|
Hey, I know times have kinds flipped in the past few days. Yeah, I broke someones heart. Iv been keeping up with his entrys. I still feel really bad about everything. It made me smile that something aboue "My Immortal", the song i kept telling Huy to listen to, actully helped. Huy says not to feel shitty anymore, but Im still going to. I always will. I bet everyones wondering "What the hell is she talking about." Well here it is.
Yeah. So I was with Stitch for a long long time. I met someone during that time, that I started to like alot. I felt guilty... I pulled Lizz aside and I said "Lizz... I really like this person..." And she said "Wow, I knew it! Watch me date him!" So I felt really like "uhh" After that. Like a week or so later, I could tell that me and Stitch wernt going to work out. I could feel pain everytime I thought about Stitch. I even had mental break downs. Id start to cry for no aparent reason. Things just started to fall apart. So I broke up with Stitch. And around that same time, Lizz IM's me with "Me and himare dateing now." The guy I was likeing for that while. I felt really bad. But then I was like "Okay Shane, its time to start lieing to yourself, and by doing that you have to lie to everyone else..." So I would keep saying "Yeah! Hes my best friend! Hes always here for me!" And etc. And weeks later Lizz and him broke up. And ikept telling myself "hes a friend, you date your best friends exs. So I finally did start to forget, so I met a guy that Iv only known a week or so. Very nice, very attractive, asain, everything I thought I wanted. Huy, of cource. He was the ideal guy. Very polite. Hes a VERY sweet guy. He made me happy. His innocence. All of it. I went to Jacon with Stitch Tenchi and Mcaully. Had a blast. But when I got there. My problem accured. I somehow started to notice him all over again. The morning when I got there, I'd wait in the arcade untill he arived. Id look for him. Then in the after noon, when Stitch or someone pissed me off, Id run upstars and watch and anime, and hed always follow me and sit with me. For some reason, I loved him. At Rockys Id try to be around him as much as possible. Things were so weird. When I got back to Tampa I told myself "Nooo, we are just best friends, best friends hang out with eachother, and make eachother feel better... Thats all" SO I hung out with Huy and I was like "Yeah! Hes my best friend EVER!" ANd Id right in thie Die-ary and say, "He's my best friend!" SO yet again, I moved on. Going on dates with Huy, haveing some of the most wonderfull times of my life, and Ill never forget them. But just a week ago, bad things started to happen. My DDR team started to fall apart. My best friend Tenchi got mad at me. He quit the team. My parents are rushing me to get a job. Everything just kinda... Flipped. I started not being able to sleep... Yet again. Id stay up all night either in my computer chair and chat all night. Or Id lye in my bed to think. And I remembered that I was lieing to myself. The next few days, Id always be with him, and less near Huy. I knew what was happening. Lizz even said "Shane, do you like him?" And I said, "No of cource not! Hes just my best friend." Then Tuesday, I couldnt take it anymore. I wanted to just fall apart. So I pulled Huy aside and I told him part of the truth. I could say all of it. I knew Id cry. I said to him: "You know, Huy. I really like you a whole lot. I just really see us as a title. I love the dates we've been on, but even friends do that. I can see you as like a best friend. I know Im probebly hurting you, but I really only see you has a friend. Plus, itd make things better if we were just freinds." So yeah, I broke up with him like that, I know it was a half ass job. And he took that part well. But that night I told him the truth. How I felt about the other person. He called and we talked about it. I told him a long time ago to listen to "My Immortal" by Evanescence. And now he listens to it and knows how to realte to music. Im betting you all know who this person is. I talk about him alot. Hes the first person to read this peice of crap Die-ary. AKA Killua. Yeah, I loved him a long time. And as far as I know hes loved me to. Killua aka Kaze. Yeah me, 16 year old Shane, falling in love with a 14 year old gnome. Its so animeistic. Ny kept telling me "If you love him, and he loves you, then go for it. Huy will be sad, but he will soon relize the same, that you two are only ment to be friends." I really do feel bad, Huy. Im so Sorry. I still wish you would hate me. I hate me. Im a fucking shit bag. Things just arnt right. Im so sorry. Very sorry. I made a big mistake with rushing you into a relationship. Im a bitch, I want everyone to call me, talk to me online, come to my house and just BITCH me out for hurting Huy. I do hope you cheer up Huy. You will find someone better than me. You diserve way better then a girl that has to go to a physcologist for depression. Just please be happy.... This is it for now~ Song of the Day: Evanescence - My Immortal Thought of the day: Im such a shit-head Mood: Oddly a good mood, but in a depressed way Blood and Tears, Shane |