Nor can we blame the ninja-gypsies who stole him as a child and sold him into white slavery to a tribe of depraved outback aborigines. Yes, it's possible that this may have had some dreadfull effect on Hilling's crucial formative years, but this too is not where the blame shall rest.
Look- I admit, I was tempted to play on your mercies here. I could have told you that this -this disgusting perversion of Hilling's was merely an eccentricity. I suppose I could have justified his shamefull life by citing some of his glorious accomplishments as validation. Or I could have told you how Hilling Ezack has saved my life on more than one occasion, how he has always been a loyal compadre ready to offer a helping hand at a moment's notice, day or night (except those nights when the Eucalyptus is especially fragrant, then it's a helping paw) and used that to excuse his repulsive actions. Or I could have even told you how Hilling once told off the Warlock of west Port Arthur and dared him to "do his worst!" and "what's the matter, you sucky wizard!" and that this bizarre koala fetish is the dastardly result of that vengeful mage, a curse that will haunt the Ezack clan for a thousand generations.
But no -all of those things would have been hypocrisy to Hilling. Hilling Ezack is a koala bear. He has always been a koala bear. He will always be a kola bear. He refuses to hide the truth of his own life, no matter how distatseful or repelent, There is no falsity about Hilling Ezack.
Now, there may be those out there in the real world who will be offended by this revelation and the shamelessness of it, individuals who will use it as an excuse to point their fingers at Hilling and holler "Shame!! Shame!!" But those who fall prey to such bigotry and ignorance will be the real losers for they shall be denying themselves the pleasure of knowing one of the nicest deviated-koala-perverts you could ever hope to meet. And they will also be daring the wrath of Hilling's newly formed militant activist group -THE MARSUPIAL LIBERATION MOVEMENT- Koala Lib!! Yes, it's here. And they are already making their demands known: Equal rights for all marsupials!! (except maybe wombats -they're REALLY disgusting!!) Equal opportunities for housing and employment!! Protection from arbitrary discrimination!! Affirmative action programs in education and industry!! And guarantees that eucalyptus leaves will be covered by the food stamp program!!

There it is kids, those are the issues.

If we aren't willing to meet these issues now, if we aren't willing to discuss them calmly as rational individuals, then we will only have ourselves to blame when our cities are once again plunged into violence and our streets are filled with shouting and angry Koala Bears. You have been warned. The choice is up to you.
Part One
Andy's Insights