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Sorry for the sappiness. Im better now. I went to school and slept all day. Anyways, lets take a trip to the past... We'll start with Kurai.
I was once the happiest person in the world, beleive it or not. It was hard as hell to make me depressed. Untill I met Kurai. She made my emotions change derasticly. I met her one day at lunch and we ended up haveing a conversation about anime. It was really cool because we found out she only lives a block away! OS she offered me to come over and watch anime. As a normal person would do I took the offer. I went to her house and we sat and watch the anime called Angel Sanctuary and soon began to watch an anime called Flame of Recca aka Recca no Honno. Right away we clicked as friends. She told me so much about herself, stuff no one else knew. I went so far as to only be hanging out with her and Skuld. Kurai even had the choice of one person all the time and picked me to go with her to "Citrus Mall". She shared everything with me, from anime to the learning of Japanese. She also had this really good prediction thing... Let me get into that. Kurai would always say she knew something was going to happen, not that I didn't beleive she was right, I just felt akward about it. She told me a short time ago, "My grandfather... Hes going to die..." And all I said was "I hope not". She would always tell me about her dreams and I would respond to them. Meanwhile, everyone seemed to get mad at me. One of my best friends before Kurai came up to me and in front of a crowd of the "popular" people and said "I hate you, your a looser" And he walked away. I felt horrible... Also before that Skuld ditched me quite a few times... I felt alone.. but Kurai was always there encourageing me, telling me I was her best friend and she was happy I hung out with her. I have had mulitiple times when a close friend would ditch me or say they hate me for popularity... This time was to much... I began to loose trust, I started to BE Kurai. he thing was that she was heartless, didn't have anyone she could trust, just me her grandmother and her old best friend. So I started mine. Kurai was my friend, my ONLY friend. I trusted NO ONE. Not even Skuld, because she ditched me before and I know she could do it again. So there I was getting as heartless as always, always listening to the personality that was heartless. The one that didn't talk, the one that hated everyone and used it as power (not as in POWER like witcraft but encouragment). Kurai was my weakness. And when I started getting used to it, everything turned. One day when I decided to hang out with Skuld and the crew I met a mexican guy named (err...) Vash. He seemed so nice. He flirted with me, he smiled alot at me with his gorgious big smile. And we'd play Magic The Gathering and pretend to both LOOSE COUNT of loves just so we can spend a little more time together. And In group games we'd underground ally and kill everyone off. What a team we were! My days got sad... Vash was my true FIRST boyfriend, I just started getting into kissing... I never really tried it but once on a girl when I was 10. I really loved him. But I knew something was wrong. We started to date after he said he dumped his Ex who I didnt know. He would always tell me how cute I am and make me feel good. And the worce thing of all happened.. he said to me "Undefined... Im going into the army..." It hit me hard... I knew all about it, he'd have to go into training soon, and our time was getting short. I'd invite him over so we could spend time alone... But sometimes he.. didn't show up... Or he'd come really late. He'd say "Sorry, love... My ex's father just died" or "Sorry, but my mother kept me back". One day when we were sitting outside layeing on the hard concreat he looked at me and said "...Maybe... Maybe I can go into Air conditioning college... They make some money.." I looked at him funny and say "Why would you do that?" And he said "Be cause I want to be with you...". If I wasnt afraid of crying, I would have. But at that time I havnt cryed in YEARS. Soon the time came. He went away... Id visit Kurai on some occasions, but most of the time I was dragged by Skuld to this hoe's house. We'd go swimming and I'd spend my time on Dead or Alive 2. The one that taught me to play, Kenshin, was always talking to me. He said once "Undefined... I care about you alot... Vash, hes my best friend and all... But... He isnt to be trusted". He urged it on. Soon I finally figured it out... VASH'S EX! I talked to Kenshin about it and in fact Vash was sleeping with and cheeting on me with his Ex the whole time. THAT WHOLE TIME! I left my house slamming the door behind me. Luckily I had my head phones on. I was listning to Helena's theme MULTIPLE times. My rages was mad. I walked to my all around depression place... The park. I sat in a swing... And it began to rain... It rains often when I cry... I havn't cried in a long time, but somehow I knew I was cring. I felt my eyes burn. I was swingging useing al my mustle going against the wind, but it helpped me forget everything. I just wanted to start over. For once, I defeted SHYLUM through Vash. And I lost it... Shylums feelings were comming back. After the rain Skuld came... She sat next to me, lectured me, tried to get me to move from my small puddle of rainny clothes.. and all I did was glare... A dark one that I cant even see on myself but I know it was there. SHe got intimidated.. and told me good bye and left.. And then Kenshin came and sat next to me. "Vash is a jerk... isnt he?" He said. I didnt say a word, but I started to shiver.. It was cold and I was wet. Kenshin took off his shirt and put it around my sholders. He spoke to me in silent words, in which some of them sent me in tears again. The only thing I said was "The sky is black". "The sky is black..." A short story. While I was waiting for Kenshin to find out about Vash, I got in a little depression. Id sit there and look sad.. So Skuld walked up to me and said "LOOK UNDEFINED!!! The sky.. Its YELLOW!" Of cource I lifted my eyes. "But you cant look.. Or else it turns blue." Skulds fake innocents made me smirk. Weeks later, I got a notice from Kenshin that Vash was comming back from haveing anxioty attacks. It hert to hear it but in fact he was comming back. When he did... I sat wait for three weeks. He wouldnt approch me, He easily avoid me, but He spoke to Skuld and Kurai. They both told me everything. Id often sneek out at night time and go to Kurais house and stay the night there so that I wouldnt be alone... Finally I couldnt take it... I still didn't consider myself single.. But before I could give him a note, He spoke to me. He spoke as if nothing happened. We went to Lukes and he wouldnt even kiss me. He did in fact save my life. He pulled me back when a car came directly at me. It just made me sadder. I knew I had to dump him... It hert... SO finally I did it the cowardly way.. I wrote a note and watched im read it. He just looked back at me and said he was sorry and that he understood. Now that I was single, I stayed away from the crew. It was back to me and Kurai. We learned some Japanese together... Lots of fun we had... Skuld would steel me on Fridays and me go to the mall with her to hang out with the new people. Which is were I met my new friend Touya. So I had Kurai and Touya as friends.. that was all... I could trust Skuld... Not yet. Anyways, I'm going to skip all the stuff about Skuld and her lovely relationships.. Ill write that in my next PAST entry. But anyways, one day I opened my email and found a message frome my fanfiction site that said "Thats for the new story". I do say that this was the day after my 16th birthday party. I opened it and read it. The story wasnt a story, it was Kurai breaking into my account and writeing me a "birthday card" Pure genious! I loved it!!!! She even said how it was funny that she was jelious that I had a new friend!!! Anyways, I notced that It said i had reveiws, so I clicked it and inside wa a letter from a pal saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" And under that was a long note from Kurai, saying how she never wants to see me again and that I was just someone to laugh at... I cryied yet again. And yet again it started to rain. When I went to school the next day, NO WORDS came from my mouth. When a teacher asked something all they would get was a glare. Skuld would follow me and ask me what was wrong, and all I would do was look at her. So I was alone. I called my newest friend Touya and told him all about it. I have in fact developed more feelings for Touya, but I didn't want my only friend to be my boyfriend, so I just spoke to him as a friend. I got back into insomnia. Couldn't sleep and when I did it was for about 30 minutes at the most. Id force myself to my limit playing Dance Dance Revolution (Which I thought Standard things were hard...). On December 13th, I was talking to Touya who was also haveing a hard time with life screams out "Oh my fucking GOD! I just got dumped!!! Why me!!!" And he almost fell in tears... I encrouaged him that everything was alright. One day when my insomnia got really bad, and my newest to my friends, Sanosuke left (He came over everyday to cheer me up, hes so nice, but like my big brother), I poped out with "Touya, Im very found of you" And he went silent. And I kinda made the >.< face and said "How do you feel about me?" ANd he said "I like you alot to" And Alot of other convo went on (skiping it) And Somehow we ended up hooking up. Both of us depressed together. So as I was with Touya as a couple I got a letter the day before christmas from Kurai saying how it was funny how I cried over her, and that I always ment nother. ANd to her life was a game.. And the scarey part.. Her grandfather died... Everything crashed. I felt Shylum come out of me.. the only people Id even open my mouth and speek to were Touya, Aya (Touya's best friend) and Sanosuke. Meanwhile, Vash dropped by. He came to me smileing of cource. So I offered to take him to dinner as a christmas present. So I took him across the street to DQ! As we sat there he spoke to me in his charm yet again saying "Iv missed you, Out of all the people Iv been with none were as beautiful as you." It tourchered me. But I knew I had Touya. Me and Touya did infact got serious WAY to fast. So as I was tourchered I get letters from Kurai saying she wouldnt mind seeing me again. And so on. So we met up like old times and pretended nothing happened. So now it still tourchers me when I see Vas. It also tourchers me to think that my friend can all ditch me at on time... Thats why I let Shylum come out from time to time.. To keep me to remember... All the people that ditched me... All of them... And it can and HAS happened again, but this time... Ill do nothing.. I wont cry for them! Ja, Undefined |