Serene in lack of knowledge
To them it's harmless gossip.
They never dream that someone, overhearing
Feels a stab in the heart at the word
Suicide
It's just a word to the talkers.
Purely a collection of letters.
They have impressions though,
everyone does.
But to KNOW it,
to feel it,
to have survived someone's use of it
And resisted your own want.
People don't know.
They care, if they are aware,
but understanding is an impossible feat.
How could they?
Still, to hear it jolts, every time.
Time heals, but the word is everywhere.
A hurtful reminder is a reminder nonetheless.
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many when’s & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted
with all this hurt inside,
always bursting with anger,
and never any pride.
Something must be wrong with me
if all I do is cry,
I can't stop this pain
all I want to do is die.
Something must be wrong with me
if my emotions run wild,
all this confusion does
is make me feel like a lost child.
Something must be wrong with me
with all these terrible things,
always there and never gone
depression is what it brings.
Something must be wrong with me
if I can't stop these thoughts,
all this pain does
is turn my stomach in knots.
Something is truly wrong with me
when I think there's only one way out,
"Let this pain end,"
is all my heart will shout.
My friend, you've stood in my rain
Deathly feeling of loneliness
No need to feel shameless
I've been there before
Not wanting to feel any more
Your hearts been broken in half
Mind still living in the past
Cold dark thoughts of suicide
Why don't I do it tonight
Don't worry it will go away
Learn to love another day
Put it in the back of mind
Let it rest and you will find
Dark clouds begin to part
New love will mend the heart
Thoughts of suicide disappear
Self- esteem will reappear
One day you'll be able to say
My friend you've stood in my rain
Even though you can't tell
She is reaching out
For what, she doesn't know
She will continue to sit in silence
And hope that someone may stumble across
Her and all of her emptiness
But they only hope that they do it in time
Otherwise she will have drifted too far
And she may let go
Of whatever grasp of the world she has
As she slowly fades out of the lives of everyone
Nearly unnoticed.