This page is a journal style account of stories, memories and piss taking from Uni players old and new.
It is uncensored so viewer discretion is advised.
| How
about a schlonga-size chart, so prospective members, if you will, can
check out where they'd stand. Or is this what you had in mind with your
'legends' section. I just think it'd be good recruitment strategy -
Maddy's Mark would make everyone feel welcome and comfortable with their
own worth and right to be at the club, while Jarad's would make sure
no-one came in too, well, big-headed. I guess, though, with Jarad's and
my sizes put together, the site might become a bit unwieldy and slow to
run. If you know what i mean. Saw Ron Jeremy's schlonga on saturday
night - Stevio made us watch a documentary on the legend. Annabel's been
calling me Ron ever since. well, she says i'm already fat and hairy. All
i need now is the 9 and 3/4 inch slong. Say no more. And he didn't. (DONK) |
| As
I constructed our team's 5 goal win yesterday from the ruck, the term
"glory boys" is unfamiliar to me.... By preventing the ball
from passing the centre line, you have no need for backs... (HORSE) |
| My
dear Thomas I do recall that Stevens Senior won best a fairest in 1995.
Solid in a way only Baby can relate to, in the centre of a top defence.
We had great beer drinking ability, had a way with opposition referees
and especially bogon supporters from North Shore, and a way with women
off the pitch that you will never be able to relate to. Any former
members of the club who wish to apply for membership of the said
backline are invited to speak with either Baby or myself. (S.S) |
| You're
put down in the back line coz that's where you deserve to be. Real
footballers play in the middle..... And if you don't believe me, who was the last Brownlow Medallist who was a back man? (Ian, Tracy, keep quiet....) (HORSE) |
| Sounds
like a true a accurate record, I don't think I have ever seen Leigh's
wallet at all. We of course have not mentioned Hippy's ability to leave
anything behind even his wife on one occasion, and I recall a few away
trips, including Pidge's attempts to hitchhike, stock up on KFC, Colin's
shagging in the captains room, while the captain was "asleep"
and Matt's little Japanese friend. That would be of course the same away
trip that one guy took his girl friend on. Who that was escapes me
Junior? (S.S) |
| My
memories of Uni... 1996.... a little hazy..... However, my first year at the club with Johnny FC (Footy Coach) and meeting AFL Footballers from St Kilda (Andy Downe), Collingwood (Dean Page) Geelong (Giblett) and South Adelaide Footballer (Johnny FC) and I was later KENNED (made to listen to Ken for hours on end) and Historied (listen to History). All at my first training. I also witnessed Bruce McColl turn up to his first training and saddle himself up with Grunter as a running partner as he thought they were of similar age. Grunter was approx 25 and Bruce was 33. At a club night Grunter made the remark about Leighdo's and Hippy's partners at the time being rather delicious... or words to that effect and that he just had a short fat chick.... whom he later married! Johnny FC made clear his thoughts on Giblett's mum! Colin (the painted car) got shepherded on the North Western motorway on the way to the Grand Final. And was then left there! Thomas and Jarrad liked doing naked handstands in the shower. Baby had to jump out of Bruce's car on the Southern motorway at about 30-40kmph after a skinful of beer at a function. The first night I met Bubbles he was dancing on top of the speakers. Leighdo's mate Marty set off the fire alarm and had the entire Ellerslie Oaks crowd evacuated the same night. Leighdo never bought a round of drinks! From 1996 to 2001. Tim and Teresa spent the night working at White Heron checking out the laundry cupboard! And... I wasn't late or drunk to my own birthday party. (JUNIOR) |
| I
forgot to add, in 95 Stuey decided he was left-footed and in 97
Hippy tried a pass off his right. Schteve hit a post at some
stage, Jarad's mother was insulted by whale, Howie forgot to
collect the jumpers from the dry-cleaners, Woody ate a raw onion,
Junior arrived early and sober to his own Birthday bash, Leigh
took up body-building, Tim kicked a goal in 98 and the teams song is, and always has been, the Macarena. (DONK) |
| Judging
by their behaviour in the showers, I think that Thomas and Jarad always
preferred front to back, rather than back to back, so that MAY have had
something to do with it. Oh, and for those not in the know, I think Whale's insult of Jarad's mother deserved recording in full for posterity: Jay with the ball in what he erroneously considers to be kicking range of the goal. Whale on the mark, jumping around as ever, shouts at the top of his voice: "Hey Jarad, your Or words to that effect, no? Hehehe. Good times. (DOOR) |
| Thomas
used to be good, but is now fat and unco and slow. He was always a bit
too tricky for his own good though. Jarad was never that flash. As as for Howie, ... well. I of course was a superstar, right from the first time I picked up a footie. And now you know. (DOOR) |
| And:
In 96 the
inimitable Grunter turned up at a training after only ten
beers, and was made to run laps for the entire training by Woody.
That was something to behold. |
| At
May Rd in '97, I was playing Fullback and Dad was running around like a
chicken with his head cut off (no change there then) at Centre Half
Back. I called him back onto the ball, no response, I repeated my call,
no response, so once I had cleared the ball with a fantastic pick up,
shimmy around three attackers, a bounce and then a right foot drill to Thomas on the chest (who then passed it directly into the opposing centre half forward line - no change there then) I went up to Dad and screamed at him, "What is your problem Dad, are you deaf or something?!?" This of course wouldn't have been a problem, except that it turned out he WAS deaf in one ear. Oops! Bit tense in the changerooms that day. (DOOR) |
| Or
when the same Grunter turned up for a game with blood under his
fingernails and a highly graphic explanation as to how it got there.
Phil stated he would have been more impressed had it been poo. At least
Grunter married the young lady in question. Also I think Howie's BBQ prowess could rate a mention. For those of you in Melbourne do we know where the red head is? (S.S) |
| Thomas
didn't mention off field liaisons which he may have had advice from the
King on. The dry cleaners were better dressed than us on a few
occasions, after matches at the White Heron, Stevens junior minor arm
injury, the finals car, and the fact we went back to back after he left.
Causation or correlation? (S.S) |
| I
also thought I saw some mayo on Jarad's sausage that day. In fact he got
more touches of that than he did of the ball. But the big question is
where is he? Will he respond to the banter...... (S.S) |
| As I had to watch
the game vicariously this is the report I submit. Before the game Steve
was very focused, had the physio apply two entire roles of tape to his
waxed limbs and walked around looked earnest. Rutledge f*&%ed
about, pissing Stevens Senior off with a constant stream of drivel.
Mather was downcast after the performance of his horse and the reserves.
Was still able to promise cartwheels if a victory was found. Froggart
was lamenting the state of the changing rooms, and looking for a bit of
exposed body to tape. Howie was getting keyed up but couldn't tape
anything do to the proliferation of body hair. Rutledge f*#$ed about
while Evans played with himself in the corner. Appropriate hardness
achieved he stood in the corner banging his head and then proceeded to
hit other players on the back, give them a big hug while saying
"Cmon, Timmy/Matty/Bay". About this time Creamy turned up.
Hippy still hadn't found his jocks and was contemplating a GF commando
when Baby produced last weeks gruds that had been left behind. By now
Steve was smiling as he ha found something else to tape which would
relieve him of actually catching the ball. Mather was looking happier as
he had just got the double "a couple of times". Howie was
trying to listen to a trots race coming from Makaraka. Thomas finally
got dressed and made it into the team huddle. More back slapping from
Jarad. One last piece of tape for Steve. Toss was one, playing with the wind, kicked 2.9.21 in the first quarter. Evans moved out of the forward line. Re-applies for membership of the backmans union. Said union unsure as to his appropriateness application on hold. Rutledge dropped the ball a few times tries to play hockey with the ball on the ground. Missed his calling for the Black sticks. Mather tries to take two marks above his head, without success, before reverting to the chest method. Evans takes four screamers, and kicks them back to Taka so he can have another go. At some point Junior got into a couple of fights and got a few touches. Hippy was in and out of the game. And the Blues won. Perhaps someone who saw the game could comment. BOG: You won't get an honest answer from anyone on this email. |
