| My Personal Testimony |
| Life before I met Jesus (The darkness) I will begin this story when my family and I lived in southern New Mexico and before my little brother was born. Life was good or at least I thought so. I pretty much had a lot of freedom. I hanged out with friends in and out of class. This was way back in the day, in elementary school. Approximately four years after my little brother was born, things changed. I now had to stay home more and baby-sit him, while my parents did what they needed to do, i.e. work. As a result I did not see my friends outside of school much. As time went by, I felt that my parents gave more attention to my brother than me, which at times was true. During this time and after we moved back to Albuquerque, I became more selfish; more self centered. I would ask my parents, “What about my feelings, my wants, my needs.” I felt that my full potential was not being used; that I was not being used to my full capacity. I felt that I could do so much more than merely looking after my brother. I felt restrained, held back; placed in a box that I could not get out of. So my parents continued to work, my dad usually worked outside and my mom inside the house, and I continued to baby-sit. I began to believe that my parents, dad, thought that I was incompetent. I thought that they were underestimating me. (Looking back I can see that this was not true.) And I resented having a brother. Then when we moved back to Albuquerque and everything seemed to get a whole lot worse. Not only did I lose my friends from school, I missed our old town, I was picked on during my last year in mid school, I disliked school, I hated that fact that we moved, I developed some depression, and I blamed my parents for all this. Then high school started. I still did not have friends, in school or out of school. I would spend my time alone in my room usually studying, even during the summer. I began to drift from my parents. Moreover, even though my brother was older now, because he has Down syndrome, he needs to be watched over pretty much all the time. Therefore, I would be the one called on to look after him for most of the day. I continued to feel that I was missing out on something. I looked at other people and began to want what they had: more freedom, friends, etc. I began to covet. I still did not want to be in Albuquerque; I thought that our move was a mistake. This reminds me of when Moses and the Israelites were in the desert and the people wanted to go back to Egypt, they said, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in the desert! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword. . . Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” (Numbers 14:2-3 NIV, see also Exod. 16, 17). They did not see what God had planned for their life; they did not trust in God’s promises. Similarly, I was not seeing what God had in store for my life. I could not see what He saw. In fact, I didn’t even know Him at all. In addition, I would not always get along with my parents. We would have arguments usually about me wanting more freedom and wanting to do something more; be someone important. I would ask, “Why is my agenda less important then the agenda of others?” I would even feel ashamed of my family. I could not wait to go to college and leave this place. To quote 12 Stones, “‘ I hate the way I feel tonight, and I know I need you in my life, Yes I hate the way I feel inside. . . The world I know is pulling me, more and more each day, I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray, Spiteful eyes are watching me, with everything I do, In the midst of darkness Lord, my spirit calls for you.” Life after I met Jesus (The Light) The day that changed my life was one morning when I was listening to the radio. Just when you thought it was safe to listen to the radio. I was hearing Skip Heitzig preach from the Bible. Before this very important day, I had gone to Church once and awhile with my parents. I had been to various fellowships but had found only religion. I did not find what I really needed. I did not find purpose, meaning, and love. Skip seemed to build a bridge between God and me. He helped me to realize that I needed God in my life. Skip also seemed to make the Bible come alive and to make it relevant. I soon came to realize that Jesus was the one who I was missing; the one who could heal me. Skip brought into focus who I was and who God was. Before I used to think Christianity was stain glass windows and listening to some guy dressed in what looked like a bath robe speak for an hour and then you go home and live your life until next weekend came around. I used to see religion. Now I learned that Christianity is walking with Jesus, a lifestyle, a new life, having a personal relationship with the living God, worshiping Him in spirit and in truth, following Him with everything, even if it costs you your life. My spiritual blindness was removed, much like Saul’s physical and spiritual blindness in Acts 9. Soon thereafter, I bought my first Bible and began to read it starting from Genesis all the way through. Moreover, I also continued to listen to Skip’s teachings on radio and TV. After almost a year, I finally went to Calvary of Albuquerque. I found out that this fellowship was very different from the fellowships that I had been to as I was growing up. I developed a hunger for God, and His word. I looked forward to going to Church every weekend and I even started to listen to the midweek services. I soon grew fast spiritually. I loved studying the Bible, I enjoyed topical or series teaching on the weekends as well as book by book, chapter by chapter, line by line, teaching during the middle of the week. I think Inhabited illustrates the state I was in before I came to know Jesus, “I've drifted so far, Can't even see the shore, I've been lost in the waves, But haven't been fighting, I'm sinking fast, Oh is there an end to this, I can't breathe I'm In so deep, But You can save me, I'm crying out to You, I'm drowning in my decisions, And I'm frustrated and I'm, disappointed, It's my world You see and I want out. So come and rescue me. . .” In contrast, Matthew West illustrates my realization that God loves me and has created me to worship Him, “I am with you wherever, Where you go is where I am, And I'm always thinking of you, Take a look around you, I'm spelling it out one by one, I love you more than the sun, And the stars that I taught how to shine, You are mine, and you shine for me too, I love you yesterday and today, And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again, I love you more. . . you are one in a million, And you belong to Me.” About two years after I was born again, I went to college. I continued to walk with Jesus. I grew closer to God. I met Christian friends for the first time ever. I developed a close fellowship with a few close friends, and I had accountability. My spiritual gifts were defined and today they are continuing to be refined. Presently, I am beginning to dislike physics and math, and am developing a strong interest and hunger for ministry: aim ministry, music ministry, and personal ministry; inductive Bible study teaching; and helping people, i.e. Biblical counseling. I really enjoy and hunger for hardcore inductive Bible study where I observe, interpret, and apply the text. Ever since I have started to study Scripture this way, I have grown and learned a lot. I have discovered many application points. Before I studied the Bible this way, I used to read straight though the text almost passively. In fact, I have developed a strong crave for God’s word (Psa. 119). Lately, I have been worshiping God though pop and hard rock. This is a little different from the usual worship hymns and praise songs. However, the requirements that Jesus stated in John 4:23-14 are still there, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth”(NIV). In fact, I have found that pop and hard rock is more energetic. Therefore, I have been born again, been regenerated, I have died to sin, and am now a new creation in Christ: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. . . (1Pet 1:3 NIV), Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2Cor. 5:17 NIV), see also Rom. 6, Col. 3:1-4, Phil. 3:7-9. Now I know that God is: 1) the only one who can truly satisfy or fulfill (John 4:13-15, 6:35, Rev. 21:6-7, Matt. 5:6), 2) the only one who can give rest (Matt. 11:28), 3) the only one who can heal (Psa. 6:2, 41:4, 34:18, Deut. 32:39), 4) the only one who gives abundant life (John 10:10). Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. |
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