MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to the
return edition of Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again firework shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Fairgrounds Coliseum in Jackson, Mississippi for the return of USCW action! After a two year hiatus, the most exciting and raw action in the world is back once again. Joining me ringside is a new face to the USCW. But he is no stranger to the world of professional wrestling, Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"Thanks MJ. I'm here to bring a certain sophistication to the show that it didn't have before. Entertainment for the more intelligent wrestling fan. And I intend to deliver. Now, on to the USCW. Once again CEO Adams has started up the most exciting wrestling league on the planet. When the USCW is up and running, it has some of the best action I've ever seen. The problem has been keeping the league running. The USCW is as raw as it gets, and we sometimes have problems staying on the air because of our graphic nature. But due to our recent contract with HBO Sports, there should be no problem with the USCW doing exactly what it wants, when it wants. And with no commercial interuptions! The USCW is ready to rock and roll once again."
MJ:" Fans, tonight we will be seeing action from four of the USCW superstars who will compete in an eight man tournament to crown a new USCW Heavyweight Champion. Three of these men you will be very familiar with. One you will not."
Backwater:"I saw this guy Cruel backstage before the show and he's not somebody you would want to run into in a dark alley. He kind of gives me the willies."
MJ:"He is certainly a character. And we'll see what he's made of in the ring tonight. But first, I'm getting word that USCW reporter Jackie O'Sullivan is backstage with a wrestler that wants to introduce himself. Jackie."
(The scene changes to show Jackie O'Sullivan backstage with USCW wrestler The Big Shot.)
JO:"Thanks MJ. I'm here with The Big Shot and he has some things to say."
Big Shot:"I am the Big Shot and I run the show, I'm here for the belt, when I get that belt, the belt will............"
(Cruel walks into the picture and takes the microphone from The Big Shot.)
Cruel:"You may leave now."
Big Shot:"Who the hell do you think you..."
(Before the sentence can be finished Cruel hits Big Shot with the mic and starts stomping him repeatedly. J.Jay enters the picture. He takes the reporters mic and hands it to Cruel.)
Cruel:"Good evening. What you are currently witnessing is an official notice to all of you "wrestlers" in the USCW promotion. Let it be known when
I feel it is my time you should immediately remove yourself from view of the camera and walk away with haste. I am not a patient man by any stretch of the imagination. If this fails to be the case I will take it into my own hand to exact whatever punishment I see fit. Usually, the option that causes you the most pain physically. I have no time to play games and try to get under your skin. If I decide to get under your skin I will literally be ripping flesh off of you. J. Jay introduce yourself."
J.Jay:"Cruel stock up...Other USCW Wrestlers stock...DOWN!!! Wanna make a smart investment trailer maidens? Bank on Cruel having more belts than P Diddy's closet!"
Cruel:"J. Jay that will suffice. Thank me. It's been your pleasure."
(The scene fades as Cruel and J. Jay walk off and The Big Shot struggles to get to his feet with a look of anger on his face.)
MJ:"Wow, we didn't even get into that interview before it was rudely interrupted."
Backwater:"That was great! Who cared what that guy had to say anyway? He doesn't even wrestle until next week!"
("Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter cranks up over the arena speakers as the crowd gives a roar. Out onto the top of the ramp steps USCW owner and CEO Jason Adams. He has a microphone in his hand.)
MJ:"The CEO is here and it looks like he has something to say."
(After a few moments Adams starts to stride towards the ring. He is looking sharp in a custom made grey pinstripe suit. He slides in under the bottom rope. He walks to the middle of the ring and starts to speak.)
Adams:"Jackson, Mississippi!!!! Are you ready for the return of the USCW?!?!?"
(The crowd roars it's approval. They hold up their homemade signs and cheer.)
Adams:"So am I. And tonight is the start of it all. I want to thank the executives of HBO Sports for taking a chance and signing us. For the first time ever, if one of our wrestlers is beating the shit out of another, we can say it. And it won't have to be bleeped.
(Once again the crowd cheers, even louder than before.)
Adams:"The USCW is the best wrestling league around, but a league is only as good as the personalities in it. In the opening credits of our show it showed some great wrestlers of the USCW's past. Well, most of those guys aren't here anymore. I need some new stars to emerge. And the first chance for that starts here tonight. So let's get it on!"
("Hey Man Nice Shot" kicks back in again as Adams slides out of the ring and heads towards the back.)
MJ:"Well, you heard the CEO. We're ready to get the USCW action started. Let's take it down to ring announcer Cindy Maxwell for the introductions for our first match."
Maxwell:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 245 pounds, Mr. Wrestling!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 350 pounds and accompanied to the ring by Jay J., Cruel!"
("Hurt"by Nine Inch Nails pumps through the arena as Cruel makes his way to the ring. He is wearing cutoff overalls and really stands out with multicolored dreads.)
MJ:"Well, we've seen Cruel in action outside the ring tonight. Now it's time for inside the ring. This guy certainly is an intimidating presence at 6'9" and 350lbs. and his unique appearance."
Backwater:"Well, even though I like his style anyone can look good in a sneak attack. And looking tough and being tough are two different things. Hardbody Harrison looks like the toughest SOB you would ever meet, but I've never seen him win a match."
MJ:"We're ready to find out how tough Cruel is as both men are in the ring now and the bell has rung to begin this match. They circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring. Cruel gets the upper hand just shoves Mr. Wrestling across the ring!"
Backwater:"The strength advantage definately goes to this big newcomer."
(The crowd starts to murmur and are distracted from the match as a figure steps out onto the ramp.)
MJ:"Look, that's The Big Shot! He's coming down the ramp and he doesn't look happy at all!"
Backwater:"Well, you wouldn't be happy either if you were trying to give your first interview and got jumped."
MJ:"Meanwhile in the ring, Cruel has the advantage on Mr. Wrestling. He whips him into the ropes and nails Mr. Wrestling with a headbutt as he comes bouncing back! But look at The Big Shot! He is ringside now and yelling at Cruel!"
Backwater:"Cruel hears him and is walking over to that side of the ring. He leans over the ropes and starts yelling back at The Big Shot!"
MJ:"We may have a fight on our hands right here and now! Cruel is pulling the ropes apart inviting The Big Shot into the ring. It looks like The Big Shot may take him up on it! Jay J. is yelling at the ref to get The Big Shot away from the ring!"
Backwater:"Save your energy Big Shot, you have a match next week. No reason to get involved now. Swallow your pride. It might get you hurt."
MJ:"But look at this! Mr. Wrestling has recovered and is now back to his feet in the ring. He's coming up behind Cruel and rolls him up from behind!
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3!!!!
Mr. Wrestling wins!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Mr. Wrestling!"
Backwater:"Unbelievable! The Big Shot distracts Cruel and Mr. Wrestling rolls him up from behind for the three count!"
MJ:"The Big Shot is laughing at ringside and now jogging back up the ramp. Cruel is furious inside the ring and he is taking it out on Mr. Wrestling. He lays him out with a viscious clothesline and puts a couple of boots to him for good measure. Now Cruel is rolling out of the ring and sprinting to the back! He is headed to find The Big Shot and get his revenge!"
Backwater:"As well he should be. Tonight may be the start of a rivalry between these two newcomers."
MJ:"Fans, our next match tonight features a wrestler that all you fans of the USCW are familiar with."
Backwater:"And most of us are sick of."
MJ:"Hey, cut it out. Sweardog McKrackin is a bonafide star, regardless of what you think about him. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 250lbs, "Iron" Mike Sharpe!"
(Sharpe nods and raises his right arm.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. and accompanied by Ms. Kitty, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen cranks up as Sweardog struts down to the ring with Ms. Kitty, acknowledging the crowd.)
Backwater:"You know what would be funny? If he just tripped and fell coming down the ramp. That would pretty much make my day."
MJ:"Are you going to be able to put your personal views aside and call these matches impartially Backwater?"
Backwater:"Actually, no."
MJ:"Hopeless. Alright, we're ready to get things underway in this match up. Woah! Sweardog isn't wasting any time. He raced across the ring, grabbed the back of Sharpe's head and is delivering a series of knees to the head of Sharpe! He finishes it off with a really big right knee and Sharpe crashes to the canvas in a heap!"
Backwater:"He's fine. Shake it off Mike! McKrackin couldn't have hurt him with those little love taps."
MJ:"That's not what it looks like to me. Sweardog pounces down on Sharpe is and raining down punches now. He stands up, picks Sharpe up and irish whips him into the ropes. Sharpe comes running back and Sweardog runs towards him and delivers a huge running chokeslam! He calls that the Dog Slam!"
Backwater:"Wow. The Dog Slam. How long do you think he thought about what to call that one."
MJ:"And now Sweardog has Sharpe back up and he picks him up into a suplex position, spins around a few times and brings him down into a brainbuster DDT! That's the Dogtooth! Sweardog covers.
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3!!!!!!!!!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
MJ:"Sweardog picks up a victory here and should have some momentum going into the World Title tournament."
Backwater:"I've never seen Sweardog beat anyone any good. He just preys on the weak. He will be exposed in the tournament."
MJ:"Well, it's no secret how you feel. But I think Sweardog is a legit contender to take home the title. As is our next featured wrestler, former USCW World Champion, Sniper. No one is more unpredictable than this special ops military man."
Backwater:"Now we get to see some real action. Sniper is my kind of wrestler. Ruthless all out aggression."
MJ:"Let's get down to it. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 207lbs., Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. and hailing from a classified location, Sniper!"
("Welcome To The Jungle" starts to kick in. But no one appears on the ramp.)
MJ:"Oh boy. Here we go again. He's never where he's supposed to be. Paco is staring at the ramp waiting for Sniper to come down. But no Sniper so far. This reminds me of his debut during the USCW's last television run. He didn't feel like coming down and at all and ended up getting counted out!"
Backwater:"Not this time! There he is! Sniper appears from the crowd! He hops over the guard rail, slides into the ring and attacks Paco from behind!"
MJ:"The ref calls for the opening bell. Sniper has gone straight to the Columbian Necktie! He locks it on from behind Paco. Paco is trying to fight it but he going out! Paco is out cold! Sniper drops him in the middle of the ring and the ref calls for the bell. He called for the bell right after he called for the opening bell."
CM:"Your winner, via submission, Sniper!"
Backwater:"Sniper makes quick work of Paco Rodriguez. Like the man says, One Shot, One Kill. And you have to think as a former world champion that HE is one of the big favorites heading into the tournament, unlike MJ's man crush Sweardog."
MJ:"There is no doubt Sniper is a dangerous man. He quickly dissapears back out into the crowd. And who knows where he will turn up next. We have one more fight tonight fans, and it includes another very familiar face to the USCW fans, Thunderbolt Lightfoot."
Backwater:"Another match that should be an absolute snoozer. Lightfoot calls himself the One True Warrior. I call him the One True Cure For Insomnia."
MJ:"And I call you full of hot air. Let's take it down to Cindy for the intros."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 270lbs., Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison poses and flexes in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 375lbs., Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
("The Last Of The Mohicans" theme starts to play as Thunderbolt emerges from the back. The ringposts shoot off orange pyros as Thunderbolt comes down the ramp and climbs into the ring.)
MJ:"What an imposing physical specimen this big man is."
Backwater:"The bigger they are MJ, the harder they fall and Lightfoot will take that big fall very soon."
MJ:"Thunderbolt is in the ring now and we are ready to go. The two men circle each other and Hardbody Harrison is calling for a test of strength."
Backwater:"He's calling for a test of strength with a 7'3", 375lbs. man? Does the CEO pay this guy? If he gets a penny he is overpaid."
MJ:"And to absolutely no one's surprise, except Hardbody, Thunderbolt is dominating the test of strength. He turns Harrison's hands under, forcing Harrison to his knees. Then Thunderbolt hits a big kneelift to the jaw of Harrison!"
Backwater:"Ok, well this one's over. What do we have coming up next week MJ?"
MJ:"Thunderbolt is climbing to the top rope now and he comes flying off with the Tomahawk Chop elbow drop! He could easily pin Harrison now but instead he picks him up and is carrying him to the turnbuckle. He's setting up for the Thunder Roll!"
Backwater:"Is this really necessary? Where is the fast forward button?"
MJ:"Thunderbolt climbs to the top with Harrison face down on his shoulders. He jumps forward and slams Harrison to the mat! Now he makes a cover!
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3!!!!!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
MJ:"Lightfoot picks up an easy victory against Hardbody Harrison. He is celebrating in the ri..... What the hell?"
(Suddenly all the lights in the arena go off and the sound of horses is heard throughout the arena. The theme from Chariots of Fire begins to play and a golden chariot being pulled by two horses appears at the top of the ramp. Inside of the chariot stand two people dressed in snow white togas.)
MJ:"It's Apollo and his manager Aphrodite! What are they doing here?"
Backwater:"I don't know but check out Aphrodite. What a looker that broad is."
MJ:"Apollo hops out of the chariot, takes a couple of steps towards the ring, takes aim and fires an arrow from his silver bow towards the ring!"
Backwater:"I've never seen anything like that in my life. The arrow arcs down and sticks right in the middle of the ring at Thunderbolts feet!"
(A hairy and dirty looking man wearing nothing but animal skins emerges from the tunnel at the top of the ramp. He is carrying a large wooden club in one hand. He jumps around, acting like he is looking for something. He sees Apollo's manager Aphrodite standing in the Chariot and becomes intrigued. He walks over and starts to inspect her and sniffs her. He swings and slams her over the head with his club, knocking her unconscious. As she starts to fall he catches her over his shoulder, jumps down from the ramp and dissapears into the crowd.)
MJ:"What in the world is going on here!"
(Apollo turns to see Aphrodite being taken off into the crowd. He sprints to his chariot and turns it around and heads backstage. Several seconds of silence pass as MJ and Backwater just stare at each other in disbelief.)
Backwater:"Who or what the hell was that?"
MJ:"I just don't know. Unless that was...... Oh yeah, the CEO told me about a new wrestler he signed that was a little on the odd side. Captain Caveman. I believe he will be making his debut next week."
Backwater:"Is he going to take a shower between now and then? I could smell that guy from here. And where is he taking Apollo's manager?"
(Thunderbolt pulls the arrow out of the canvas and inspects it before shaking his head and stepping over the top rope and heading to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, it seems Apollo wanted to deliver a message to Thunderbolt Lightfoot, but his thunder was stolen by Captain Caveman who kidnapped his manager Aphrodite!"
Backwater:"A wild and interesting turn of events. Especially since both Apollo and Captain Caveman are set to make their wrestling debuts next week, right here on Mayhem."
MJ:"And you can see why we call it Mayhem. Fans, we are out of time! Join us next week, when Monday Night Mayhem will invade Baton Rouge, Louisiana. We will be live from the Pete Maravich Assembly Center on the campus of LSU. We will see the debut of the other four wrestlers who will be involved in the tournament for the World Title, along with much more of your favorite wrestling personalities. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(Scene fades as Thunderbolt soaks in the cheers of the crowd as he heads to the back. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)
(Once again firework shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Fairgrounds Coliseum in Jackson, Mississippi for the return of USCW action! After a two year hiatus, the most exciting and raw action in the world is back once again. Joining me ringside is a new face to the USCW. But he is no stranger to the world of professional wrestling, Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"Thanks MJ. I'm here to bring a certain sophistication to the show that it didn't have before. Entertainment for the more intelligent wrestling fan. And I intend to deliver. Now, on to the USCW. Once again CEO Adams has started up the most exciting wrestling league on the planet. When the USCW is up and running, it has some of the best action I've ever seen. The problem has been keeping the league running. The USCW is as raw as it gets, and we sometimes have problems staying on the air because of our graphic nature. But due to our recent contract with HBO Sports, there should be no problem with the USCW doing exactly what it wants, when it wants. And with no commercial interuptions! The USCW is ready to rock and roll once again."
MJ:" Fans, tonight we will be seeing action from four of the USCW superstars who will compete in an eight man tournament to crown a new USCW Heavyweight Champion. Three of these men you will be very familiar with. One you will not."
Backwater:"I saw this guy Cruel backstage before the show and he's not somebody you would want to run into in a dark alley. He kind of gives me the willies."
MJ:"He is certainly a character. And we'll see what he's made of in the ring tonight. But first, I'm getting word that USCW reporter Jackie O'Sullivan is backstage with a wrestler that wants to introduce himself. Jackie."
(The scene changes to show Jackie O'Sullivan backstage with USCW wrestler The Big Shot.)
JO:"Thanks MJ. I'm here with The Big Shot and he has some things to say."
Big Shot:"I am the Big Shot and I run the show, I'm here for the belt, when I get that belt, the belt will............"
(Cruel walks into the picture and takes the microphone from The Big Shot.)
Cruel:"You may leave now."
Big Shot:"Who the hell do you think you..."
(Before the sentence can be finished Cruel hits Big Shot with the mic and starts stomping him repeatedly. J.Jay enters the picture. He takes the reporters mic and hands it to Cruel.)
Cruel:"Good evening. What you are currently witnessing is an official notice to all of you "wrestlers" in the USCW promotion. Let it be known when
I feel it is my time you should immediately remove yourself from view of the camera and walk away with haste. I am not a patient man by any stretch of the imagination. If this fails to be the case I will take it into my own hand to exact whatever punishment I see fit. Usually, the option that causes you the most pain physically. I have no time to play games and try to get under your skin. If I decide to get under your skin I will literally be ripping flesh off of you. J. Jay introduce yourself."
J.Jay:"Cruel stock up...Other USCW Wrestlers stock...DOWN!!! Wanna make a smart investment trailer maidens? Bank on Cruel having more belts than P Diddy's closet!"
Cruel:"J. Jay that will suffice. Thank me. It's been your pleasure."
(The scene fades as Cruel and J. Jay walk off and The Big Shot struggles to get to his feet with a look of anger on his face.)
MJ:"Wow, we didn't even get into that interview before it was rudely interrupted."
Backwater:"That was great! Who cared what that guy had to say anyway? He doesn't even wrestle until next week!"
("Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter cranks up over the arena speakers as the crowd gives a roar. Out onto the top of the ramp steps USCW owner and CEO Jason Adams. He has a microphone in his hand.)
MJ:"The CEO is here and it looks like he has something to say."
(After a few moments Adams starts to stride towards the ring. He is looking sharp in a custom made grey pinstripe suit. He slides in under the bottom rope. He walks to the middle of the ring and starts to speak.)
Adams:"Jackson, Mississippi!!!! Are you ready for the return of the USCW?!?!?"
(The crowd roars it's approval. They hold up their homemade signs and cheer.)
Adams:"So am I. And tonight is the start of it all. I want to thank the executives of HBO Sports for taking a chance and signing us. For the first time ever, if one of our wrestlers is beating the shit out of another, we can say it. And it won't have to be bleeped.
(Once again the crowd cheers, even louder than before.)
Adams:"The USCW is the best wrestling league around, but a league is only as good as the personalities in it. In the opening credits of our show it showed some great wrestlers of the USCW's past. Well, most of those guys aren't here anymore. I need some new stars to emerge. And the first chance for that starts here tonight. So let's get it on!"
("Hey Man Nice Shot" kicks back in again as Adams slides out of the ring and heads towards the back.)
MJ:"Well, you heard the CEO. We're ready to get the USCW action started. Let's take it down to ring announcer Cindy Maxwell for the introductions for our first match."
Maxwell:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 245 pounds, Mr. Wrestling!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 350 pounds and accompanied to the ring by Jay J., Cruel!"
("Hurt"by Nine Inch Nails pumps through the arena as Cruel makes his way to the ring. He is wearing cutoff overalls and really stands out with multicolored dreads.)
MJ:"Well, we've seen Cruel in action outside the ring tonight. Now it's time for inside the ring. This guy certainly is an intimidating presence at 6'9" and 350lbs. and his unique appearance."
Backwater:"Well, even though I like his style anyone can look good in a sneak attack. And looking tough and being tough are two different things. Hardbody Harrison looks like the toughest SOB you would ever meet, but I've never seen him win a match."
MJ:"We're ready to find out how tough Cruel is as both men are in the ring now and the bell has rung to begin this match. They circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring. Cruel gets the upper hand just shoves Mr. Wrestling across the ring!"
Backwater:"The strength advantage definately goes to this big newcomer."
(The crowd starts to murmur and are distracted from the match as a figure steps out onto the ramp.)
MJ:"Look, that's The Big Shot! He's coming down the ramp and he doesn't look happy at all!"
Backwater:"Well, you wouldn't be happy either if you were trying to give your first interview and got jumped."
MJ:"Meanwhile in the ring, Cruel has the advantage on Mr. Wrestling. He whips him into the ropes and nails Mr. Wrestling with a headbutt as he comes bouncing back! But look at The Big Shot! He is ringside now and yelling at Cruel!"
Backwater:"Cruel hears him and is walking over to that side of the ring. He leans over the ropes and starts yelling back at The Big Shot!"
MJ:"We may have a fight on our hands right here and now! Cruel is pulling the ropes apart inviting The Big Shot into the ring. It looks like The Big Shot may take him up on it! Jay J. is yelling at the ref to get The Big Shot away from the ring!"
Backwater:"Save your energy Big Shot, you have a match next week. No reason to get involved now. Swallow your pride. It might get you hurt."
MJ:"But look at this! Mr. Wrestling has recovered and is now back to his feet in the ring. He's coming up behind Cruel and rolls him up from behind!
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Mr. Wrestling wins!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Mr. Wrestling!"
Backwater:"Unbelievable! The Big Shot distracts Cruel and Mr. Wrestling rolls him up from behind for the three count!"
MJ:"The Big Shot is laughing at ringside and now jogging back up the ramp. Cruel is furious inside the ring and he is taking it out on Mr. Wrestling. He lays him out with a viscious clothesline and puts a couple of boots to him for good measure. Now Cruel is rolling out of the ring and sprinting to the back! He is headed to find The Big Shot and get his revenge!"
Backwater:"As well he should be. Tonight may be the start of a rivalry between these two newcomers."
MJ:"Fans, our next match tonight features a wrestler that all you fans of the USCW are familiar with."
Backwater:"And most of us are sick of."
MJ:"Hey, cut it out. Sweardog McKrackin is a bonafide star, regardless of what you think about him. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 250lbs, "Iron" Mike Sharpe!"
(Sharpe nods and raises his right arm.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. and accompanied by Ms. Kitty, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen cranks up as Sweardog struts down to the ring with Ms. Kitty, acknowledging the crowd.)
Backwater:"You know what would be funny? If he just tripped and fell coming down the ramp. That would pretty much make my day."
MJ:"Are you going to be able to put your personal views aside and call these matches impartially Backwater?"
Backwater:"Actually, no."
MJ:"Hopeless. Alright, we're ready to get things underway in this match up. Woah! Sweardog isn't wasting any time. He raced across the ring, grabbed the back of Sharpe's head and is delivering a series of knees to the head of Sharpe! He finishes it off with a really big right knee and Sharpe crashes to the canvas in a heap!"
Backwater:"He's fine. Shake it off Mike! McKrackin couldn't have hurt him with those little love taps."
MJ:"That's not what it looks like to me. Sweardog pounces down on Sharpe is and raining down punches now. He stands up, picks Sharpe up and irish whips him into the ropes. Sharpe comes running back and Sweardog runs towards him and delivers a huge running chokeslam! He calls that the Dog Slam!"
Backwater:"Wow. The Dog Slam. How long do you think he thought about what to call that one."
MJ:"And now Sweardog has Sharpe back up and he picks him up into a suplex position, spins around a few times and brings him down into a brainbuster DDT! That's the Dogtooth! Sweardog covers.
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3!!!!!!!!!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
MJ:"Sweardog picks up a victory here and should have some momentum going into the World Title tournament."
Backwater:"I've never seen Sweardog beat anyone any good. He just preys on the weak. He will be exposed in the tournament."
MJ:"Well, it's no secret how you feel. But I think Sweardog is a legit contender to take home the title. As is our next featured wrestler, former USCW World Champion, Sniper. No one is more unpredictable than this special ops military man."
Backwater:"Now we get to see some real action. Sniper is my kind of wrestler. Ruthless all out aggression."
MJ:"Let's get down to it. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 207lbs., Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. and hailing from a classified location, Sniper!"
("Welcome To The Jungle" starts to kick in. But no one appears on the ramp.)
MJ:"Oh boy. Here we go again. He's never where he's supposed to be. Paco is staring at the ramp waiting for Sniper to come down. But no Sniper so far. This reminds me of his debut during the USCW's last television run. He didn't feel like coming down and at all and ended up getting counted out!"
Backwater:"Not this time! There he is! Sniper appears from the crowd! He hops over the guard rail, slides into the ring and attacks Paco from behind!"
MJ:"The ref calls for the opening bell. Sniper has gone straight to the Columbian Necktie! He locks it on from behind Paco. Paco is trying to fight it but he going out! Paco is out cold! Sniper drops him in the middle of the ring and the ref calls for the bell. He called for the bell right after he called for the opening bell."
CM:"Your winner, via submission, Sniper!"
Backwater:"Sniper makes quick work of Paco Rodriguez. Like the man says, One Shot, One Kill. And you have to think as a former world champion that HE is one of the big favorites heading into the tournament, unlike MJ's man crush Sweardog."
MJ:"There is no doubt Sniper is a dangerous man. He quickly dissapears back out into the crowd. And who knows where he will turn up next. We have one more fight tonight fans, and it includes another very familiar face to the USCW fans, Thunderbolt Lightfoot."
Backwater:"Another match that should be an absolute snoozer. Lightfoot calls himself the One True Warrior. I call him the One True Cure For Insomnia."
MJ:"And I call you full of hot air. Let's take it down to Cindy for the intros."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 270lbs., Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison poses and flexes in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 375lbs., Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
("The Last Of The Mohicans" theme starts to play as Thunderbolt emerges from the back. The ringposts shoot off orange pyros as Thunderbolt comes down the ramp and climbs into the ring.)
MJ:"What an imposing physical specimen this big man is."
Backwater:"The bigger they are MJ, the harder they fall and Lightfoot will take that big fall very soon."
MJ:"Thunderbolt is in the ring now and we are ready to go. The two men circle each other and Hardbody Harrison is calling for a test of strength."
Backwater:"He's calling for a test of strength with a 7'3", 375lbs. man? Does the CEO pay this guy? If he gets a penny he is overpaid."
MJ:"And to absolutely no one's surprise, except Hardbody, Thunderbolt is dominating the test of strength. He turns Harrison's hands under, forcing Harrison to his knees. Then Thunderbolt hits a big kneelift to the jaw of Harrison!"
Backwater:"Ok, well this one's over. What do we have coming up next week MJ?"
MJ:"Thunderbolt is climbing to the top rope now and he comes flying off with the Tomahawk Chop elbow drop! He could easily pin Harrison now but instead he picks him up and is carrying him to the turnbuckle. He's setting up for the Thunder Roll!"
Backwater:"Is this really necessary? Where is the fast forward button?"
MJ:"Thunderbolt climbs to the top with Harrison face down on his shoulders. He jumps forward and slams Harrison to the mat! Now he makes a cover!
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3!!!!!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
MJ:"Lightfoot picks up an easy victory against Hardbody Harrison. He is celebrating in the ri..... What the hell?"
(Suddenly all the lights in the arena go off and the sound of horses is heard throughout the arena. The theme from Chariots of Fire begins to play and a golden chariot being pulled by two horses appears at the top of the ramp. Inside of the chariot stand two people dressed in snow white togas.)
MJ:"It's Apollo and his manager Aphrodite! What are they doing here?"
Backwater:"I don't know but check out Aphrodite. What a looker that broad is."
MJ:"Apollo hops out of the chariot, takes a couple of steps towards the ring, takes aim and fires an arrow from his silver bow towards the ring!"
Backwater:"I've never seen anything like that in my life. The arrow arcs down and sticks right in the middle of the ring at Thunderbolts feet!"
(A hairy and dirty looking man wearing nothing but animal skins emerges from the tunnel at the top of the ramp. He is carrying a large wooden club in one hand. He jumps around, acting like he is looking for something. He sees Apollo's manager Aphrodite standing in the Chariot and becomes intrigued. He walks over and starts to inspect her and sniffs her. He swings and slams her over the head with his club, knocking her unconscious. As she starts to fall he catches her over his shoulder, jumps down from the ramp and dissapears into the crowd.)
MJ:"What in the world is going on here!"
(Apollo turns to see Aphrodite being taken off into the crowd. He sprints to his chariot and turns it around and heads backstage. Several seconds of silence pass as MJ and Backwater just stare at each other in disbelief.)
Backwater:"Who or what the hell was that?"
MJ:"I just don't know. Unless that was...... Oh yeah, the CEO told me about a new wrestler he signed that was a little on the odd side. Captain Caveman. I believe he will be making his debut next week."
Backwater:"Is he going to take a shower between now and then? I could smell that guy from here. And where is he taking Apollo's manager?"
(Thunderbolt pulls the arrow out of the canvas and inspects it before shaking his head and stepping over the top rope and heading to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, it seems Apollo wanted to deliver a message to Thunderbolt Lightfoot, but his thunder was stolen by Captain Caveman who kidnapped his manager Aphrodite!"
Backwater:"A wild and interesting turn of events. Especially since both Apollo and Captain Caveman are set to make their wrestling debuts next week, right here on Mayhem."
MJ:"And you can see why we call it Mayhem. Fans, we are out of time! Join us next week, when Monday Night Mayhem will invade Baton Rouge, Louisiana. We will be live from the Pete Maravich Assembly Center on the campus of LSU. We will see the debut of the other four wrestlers who will be involved in the tournament for the World Title, along with much more of your favorite wrestling personalities. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(Scene fades as Thunderbolt soaks in the cheers of the crowd as he heads to the back. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)