NP: AHHHH! I wasn't doing anything I swear! Who the hell are you and why are you in my chamber?
JV: I am the ghost of Jim Varney.
NP: Who?
JV: Good God man, you must not get out much.
NP: You sound like that Ernest Fellow.
JV: Oh My God, no matter where I go I cannot get away from that stupid character. St. Peter always tells me to call him Verne, and it pisses me off. One time, I swear I punched him right in the jaw; he was out for nearly a week. A lot of people got in heaven that shouldn't be there I tell you.
NP: Huh?
JV: Heaven, you know?
NP: What? So you are Ernest.
JV: Yes.
NP: I knew it, you damn trickster, I knew it. What the hell are you doing in my room?
JV: Well I knew you were a writer for one of the greatest newspapers of all time, so I decided to tell you what to write in your next article.
NP: I don't know about that, I like to come up with my own ideas. This IS journalism and there ARE ethics to follow; especially in an editorial section.
JV: Ethics?!? You dare mention the word ethics in front of me?
NP: Yes, I took a class on it at E. Wisconsin University. It was very helpful.
JV: Let me tell you something about ethics; I know more about ethics than any dead person in heaven.
NP: I don't know about that one chump, what ethics was there in being Ernest?
JV: Good point.
NP: Many Ernest movies, that plagued the minds of many, and caused shock and horror for all who watched it. Everyone who watched ONE of those movies, lost at least 3 IQ points in the process. I myself forgot how to write in cursive because of you.
JV: Look I'm sorry, I didn't like doing the movies either, but you have to understand the importance of being Ernest.
NP: The fact that it earned you a living?
JV: Exactly, and I was also Christened too.
NP: Mnnyeuss.
JV: Anyways, here is what I want you to write your article about. I want you to tell the world, since your newspaper is circulated worldwide, that there is a God, and his name is Blake.
NP: Blake? I find that hard to believe.
JV: Is a ghost standing in front of you?
NP: How do I know that you aren't a figment of my imagination?
JV: You aren't creative enough to have me come back to life dumb ass.
NP: And, that's why you're here, to help me with my creativity.
JV: No, I'm here to tell you that there is a God, and his name is Blake.
NP: Do you really think I should tell people that his name is Blake?
JV: Will this be a problem?
NP: Well, people are expecting a more holy name, like YHWH or Jehovah Jireh; something that is lifted up and not thought of as the name of the guy who gave me a wedgie last week and stole my girlfriend.
JV: His name is Blake, and Blake is what his name is.
NP: Alright you got it bro, but I'm pretty tired and would like to get some sleep. Plus you're ugly too, and I'm sick of looking at you. Oh, wait, before you go, make that noise you make, when you are flying through the air, or get hurt or something as you leave.
JV: hewwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!