The Moral Compass: Back to the Baciks, I've Got Class!



	The Moral Compass Back to the Baciks, I've Got Class! by Nick Park

Most underground newspapers stoop to the lower level. They will usually have articles about Mr. T or Mullets. No class! Because of this I’ve decided to make my articles have more class: classy topics, classy controversies, and classy people. And what is classier than a fresh toupee? Being bald is not classy. Cover it up with a rug and you got yourself a guaranteed lay. Just make sure it’s on there tight so it doesn’t come off during whoopee. Yes I said whoopee. You’re aloud to say classy words like whoopee and well-endowed in this newspaper. BACIK! WHAT ARE YA TALKIN’ ABOUT?!?!? AWWW NUTZ!!! The rest of my article is dedicated to the best chemistry teacher of all time, Mr. Brian Bacik. He’s a swell guy! He’s a lady’s man, among other things! He’s a…on second thought; let’s not dedicate the rest of the article to him. He doesn’t deserve such grace. I think the next on the list is Schindler. Back to TRUE class. I wanted to use this online article space to define true class. I was walking down the street and saw a guy with a mullet next to a business man with a briefcase and a pair of shades. Which one of the two has class? That was rhetorical you mutton-head. John Lennon was the mutton-head. I could be the mutton-head. DAMNIT! Let’s get serious here people. If America is 50% fascists, and 50% of fascists have class, and assuming the Pats win another Super Bowl, then approximately 98% of all Americans are left with no class. What is my conclusion? Nobody has class but the writers of The Underground Nincompoop, and we ain’t sharin’ shit.



		Does Sam Donaldson have a toupee? And, if so, does he have class?