“Reality” burst into popularity with the success of CBS’s Survivor, in which contestants deceived and performed physical tests in order to win $1 million and avoid being cast off the island by fellow contestants. It was sad to see a contestant voted off, forced to leave the island because a majority of the crew hated him or her, handed their “ceremonial” torch (yes, in the long run of this show, the traditional value of that is high!), and given a firm goodbye by the douchebag host himself, Jeff Probst. In the end, the disturbing part was that Americans found themselves cheering for their favorite deceiving and lying jerk to win $1 million that neither one of them deserved. Want to know the real survivor? A black man in Compton running from the police…now that’s surviving! Nonetheless, Survivor has spawned off more series’ of it in other islands across the world, and we can only hope the ratings will sink much like the S.S. Minnow. Actually, the S.S. Minnow didn’t sink. The weather started getting rough, and the tiny ship was tossed. Well, you know the rest. Yeah, that’s the real survivor: motherfucking Gilligan.

In the past year, however, reality TV seems to have been dominated by the FOX network, who have nothing better to put on anyway. The network struck gold with Joe Millionaire, the tale of a low paid construction worker who comes off as a rich guy wooing women towards love in a chateau in France. Viewers were “entertained” by the big lie while the women obsessed over winning the bachelor, Evan’s, heart. The show made me realize just two things: gorgeous, materialistic women will never look at me unless I have money, and I’m glad I don’t have a British butler. In the end, Evan picked the woman he wanted to be with, and the butler presented them with a check for $1 million. Joe Millionaire almost creamed his pants when he saw that check. Wait, almost? No, he did. Sadly, the butler had to clean it up. HAHA! So, yeah, that bastard and his girl got $1 million, then I guess they broke up, and now I saw him in an ad for an ABC Family movie, which is just sad. FOX has also scored big again with American Idol. Hosted by GLAAD president Ryan Seacrest and featuring judges Randy “You My Dog” Jackson, Paula “I Still Love Emilio” Abdul, and Simon “(fill in your own asinine comment about this jackass)” Cowell. The show narrowed down to Clay and Ruben with the latter becoming victorious. I guess in the end they both won because they both got recording labels and more attention than venereal diseases at the Playboy mansion. They may go on to earn their own individual spot in this horrid Hall themselves!

Let’s not forget the flurry of other reality programming out there. The Bachelorette, which in my house is known as, AHHH! TURN THAT SHIT OFF! Hmm, that just reminded me of that show Ahh! Real Monsters. Anyway, add that on to For Love or Money, that FOX show where people who never met before marry each other, people living in houses together, Last Comic Standing, and I don’t know. AHHHHHHHH! There’s so many that I’m about to puke, so it’s about time I give a toast to the visual vomit that is Reality TV, and its new found place as a whole in THE HALL OF CRAP SANDWICH.