But, let’s take a deep look into what exactly the car wash entails. The car wash is a clever scheme usually done to raise money for some sort of organization, normally headed by teenagers and high schools. To rail in customers, certain concoctions are brewed up by our teenage population, the most being to have their female members scantily clad. Yes, it might just be because of the weather, but it is also a way in which we are teaching our young ones to sell sex. In effect, the car wash is now a place that harbors the pedophile. That’s right. The individuals who get their release off of youngsters, only to end up deservedly getting rammed up the ass in prisons across our fine nation. God Bless America.

The scantily clad woman at a car wash succeeds over the scantily clad man. Case in point: me. At a car wash a few years ago, friends marked my chest with the words, “CAR WASH,” and I flexed my muscles, or lack thereof, to the on-looking cars. Sure, I’m no Brad Pitt, in fact, I’m more of a Brad Sherwood. Yeah, the guy from Whose Line is it Anyway? But, still, absolutely no cars came to the car wash during my strip show, and only an old woman handed us a $1, and it wasn’t even to me. Yet, we look at car washes done by cheerleading squads, and these feel like money making juggernauts established by Donald Trump. Why? Because the male pervert thrives off of this. He will gladly turn in his pathetic automobile into the lot, and for a mere five to ten dollars, will get his choking of the chicken done for the day. It’s sick, venal. To cite a source, look at the recent mildly successful film, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story in which the male car wash’s only business is a gay trucker in comparison to the millions being raked in by the female car wash. In that movie, the female car washers use their boobies even to soap up the cars. I can smell the money and the sex. It disgusts me.

This is a good segue (not Segui, the baseball player) into the combination of bikinis and car washes. Let’s examine the soft-core porn film, Bikini Car Wash. It is an excellent example of the combination of the “bikini” and the “car wash” as being a collective entity that brewed together makes one mean coffee of vulgarity. Though this movie is only showed at the wee hours of the morning on Cinemax, and is only viewed by middle school-aged boys desperate to watch something they could masturbate to without their parents noticing, it just goes to show you that soft-core porn can see through sociological disturbances. In addition, any movie that begins with the word “Bikini” and starts in between 12 AM-5 AM on any given night on Cinemax is most likely soft-core porn. Actually, anything on Cinemax in between 12 AM-5 AM is most likely soft-core porn. Yeah, middle school was a good time.

In conclusion, only go to car washes where people are wearing lots of clothes and when they are not so blatantly trying to sell sex. In other words, you’ll be going to absolutely no car washes this summer.