Mars And Pars-ley Potatoes

The usual translation of pars-mars is butch-femme. But, as we allknow, the pars-mars identity can have as many variants as butch-femme in other countries particularly in the west.

The "old school" pars (whom you can also call diesel dykes) believes that she and her girlfriend must play the rules. She is the lesbian and her girlfriend is "straight". As the more dominant partner, she makes the decisions. She stays on top all the time, especially in you know what. The girlfriend may not cut her hair, wear a short mini or be out late by herself without the prior approval of the pars. Like many heterosexual men, the pars is prone to having affairs on the side while her long-term girlfriend or mars waits in the wings. If you think I'm tryingn to paint a bad picture of pars, let me just assure you that this information came from some pars themselves. I know that there are pars who dont fool around or resort to physical violence to control their partners, unlike many heterosexual men. They do, however, unflinchingly assert their superiority in their relationship with mars.

The "old school" pars and mars duality has been subjected to meticulous scrunity by the lesbians in the feminist women's movement. Many out lesbians attest to being ex-pars, and have seen considerable changes in the construct of the pars-mars identity in recent years. This may be partly due to the influence of media-visible lesbians whose lifestyles have defied traditional role-playing. Such examples have provided many younger lesbians a fluidity in their expression of feelings and desires. They have questioned the patterns of dominance and submissiveness in lesbian relationships and are rebelling against designated physical pars stereotype, e.g., short hair, stocky build, beer belly, stooped shoulders (a deliberate attempt to hide their breasts) and the compulsory pants-polo shirt.

Now you can see femme-looking lesbians with femme-looking partners. Or, butch-looking lesbians with their equally or much more butch looking partners. There are lesbian couples who insist that they neither look nor identify as butch or femme esclusively and would rather be identified as androgynous or having both characteristics. There are, too, those who may look butch but do not carry over the rules of role-playing into their relationships ("butch in the streets, femme in the sheets")

Hump and Pump-kin, Leeks and Potato Soup

"Are you one-way or two-way?" is a question lesbians often get asked point-blank. Nope, this has nothing to do with driving habits or the current state of road rerouting in the country. Rather, it refers to, well, sex.

One wat sex means that only one person in a couple initiates or takes the active role in the sexual act ("doer") while the other person plays the reciever. Two-way means that both partners "do" the sexual act to each other, either simultaneously or alternately. I've heard stories about lesbian couples who break up beacause they cannot resolve their conflicting preferences in this area. The sexual performance. They claim to achieve pleasure in the organsm of their partners. Obviously, being one-way or two-way has a lot to do with one's sex-role identification, i.e., pars or mars.

Chicken G-Spotie and Corn Bread

Ooops. We arent through with the sex-thang yet? The term G-Spot is familiar to many women's health advocates, many of whom are not lesbians. Sexually active heterosexual women have also embarked on the proverbial search for that spot which when found and stimulated, can cause vaginal organsms. Finding one's G-Spot may take some time and practice.

Tapa Queer

Tapa Queer. The word queer can mean anywhere from freakish, eccentric to extraordinary. I remember during the Fourth Asian Lesbian Network (ALN) Conference held in an, a group from Hong Kong called the Queer Sisters pushed for a change in thr organization's name to something like Queer Women Asian Network, contending that "queer" was more inclusive. This proposal was met with protest frommajority of the participants. The discomfort was not with the concept of queer but with the very word itself. Many Pinay lesbians, who have a concept of queer politics acquire their information from the Internet, as queer politics may have not yet permeated local lesbian discourse. But that is not surprising for a community that has difficulty even with the word "lesbian."

Lesbian Rice Now

I am talking about the most basic rights as human beings. We have inalienable and inherent rights as human beings. We have the right to dignity, bodily integity and self-determination. We have the right to free speech, expression and assembly. We have the right to determine matters concerning our sexuality. Some lesbian couples want to get married and have kids, avail the privileges that heterosexual couples enjoy, e.g., tax exepmtion, insurance benifits and paid vacation leaves, among others. That is a right they are entitled to. Is this beginning to sound like a political statement? Well, wherever we are and whatever we do, we make a statement.

Consciousness Rasin' And Oatmeal Cookies

Raising consciousness remains the key to improving the status of lesbians in lesbian society. And that is not an easy task. We are battling the minds of majority population that has been conditioned to hate and fear lesbians. A lot of the prejudice against lesbians stem from sheer ignorance. There is an abundance of myths existing about lesbians. They are men-haters (I know a couple of men-haters who are not lesbians); they have had bad experiences with men (what woman hasn't?); they think, act and look like men; they havent found the right man (why should women be defined in relation to men?)

Lesbianism has less to do with hating men but more with loving women. Although some people are going around the world trying to make others believe that it is a sin, a sickness, a deviance or genetic defect, modern psychologists and physicians have already stated that it isnt. Lesbianism is a glorious experience of loning and living, of sharing ideas and shaping politics.

From Closets to Kitchens Culinary Lesbian In Control (from the book Tibok Heartbeat of The Filipino Lesbian)

By: Malu S. Marin