MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
another edition of Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Astrodome in Houston, Texas! We have an absolutely huge night of USCW action in store for you this evening. Two more debut matches, plus two matches in the first round of the tournament for the world title. Joining me as usual is Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"I'm excited to get this tournament started MJ. The quicker we do, the quicker can seperate the contenders from the pretenders."
MJ:"Right you are. And we have two good tournament matches on tap for tonight. First, the Native American Giant Thunderbolt Lightfoot will lock horns with Cruel. Then, in our main event, The Big Shot will step up to the big time to take on former world champion Sniper."
Backwater:"The Big Shot has a lot to prove in this one and I think he will be in over his head. Sniper will march on to the semi-finals."
MJ:"I don't know. The Big Shot has been impressive so far and hasn't backed down an inch. He just might be able to pull this one off. Fans, I'm getting word that a stretch limo has just pulled up to the wrestler's entrance to the Astrodome. Let's take you backstage now to see what's going on."
(The camera reveals a long black limo pulling up in the back. It drives past and as it does, the camera gets a shot of the liscense plate which reads "LSB". The door opens up and two large men in dark suits and sunglasses hop out and start to secure the area. They spot the camera and start to move towards the camera. The scene cuts out just as another pair of feet emerge from the limo.)
MJ:"It looks like the former wrestling great and my former announcing partner "Lightning" Scott Baxter may have just arrived. We have heard through some inside information that Baxter is the new commisioner of the USCW. That should certainly shake things up a bit."
Backwater:"LSB always has a long term plan for everything. He doesn't do anything that doesn't advance that plan and benefit him in the end. I wonder what benefit he plans on gaining from being the commisioner?"
MJ:"How about just helping out an old friend?"
Backwater:"One of these days you will stop being so naive, MJ. But obviously not today."
(An assistant runs up to the announcers desk and hands MJ a message. MJ quickly reads it before starting to speak.)
MJ:"Fans I've just received an announcement from none other than Paco Rodriguez. He wants this read on the air. It's a message for Hades. Paco wants it known that he is taking tonight's match very seriously and has decided to go back to his roots and wear a luchadore mask. He also wants Hades to know he's not scared of him, and if he wants to start the fight early, that Hades can meet him in his dressing room. Wow. I've never seen Paco so aggressive. Maybe this is a new Paco, and he's turning over a new leaf."
Backwater:"Or maybe he's just lost his mind. Did Paco get a good look at Hades last week? Hades is going to kill him. Like really, he may end his life. He's already made the tombstone for all we know."
MJ:"Let's not get carried away. Surely it's not that serious. We...... Fans, I'm getting word from the back that there is something going on we might want to see. Let's see what they are talking about."
(The scene changes to reveal Hades storming around in the back. He is mumbling angrily to himself. He comes up on a door with a sign that reads "Paco Rodriguez". He quickly opens the door. Sitting on a bench is Paco, wearing a luchdore mask.)
Hades:"You little bastard. How dare you speak to me in such a way!"
(Paco stands up and Hades connects on a big right hand that floors Paco. Paco squirms around on the floor in pain. Hades sneers at Paco and turns around to leave. Walking back out he starts to address the camera.)
Hades:"Let that be a lesson mortals. When you....."
(Before Hades can finish, Paco has gotten back off the floor. He removes his mask to reveal the face of Sniper. Sniper jumps Hades from behind and locks on the Columbian Necktie. Hades fights it for a minute before starting to go unconscious. Suddenly, Sniper hears a noise in the distance. He lets go and retreats down the hallway just as Apollo shows up. The camera focuses in on Hades face and you can see the anger and hatred as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Wow. Sniper is choosing to stick his nose in just about everyone's business."
Backwater:"Sniper generally keeps a lot of irons in the fire. And makes way more enemies than friends. I think they are all just jealous."
MJ:"Interesting analysis. Fans, we are ready to get things going in the ring. Up first is a man that made his presence felt at Mayhem two weeks ago. He made it very clear that he should be in the world title tournament instead of Secshun Ate. Let's take it down to Cindy for the official introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 270 pounds, Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison flexes and poses in the ring like a bodybuilder.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 395 pounds, The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Balla" by Lil' Troy starts to pump through the arena. The Lineman emerges from the back and stares Harrison down from the top of the ramp. He then slowly makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"The Lineman is a huge man. This football player is planning on sacking the competition here in the USCW. Starting with Hardbody Harrison, and from the sound of it Secshun Ate is next."
Backwater:"I told you last week. I wouldn't want to be in Secshun Ate's Air Jordans at this point."
MJ:"The Lineman is in the ring now and we are ready to get this match underway. Harrison charges at the Lineman and the Lineman just floors him with a huge clothesline!"
Backwater:"Wow! Hardbody is lucky to still have a head after that one."
MJ:"The Lineman picks him up and places Harrison in the corner. He moves over to the other side of the ring, runs, and splashes all 400 pounds into Harrison in the corner!"
Backwater:"He calls that move the Blitz and that's usually the prelude to the QB Sack."
MJ:"Harrison staggers out of the corner and The Lineman slams into him with a viscious tackle! Harrison is down and out! Here is the cover.
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The Lineman wins it."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Lineman!"
MJ:"The Lineman picks up an impressive win in his debut. Maybe he should have been in the title tournament."
Backwater:"If the rumors are true about The Lineman looking to team up with Sweardog, I would have to question if that is true. Weakness is drawn to other weakness. And Sweardog is weakness at the highest level."
MJ:"It looks like The Lineman isn't done. He has a microphone now and is addressing the crowd."
The Lineman:"The Blitz. The QB Sack. Get used to it. That's the way it happen every time. I have couple of things to talk about. Number one, Secshun Ate. If you think you can address me the way you have and get away with it, you have another thing coming. After next week when Sweardog knocks you out of the tournament, I have a lesson to teach you also. It's a lesson in respect. And it's one you won't soon forget."
(The crowd cheers and seems to like the large newcomer.)
The Lineman:"And one more thing. There are two guys running around this league posing as "gods". You guys really crack me up. The dresses you wear are a nice touch. But let me tell you something. If you think you scare me, you got another thing com....."
(Suddenly Hades and Apollo appear at the top of the ramp and start to run down to the ring.)
MJ:"Oh boy, it appears the Immortals have taken some offense to what the Lineman was saying."
Backwater:"I would have too. You can't talk about the gods like that. Karma my friend. Karma."
MJ:"Hades and Apollo are in the ring now and are double teaming The Lineman! He's trying to hold his own but both of them at once are overwhelming the big man!"
Backwater:"Wouldn't you know it, here comes Sweardog to "save the day".
(Sweardog comes running from the back carrying a folding chair. But he doesn't see Secshun Ate who was hiding beside the ramp. Secshun Ate reaches out and trips up Sweardog in mid stride, causing him to trip and tumble down the ramp. Secshun Ate hops up onto the ramp, picks up a still stunned Sweardog, and delivers a hard slap across the face.)
MJ:"Sweardog gets Poverty Stricken by Secshun Ate! And meanwhile, Hades and Apollo are putting boots to a downed Lineman in the ring."
(The crowd boos loudly as two of their favorites are laid out. Backwater starts to laugh out loud at the scene unfolding.)
MJ:"Please, have a little professionalism. Hades and Apollo are exiting the ring now, leaving the Lineman laying in the ring. Secshun Ate has also headed to the back now. Hades and Apollo stop to point and make fun of Sweardog before heading into the back."
Backwater:"I think Apollo and Hades have made a statement here tonight. Between The Lineman's words and his alignment with Sweardog, who soaked them down with a hose last week, they had enough. Ahhhh, The Lineman and Sweardog are up now and heading to the back together. How sweet."
MJ:"It looks like we have finally restored order to the ringside area. So we're ready for our next match. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 207lbs, Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco, with no mask this time, turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 290lbs., Hades!"
("Hell's Bells" by AC/DC cranks up as Hades and Persephone.)
MJ:"I wouldn't want to be Paco right now. Hades has a lot of frustration to take out from that attack by Sniper earlier. I don't think attacking The Lineman got it all out."
Backwater:"Who's looking at Hades? Persephone is much easier on the eyes."
MJ:"I think he warned you about that."
(Backwater ignores MJ as he stares at Persephone.)
MJ:"Pointless. The bell has rung now and this match is underway. Paco cautiously circle the much larger Hades. Finally, Hades cuts off the ring and locks up with Paco in the corner. He shoves him back into the turnbuckle and delivers a powerful backhand slap to the chest of Paco. Paco grabs his chest in pain!"
Hades:"That pop echoed through the entire arena!"
MJ:"Now Hades grabs Paco by the side of the head and delivers a powerful headbutt! Paco is stunned by what Hades calls Hell's Headbutt! He stumbles forward and Hades grabs him, lifts him high into a suplex position, then drops him straight down into a piledriver!"
Backwater:"That's the Cerberus Slam!"
MJ:"Hades makes the cover.
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Hades wins!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Hades!"
(The lights fade in the arena as "Another One Bites the Dust" begins to echo loudly from the speakers and scenes of Sweardog flash over the jumbotron. At the top of the ramp, the spotlight finds a large silhouette revealing Sweardog with a microphone. The crowd cheers for their beltless champion. His voice erupts through the arena... "Who wants a mudhole?" The crowd cheers wildly.)
SD:"Congratz, geek. You got a win. I have something for you."
(Sweardog, with a Herculean throw, throws an object towards the ring and it lands with a giant thud in the middle of the canvas at the feet of Hades. The object is a gauntlet.)
SD:"Consider yourself officially challenged. When CEO Adams decides that it is time for a tag team bout, spare yourself the humiliation. But, if you do have the balls, then step up and come get your medicine from myself and The Lineman... I have been personally working on a special finisher for you...you'll see it soon. Good night, sweetheart. Nice skirt."
(The music kicks back in as Sweardog walks backstage. The music fades as the lights come back on.)
MJ:"Sweardog literally throws down the gauntlet to Hades. I'll sure the Immortals will have a response to this challenge."
Backwater:"We saw earlier they won't back down. I'm looking forward to that matchup."
MJ:"Hades heads to the back to confer with Apollo. Ok fans, we are ready now for the first match in our World Title tournament. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a first round match in the World Title tournament and is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 350lbs., Cruel!"
("Hurt" by NIN plays as Cruel walks down to the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 375lbs., Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
(The theme from Last of the Mohicans plays as Thunderbolt makes his way down to the ring. The crowd cheers for their Native American hero.)
MJ:"These are two very large men and this should be quite a battle. The bell has rung now and this match is underway. The two big man circle each other looking for an opening."
Backwater:"Cruel emerged early in the league and looked like he had a lot of potential, but has been dissapointing as of late."
MJ:"I suppose you could call a loss to Mr. Wrestling dissapointing. They lock up now and Thunderbolt takes over and pushes Cruel back into the corner. He drives several knees into Cruel, who crumples into a heap in the corner."
Backwater:"You don't want to try and match strength with the big Injun. He seems pretty easy to outsmart though."
MJ:"And you would know that how? Thunderbolt picks Cruel up and carries him to the middle of the ring. He lifts him and drops him across his knee for a powerful backbreaker!"
Backwater:"This is total domination by Thunderbolt. Cruel has to make something happen soon."
MJ:"Somehow I don't see that happening. Thunderbolt has climbed to the top rope now and leaps off and nails the Tomahawk Drop! That flying elbow connects righ to the head of Cruel!"
Backwater:"Now Thunderbolt has Cruel up and is heading to the top rope. Cruel is 350 pounds! Can Thunderbolt hit the Thunder Roll on him?"
MJ:"Here's your answer! Yes he can! Thunder Roll by Lightfoot on Cruel! Now he's making a cover!
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Thunderbolt wins in dominating fashion!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
MJ:"What an impressive performance by Thunderbolt. He runs right over Cruel and advances to the next round of the World Title tournament."
Backwater:"With all the other goings on in the USCW, everyone seems to have forgotten about Lightfoot. He is a legit contender for the title, even though I think he is as boring and lame as a person can be."
MJ:"Backhanded way of saying he could win the title. Well fans. We are ready now for...."
(The lights go out in the arena. After a couple of seconds of darkness, "Unforgiven II" by Metallica starts to play over the arena speakers. Then the Jumbotron flashes on with only the word "Colossus" written in large letters on the screen. After a few moments of being on the screen, it changes and now the Jumbotron reads "He is here." The lights return and the songs fades out.)
MJ:"Wow. An announcement of a wrestler to debut two weeks from tonight. "
Backwater:"Colossus to looking to make a big splash here in the USCW. From what I understand, he has been training for quite some time for this debut. His entire life has been dedicated to preparing for the moment he was unleashed on the USCW."
MJ:"Certainly a debut I'm excited about. Now fans, we are ready for our main event. Another first round match in the World Title tournament. There have been some harsh words shared between these two. Now the time for talk is done and it's time to get down to business. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a first round match in the World Title tournament and is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 225lbs., The Big Shot!"
("Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit plays as The Big Shot sprints down to the ring and slides in. He is obviously hyped up and excited to get going and the crowd cheers him on as he pumps them up in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs., Sniper!"
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses starts to play as green and brown strobe lights flash at the top of the ramp. After a few moments, Sniper steps out onto the ramp. He makes his way to the ring, constantly glancing all around to make sure no one sneak up behind him.)
MJ:"Sniper with that nervous style walk to the ring he is famous for."
Backwater:"When your job involves people shooting at you, you want to have a good feel for your surroundings at all times."
MJ:"Sniper is down to the ring now. The bell has rung and we are ready to go. The Big Shot charges Sniper and the two men lock up."
Backwater:"Look at this! "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten is on his way down to the ring. He has a lawnchair and is pulling a cooler with wheels. He is wearing jeans and a "New Orleans Six-Pack" t-shirt."
MJ:"That is the stable Whitten was in with "Lightning" Scott Baxter back in the early days of the USCW. Whitten has set up his lawnchair ringside and is watching the match. Meanwhile in the ring, after the two locked up, The Big Shot started to gain an advantage but Sniper ended it quickly with a quick jab to the eye of The Big Shot."
Backwater:"Veteran move by Sniper. That's why I think he will emerge the winner in this one."
MJ:"Now blatant cheating is a veteran move? Unbelievable. Sniper in control now and backs The Big Shot into the corner. He gives The Big Shot a backhand chop to the chest."
(The crowd yells "Woo!")
MJ:"Sniper grabs The Big Shot and lifts him up and over with a big vertical suplex. Sniper goes for a cover!
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No! The Big Shot kicks out."
Backwater:"Sniper went for a quick cover. But The Big Shot has fight left in him for now."
MJ:"Sniper has The Big Shot back up and whips him into the ropes. Sniper goes for a big clothesline but The Big Shot ducks under it! He bounces off the far side ropes and comes back and spears Sniper! The crowd comes alive!"
(The crowd cheers loudly as The Big Shot takes over.)
Backwater:"Sickening. These sheep will cheer anybody."
MJ:"The Big Shot is in control now and is raining right hands down on Sniper! Sniper rolls away and grabs the rope. The ref makes The Big Shot back off and restarts both men in the middle."
Backwater:"Sniper should be taking over any second now."
MJ:"They restart in the middle now and The Big Shot is circling and firing off leg kicks to keep Sniper away from him. Finally Sniper gets inside and locks up with the Big Shot. Sniper grabs a side headlock. But The Big Shot fires a couple of of elbows into the midsection of Sniper! Sniper is stunned! The Big Shot scoops him up and slams him in the middle of the ring."
Backwater:"Look at Whitten at ringside. He's cracked open a couple of Natural Lights at ringside."
MJ:"But in the ring, The Big Shot runs over where Sniper is laying and jumps off the ropes and nails Sniper with a lionsault! The Big Shot goes for a cover!
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No!!! Sniper gets a shoulder up at the last second!"
Backwater:"Wow, that was actually pretty close. I'm starting to get worried."
MJ:"The Big Shot stands Sniper up and and whips him into the corner. He charges into the corner and Sniper gets a boot up! The Big Shot runs right into it! Now Sniper grabs the Big Shot and is setting him up for a superplex! Both men are now standing on the top turnbuckle. Sniper tries to pick The Big Shot up but The Big Shot blocks it!"
Backwater:"Come on Sniper! Get him up and over!"
MJ:"Sniper tries it again but again The Big Shot blocks it! Now the Big Shot fires a right hand into the ribs of Sniper! Sniper lets go and The Big Shot nails him with a right hand to the face! Sniper falls backwards and crashes to the mat!"
Backwater:"And now The Big Shot sets up and hits the Final Warning! He crashes down onto Sniper!"
MJ:"That's thet setup for the Shot Bottom! But look at Whitten! He just yelled something into the ring! The Big Shot turns around and just yelled back at Whitten."
Backwater:"What is he doing? He actually has Sniper where he wants him. Hit your finisher and go to the house son!"
MJ:"Whitten is laughing at ringside and it really seems to be getting under The Big Shot's skin. He is up on the ropes now yelling at Whitten. But look at this. Sniper is coming around in the ring! Big Shot, turn around!"
Backwater:"No, don't!"
MJ:"Sniper is up and he grabs The Big Shot from behind! Columbian Necktie! Columbian Necktie! The Big Shot is fighting it! He is almost to the ropes! But no, Sniper walks him back to the middle of the ring! Will The Big Shot tap?"
Backwater:"The kid has shown a lot of heart, but I don't know what he can do here."
MJ:"The Big Shot is still fighting to get free! But he is going out! The ref lifts his arm once....twice.....and three times. He calls for the bell!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, Sniper!"
MJ:"Sniper has won here in the first round of the World Title tournament in a hard fough match with The Big Shot! The Big Shot appeared to have the match won, but got involved in a verbal sparring match with Whitten on the outside, and got caught in the Columbian Necktie."
Backwater:"The kid actually showed pretty well for himself against the former world champion. But experience won out in the end."
MJ:"Whitten has closed up shop now and is starting to roll his cooler back up to the ramp. He grabbed one last Natural Light and got Sniper's attention and tossed it to him in the ring."
(Sniper catches the beer and smirks before cracking it open.)
MJ:"As Whitten heads back up the ramp, Sniper rolled out of the ring and dissapeared into the crowd. And now The Big Shot is up and looks disgusted. He takes off running to back. The Big Shot is probably none too happy with Whitten for distracting him."
(The lights in the arena cut out. Suddenly the jumbotron has in large golden letters "LSB". "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne starts to blare over the arena speakers. After a few seconds, "Lightning" Scott Baxter appears at the top of the ramp.)
MJ:"LSB is here! Perhaps he is going to address those rumors of him being the new comissioner."
(Baxter walk down to the ring. He is wearing a custom made suit and has black Rayban's with little lightning bolts on them. He climbs into the ring and pulls a microphone out of his inside jacket pocket.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. The USCW is back."
(The fans cheer.)
LSB:"And what would the USCW be, without yours truly."
(The cheers quickly turn to boos.)
LSB:"I got the call from CEO Adams and told him that I would certainly be a part of the USCW once again. He told me that things were getting hectic around here. And that he needed someone who could come in and run things on a week to week basis and make sure order was kept. Running things is my specialty. So you are looking at the new comissioner of the USCW! And since my power goes into affect as of tonight, I have a few things to take care of right here and now!"
(The crowd reacts with anticipation.)
LSB:"First off, there is one wrestler who is not carrying his significant weight. The man I am talking about is Cruel. The USCW under Scott Baxter is not a league that will tolerate anything but supreme effort. So Cruel, you're fired!!!!!!!"
(The crowd reacts to Baxter with gasps, then cheers.)
LSB:"Issue number two. I've been keeping up with what's been going on in the league, and one thing is starting to get on my nerves. Captain Caveman and Apollo, you've got the whole "You kidnapped my manager" thing going on. And it looks like the Caveman intends on keeping her. This needs to get decided. So next Monday, when you two square off in the tournament, whoever wins keeps Aphrodite. And that's that. It's over with."
(The crowd also cheers this announcement.)
LSB:"And finally, this goes for everyone. Don't think I will stop with Cruel. You bring it in the USCW or you go home. Simple as that. See you next week."
("Crazy Train" kicks in again as Baxter slides out of the ring and heads to the back.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Join us next week when Monday Night Mayhem will be live from the Big Easy, New Orleans, Louisiana! We will be broadcasting from the New Orleans Arena next to the Super Dome. We will see the debut of a couple of new wrestlers as well as have two first round matchups from the World Title tournament. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(Scene fades as LSB continues to make his way to the back, jawing with fans along the way. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Astrodome in Houston, Texas! We have an absolutely huge night of USCW action in store for you this evening. Two more debut matches, plus two matches in the first round of the tournament for the world title. Joining me as usual is Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"I'm excited to get this tournament started MJ. The quicker we do, the quicker can seperate the contenders from the pretenders."
MJ:"Right you are. And we have two good tournament matches on tap for tonight. First, the Native American Giant Thunderbolt Lightfoot will lock horns with Cruel. Then, in our main event, The Big Shot will step up to the big time to take on former world champion Sniper."
Backwater:"The Big Shot has a lot to prove in this one and I think he will be in over his head. Sniper will march on to the semi-finals."
MJ:"I don't know. The Big Shot has been impressive so far and hasn't backed down an inch. He just might be able to pull this one off. Fans, I'm getting word that a stretch limo has just pulled up to the wrestler's entrance to the Astrodome. Let's take you backstage now to see what's going on."
(The camera reveals a long black limo pulling up in the back. It drives past and as it does, the camera gets a shot of the liscense plate which reads "LSB". The door opens up and two large men in dark suits and sunglasses hop out and start to secure the area. They spot the camera and start to move towards the camera. The scene cuts out just as another pair of feet emerge from the limo.)
MJ:"It looks like the former wrestling great and my former announcing partner "Lightning" Scott Baxter may have just arrived. We have heard through some inside information that Baxter is the new commisioner of the USCW. That should certainly shake things up a bit."
Backwater:"LSB always has a long term plan for everything. He doesn't do anything that doesn't advance that plan and benefit him in the end. I wonder what benefit he plans on gaining from being the commisioner?"
MJ:"How about just helping out an old friend?"
Backwater:"One of these days you will stop being so naive, MJ. But obviously not today."
(An assistant runs up to the announcers desk and hands MJ a message. MJ quickly reads it before starting to speak.)
MJ:"Fans I've just received an announcement from none other than Paco Rodriguez. He wants this read on the air. It's a message for Hades. Paco wants it known that he is taking tonight's match very seriously and has decided to go back to his roots and wear a luchadore mask. He also wants Hades to know he's not scared of him, and if he wants to start the fight early, that Hades can meet him in his dressing room. Wow. I've never seen Paco so aggressive. Maybe this is a new Paco, and he's turning over a new leaf."
Backwater:"Or maybe he's just lost his mind. Did Paco get a good look at Hades last week? Hades is going to kill him. Like really, he may end his life. He's already made the tombstone for all we know."
MJ:"Let's not get carried away. Surely it's not that serious. We...... Fans, I'm getting word from the back that there is something going on we might want to see. Let's see what they are talking about."
(The scene changes to reveal Hades storming around in the back. He is mumbling angrily to himself. He comes up on a door with a sign that reads "Paco Rodriguez". He quickly opens the door. Sitting on a bench is Paco, wearing a luchdore mask.)
Hades:"You little bastard. How dare you speak to me in such a way!"
(Paco stands up and Hades connects on a big right hand that floors Paco. Paco squirms around on the floor in pain. Hades sneers at Paco and turns around to leave. Walking back out he starts to address the camera.)
Hades:"Let that be a lesson mortals. When you....."
(Before Hades can finish, Paco has gotten back off the floor. He removes his mask to reveal the face of Sniper. Sniper jumps Hades from behind and locks on the Columbian Necktie. Hades fights it for a minute before starting to go unconscious. Suddenly, Sniper hears a noise in the distance. He lets go and retreats down the hallway just as Apollo shows up. The camera focuses in on Hades face and you can see the anger and hatred as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Wow. Sniper is choosing to stick his nose in just about everyone's business."
Backwater:"Sniper generally keeps a lot of irons in the fire. And makes way more enemies than friends. I think they are all just jealous."
MJ:"Interesting analysis. Fans, we are ready to get things going in the ring. Up first is a man that made his presence felt at Mayhem two weeks ago. He made it very clear that he should be in the world title tournament instead of Secshun Ate. Let's take it down to Cindy for the official introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 270 pounds, Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison flexes and poses in the ring like a bodybuilder.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 395 pounds, The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Balla" by Lil' Troy starts to pump through the arena. The Lineman emerges from the back and stares Harrison down from the top of the ramp. He then slowly makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"The Lineman is a huge man. This football player is planning on sacking the competition here in the USCW. Starting with Hardbody Harrison, and from the sound of it Secshun Ate is next."
Backwater:"I told you last week. I wouldn't want to be in Secshun Ate's Air Jordans at this point."
MJ:"The Lineman is in the ring now and we are ready to get this match underway. Harrison charges at the Lineman and the Lineman just floors him with a huge clothesline!"
Backwater:"Wow! Hardbody is lucky to still have a head after that one."
MJ:"The Lineman picks him up and places Harrison in the corner. He moves over to the other side of the ring, runs, and splashes all 400 pounds into Harrison in the corner!"
Backwater:"He calls that move the Blitz and that's usually the prelude to the QB Sack."
MJ:"Harrison staggers out of the corner and The Lineman slams into him with a viscious tackle! Harrison is down and out! Here is the cover.
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3!!!
The Lineman wins it."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Lineman!"
MJ:"The Lineman picks up an impressive win in his debut. Maybe he should have been in the title tournament."
Backwater:"If the rumors are true about The Lineman looking to team up with Sweardog, I would have to question if that is true. Weakness is drawn to other weakness. And Sweardog is weakness at the highest level."
MJ:"It looks like The Lineman isn't done. He has a microphone now and is addressing the crowd."
The Lineman:"The Blitz. The QB Sack. Get used to it. That's the way it happen every time. I have couple of things to talk about. Number one, Secshun Ate. If you think you can address me the way you have and get away with it, you have another thing coming. After next week when Sweardog knocks you out of the tournament, I have a lesson to teach you also. It's a lesson in respect. And it's one you won't soon forget."
(The crowd cheers and seems to like the large newcomer.)
The Lineman:"And one more thing. There are two guys running around this league posing as "gods". You guys really crack me up. The dresses you wear are a nice touch. But let me tell you something. If you think you scare me, you got another thing com....."
(Suddenly Hades and Apollo appear at the top of the ramp and start to run down to the ring.)
MJ:"Oh boy, it appears the Immortals have taken some offense to what the Lineman was saying."
Backwater:"I would have too. You can't talk about the gods like that. Karma my friend. Karma."
MJ:"Hades and Apollo are in the ring now and are double teaming The Lineman! He's trying to hold his own but both of them at once are overwhelming the big man!"
Backwater:"Wouldn't you know it, here comes Sweardog to "save the day".
(Sweardog comes running from the back carrying a folding chair. But he doesn't see Secshun Ate who was hiding beside the ramp. Secshun Ate reaches out and trips up Sweardog in mid stride, causing him to trip and tumble down the ramp. Secshun Ate hops up onto the ramp, picks up a still stunned Sweardog, and delivers a hard slap across the face.)
MJ:"Sweardog gets Poverty Stricken by Secshun Ate! And meanwhile, Hades and Apollo are putting boots to a downed Lineman in the ring."
(The crowd boos loudly as two of their favorites are laid out. Backwater starts to laugh out loud at the scene unfolding.)
MJ:"Please, have a little professionalism. Hades and Apollo are exiting the ring now, leaving the Lineman laying in the ring. Secshun Ate has also headed to the back now. Hades and Apollo stop to point and make fun of Sweardog before heading into the back."
Backwater:"I think Apollo and Hades have made a statement here tonight. Between The Lineman's words and his alignment with Sweardog, who soaked them down with a hose last week, they had enough. Ahhhh, The Lineman and Sweardog are up now and heading to the back together. How sweet."
MJ:"It looks like we have finally restored order to the ringside area. So we're ready for our next match. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 207lbs, Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco, with no mask this time, turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 290lbs., Hades!"
("Hell's Bells" by AC/DC cranks up as Hades and Persephone.)
MJ:"I wouldn't want to be Paco right now. Hades has a lot of frustration to take out from that attack by Sniper earlier. I don't think attacking The Lineman got it all out."
Backwater:"Who's looking at Hades? Persephone is much easier on the eyes."
MJ:"I think he warned you about that."
(Backwater ignores MJ as he stares at Persephone.)
MJ:"Pointless. The bell has rung now and this match is underway. Paco cautiously circle the much larger Hades. Finally, Hades cuts off the ring and locks up with Paco in the corner. He shoves him back into the turnbuckle and delivers a powerful backhand slap to the chest of Paco. Paco grabs his chest in pain!"
Hades:"That pop echoed through the entire arena!"
MJ:"Now Hades grabs Paco by the side of the head and delivers a powerful headbutt! Paco is stunned by what Hades calls Hell's Headbutt! He stumbles forward and Hades grabs him, lifts him high into a suplex position, then drops him straight down into a piledriver!"
Backwater:"That's the Cerberus Slam!"
MJ:"Hades makes the cover.
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3!!!
Hades wins!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Hades!"
(The lights fade in the arena as "Another One Bites the Dust" begins to echo loudly from the speakers and scenes of Sweardog flash over the jumbotron. At the top of the ramp, the spotlight finds a large silhouette revealing Sweardog with a microphone. The crowd cheers for their beltless champion. His voice erupts through the arena... "Who wants a mudhole?" The crowd cheers wildly.)
SD:"Congratz, geek. You got a win. I have something for you."
(Sweardog, with a Herculean throw, throws an object towards the ring and it lands with a giant thud in the middle of the canvas at the feet of Hades. The object is a gauntlet.)
SD:"Consider yourself officially challenged. When CEO Adams decides that it is time for a tag team bout, spare yourself the humiliation. But, if you do have the balls, then step up and come get your medicine from myself and The Lineman... I have been personally working on a special finisher for you...you'll see it soon. Good night, sweetheart. Nice skirt."
(The music kicks back in as Sweardog walks backstage. The music fades as the lights come back on.)
MJ:"Sweardog literally throws down the gauntlet to Hades. I'll sure the Immortals will have a response to this challenge."
Backwater:"We saw earlier they won't back down. I'm looking forward to that matchup."
MJ:"Hades heads to the back to confer with Apollo. Ok fans, we are ready now for the first match in our World Title tournament. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a first round match in the World Title tournament and is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 350lbs., Cruel!"
("Hurt" by NIN plays as Cruel walks down to the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 375lbs., Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
(The theme from Last of the Mohicans plays as Thunderbolt makes his way down to the ring. The crowd cheers for their Native American hero.)
MJ:"These are two very large men and this should be quite a battle. The bell has rung now and this match is underway. The two big man circle each other looking for an opening."
Backwater:"Cruel emerged early in the league and looked like he had a lot of potential, but has been dissapointing as of late."
MJ:"I suppose you could call a loss to Mr. Wrestling dissapointing. They lock up now and Thunderbolt takes over and pushes Cruel back into the corner. He drives several knees into Cruel, who crumples into a heap in the corner."
Backwater:"You don't want to try and match strength with the big Injun. He seems pretty easy to outsmart though."
MJ:"And you would know that how? Thunderbolt picks Cruel up and carries him to the middle of the ring. He lifts him and drops him across his knee for a powerful backbreaker!"
Backwater:"This is total domination by Thunderbolt. Cruel has to make something happen soon."
MJ:"Somehow I don't see that happening. Thunderbolt has climbed to the top rope now and leaps off and nails the Tomahawk Drop! That flying elbow connects righ to the head of Cruel!"
Backwater:"Now Thunderbolt has Cruel up and is heading to the top rope. Cruel is 350 pounds! Can Thunderbolt hit the Thunder Roll on him?"
MJ:"Here's your answer! Yes he can! Thunder Roll by Lightfoot on Cruel! Now he's making a cover!
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3!!!
Thunderbolt wins in dominating fashion!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
MJ:"What an impressive performance by Thunderbolt. He runs right over Cruel and advances to the next round of the World Title tournament."
Backwater:"With all the other goings on in the USCW, everyone seems to have forgotten about Lightfoot. He is a legit contender for the title, even though I think he is as boring and lame as a person can be."
MJ:"Backhanded way of saying he could win the title. Well fans. We are ready now for...."
(The lights go out in the arena. After a couple of seconds of darkness, "Unforgiven II" by Metallica starts to play over the arena speakers. Then the Jumbotron flashes on with only the word "Colossus" written in large letters on the screen. After a few moments of being on the screen, it changes and now the Jumbotron reads "He is here." The lights return and the songs fades out.)
MJ:"Wow. An announcement of a wrestler to debut two weeks from tonight. "
Backwater:"Colossus to looking to make a big splash here in the USCW. From what I understand, he has been training for quite some time for this debut. His entire life has been dedicated to preparing for the moment he was unleashed on the USCW."
MJ:"Certainly a debut I'm excited about. Now fans, we are ready for our main event. Another first round match in the World Title tournament. There have been some harsh words shared between these two. Now the time for talk is done and it's time to get down to business. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a first round match in the World Title tournament and is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 225lbs., The Big Shot!"
("Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit plays as The Big Shot sprints down to the ring and slides in. He is obviously hyped up and excited to get going and the crowd cheers him on as he pumps them up in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs., Sniper!"
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses starts to play as green and brown strobe lights flash at the top of the ramp. After a few moments, Sniper steps out onto the ramp. He makes his way to the ring, constantly glancing all around to make sure no one sneak up behind him.)
MJ:"Sniper with that nervous style walk to the ring he is famous for."
Backwater:"When your job involves people shooting at you, you want to have a good feel for your surroundings at all times."
MJ:"Sniper is down to the ring now. The bell has rung and we are ready to go. The Big Shot charges Sniper and the two men lock up."
Backwater:"Look at this! "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten is on his way down to the ring. He has a lawnchair and is pulling a cooler with wheels. He is wearing jeans and a "New Orleans Six-Pack" t-shirt."
MJ:"That is the stable Whitten was in with "Lightning" Scott Baxter back in the early days of the USCW. Whitten has set up his lawnchair ringside and is watching the match. Meanwhile in the ring, after the two locked up, The Big Shot started to gain an advantage but Sniper ended it quickly with a quick jab to the eye of The Big Shot."
Backwater:"Veteran move by Sniper. That's why I think he will emerge the winner in this one."
MJ:"Now blatant cheating is a veteran move? Unbelievable. Sniper in control now and backs The Big Shot into the corner. He gives The Big Shot a backhand chop to the chest."
(The crowd yells "Woo!")
MJ:"Sniper grabs The Big Shot and lifts him up and over with a big vertical suplex. Sniper goes for a cover!
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No! The Big Shot kicks out."
Backwater:"Sniper went for a quick cover. But The Big Shot has fight left in him for now."
MJ:"Sniper has The Big Shot back up and whips him into the ropes. Sniper goes for a big clothesline but The Big Shot ducks under it! He bounces off the far side ropes and comes back and spears Sniper! The crowd comes alive!"
(The crowd cheers loudly as The Big Shot takes over.)
Backwater:"Sickening. These sheep will cheer anybody."
MJ:"The Big Shot is in control now and is raining right hands down on Sniper! Sniper rolls away and grabs the rope. The ref makes The Big Shot back off and restarts both men in the middle."
Backwater:"Sniper should be taking over any second now."
MJ:"They restart in the middle now and The Big Shot is circling and firing off leg kicks to keep Sniper away from him. Finally Sniper gets inside and locks up with the Big Shot. Sniper grabs a side headlock. But The Big Shot fires a couple of of elbows into the midsection of Sniper! Sniper is stunned! The Big Shot scoops him up and slams him in the middle of the ring."
Backwater:"Look at Whitten at ringside. He's cracked open a couple of Natural Lights at ringside."
MJ:"But in the ring, The Big Shot runs over where Sniper is laying and jumps off the ropes and nails Sniper with a lionsault! The Big Shot goes for a cover!
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No!!! Sniper gets a shoulder up at the last second!"
Backwater:"Wow, that was actually pretty close. I'm starting to get worried."
MJ:"The Big Shot stands Sniper up and and whips him into the corner. He charges into the corner and Sniper gets a boot up! The Big Shot runs right into it! Now Sniper grabs the Big Shot and is setting him up for a superplex! Both men are now standing on the top turnbuckle. Sniper tries to pick The Big Shot up but The Big Shot blocks it!"
Backwater:"Come on Sniper! Get him up and over!"
MJ:"Sniper tries it again but again The Big Shot blocks it! Now the Big Shot fires a right hand into the ribs of Sniper! Sniper lets go and The Big Shot nails him with a right hand to the face! Sniper falls backwards and crashes to the mat!"
Backwater:"And now The Big Shot sets up and hits the Final Warning! He crashes down onto Sniper!"
MJ:"That's thet setup for the Shot Bottom! But look at Whitten! He just yelled something into the ring! The Big Shot turns around and just yelled back at Whitten."
Backwater:"What is he doing? He actually has Sniper where he wants him. Hit your finisher and go to the house son!"
MJ:"Whitten is laughing at ringside and it really seems to be getting under The Big Shot's skin. He is up on the ropes now yelling at Whitten. But look at this. Sniper is coming around in the ring! Big Shot, turn around!"
Backwater:"No, don't!"
MJ:"Sniper is up and he grabs The Big Shot from behind! Columbian Necktie! Columbian Necktie! The Big Shot is fighting it! He is almost to the ropes! But no, Sniper walks him back to the middle of the ring! Will The Big Shot tap?"
Backwater:"The kid has shown a lot of heart, but I don't know what he can do here."
MJ:"The Big Shot is still fighting to get free! But he is going out! The ref lifts his arm once....twice.....and three times. He calls for the bell!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, Sniper!"
MJ:"Sniper has won here in the first round of the World Title tournament in a hard fough match with The Big Shot! The Big Shot appeared to have the match won, but got involved in a verbal sparring match with Whitten on the outside, and got caught in the Columbian Necktie."
Backwater:"The kid actually showed pretty well for himself against the former world champion. But experience won out in the end."
MJ:"Whitten has closed up shop now and is starting to roll his cooler back up to the ramp. He grabbed one last Natural Light and got Sniper's attention and tossed it to him in the ring."
(Sniper catches the beer and smirks before cracking it open.)
MJ:"As Whitten heads back up the ramp, Sniper rolled out of the ring and dissapeared into the crowd. And now The Big Shot is up and looks disgusted. He takes off running to back. The Big Shot is probably none too happy with Whitten for distracting him."
(The lights in the arena cut out. Suddenly the jumbotron has in large golden letters "LSB". "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne starts to blare over the arena speakers. After a few seconds, "Lightning" Scott Baxter appears at the top of the ramp.)
MJ:"LSB is here! Perhaps he is going to address those rumors of him being the new comissioner."
(Baxter walk down to the ring. He is wearing a custom made suit and has black Rayban's with little lightning bolts on them. He climbs into the ring and pulls a microphone out of his inside jacket pocket.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. The USCW is back."
(The fans cheer.)
LSB:"And what would the USCW be, without yours truly."
(The cheers quickly turn to boos.)
LSB:"I got the call from CEO Adams and told him that I would certainly be a part of the USCW once again. He told me that things were getting hectic around here. And that he needed someone who could come in and run things on a week to week basis and make sure order was kept. Running things is my specialty. So you are looking at the new comissioner of the USCW! And since my power goes into affect as of tonight, I have a few things to take care of right here and now!"
(The crowd reacts with anticipation.)
LSB:"First off, there is one wrestler who is not carrying his significant weight. The man I am talking about is Cruel. The USCW under Scott Baxter is not a league that will tolerate anything but supreme effort. So Cruel, you're fired!!!!!!!"
(The crowd reacts to Baxter with gasps, then cheers.)
LSB:"Issue number two. I've been keeping up with what's been going on in the league, and one thing is starting to get on my nerves. Captain Caveman and Apollo, you've got the whole "You kidnapped my manager" thing going on. And it looks like the Caveman intends on keeping her. This needs to get decided. So next Monday, when you two square off in the tournament, whoever wins keeps Aphrodite. And that's that. It's over with."
(The crowd also cheers this announcement.)
LSB:"And finally, this goes for everyone. Don't think I will stop with Cruel. You bring it in the USCW or you go home. Simple as that. See you next week."
("Crazy Train" kicks in again as Baxter slides out of the ring and heads to the back.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Join us next week when Monday Night Mayhem will be live from the Big Easy, New Orleans, Louisiana! We will be broadcasting from the New Orleans Arena next to the Super Dome. We will see the debut of a couple of new wrestlers as well as have two first round matchups from the World Title tournament. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(Scene fades as LSB continues to make his way to the back, jawing with fans along the way. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)