You have waited long, here is the tale that you seek.

THE TRUTH ABOUT PAUL MAH #4...(what does "baffled" mean?)

Ahem, to continue...

Paul grew older, and older still, and yet still older-than-that, and then he died.

oh, wait, lemmie back up a little...sorry.

Paul grew older, he was now in his early twenties (note: what? Did you think I was gonna tell you EVERYTHING?! hey man, some truths are not to be told.) I myself had met Paul long ago, in junior high, I knew at once that Paul represented some strange and powerful Evil, and avoided him till 1992. (note: A friend of a friend of mine knew Paul as well and told me tales of his Evilness that would chill the heart of ANY junior high student...even brave confident me...his name was Ryan, he's gone now...lost...I still see his sister though, she's got the biggest..ahem, sorry back to Paul.) When I met Paul for the second time he seemed to be less Evil than before (note: this is because he had learned to hide his Evil soul from detection...or I was too drunk.) We became fast friends, and had many adventures...then one day, on a hike down an unmarked trail, Paul walked towards his doom...

Now, before I can continue...you need to know what's been going on down under (note: Hah! a cliffhanger!! and down under means Hell, the Underworld, Yomi, the Nine Rings of Pain and Suffering, Milton Keynes...ect.)Mephisto, Lord of Hatred, and Baal, Lord of Desruction, were just getting off a ten year bender..."Jumpin Undead Houses...Owww!!" said Mephisto (note: Happy Hero's Death beer has a "Hellish" hangover effect, and with ten years of drinking...well.),(note: Heh, Hellish...I am funny.) "PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN" rumbled a loud voice, one that neither of the hellspawn had heard before (note: nobody tell Todd Mc Asshole that I'm using "spawn" in a story, he'll sue me for sure.) "Who's there" asked Baal timidly, (note: Baal was still scared of Paul's Mum.) "I AM WHAT YOU TWO MADE ME TO BE!!" said the voice, "I AM, DIABLO, LORD OF TERROR!! FORGED FROM HELLFIRE, LOST SOULS, AND WELL....PUKE" "Yuck!" said Baal, "I don't remember making you" "Yeah!!" said Mephisto, "When did this happen?" "FIVE YEARS AGO, AS THE HUMAN-THINGS RECORD TIME...YOU GUYS WERE REALLY, REALLY DRUNK" said Diablo...(note: Actualy, Diablo hasn't got any hellfire or lost souls in him...bleck.) "I WAS CREATED TO DO BATTLE WITH THE ONE KNOWN AS PAUL, LORD OF INSIDEIOUSNESS!!" he shouted, "AND I'VE GOT MY OWN COMPUTER GAME NOW, I'M A STAR BY MY OWN CLAW" he shouted again proudly (note: If you were made from puke, would'nt you want some somrthing to boost your self-confidence?) "I WILL GO NOW, AND MEET MY FOE!!" with that, Diablo left, and the two Prime Evils stood there a moment...secretly blaming the other for this monster. "I would'nt sit there" said Baal to Mephisto, who was heading for his throne, "Ahh Monkey Poo!!" he shouted, "Do you know how hard it is to clean baby human skulls?" (note: Yeah, you know about this...right?)

Thus we return to Paul...(note: Paul is not the hero of this story, he is Evil, just plain Evil...lots of it.)

Now back to the story...

Paul was on a hike in the woods, he was laging behind when a voice shouted..."I CHALLANGE YOU PAUL, LORD OF WHIMPYNESS!!" "FIND ME IF YOU DARE!!" now Paul, being the guy he is, missed the shout, because the was thinking about taking a short-cut thru the woods to catch up to the rest of his party...(note: Paul's short-cuts suck from time to time...mostly suck anyway for those who are crazy enough to follow him) and this pissed Diablo off royaly!! He charged Paul just as he (note: Paul) went into the woods, "YUCK!! GROWING STUFF!!" shouted Diablo "THE HUMAN LANDS ARE GROSS!!". Now, you would think that Paul might notice a eight-foot-spikey-red-skinned-ugly-monster-shouting in the brown-and-green-semi-quiet-woods...but then you don't know Paul at all that well do you? (note: Paul has the perception ablity of a smart rock...sorry Paul) "DAMN YOU PAUL!!" Diablo shouted, "WHERE ARE YOU HIDING IN THIS MESS OF LIFE? DO YOU FEAR MY POWER?" and with that Diablo charged deeper into the woods. (note: Paul got himself caught in a rabbit snare, don't ask me how man....I can't fathom it either)

Now to do this step-by-step, try not to get lost now.

#1: Paul is the Lord of Insideiousness, therefore bad things just happen to his enimies.

#2: Diablo is not all that bright

#3: Paul has the home-court advantage

#4: There is a river nearby

#5: Paul + His Powers + River + Hellspawn Foe + Dumb Foe + Home-Court = Bad Stuff for Diablo!!

(note: this installment of the story is huge!!)

Round and round we go...
while Paul was trying to free himself from the trap, his friends were tring to find him, and Diablo was charging "Hellbent" thru the woods with a "Devil-may-care" attitude (note: Urgh, more puns, not so funny anymore, sorry) WHEN!! Diablo triped on the wire that held the snare, tightening it to the point that Paul wold need over a hour to free himself, this trip sent him (note: Diablo) head-over-claws (note: Ok, no more devil puns) into the river, and as we all know, water is the bane of hellish creatures everywhere (note: That's why Paul's revenge is to soak you good) Diablo thashed and screamed, but it was too late...and his form on the plane of Earth was destroyed.... (note: Paul was stuck in the woods for like an hour and a half.) And so ends this tale, the Prime Evils have decided that Paul is too much trouble to take down...and that no more Prime Evils will be created. Paul leads a normal life for a Evil guy, just don't get on his bad side. As for me, you now know the truth, deal with it as you will.... thank you and good luck.

Andy