Dr. Pinchot McPokerson, an English literature scholar, would have us believe that the proper term is a “raspberry.” “It is the formal word for this action,” Dr. McPokerson, a graduate of many fine institutions, says. “Just take a look at any detailed dictionary in America. The definition is listed under ‘raspberry.’”

“Dr. McPokerson is looking in the wrong dictionaries,” says Samantha Skinner, a linguistics professor at the Xanadu School of the Arts and Plastics. “You have to look in a medical dictionary. Medical dictionaries feature appropriate terminology such as ‘quon,’ ‘figula,’ and ‘zrbtt.’” Professor Skinner supports individuals who firmly believe that “zrbtt” is the right way to define this act. The origin of the term “zrbtt” is unknown, but it certainly was popularized, if not, created on an episode of The Cosby Show. Rudy, the youngest Huxtable child, was helping Vanessa with her spelling when Rudy asked her what “z-r-b-t-t” spelled. Vanessa told her that it spelled nothing. When Rudy asked her father, Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable, he responded, “Z-r-b-t-t? Oh, zrbtt? Zrbtt is this.” Then, Dr. Huxtable pressed his lips onto Rudy’s cheek, and blew.

“You see? An intellectual doctor like Dr. Huxtable knows that ‘zrbtt’ is clearly the right way to recognize this act. You must check a medical dictionary,” Skinner said.

“That’s ridiculous! Dr. Huxtable is a fictitious doctor. That episode was written by some member of the Writers’ Guild. What does he know about the English language, and what is the right way to refer to something?” Dr. McPokerson retorted.

To add to evidence to the claim that “zrbtt” is the word, Professor Skinner said, “Just take a look at this example. As I suffer from insomnia, I happened to be watching the television program, The 5th Wheel. Though a crass piece of boob-tubery, one of the women on the show referred to the action in question as a ‘zrbtt.’”

In response to this statement, Dr. McPokerson said, “You cite The 5th Wheel as a viable source? Every person on that show is a ho-bag who sleeps around! They wouldn’t know proper verb usage if it poked them in the ribs!”

To emphasize the “raspberry” side of the argument, Dr. McPokerson pulled out a handy Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. “I know that it is pathetic to quote from a dictionary, but here it is, the second definition of raspberry: “short for raspberry tart, rhyming slang for fart: a sound of contempt made by protruding the tongue between the lips and expelling air forcibly to produce a vibration.”

“A-ha!” responded Professor Skinner. “The action we are discussing in question is not necessarily a ‘sound of contempt.’”

“It’s just a way of describing it,” Dr. McPokerson said. “We all know what the dictionary is referring to, and it is appropriately known as a raspberry. And, I have checked ‘zrbtt.’ There is no ‘zrbtt!’

“Once again, Dockie M, you are checking the wrong type of dictionary.”

The two learned scholars debated for several more minutes before it finally escalated into a bit of a rumble as Dr. McPokerson grabbed Professor Skinner’s arm, and blew a good old “sound of contempt.”

“I gave you a raspberry!” Dr. McPokerson yelled out.

“Well, I zrbtt you!” Professor Skinner said, before responding in kind.

Nonetheless, I let these two children continue to play, and left myself only to question what to call this blow. Zrbtt? Raspberry? Should I combine them? Zraspberry? Razrbtt? As of press time, the answer to all these questions was still that the world may never know, which, I know, is strangely the same answer to how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop (regardless of what that pesky owl might say).