Q: How do lesbians have sex?
A: Not that you care, but this is by far my
most commonly asked question. And I gotta tell you, I am damn
sick of answering it. But here goes.
I guess the reason why so many straight people have such a hard
time figuring out how lesbians have sex is because they define
"sex" as sexual intercourse only, and everything other
than that is just foreplay. (I find it interesting how everybody
already seems to know how gay men have sex, since it involves
penises, and sometimes a hole and thrusting, because we all know
that a penis, a hole, and thrusting is required for sex... Uh
huh.. Sure.) But sex, my friends, is a lot more complicated than
mechanically thrusting one organ in and out of another organ. It
involves many amazingly complex physical responses and
sensations, which I won't go into great detail about, because it
pretty much goes without saying that sex feels good. And there's
a lot that feels good about sex besides intercourse. But, of
course, if you have any kind of good sex life at all, you already
knew that, right? Of course you did.
The true definition of sex includes a lot of things and is
certainly not exclusive of anything other than man-woman
intercourse. Sex is all of these things and more: vaginal-penile
intercourse, anal intercourse, oral sex, manual stimulation,
kissing (Yep, kissing. Technically, it's a form of oral sex),
full body massage, tribadism (rubbing the vulva against any part
of someone's body or an object -- "dry humping,"
although usually it's not so dry), nipple/breast play, etc, etc,
etc. All these things can feel wonderful, and can be enjoyed by
anybody, gay or straight, male or female. So, my point here is
that sex is defined as any intimate activity (including
masturbation) that results in sexual and/or sensual pleasure,
sometimes including (but in no way requiring) orgasm. This having
been stated, sex having been defined, I will now go on to HOW
LESBIANS HAVE SEX.
Lesbians have sex by doing all the things I just mentioned,
and whatever else we can think of. It is important to understand
female anatomy in order to answer this question. A woman's main
source of sexual pleasure is not the vagina, but the clitoris.
The clitoris is a tiny bundle of nerves located at the top of the
vulva, and it's made out of the same material, and is therefore
just as sensitive and important to sexual pleasure, as the male
penis. In fact, in the womb, before our sex organs were shaped,
we all had clitorises. The female fetus stays that way, while the
male fetus' "clit" grows into a penis. Of course, the
vagina also has many sensitive nerve endings, and inside the
vagina lies the elusive G-Spot (yes, Virginia, there is a
G-Spot!), which feels extremely pleasurable when stimulated. But
most women cannot have orgasm without direct or indirect
stimulation of the clitoris. During intercourse, for example,
there is no direct contact with the penis and the clitoris, but
the thrusting of the penis in and out of the vagina pulls on the
clitoral hood, stimulating it indirectly. So yes, intercourse is
pleasurable. I won't deny that, and neither will many lesbians.
But the point is, intercourse is usually not necessary for a
woman to have an orgasm, or even to have a good time.
Cunnilingus, or oral sex upon a woman's vulva, is extremely
pleasurable. I don't think you'll get many women to tell you that
it isn't. It basically involves licking, sucking, and otherwise
stimulating a woman's clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening with
your tongue, lips, and sometimes even teeth. Combine this with
fingers or a dildo inside the vagina, and she's in heaven. A lot
of women actually can't orgasm without oral sex either before or
after intercourse with their male partner. So oral sex is one
main staple of the lesbian's sexual diet.
Another one is using toys for penetration, or dildos. (I know
what you're thinking. See the next question, "Why do
lesbians use dildos if they don't like men?") Since
penetration is rather enjoyable, why should lesbians be denied
the pleasure? However, many lesbians (as well as many straight
women) don't enjoy the feeling of penetration, or find it
uncomfortable. So the stereotype that all lesbians have to use
strap-on dildos to "simulate heterosxual sex" because
without a penis, they're "missing something" or not
getting "the real thing." This, of course, is bullshit.
Like I just explained above, most women do not need penetration
to get off. To me, and to many lesbians, oral sex is "the
real thing," the main event, and penetration is a
pleasurable supplement. But not all lesbians are into
penetration. For the ones that are, dildos can be used, either
with a harness (strap-on) or without, by just controlling it with
their hand.
Another technique that is seldom heard about is tribadism
(humping), which involves indirect stimulation of the clitoris by
rubbing one's vulva on her partner's vulva, her thigh (most
commonly), her butt, or any other convenient body part. Yes, it
feels wonderful, and yes, it results in orgasm for some women,
and yes, it's a very strenuous (and worthwhile) workout. A lot of
peope say that lesbians who do this are trying to somehow mimic
or duplicate heterosexual intercourse, which is ridiculous,
because if we wanted to do that, we'd get a strap on!
So that's it. Just a few of the many, many, many, MANY ways
in which two women make love with one another. Basically, the
general rule to lesbian sex is that anything goes, and that
nothing is out of the ordinary (except if it involves men, of
course...).
Q: Why do lesbians use dildos if they don't like men?
A: There are a few things that are important
to remember when dealing with this question:
1. Not all lesbians use dildos.
2. The largest market for dildos and other sexual aids is among
heterosexual women.
3. A dildo is not a man.
Now, with those things in mind, we can now discuss the phenomenon of phallus-using lesbians. First, what is a dildo? Basically, a dildo is a toy usually made of silicone or a cheaper type of rubber, which is used for insertion into the vagina or anus, which many people find very pleasurable. Good Vibrators, a leading sex toy distributor, has this to say about dildos:
Dildos are designed for vaginal or anal insertion. They don't vibrate; in fact, they don't move at all unless you move them. What they do is fill the vagina or rectum; many people find the sensation of fullness dildos create to be highly pleasurable. Dildos and vibrators are often confused. We call toys that vibrate, "vibrators" and non-vibrating toys used for insertion, "dildos."
Dildos are made in various shapes, sizes, colors, and designs. Some are made to look like real penises; others have an ambiguous shape which doesn't look like anything. Others have fun shapes like animals, people, corkscrews, and even rocketships! Some have special contours which enhance the pleasurable sensations. So basically, a dildo can represent anything the user wants it to, or nothing at all. It's just a tool to enhance sexual pleasure. Some women need penetration in order to be sexually satisfied, and others only use it as a supplement to other sexual activities, such as oral sex. Some women don't like the feeling of penetration at all; they find it painful or uncomfortable. All of these things are normal indicators of the diversity of human sexual sensation.
Now, as for lesbians, we're no different than any other woman -- some of us need penetration, others just enjoy it, others do not. Since we're not interested in men sexually or romantically, it would be a logical conclusion that we would use dildos to satisfy the urge for penetration. Penetration and heterosexuality do not go hand-in-hand. One can enjoy penetration without having to be heterosexual, or having to be accused of "wanting" to be heterosexual. I mean, if we wanted to be heterosexual, we'd BE heterosexual. But we're not. We're lesbians.
Lesbians who enjoy penetration do not wish to be with a man. They want to be able to enjoy the wonderful sensations with the female partner who they are attracted to and/or are in love with. Alternately, lesbians who use a strap-on dildo (a dildo secured in a harness so that one may penetrate her partner) do not wish to BE a man. They want to be able to give their lovers the wonderful sensations that can be experienced with penetration. Also, traditional sex and gender roles do not always apply here. The "reciever" does not have to be feminine, and the "giver" does not have to be masculine. As I discussed in the "Basics" section, a lesbian relationship does not have to include a butch partner and a femme partner. Any lesbian relationship may include any combination of butches, femmes, and in-betweens. A femme lesbian is equally as inclined to want to penetrate her partner as a butch one, and a butch lesbian is equally as inclined to want to be penetrated as a femme one. Basically, there are no limits. Each lesbian does what feels good to her.
Now, a brief word about anatomy. What makes vaginal penetration pleasurable are: 1) nerves which cover the vaginal walls, 2) The G Spot, which is a bundle of nerves on the upper wall of the vagina which are especially sensitive, and 3) indirect stimulation of the clitoris as the penis or dildo slides in and out and pulls the hood of the clitoris back and forth. It is these sensations, not the fantasy of wanting to be with a man, which makes the dildo a happy addition to lesbian sex. Many women are satisfied with clitoral stimulation alone, but for others who need penetration, or just want to experience it once in a while, a dildo is a wonderful invention.