Jarmell: So, Max, before we start the interview, you’ve got to do a magic trick for me!
Max: No, not until the end of the interview, Jake. You’ve got to earn it! And, please, call me Ed. Enough people out there call me Max. It bugs the hell out of me.
Jarmell: All right, Max. Well, let’s begin by telling us how you got your role as Max on Saved by the Bell.
Max: Well, my agent called me up and told me that a teen show on NBC was auditioning for a character who owned the local dive. I was looking for acting work, and was willing to try out, and the producers loved my versatility with both magic and waiting tables that they hired me right away!
Jarmell: So, you got the role. Now, let me ask you something. Didn’t you think it was weird that the gang could just leave school and hang out at “The Max”? And that all these things ended up going on at “The Max”?
Max: Hey, “The Max” was the place to be, what can I say? Come in for a cheeseburger, get a magic trick and dances galore on the jukebox with Rhonda.
Jarmell: Don’t you think the idea of the restaurant’s name being “The Max” and the owner’s name being Max a complete rip-off of Happy Days with “Arnold’s”?
Max: I suppose, but I’m not Noriyuki “Pat” Morita by any means.
Jarmell: Of course not, Daniel-san! Anyway, what was it like behind the scenes with the cast?
Max: Well, all the kids were very nice. It was hard for them, though, to have to handle fame. And then they were all dating each other. One week it was Mario with Tiffani-Amber, another week it was Tiffani-Amber with Mark-Paul, another Lark with Mark-Paul. I think there was one week even when it was Mario with Mark-Paul. It was crazy. I think everybody got in on that, except for Dustin “Screech” Diamond. None of the girls wanted to date him. I think he enjoyed masturbating, though.
Jarmell: Who doesn’t?
Max: A guy with no hands?
Jarmell: Good one! So, what was your favorite episode?
Max: Well, I loved all of them. But, if I had to pick one, I’d have to say it was the one entitled, “Save the Max,” which was ironically my last appearance on the show. It was the one in which KKTY Bayside was first found, and Zack and the gang used the power of the radio to save my restaurant from being bulldozed into a parking lot by the school board.
Jarmell: Yeah, I remember that episode. It made no sense. I mean, what school owns a restaurant?
Max: Bayside High apparently.
Jarmell: So, let’s get on to your sad and sudden dismissal from the show. Producers of the show notified you that you had been let go from the show and you were soon replaced as manager of “The Max” by sexy Jeff, who fell in well with a plot line as a new love interest of Kelly’s.
Max: Yes, it was sad. I was notified by the producers that they were looking for something new out of the show. By new, they meant a sexier, younger version of Max. One that could seduce Kelly away from Zack. So, I got bumped off the show.
Jarmell: They didn’t think that Max would be capable of seducing Kelly?!?
Max: Well, I think I could have pulled it off, but frankly, that’s pedophilia and illegal, so let’s not get into that. I wasn’t interested in that possible angle, and if they wanted to go down that route, I was willing to step aside.
Jarmell: But, hey now, Jeff was older than 18 as seen in “The Attic” episode, so he was fully capable of being, by governmental laws, a pedophile as well!
Max: Hey, yeah! I never thought about that. But, I wasn’t interested in all that stuff. I stopped watching the show after I got my walking papers.
Jarmell: Why?
Max: Why?! That was some of the worst writing I’ve ever seen on television!
Jarmell Point well taken. Anyway, let’s move on to the other portions of your career. You guest starred on an episode of Murphy Brown as one of Murphy’s secretaries: Secretary #56. How was this experience and was it much like Cosmo Kramer’s guest appearance on Murphy Brown?
Max: It was a great experience. It is an elite club to have been one of Murphy Brown’s secretaries. All of us secretaries get together annually for a banquet. It’s food, our families, strippers, the whole nine yards. A great time indeed. And, yes, Michael Richards shows up on occasion since he technically guest starred himself.
Jarmell: You also were a puppeteer for the movie, Men in Black. Tell us who’s nicer: Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones?
Max: They’re both very nice, but I’d have to say that Big Willie Style is just a bit nicer. And one point, I was just playing with some of the puppets, and Will came up and did a freestyle rap. It went something like, “Ed Alonzo, wicky wah-lonzo, With a puppet, not like a muppet, Toot-a-loot-da, Carlton is short like a trumpet.”
Jarmell: Wow, that is touching. So, nowadays, what are you up to?
Max: Well, I now primarily perform magic and do private shows and special events. I’m known as “The Misfit of Magic.” So, I’ll bust out all of your favorite magic acts for you from Saved by the Bell or whatever.
Jarmell: Quickly, I interviewed “The Masked Magician” a while ago. What are your thoughts on him?
Max: Pardon my Finnish, but he’s a prick.
Jarmell: No surprise you’d think that. Finally, would you be open to a reunion special with the rest of the cast of Saved by the Bell?
Max: Well, I think I had a rough go with the producers, but I would be very open to doing something with them again because the kids were great, but they all have their own lives now. Mark-Paul is on NYPD Blue, Mario is on the male version of The View, which you think would be very male oriented, but actually turns out to be just like The View anyway, thus defeating the purpose, Tiffani-Amber’s killer body will certainly take her to the pages of Playboy, Elizabeth’s already gotten naked in Showgirls, Lark’s dropped off the face of Planet Hollywood, and Dustin is, well, Dustin. I just don’t think anything could actually work that would make such a reunion special happen.
Jarmell: Good point. Maybe Slater and Jessie get married?
Max: Yeah, right. And how about Louis Farrakhan and David Duke shake hands?
Jarmell: I sense some sarcasm. And, on that note, Max, thanks for sitting down for this interview! Any last words for your fans?
Max: Sure! Do you want fries with that?