The first glimpse of the love came in J. Lo’s video, “Jenny from the Block.” It was a song about how she might have all this flashy stuff now, but she’s still the same girl from her Bronx days. Hmm, so she was a heartbreaking, Puff Daddy dodging bad actress back then, too? Anyway, we got to see Ben and J. Lo kiss in some convertible and watch him touch her butt. Fun stuff. Hmm, it seems odd. If it’s supposed to be all about how she hasn’t changed that much, why show so much rich stuff and Ben Affleck in the video? Wouldn’t she be married to some drug dealer or be a single mom if she hadn’t made it? Sorry, that was cruel…it’s just cause I don’t like the Yankees.

Anyway, the high profile couple got bigger with news of their engagement, and then came the planned box office hit, Gigli to theaters. Oh, I’m sorry, I should have put a stress on the word planned. Critics ripped the film from the get go, and the $50+ million project garnered $3.8 million in its first weekend. It then faltered even more dramatically in its second weekend, and suddenly people began to question whether anyone liked either of these two “actors.” Ben and J. Lo then announced that they would never do a film together again, as if we cared. Maybe they should have been a little more concerned about whether they would even be together in general in the future.

Even through all the tumultuous rumors (Ben doing nasty stuff with some Canadian stripper. She took off her clothes and danced around, and he said “Eh?” while he got a bulge in his pants) and the nay-sayers, the big day was upon us: Ben and J. Lo were going to get married! And, then they didn’t. The couple blamed the media hype for their postponement, but of course, rumors started swirling: Ben’s mom hated J. Lo, Ben got cold feet, J. Lo’s jealousy, J. Lo went back to Puffy, Ben went back to Matt. It was all craziness. Then, people were spotting them all over the place, and they went to Georgia and into a courthouse. So, then everyone speculated they got married there, but no, Ben was just getting a gun license. Yeah, that’s real good…patch things up in your relationship by buying a gun.

Anyway, in the end, I guess Ben and J. Lo are still together, but do any of us really care? Frankly, they should save us the time and their own and break up now so we won’t have to hear about them anymore. But, regardless of whether wedding bells are in their future or not, “Ben and Jen” will always be together in THE HALL OF CRAP SANDWICH!