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| Lawyer Jokes |
| I am a lawyer. At the end of a difficult case, I received a letter from my client which read, "I shall always think of you as a friend and not a good lawyer." **** There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. both graduated Magna cum laude from law school. both come from good families. both are equally attractive and well-spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you want to become a lawyer?" In seconds he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't sany money in either of them. **** Having many legal problems, including a divorce, a man had become thoroughly disgusted with lawyers in General. One evening in a bar, the conversation got around to his pet peeve and he started "venting." "All lawyers are jerks," he loudly proclaimed. Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said and I'm offended by it." "Why is that, are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm a jerk!" **** When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet. **** It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. **** There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow. **** If you laid all the lawyers in the world end to end on the equator, it would be a good idea to just leave them there. **** What's the difference beteen a tick and a lawyer? The tick drops off when you're dead. **** What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue **** The law professor leaned over his lectern and addressed the eager young faces. "The U.S. is the number one country in the world in terms of the quantity of lawyers; we have more than anyone else. But we are facing a crisis," he warned. "If we don't start producing more criminals, some of the lawyers will have to go on welfare!" **** The laws I love, the lawyers I suspect. -Charles Churchill **** It takes a whole lot of suits to keep a lawyer well dressed. -Henny Youngman **** An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer. -Evelle J. Younger **** Supreme court: The place where the finest legal minds in the country gather - to serve as law clerks to the justices. -Danile R. White **** A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. -H. L. Mencken **** A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good mortician wants to finish the job and then have the patient sit up on the table - Jean Kerr **** |
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