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Well, I guess things are getting better. I'm not as confussed anymore, just a little dissapointed. Oh well, I'm figureing out who my true friends are. Thank you everyone ^_^!
Okay, lets take another trip through my past. How about 4th to 9th grade! But first I have to tell you how this were before then. Life was perfect. I was happy in my own neive little world. I had alot of friends, a good amount of money and two happy parents (besides when my dad threw temper tantroms...) Anyways, all was good untill my father comes home saying he was retireing and we were moveing to Florida! Okay now here we are. I moved to Florida, me and my sister had to share the smallest room in the house. My parents shared a larger room, and my grandparents and a HUGE room. Id always go to my next door neighbor's house to hang out with a girl close to my age, Akari. She was a rich-popular girl that went to private school. the type that wore mini skirts and midrifts. She always seemed so nice and happy to hang out with. But on day she hid her little preppy meanie girl friend in the closet when I came over once. I knew she was acting weird. And the next thing I know the other girl come sout and the both of them made fun of me and said how I didnt have any friends and how worthless I was.... So I just left. Soon it was time to put me into school. I always loved being the new kid. My mother decided to put me in the little school called Temple Terrace Elementry. A place I was unfamiliar with, a place I had to wear a uniform so that everyone looked that same. So I got put into a normal 4th grade class. There I met a bunch of new people I still know of today, each walking down my high school hallways with their nose in the air. But one girl especially intregued me. Nagi seemed to be the nicest girl in the world. On the first day of school she showed me around and let me eat lunch with her and the popular people. I thought it was almost like California, that is untill the next day. During the lunch, Nagi walked up to me, look at me and pointed to the "nerd table" then reached her hand up and knocked my food from my hands. All the kids near by laughed as I walked to the nerd table with wet eyes, sobbing like a baby. All the nerd kids were really nice and gave me some of their lunchs and said nice things to cheer me up. From then on I was considered a looser. EVen in 5th grade when I met a girl that seemed pretty popular that told everyone that I was her best friend and she herself became a nerd so that she could hang out with me. Ill call her Mina. Mina and I would hang out 24-7, listening to music and talking about boys. But that was pretty normal all through 5th grade. Soon the time came for 6th grade. Time for middle school. No more uniforms, from then on it was baggy jeans and over sized t-shirts. Mina found a diffrent group of people and I sis as well. I was always with a girl that seemed a little boy crazy. Ill call her Usagi since she is just like her. She was really cool when it came to being jsut me and her. She would always try hooking me up with her friends, but at the time I wasn't interested. I had someone on my mind. A short boy with dark hair and dark eyes, Taoren. I was head over heals in love with the boy when I first saw him walking to a bus. I would always pull Usagi aside and go "Oh my god... he's beautiful...". Usagi would just laugh. Exspecialy one night when I spent the night... She invited him over... I would be very bashfull and shy... But some reason he was showing way more affection for Usagi, but I didnt let it bother me. We played a game of truth or dare, in which I ended up haveing to kiss Taoren. Usagi made it happen. She said "Undefined, I dare you to kiss Taoren." And I was like "PASS!" So it passed. Then Taoren was like "Your such a whimp! Its my turn..." and I was like "I wont pass again." And Taoren goes "Okay... then I dare you to kiss me." So I did. After he left I seemed to have acted like a little crushing school girl, giggleing saying how I think he liked me and so forth. So we called him up on the phone. I asked him "You know, Taoren... I like you alot... I mean alot... And I was wondering how you felt..." ANd there was a long silence and he said "Listen Undefined, Your great, but your not my type... Really..." So let it go and Usagi took the ph one from me so I lyed down on her bed and fell asleep. The next day my mom picked me up and I of cource quickly called Usagi to talk to her had happened. And the first thing she said was "UNDEFINED!! GUESSS WHAAAAAAAT?!" I was a little showed because she knew I was sad, so I didnt say "what ?" or "chicken butt". So she went on "TAOREN AND I ARE DATEING NOW" I swear to god at that moment I felt my heart litterly sink. The guy I loved and my best friend together... They only lasted 2 weeks... Just as I thought... Now I couldnt even look at either one of them. They both knew I was sad, because they both tried talking to me, and all Id do was stay silent. That was the real beggining of Shylum. Complete silence, with anger trapped inside. But when he snaps... He can hert something... Let me drift off from that story and get into Shylum. See, I call my other self that because I feel as if I have 2 people liveing in my head. For example: One day in California, me and my sister were argueing, my mother had left, and my dad was at work. My sister threw my stuff on the ground and I said "Dont do that" And she just hit me.. hard... It knocked the breath out of me, but it was like I blacked out... The next thing I know my mother is pulling me off her and my sister has a busted up face... Haha, now may I mind you I was probebly 6 or 7 at the time and my sister was around 9 or 10.... But thats the part of me I call Shylum... Anyways back to the story, Usagi and I made up eventually but the problem was, she was moveing away. So I said my good byes, and such... And moved on to 7th grade... This time skipping clases and going to ADVANCED classes for all the smart kids... They said I had abnormaly high Fcat scores... So of cource I met people along the way... But I felt Shylum in my head, letting the anger of people spill in my head. I decided I needed to change... So.. I went to the store and bought the latest preppy fassions. Flayers and tight billabong and Roxy shirts. SOme Old Navy... Anything... So I would put my hair up neatly, wore make up... Sis my nails... Everything... Even pretended to like N'sync and the Backstreet Boys... (Oddly during this same time I'd chill in my room with my sister listening to Korn, Stoned Temple Pilot, Blood Hound Gang etc.). I did this for about 4 months untill I met the people that REALLY fucked me up... The Mexicans... Yea.. Them.. The gothic ones at that. The ones that beleive in Wiccan, tried it... freaked out... Pretended to predict the future and of cource told me I'd die... SO yeah... They forced trickery and insanity in my brain, forceing me to beleive it... Even one girl pretended to be possessed.. (Which i think she was... eash) SO yeah.. They messed me up.. Now and days i see them in the hall.... And I dont exsist.. They tell everyone in their group that I am "Satan's child"... That I have something weird in me... Near the middle of the year I met someone... Hao, was Mr. Blue eyes blonde hair alternative punk ass butt nugget model. He would always bring me to his house, help me with my looks... Called me fat ass... And when he rased a fist at me.. Hed really hit me... But I took it! He really messed me up.. REALLY... He and his friend took me to a dugout at the rec-center where they both wanted to smoke a blunt.. Yeah.. as in weed... And well.. I tried it... Only one hit... ANd i liked it... Every day from then on, Id smoke weed. Not just a little bit, but sometimes $20 at a time. So I lived a life of dirt bikeing, computers, and weed... yes... Id play Starcraft, go dirt bikeing or smoke massive amouts of weed... Yeah.. this went on for.. a LONG time... So Ill skip up everything... In 8th grade, I still did all that stuff, but I happen to meet a girl that happen to sit on a violin case every day.. all alone in her high waters, greesy short hair, and pikachu. yeah *cackel* That was Skuld. SO there I was, in my tight pants but baggy shirt... Max always told me NEVER to wear tight shirts or he'd hate me... Also that tight pants were bad.. but my family didnt have enough so I got a few pair of baggy bants... I wore little color... (Yeah... I havnt changed much, wore the same silver pants...lol). So me and Skuld hung out from time to time.. I also met A girl named PIKACHU (I cant help myself). So me and Pikachu had our little problems.. Her steeling my little internet friend (My life revolved aroun the internet when I wasnt with Hao.) But still I hung out with Hao, getting my bum ripped to shreds.. getting in massive water fights, building 2-story tree houses (Yes it was awsome!).. One time... Me Hao and alot of his friends... went to a carnival... there we found a friend drug dealer, in which Hao talked to and came to me smileding and handed me a small looking gel-tab. "Take that" He said to me. So I said "What is it" He laughed at me and was like "You don't know what it is?!?! Its ACID!" So I looked at him with big eyes. "TAKE IT!"Hao said laughing... SO I always trusted him... No reaosn not to.. So yeah.. I swollowed it... The next thing I know Im barfing. Lying down on a bench. Hao sitting next to me laughing and me saying "Oh my god.. Im dyeing" I freaked out, pulling hair from my head, looking at the rides, seeing the colors and light mix together in utterly tourcher...."Im dieing... Dieing... Dieing" I kept saying that word.. Hao slapped me and said "Shuddup".. I barfed multiple times... Freaked out still seeing swears of color, I felt like i could HEAR everything... I wigged.. Thats the last time I EVER did a drug... Im scared I guess... that was the last time I spoke to Hao... I wanted to stay away.. So I got into hanging out with Skuld more often. Id always go home with her, and hang out with her.. etc. When I got into 9th grade thats when the Vash crisis, and friend depletion happened. Its kinda funny... God my life is fucked up... Ill write more tomorrow.. If I think of anything... Ja, Undefined |