The Artful Dodger

   So here's one that's sure to offend... The world is converting. Everyone suddenly seems to be deciding they're religious, and not only is that a bad idea, they're not very good at it. I, personally, am an atheist, and I'm an atheist because god is an asshole. Look around you, does this look like part of a divine plan to you? Rapists, murderers, liars, thieves, lawyers, accountants, really pissed off clowns... If someone planned this, I have no intention of submitting my prayers to him, the sadistic lunatic.

    How can anyone possibly say that religion has any merit when you look at the horrific nature of the things we're told in the bible. Yes, the bible, where homosexuality is a death mark. I'm sorry but it seems to me that god should have some more important things on his mind than where I put my damn penis, I mean, he gave it to me, and I was never handed a limited warranty of any kind, it's not a lease, it's mine to use as I see fit. But no, all of these self-proclaimed "Christian Soldiers" have to pick a battle and one of their fronts is against gays. Someone's making their own choice regarding sexuality, and according to the bible it's our duty as good christians to beat him until he can't feel anymore. He was a fruit, now he's a vegetable, another victory for the lord.

    And it's with morals such as these that the heavily religious look down on atheists with. As if they were better because their big mean imaginary friend would damn the heathen who parked in their spot. Get over it, if there's a god, he hates me, but he hates you too, he hates all of us, that's why there's a third season of American Idol. Here's a religious fun fact that not a lot of people are aware of: middle-eastern women cut off their clitorises (clitori?) and stitch their labia's so they can't feel sexual pleasure of any kind. They do that because according to their religion women should not be able to enjoy sex, they're put there for the enjoyment of men, and to be barefoot and pregnant at all points in time after the age of sixteen. If that's how it works here, I can't wait to see what kinda fun shit they do in heaven.

    And it's with a very similar point of view that we come to the topic of abortion, the meat and potatoes of this blasphemous tirade. I'm sorry but the entire pro-life argument is bullshit, it's flawed at it's very core: the attempt to save the life of a child. If a child is born to unwanting parents, you have not saved it. You have forced it to live a tortured, unloved existence, grow up to be totally fucked, have a kid that it doesn't want, and then ruin it's life in turn. So it continues, the cycle never ends, and god destroys yet another society, what a great guy. And let's follow the rest of the life of a child in a christian society, shall we? Conservatives are anti-abortion, okay, good for them. Unfortunately, they're also against day care, head start, school lunch, food stamps, and welfare. Yes, it's a generalization that every one of them is against every one of these things, but the majority are, which is where the fundamental flaw comes in. They want to make sure everyone gets out of the womb in one piece, but once you're out, that's it, you're on your own. Maybe god will pay for your groceries. And what else do most conservatives fucking love? The military. So essentially, they want live babies cause they need dead soldiers. And yes, I'm combining conservatives and christians, but hey, they combined themselves. And you know who never gets an abortion? A homosexual. 

    Back to the concept of soldiers, I think we have a few too many holy wars to be praying. They just seem a little unnecessary, guys, If we all feel that there's one god, I think we can share him, I imagine he's fucking huge. You'd have to be, in that line of work. Everyone claims to be dying for their god, but you know who needs you more than god? Your family. They're not nearly his size. And even in cultures where it's accepted by everyone in society, if you send a son to war and they send you back a medal in his place, you're gonna want to know where god is. When your husband and provider goes off to serve in the name of his one nation under god, where's god when his apache's going down in flames? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now? But hey, I'm sure it was part of that neat divine plan of his. Fuck your plans.

   I'm sure a lot of people will have a problem with this, I expect to get raped in the boards, but I don't care... I'm just saying, that with so many people suddenly deciding that god is such a great idea, I hope you all know what you're signing onto.