MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
another edition of Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the New Orleans arena in New Orleans, Louisiana! We have another absolutely huge night of USCW action in store for you this evening. Two more debut matches, plus the final two matches in the first round of the tournament for the world title. Joining me as usual is Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"Last week was something else MJ and I can't wait to get things going tonight."
MJ:"Neither can I. In fact, let's get things going early tonight. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 300 pounds, Milkjug Mahoney!"
(Milkjug yells out "Gitter Dun!" to the crowd and pulls on the straps of his overalls.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 348 pounds, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
("Tuff Enuff" By the Fabulous Thunderbirds starts to pump through the arena. Marcus Whitten emerges on the ramp and makes his way to the ring along with his manager, former USCW wrestler "The Iceman", Tito Mancuso.)
MJ:"Longtime fans of the USCW are well aware of who this man is and what he can do. He's a former USCW Heavyweight Champion and always a major player in whatever league he is a part of."
Backwater:"Whitten is as tough as they come. Worked his way up from nothing by bouncing and working as a mafia strong man. He got into wrestling from his connections with a prominent New Orleans business man, none other than current USCW comissioner, "Lightning" Scott Baxter."
MJ:"Whitten also has some old links to several other USCW wrestlers, such as Sniper and Thunderbolt Lightfoot. It should be interesting to see how his career takes shape here in the new USCW. Both wrestlers are in the ring now and the bell sounds to start the action. Woah! Whitten just sprinted straight across the ring and spears Milkjug hard to the mat!"
Backwater:"That will take the wind out of you. Milkjug had barely turned to face Whitten when he was already on his back!"
MJ:"Whitten is wasting no time. He calls that spear The Last Call. And what comes after last call? Closing Time of course! Whitten has Milkjug up and slams him to the canvas with his Rock Bottom type finisher! Here is the cover!
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3!! Whitten wins easily.
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
MJ:"Whitten has put the league on notice that he has an open challenge to anyone who wants to face him. That list may have shrunk after an impressive debut."
Backwater:"Whitten has a mean streak you can't help but admire. He is a great addition to the USCW roster."
MJ:"And speaking of additions to the roster. The CEO just keeps them coming because another former USCW star is back to make his presence felt. Let's take it down to Cindy for the return of a wrestler well known to USCW fans."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 245lbs, Mr. Wrestling!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 245lbs and accompanied by the First Lady, El Presidente!"
(The theme from Scarface plays as El Presidente makes his way down to the ring with the First Lady. He is smoking a cigar and wearing a new suit. He gets down to the ring, removes his jacket and shirt, and hands them to the First Lady along with his cigar.)
MJ:"El Presidente doesn't even think he needs wrestling gear for this one. He's going to wrestle in dress shoes and the pants from his suit."
Backwater:"Is he wrong?"
MJ:"El Presidente is in the ring now and we are ready to go. The bell rings and the two men begin to circle each other. El Presidente puts his hand up to call for a test of strength. Mr. Wrestling tenatively puts his hand up to graps and El Presidente doubles him over with a swift kick to the gut!"
Backwater:"Honestly, who falls for that anymore? Has Mr. Wrestling ever watched any wrestling?"
MJ:"El Presidente grabs Mr. Wrestling by the head, runs, and jumps over the top rope, snapping Mr. Wrestling's neck over the top rope! He calls that move The Bay of Pigs and it's the setup for The Cuban Missile Crisis! El Presidente climbs back on the apron, climbs to the top turnbuckle, leaps and comes crashing down with a leg across the throat of Mr. Wrestling! Here's the cover......
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3!!! El Presidente easily wins his debut."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, El Presidente!"
Backwater:"El Prez is back and he is ready to lay down the law. This is a dangerous man."
MJ:"He certainly is Earl. El Presidente is back and he is letting the USCW know he is back for titles. Fans, we are ready now for the first of our two remaining first round fights in the World Title tournament. Fan favorite Sweardog takes on Secshun Ate. Let's take a look at what happened last Monday on Mayhem."
(A video clip rolls. Sweardog comes running from the back carrying a folding chair. But he doesn't see Secshun Ate who was hiding beside the ramp. Secshun Ate reaches out and trips up Sweardog in mid stride, causing him to trip and tumble down the ramp. Secshun Ate hops up onto the ramp, picks up a still stunned Sweardog, and delivers a hard slap across the face.)
MJ:"That was the slap heard round the world and it has echoed in the hearts and minds of USCW fans for this entire week. I talked with numerous fans this past week who were outraged by the actions of Secshun Ate. And now it will come to a head as McKrackin will get his chance to avenge his attack."
Backwater:"I was happy he finally got what was coming to him. And he'll get another dose tonight."
MJ:"We'll see about that. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is a first round fight in the World Title tournament. Introducing first, weighing in at 140lbs and accompanied to the ring by Downtown Jimmy Brown, Secshun Ate!"
("The Ghetto" by Too Short starts to play as Secshun Ate comes strutting out from the back with Jimmy Brown. He struts his way down to the ring in tattered old clothes, and of course, his brand new Air Jordans.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs and accompanied to the ring by Ms. Kitty, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen cranks up as Sweardog walks out onto the ramp with Ms. Kitty. He soaks in the cheers of the crowd as he makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"Secshun Ate is waiting for Sweardog to get to the ring. Wait a minute. What's going on here? That's not Sweardog!"
Backwater:"But that is! Sweardog just slid into the ring from the other side behind Secshun Ate. Mr. Goody Goody sneaking up behind somebody?"
MJ:"The imposter is headed to the back now. The ref sees Sweardog in the ring and signals for the bell. Secshun Ate hears the bell and turns around to see Sweardog in the ring."
Backwater:"And look, coming down the ramp is The Lineman. He must be here to watch Sweardog's back in this one. Sneaking up on people and ganging up. Some good guy this is."
MJ:"Quiet. The match is underway. The two men stare each other down for a second."
Backwater:"It should be interesting to see how this one plays out. Sweardog has a one hundred pound weight advantage."
MJ:"Secshun Ate is circling and keeping his distance right now. He knows he needs to use quickness to win this one because he can't outpower Sweardog. Sweardog moves to lock up and Secshun Ate sidesteps him and slips to the other side of the ring."
Backwater:"That cracked me up. Sweardog almost fell down when he was expecting contact and didn't get it."
MJ:"Sweardog stalks Secshun Ate. He rushes in to lock up and once again Secshun Ate sidesteps him and scoots to the other side of the ring."
Backwater:"This is entertaining and all, but he will eventually have to engage. Won't he?"
MJ:"We'll see. The two circle again and this time Sweardog traps Secshun Ate in the corner and pushes him back into the corner! He connects on a big right hand! And another! He scoops Sechun Ate up easily and plants him in the middle of the ring with a running powerslam! Sweardog hooks the leg and goes for a cover!
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No! Secshun Ate wriggles free and gets a shoulder up."
Backwater:"Secshun Ate is going to have to do better than that."
MJ:"Sweardog picks him up and Secshun Ate quickly ducks away from him and rolls out of the ring! He is on the outside now and is refusing to get back into the ring!"
(The crowd starts to boo Secshun Ate stalling on the outside.)
Backwater:"He's going to have to get in soon. The ref is starting a count and if he gets to 10 Sweardog will win by count out."
MJ:"He's to 8 now and Secshun Ate slides in the ring. And he rolls right back out!"
(The crowd starts to boo all over again. A couple of cups of beer start flying in Secshun Ate's direction.)
MJ:"This is unbelievable. But this time Sweardog isn't waiting on him! He climbs to the outside and starts to run after Secshun Ate!"
Backwater:"Secshun Ate turns the corner and runs right into The Lineman! Now there is a staredown between Secshun Ate and The Lineman!"
MJ:"Sweardog sees The Lineman getting into Secshun Ate's face and he slides back in the ring. The ref is up on the ropes now yelling at Secshun Ate to get back in the ring and for The Lineman to not get involved."
Backwater:"Woah, did a draft of really cold air just shoot through here? Wait! Look, it's Hades! Hades is running down to the ring!"
MJ:"And Sweardog and the ref are distracted watching the other two on the outside!"
Backwater:"Hades is in the ring now and cracks Sweardog with a double axehandle across the back! Sweardog is stunned. Cerberus Slame from Hades! And now Hades slides out of the ring!"
MJ:"Meanwhile on the outside, The Lineman has picked Secshun Ate up and tosses him back into the ring! What a show of strength but he throws him right next to a laid out Sweardog! Secshun Ate sees Sweardog down and goes for a cover!
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3!!!
Secshun Ate scores a win!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Secshun Ate!"
Backwater:"Now The Lineman sees what happened and he runs after Hades! The Lineman spears Hades from behind! They are grappling on the concrete at ringside!"
MJ:"What a chaotic scene this is! Secshun Ate has rolled out the ring and is making himself scarce! Meanwhile, Apollo has appeared at the top of the ramp and is running to the ringside area! The Lineman is on top of Hades and Apollo runs over and kicks him off! Now Sweardog is starting to stir in the ring."
Backwater:"Sweardog sees the commotion outside and jumps to the outside. Sweardog and The Lineman are on one side and Hades and Apollo are on the other! It's a faceoff at ringside. Now Sweardog and The Lineman climb into the ring and are challenging Hades and Apollo to get into the ring! Come on, get in! I want to see it!"
MJ:"Sweardog has grabbed the mic from Cindy and is about to speak."
Sweardog:"Unbelievable. I was planning on waiting until after the tournament to deal with you two. But I have some good news, Geeks. You soon may have the priveledge of the QB Sack or the Sweardog Stunner. I have spoke with CEO Adams, and he seemed interested in a match between us. I would suggest a ladder match, no belts, no cheating, just you and us. I am so tired of talking about kicking your delusional asses, I don't think I can wait. I'm asking CEO Adams to step out right now, and grant this request- perhaps next week, if he thought is was reasonable. Mr. Adams...."
(After a couple of seconds "Crazy Train" kicks in as a jolt of energy goes through the crowd. Out onto the ramp steps "Lightning" Scott Baxter. He is wearing a suit and his trademark lightning bolt shades. He pulls out a wireless mic and starts to speak.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Requesting a match from the CEO are we Mr. McKrackin? Well that strikes me as a very odd request. You are obviously not the smartest dog in the kennel. You see, as anyone that has been paying the least bit of attention to what is going on in this league knows, I am the one in charge of making matches these days. I never took you for very bright, but I thought you were at least paying attention. Be that as it may, I actually like your request. A tag match between the four of you could be interesting. So next week, the currently scheduled match of Hades vs. The Lineman is now changed to a tag match, The Immortals versus Sweardog and The Lineman next week on Mayhem. I'm not digging the ladder match. Let's save those type of matches for a special event. But if you four want a piece of each other, then sure. You got it!"
(The crowd roars it's approval as the four men at ringside stare each other down. After a few moments, Apollo and Hades head to the back. After they are gone, Sweardog and The Lineman head to the back, playing to the crowd as they go.)
MJ:"Wow, a huge match on tap for next week. I can't wait to see these four go at it. Fans, I'm hearing there is something going on outside in the parking lot. Let's take a look."
(The scene changes to show three black SUV's driving in a row pulling into the parking lot of the New Orleans Arena. They drive past the camera and into a parking garage that has a sign that reads "Arena Security" on it.)
Backwater:"That's odd. I suppose the USCW security could use some beefing up but that just seems out of the ordinary to be arriving towards the end of the event."
MJ:"That's true. And we have reached the main event of the evening. And this one should be very interesting. The winner of this match gets to keep Aphrodite as their manager. The rivalry between Captain Caveman and Apollo has been brewing for some time now. It's time for all of it to come to a head."
(Suddenly from the back appears "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten. He is once again carrying a lawn chair and pulling a cooler down to the ring. He gets to the bottom, sets up the lawn chair, and grabs a Natural Light beer out of the cooler. He is wearing a "I want to be a sniper" t-shirt.)
Backwater:"Well, it appears Whitten wants a front row seat for this one. I wonder if he has an extra Natty Light?"
MJ:"We're working here. At least one of us. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is the final first round match in the World Title tournament. Introducing first, weighing in at 250lbs, Captain Caveman!"
(Congo drums start to play as dinosaur noises fill the arena. The newly clean Captain Caveman appears at the top of the ring. Gone are his animal skins, replaced by black spandex shorts. Also with him is Aphrodite, but unlike before she is not tied up. She walks along with Captain Caveman to the ring. The Caveman gives a strange stare to Whitten at ringside before he climbs into the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 225lbs, Apollo!"
(The Chariots of Fire theme starts to play as Apollo arrives at the top of the ramp in the back of his chariot. He brings the two white horses to a halt and hops out of the chariot and heads to the ring. He also notices Whitten at ringside and sneers with disgust as he removes his crown of leaves and steps into the ring.)
MJ:"The anticipation for this match has the crowd electric. The ref signals for the bell and we are underway!"
Backwater:"What's so special about Aphrodite to be fighting over her anyway? I mean, she's alright but she's no Persephone."
MJ:"I guess you will just learn the hard way about that one. I'm tired of warning you. Captain Caveman charges straight at Apollo and goes for a leaping headbutt but Apollo moves out of the way and the Caveman crashes into the turnbuckle. Apollo takes advantage with a forearm to the back of Caveman."
Backwater:"Captain Caveman is an impressive physical specimen, but I'm not too sure how good his match strategy will be."
MJ:"Apollo is in control now in the corner. He doubles the Caveman over with a kick to the gut and then plants him with a DDT. Apollo goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman kicks out at the last second."
Backwater:"That was a little early for a cover. Apollo is looking confident in this one but it may be overconfident."
MJ:"Apollo picks the Caveman up and whips him into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline but Captain Caveman ducks the clothesline. He bounces off the ropes and hits a leaping headbutt on Apollo! Apollo is stunned and Captain Caveman starts peppering him with a wide variety of headbutts!"
Backwater:"It's raining headbutts on Apollo right now! What is the Caveman's head made out of?"
MJ:"Captain Caveman connects on one last 360 headbutt and Apollo goes down. The Caveman pounces on him and goes for a cover!"
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No! Apollo kicks out at the last second!"
Backwater:"He is still trying to shake out the cobwebs as Captain Caveman brings Apollo to his feet. Captain Caveman is about to deliver another headbutt but Apollo gives him a quick poke to the eyes. Nice move from Apollo."
MJ:"Nice move? He blatantly cheated!"
Backwater:"Yeah. Like I said, nice move."
MJ:"Now Apollo is back in control But look at this!"
(Sniper is seen repelling from the ceiling. He is moving down towards a spot just outside the ring.)
MJ:"Sniper is dropping down towards the ring! In the ring, Apollo has put Captain Caveman in a sleeper!"
(Suddenly the theme from Dog: The Bounty Hunter starts to play. The Dog himself emerges from the crowd and tackles Sniper as soon as his feet hit the ground.)
Backwater:"Pinch me. This is like a dream."
MJ:"Dog the Bounty Hunter is here and he is fighting with Sniper on the outside of the ring! In the ring Apollo still has the sleeper on Captain Caveman, but like the rest of us, the ref is completely caught up in what is going on outside the ring!"
Backwater:"Sniper has gotten the best of the Dog now and is starting to lock him in the Columbian Necktie! But look at this! It's Leland, Tim, and Duane Lee! They are all here at ringside now and they tackle Sniper to the ground!"
MJ:"Look in the ring! "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten is in the ring now and he just nailed Apollo from behind with his chair! Now he takes the groggy Caveman and rolls him on top of Apollo!"
Backwater:"They have subdued Sniper on the outside now and are putting cuffs on him."
MJ:"Whitten slides out of the ring and the ref turns around to see the Caveman on top of Apollo!
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3!! Captain Caveman wins and advances in the tournament. He also keeps Aphrodite!"
Backwater:"Now the Dog's woman Beth is over and yelling in Sniper's face! The are passing our broadcast booth now."
(The Dog grabs MJ's mic.)
Dog:"To catch a predator you got to be a predator. I got the Sniper! You can run but you can't hide from the Big Bad Dog!"
(Dog drops the mic on the announcers table and helps the others take Sniper to the back.)
MJ:"I'm getting word now that Sniper was wanted by the Houston Police Department in connection with a possible homicide and the Dog will be delivering him to them ASAP. Wow, that was surreal. And let's not forget that in all that, Captain Caveman advances in the tournament with help from Marcus Whitten."
(Captain Caveman slides out of the ring and Aphrodite comes over and smiles and give him a hug. The two leave together.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Be sure to join next week as we will invade the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, GA. We will have a huge night of action as we will have the debut of Colossus, a huge tag team match as Sweardog and The Lineman take on The Immortals and dont' forget the semi-finals of the World Title tournament. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(The scene changes to show Dog and his crew putting Sniper into one of their black SUV's. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ringposts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the New Orleans arena in New Orleans, Louisiana! We have another absolutely huge night of USCW action in store for you this evening. Two more debut matches, plus the final two matches in the first round of the tournament for the world title. Joining me as usual is Earl Backwater."
Backwater:"Last week was something else MJ and I can't wait to get things going tonight."
MJ:"Neither can I. In fact, let's get things going early tonight. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 300 pounds, Milkjug Mahoney!"
(Milkjug yells out "Gitter Dun!" to the crowd and pulls on the straps of his overalls.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 348 pounds, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
("Tuff Enuff" By the Fabulous Thunderbirds starts to pump through the arena. Marcus Whitten emerges on the ramp and makes his way to the ring along with his manager, former USCW wrestler "The Iceman", Tito Mancuso.)
MJ:"Longtime fans of the USCW are well aware of who this man is and what he can do. He's a former USCW Heavyweight Champion and always a major player in whatever league he is a part of."
Backwater:"Whitten is as tough as they come. Worked his way up from nothing by bouncing and working as a mafia strong man. He got into wrestling from his connections with a prominent New Orleans business man, none other than current USCW comissioner, "Lightning" Scott Baxter."
MJ:"Whitten also has some old links to several other USCW wrestlers, such as Sniper and Thunderbolt Lightfoot. It should be interesting to see how his career takes shape here in the new USCW. Both wrestlers are in the ring now and the bell sounds to start the action. Woah! Whitten just sprinted straight across the ring and spears Milkjug hard to the mat!"
Backwater:"That will take the wind out of you. Milkjug had barely turned to face Whitten when he was already on his back!"
MJ:"Whitten is wasting no time. He calls that spear The Last Call. And what comes after last call? Closing Time of course! Whitten has Milkjug up and slams him to the canvas with his Rock Bottom type finisher! Here is the cover!
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3!! Whitten wins easily.
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
MJ:"Whitten has put the league on notice that he has an open challenge to anyone who wants to face him. That list may have shrunk after an impressive debut."
Backwater:"Whitten has a mean streak you can't help but admire. He is a great addition to the USCW roster."
MJ:"And speaking of additions to the roster. The CEO just keeps them coming because another former USCW star is back to make his presence felt. Let's take it down to Cindy for the return of a wrestler well known to USCW fans."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 245lbs, Mr. Wrestling!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 245lbs and accompanied by the First Lady, El Presidente!"
(The theme from Scarface plays as El Presidente makes his way down to the ring with the First Lady. He is smoking a cigar and wearing a new suit. He gets down to the ring, removes his jacket and shirt, and hands them to the First Lady along with his cigar.)
MJ:"El Presidente doesn't even think he needs wrestling gear for this one. He's going to wrestle in dress shoes and the pants from his suit."
Backwater:"Is he wrong?"
MJ:"El Presidente is in the ring now and we are ready to go. The bell rings and the two men begin to circle each other. El Presidente puts his hand up to call for a test of strength. Mr. Wrestling tenatively puts his hand up to graps and El Presidente doubles him over with a swift kick to the gut!"
Backwater:"Honestly, who falls for that anymore? Has Mr. Wrestling ever watched any wrestling?"
MJ:"El Presidente grabs Mr. Wrestling by the head, runs, and jumps over the top rope, snapping Mr. Wrestling's neck over the top rope! He calls that move The Bay of Pigs and it's the setup for The Cuban Missile Crisis! El Presidente climbs back on the apron, climbs to the top turnbuckle, leaps and comes crashing down with a leg across the throat of Mr. Wrestling! Here's the cover......
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3!!! El Presidente easily wins his debut."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, El Presidente!"
Backwater:"El Prez is back and he is ready to lay down the law. This is a dangerous man."
MJ:"He certainly is Earl. El Presidente is back and he is letting the USCW know he is back for titles. Fans, we are ready now for the first of our two remaining first round fights in the World Title tournament. Fan favorite Sweardog takes on Secshun Ate. Let's take a look at what happened last Monday on Mayhem."
(A video clip rolls. Sweardog comes running from the back carrying a folding chair. But he doesn't see Secshun Ate who was hiding beside the ramp. Secshun Ate reaches out and trips up Sweardog in mid stride, causing him to trip and tumble down the ramp. Secshun Ate hops up onto the ramp, picks up a still stunned Sweardog, and delivers a hard slap across the face.)
MJ:"That was the slap heard round the world and it has echoed in the hearts and minds of USCW fans for this entire week. I talked with numerous fans this past week who were outraged by the actions of Secshun Ate. And now it will come to a head as McKrackin will get his chance to avenge his attack."
Backwater:"I was happy he finally got what was coming to him. And he'll get another dose tonight."
MJ:"We'll see about that. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is a first round fight in the World Title tournament. Introducing first, weighing in at 140lbs and accompanied to the ring by Downtown Jimmy Brown, Secshun Ate!"
("The Ghetto" by Too Short starts to play as Secshun Ate comes strutting out from the back with Jimmy Brown. He struts his way down to the ring in tattered old clothes, and of course, his brand new Air Jordans.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs and accompanied to the ring by Ms. Kitty, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen cranks up as Sweardog walks out onto the ramp with Ms. Kitty. He soaks in the cheers of the crowd as he makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"Secshun Ate is waiting for Sweardog to get to the ring. Wait a minute. What's going on here? That's not Sweardog!"
Backwater:"But that is! Sweardog just slid into the ring from the other side behind Secshun Ate. Mr. Goody Goody sneaking up behind somebody?"
MJ:"The imposter is headed to the back now. The ref sees Sweardog in the ring and signals for the bell. Secshun Ate hears the bell and turns around to see Sweardog in the ring."
Backwater:"And look, coming down the ramp is The Lineman. He must be here to watch Sweardog's back in this one. Sneaking up on people and ganging up. Some good guy this is."
MJ:"Quiet. The match is underway. The two men stare each other down for a second."
Backwater:"It should be interesting to see how this one plays out. Sweardog has a one hundred pound weight advantage."
MJ:"Secshun Ate is circling and keeping his distance right now. He knows he needs to use quickness to win this one because he can't outpower Sweardog. Sweardog moves to lock up and Secshun Ate sidesteps him and slips to the other side of the ring."
Backwater:"That cracked me up. Sweardog almost fell down when he was expecting contact and didn't get it."
MJ:"Sweardog stalks Secshun Ate. He rushes in to lock up and once again Secshun Ate sidesteps him and scoots to the other side of the ring."
Backwater:"This is entertaining and all, but he will eventually have to engage. Won't he?"
MJ:"We'll see. The two circle again and this time Sweardog traps Secshun Ate in the corner and pushes him back into the corner! He connects on a big right hand! And another! He scoops Sechun Ate up easily and plants him in the middle of the ring with a running powerslam! Sweardog hooks the leg and goes for a cover!
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No! Secshun Ate wriggles free and gets a shoulder up."
Backwater:"Secshun Ate is going to have to do better than that."
MJ:"Sweardog picks him up and Secshun Ate quickly ducks away from him and rolls out of the ring! He is on the outside now and is refusing to get back into the ring!"
(The crowd starts to boo Secshun Ate stalling on the outside.)
Backwater:"He's going to have to get in soon. The ref is starting a count and if he gets to 10 Sweardog will win by count out."
MJ:"He's to 8 now and Secshun Ate slides in the ring. And he rolls right back out!"
(The crowd starts to boo all over again. A couple of cups of beer start flying in Secshun Ate's direction.)
MJ:"This is unbelievable. But this time Sweardog isn't waiting on him! He climbs to the outside and starts to run after Secshun Ate!"
Backwater:"Secshun Ate turns the corner and runs right into The Lineman! Now there is a staredown between Secshun Ate and The Lineman!"
MJ:"Sweardog sees The Lineman getting into Secshun Ate's face and he slides back in the ring. The ref is up on the ropes now yelling at Secshun Ate to get back in the ring and for The Lineman to not get involved."
Backwater:"Woah, did a draft of really cold air just shoot through here? Wait! Look, it's Hades! Hades is running down to the ring!"
MJ:"And Sweardog and the ref are distracted watching the other two on the outside!"
Backwater:"Hades is in the ring now and cracks Sweardog with a double axehandle across the back! Sweardog is stunned. Cerberus Slame from Hades! And now Hades slides out of the ring!"
MJ:"Meanwhile on the outside, The Lineman has picked Secshun Ate up and tosses him back into the ring! What a show of strength but he throws him right next to a laid out Sweardog! Secshun Ate sees Sweardog down and goes for a cover!
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3!!!
Secshun Ate scores a win!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Secshun Ate!"
Backwater:"Now The Lineman sees what happened and he runs after Hades! The Lineman spears Hades from behind! They are grappling on the concrete at ringside!"
MJ:"What a chaotic scene this is! Secshun Ate has rolled out the ring and is making himself scarce! Meanwhile, Apollo has appeared at the top of the ramp and is running to the ringside area! The Lineman is on top of Hades and Apollo runs over and kicks him off! Now Sweardog is starting to stir in the ring."
Backwater:"Sweardog sees the commotion outside and jumps to the outside. Sweardog and The Lineman are on one side and Hades and Apollo are on the other! It's a faceoff at ringside. Now Sweardog and The Lineman climb into the ring and are challenging Hades and Apollo to get into the ring! Come on, get in! I want to see it!"
MJ:"Sweardog has grabbed the mic from Cindy and is about to speak."
Sweardog:"Unbelievable. I was planning on waiting until after the tournament to deal with you two. But I have some good news, Geeks. You soon may have the priveledge of the QB Sack or the Sweardog Stunner. I have spoke with CEO Adams, and he seemed interested in a match between us. I would suggest a ladder match, no belts, no cheating, just you and us. I am so tired of talking about kicking your delusional asses, I don't think I can wait. I'm asking CEO Adams to step out right now, and grant this request- perhaps next week, if he thought is was reasonable. Mr. Adams...."
(After a couple of seconds "Crazy Train" kicks in as a jolt of energy goes through the crowd. Out onto the ramp steps "Lightning" Scott Baxter. He is wearing a suit and his trademark lightning bolt shades. He pulls out a wireless mic and starts to speak.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Requesting a match from the CEO are we Mr. McKrackin? Well that strikes me as a very odd request. You are obviously not the smartest dog in the kennel. You see, as anyone that has been paying the least bit of attention to what is going on in this league knows, I am the one in charge of making matches these days. I never took you for very bright, but I thought you were at least paying attention. Be that as it may, I actually like your request. A tag match between the four of you could be interesting. So next week, the currently scheduled match of Hades vs. The Lineman is now changed to a tag match, The Immortals versus Sweardog and The Lineman next week on Mayhem. I'm not digging the ladder match. Let's save those type of matches for a special event. But if you four want a piece of each other, then sure. You got it!"
(The crowd roars it's approval as the four men at ringside stare each other down. After a few moments, Apollo and Hades head to the back. After they are gone, Sweardog and The Lineman head to the back, playing to the crowd as they go.)
MJ:"Wow, a huge match on tap for next week. I can't wait to see these four go at it. Fans, I'm hearing there is something going on outside in the parking lot. Let's take a look."
(The scene changes to show three black SUV's driving in a row pulling into the parking lot of the New Orleans Arena. They drive past the camera and into a parking garage that has a sign that reads "Arena Security" on it.)
Backwater:"That's odd. I suppose the USCW security could use some beefing up but that just seems out of the ordinary to be arriving towards the end of the event."
MJ:"That's true. And we have reached the main event of the evening. And this one should be very interesting. The winner of this match gets to keep Aphrodite as their manager. The rivalry between Captain Caveman and Apollo has been brewing for some time now. It's time for all of it to come to a head."
(Suddenly from the back appears "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten. He is once again carrying a lawn chair and pulling a cooler down to the ring. He gets to the bottom, sets up the lawn chair, and grabs a Natural Light beer out of the cooler. He is wearing a "I want to be a sniper" t-shirt.)
Backwater:"Well, it appears Whitten wants a front row seat for this one. I wonder if he has an extra Natty Light?"
MJ:"We're working here. At least one of us. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is the final first round match in the World Title tournament. Introducing first, weighing in at 250lbs, Captain Caveman!"
(Congo drums start to play as dinosaur noises fill the arena. The newly clean Captain Caveman appears at the top of the ring. Gone are his animal skins, replaced by black spandex shorts. Also with him is Aphrodite, but unlike before she is not tied up. She walks along with Captain Caveman to the ring. The Caveman gives a strange stare to Whitten at ringside before he climbs into the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 225lbs, Apollo!"
(The Chariots of Fire theme starts to play as Apollo arrives at the top of the ramp in the back of his chariot. He brings the two white horses to a halt and hops out of the chariot and heads to the ring. He also notices Whitten at ringside and sneers with disgust as he removes his crown of leaves and steps into the ring.)
MJ:"The anticipation for this match has the crowd electric. The ref signals for the bell and we are underway!"
Backwater:"What's so special about Aphrodite to be fighting over her anyway? I mean, she's alright but she's no Persephone."
MJ:"I guess you will just learn the hard way about that one. I'm tired of warning you. Captain Caveman charges straight at Apollo and goes for a leaping headbutt but Apollo moves out of the way and the Caveman crashes into the turnbuckle. Apollo takes advantage with a forearm to the back of Caveman."
Backwater:"Captain Caveman is an impressive physical specimen, but I'm not too sure how good his match strategy will be."
MJ:"Apollo is in control now in the corner. He doubles the Caveman over with a kick to the gut and then plants him with a DDT. Apollo goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman kicks out at the last second."
Backwater:"That was a little early for a cover. Apollo is looking confident in this one but it may be overconfident."
MJ:"Apollo picks the Caveman up and whips him into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline but Captain Caveman ducks the clothesline. He bounces off the ropes and hits a leaping headbutt on Apollo! Apollo is stunned and Captain Caveman starts peppering him with a wide variety of headbutts!"
Backwater:"It's raining headbutts on Apollo right now! What is the Caveman's head made out of?"
MJ:"Captain Caveman connects on one last 360 headbutt and Apollo goes down. The Caveman pounces on him and goes for a cover!"
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No! Apollo kicks out at the last second!"
Backwater:"He is still trying to shake out the cobwebs as Captain Caveman brings Apollo to his feet. Captain Caveman is about to deliver another headbutt but Apollo gives him a quick poke to the eyes. Nice move from Apollo."
MJ:"Nice move? He blatantly cheated!"
Backwater:"Yeah. Like I said, nice move."
MJ:"Now Apollo is back in control But look at this!"
(Sniper is seen repelling from the ceiling. He is moving down towards a spot just outside the ring.)
MJ:"Sniper is dropping down towards the ring! In the ring, Apollo has put Captain Caveman in a sleeper!"
(Suddenly the theme from Dog: The Bounty Hunter starts to play. The Dog himself emerges from the crowd and tackles Sniper as soon as his feet hit the ground.)
Backwater:"Pinch me. This is like a dream."
MJ:"Dog the Bounty Hunter is here and he is fighting with Sniper on the outside of the ring! In the ring Apollo still has the sleeper on Captain Caveman, but like the rest of us, the ref is completely caught up in what is going on outside the ring!"
Backwater:"Sniper has gotten the best of the Dog now and is starting to lock him in the Columbian Necktie! But look at this! It's Leland, Tim, and Duane Lee! They are all here at ringside now and they tackle Sniper to the ground!"
MJ:"Look in the ring! "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten is in the ring now and he just nailed Apollo from behind with his chair! Now he takes the groggy Caveman and rolls him on top of Apollo!"
Backwater:"They have subdued Sniper on the outside now and are putting cuffs on him."
MJ:"Whitten slides out of the ring and the ref turns around to see the Caveman on top of Apollo!
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3!! Captain Caveman wins and advances in the tournament. He also keeps Aphrodite!"
Backwater:"Now the Dog's woman Beth is over and yelling in Sniper's face! The are passing our broadcast booth now."
(The Dog grabs MJ's mic.)
Dog:"To catch a predator you got to be a predator. I got the Sniper! You can run but you can't hide from the Big Bad Dog!"
(Dog drops the mic on the announcers table and helps the others take Sniper to the back.)
MJ:"I'm getting word now that Sniper was wanted by the Houston Police Department in connection with a possible homicide and the Dog will be delivering him to them ASAP. Wow, that was surreal. And let's not forget that in all that, Captain Caveman advances in the tournament with help from Marcus Whitten."
(Captain Caveman slides out of the ring and Aphrodite comes over and smiles and give him a hug. The two leave together.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Be sure to join next week as we will invade the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, GA. We will have a huge night of action as we will have the debut of Colossus, a huge tag team match as Sweardog and The Lineman take on The Immortals and dont' forget the semi-finals of the World Title tournament. For Earl Backwater, I am Michael Johnson. Goodnight everybody!"
(The scene changes to show Dog and his crew putting Sniper into one of their black SUV's. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black..)