|
Yeah, these days are hecktic. Im so stress. I am truley on the urge of crying. Madison just stopped her temper tantrume. I had to pick her up and show her who is boss. SHe was pushing me and kicking me and punching me. And when she pushed me I went "You know im bigger than you, Im not going to budge." Then she pushed me again and went "Then YOU push me." Then I grinned and was like "I dont NEED to push you." And I picked her up, carried her to her room, and shut the door.
Her bedroom door is weird. It only works from the outside. The inside has like... no bolts or something. Im so tired. Only three hours that I got... Yeah... Sorry to Huy. I understand that he dosnt want to see me for a while. A break. He isnt emotionaly ready to see me again... I hurt him... I felt so bad... Im still so sorry I did this to him. Ny said "He will be fine fter a while, it shouldnt part you from being with Kaze. You both feel for eachother the same..." I always listen to her advise... I feel so bad... I tried sounding strong on the phone. But I feel soooo guilty. Madison is finally being good. Im hopeing she will fall asleep soon. I so want to cry, but then Id be showing Madison I cant take the stress... I hate children so much, but I really need this money. I hate my fucking life. Its so messed up. I have to clean this entire house up by tomorrow. I got payed 60 bucks, by the way. I noticed one of the 10's was a 20. Its great. I just need to make a little more. Maybe I can fix a few things. I am sooo sorry about my bitching. I wantz ta cry. Ugh, I feel so bad, I cant stop thinking about it. Im sooo sorry Huy. Just let me know when your ready so that we can hang out again... And please dont hate Kaze or anything. This is all my fault. Like i said, I think you should be mad at me. And Kaze, sorry if Im a little "meh" than normal... You know Im going through some tough shit though. I have a migrain. These kids are crazy. Well, I think Ill move on to different news. Pirate of the Carabian is comming soon. I cant wait. Its an Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp movie. What can be better?!?! Scott is SOPPOSED to come with me Lizz, Lizz's mom and Lizz's sister. I cant wait to see it. And Im sopposed to see Tomb Raider 2 with Ny. Also I wanna go see a movie with Kaze, *insert movie here*. Yeah, Me and Kaze's routine is going okay. I think everyone will be pleased with it. My only problem is DROPPING. Ugh.. SO painfull. Must get used to it. Eash.. I do love Kaze... I was cuddleing him the other day, and it just felt so good. I felt so incredibly happy... I can finally be with him. Im so happy, yet so sad. Everytime I say "I love Kaze" I feel like Huy wants to kill me or something. I just cant help but say it. Iv been holding it in for such a long time. When I say it, I cant stop saying it. I want him to hold me again... Ugh, Im going to stop... Im sorry. Why am I thinking about that when I have a 4 year old nagging me right now. She just asked "Can I have juice?" SO yeah, I let her. You know. I keep saying I love Kaze, like Im asking for death. I guess I love him that much... Things are so weird, yet so good. Just the drama sucks. Im so sick... Im trying to get this kid to fall asleep... I guess the longer she stays up, the longer she'll sleep in. The less I have to deal with in the morning. I am almost done with this. Only 12 more hours to go. Oh I feel so nautious. Im going to stop typeinh.. More to come tomorrow... When I finally get home. I cant wait to get home. I swear I am going to hug my mom life she never exsisted. Kaze too. Specialy Kaze... Another thing, people keep asking me "Why do you love Kaze?" ALl I can say is "I dont understand myself... I just know I do." SO that takes care of that... Song of the day: Mail Time (Blue's Clues) Mood: Depressed/stressed/happy/dreamy Thought: Make this kid shut up... *sniffle*, Shane |