper your name 30 minutes to show her the blame 30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies 30 minutes to finally decide To decide, to decide to decide to decide Blood and Tears, Shane |