"So...blind date?" "Yep." "Who set you up?" "Dave." "What's her name?" "Samantha." "Are you nervous?" "Is there any way I can help?" "You could stop giving me the third degree. Or help me peel potatoes." "Looks like you're peeling your fingers too." "You know a better way?" "Yeah, try like this." Howie watched the way AJ's deft hands flew with the peeler. "You're better at this than I am. Where'd you learn that?" "Making french fries. I swear, that's the only thing these are good for." "You can cook? I never would have - ah shit!" Howie cursed vehemently as the peeler slipped in his wet hand, scraping skin off the knuckle of his ring finger. "You alright? Let me have a look." AJ clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Move your hand, you're bleeding on the potatoes. Where do you keep the band aids?" "Second drawer to your left." Howie ran his hand under the cool water. "Never mind, it stopped. Didn't matter in the first place. Cause I'm never gonna have anything on it anyway." AJ cocked his head quizzically. Howie held up his hand, tapping the injured finger. "Ring finger. Wedding ring." "Ah." AJ nodded. "I assume the last date didn't go well." "If I'm on another one so soon, why would it have?" "Didn't stop to think about it." AJ swung his legs up on the counter, finding a comfortable position leaning against the microwave. "So, what went wrong? "She hated me." "Oh c'mon Howie, she didn't hate you. No one could." "She was an Nsync fan." "Oh." There was a long pause that somehow wasn't awkward at all. "Well, I think this is one for the record books. Break out the champagne." "I already did." Howie gestured towards the bottle on the table. "I noticed. That's why I asked." "We can't open that, I was saving it for when she got here. Besides, it's date champagne, not friend champagne." AJ nodded. "Pray tell, what am I going down in history for?" "Not you, her." AJ scoffed. "Don't you understand anything? You were starting to be like that guy in So I Married An Axe Murderer." Howie furrowed his brows, trying to make sense of this. "Mike Myers, remember?" He shook his head. "Pam smelled like soup. Beef vegetable soup." Howie thought a moment. A look of understanding crossed his face and he nodded. "But I still don't get it." "This is the first time you've went on a blind date and you didn't refuse to call her afterwards because you were paranoid. This time, you actually had a reason. Wait a minute." AJ slid his sunglasses down his nose to regard his friend. "You do know for a fact that she is an Nsuck-whoops! That kind of slipped out! You're positive she's an Nsync fan, right?"  (AN: "Nsuck-whoops!" was a mistake. It was actually what I typed. You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to write "Nsync".) "Ayuh." Howie looked defeated. "No, no, no. You need to celebrate. Be happy. There's a chance in hell you may not be commiphobic." "Hunh?" "Commiphobic. Phobia of commitment." "Ah." Howie went back to peeling potatoes. "How long till she's supposed to get here?" "'Bout twenty minutes. Why are you still here?" "I'm helping you." "Doesn't look like it. C'mere, the potatoes are lonely and they'll develop a complex. Become commiphobic." AJ slid off the counter to join his friend at the sink. "You know that's not a word, don't you?" "Ayuh. I know the real word for it too." "You do?" "Nope." "Then why'd you just say that?" "I need to practice looking smart. AJ, I think you killed it." He regarded the mutilated potato sadly. "Oh well, we don't need it anymore. We have enough." "Why are you making potatoes anyway? They aren't the most romantic food. Or smartest looking either." "Cause Dave told me -" "I mean look at them, they're just these little brown things with indents -" "AJ -" "that make it really hard to peel them without -" "AJ -" "slitting your wrists with the -" "AJ!" "peeler. Now what," AJ emphasized the word yet again by repeating it, "what do you want?" "Shut up." "Alright." Blissful silence passed, in which Howie chopped up the potatoes and put them in the water to boil. Then he sat back to wait. "Howie?" "Ayuh." "How much longer till I have to leave?" "When do you have to leave?" "When she gets here." "She's not coming." Howie met his eye for the first time in a while. "She was supposed to be here almost an hour ago." "Aw, man, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something?" "Didn't feel like I needed to." "Well, we wouldn't have had to sit here like a couple of idiots. We could have done something." "Done what?" "I dunno, maybe open the champagne and get wasted." "Sounds good." Howie opened the bottle and poured some into each glass. Handing the fuller one to his friend, he held out his for a toast. "To..." He let his voice trail off, unsure of what there was to celebrate about. "To..." "To...?" "To her having the wrong address?" "To someone finding a treatment for commiphobia?" "To commiphobia becoming a word?" "I'll drink to that." "Good. I must be a genius." AJ took off his sunglasses they clinked champagne glasses. Howie downed his in one gulp and reached for the bottle again. There was no move made to stop him. AJ put his sunglasses on and studied the smaller man. Then he took them off again and placed them in the Velcro pocket on the side of his pants. AJ continued to stare at Howie. Finally, he became nervous under AJ's attentions. "What, do I have something in my teeth?" He asked nervously, raising a hand to his mouth. "Nope, how could you have? We haven't eaten." "Is that a hint?" "Ayup. I know how you think." "You know, all I have is potatoes." Howie stood up, swayed slightly, and brought the bowl of lumpy, white mush to the table. "One thing that I love about you is that I can count on your logic to always make sense. Potatoes are not ever a date food and you make them for your date. Yet, you have a bottle of date champagne that you share with your friend. What kind of statement are you trying to make? Are you asking me to be your date?" Howie sat down. "Dave told me she was on an all potato diet. Don't ask me why, I don't want to try explaining. Sexual side effects or something." He laughed at the face his friend was making. "And I didn't ask you if you wanted champagne. I specifically told you that you couldn't have it. But you persisted...So I can take that as a hint that you want me to be your date." "Hmm, I'm intrigued, forgive me. If I asked you out, what would you say?" "Let me give you an answer while I'm still sober: No." "Still sober, eh?" AJ's tone reflected some excitement. "Do you mean to imply that you will be getting wasted?" Howie considered the question for a moment. "Yes." "Good. Would you grant me the honor of joining you?" "Of course, sir." Howie took another swallow. "I've got something stronger in the back of the fridge, if you'd like." "Bring it on." ***a whole bunch of drinks later*** Part 2