MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
another edition of Monday Night Mayhem!!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, California! We are coming off the heels of an amazing night of action at Memphis in May 2006. Sniper is the new USCW World Heavyweight Champion. Colossus and Marcus Whitten joined forces with Sweardog and The Lineman and took home the World Tag Team Championship. And El Presidente settled an old score while welcoming back one of the leagues most infamous wrestlers in "Sweet" Gordy Dix. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. What do you think about the many happenings over the past few weeks."
EB:"The USCW just keeps getting better and better. The return of old stars. The influx of new talent. And it continues tonight here in Los Angeles."
MJ:"That's right Earl. Now that Memphis in May is over, we begin building towards the next USCW premier event, Summer Spectacular in San Diego, California on June 18th, 2006."
EB:"That's Father's Day MJ and we'll leave that night having answered a lot of questions. Like "Who's Your Daddy?" after the matches are over."
MJ:"Fans, the action will be hot and heavy tonight. We have the debut of two new superstars. Both are making waves in the USCW. I'm talking about the hardcore kid himself, DTM, and Christopher Lee, "The California Dream".
EB:"Both of these guys have talked a good game up to this point. It's time to see what they can get done in the ring."
MJ:"In addition to those two matches, we also have two more exciting matches. First, The Crippler versus everyone's favorite homeless wrester, Secshun Ate."
EB:"Hopefully accompanied by the Bum Squad. Bum fever is sweeping the USCW."
MJ:"Also tonight, USCW Commissioner "Lightning" Scott Baxter will make an announcement regarding the United States Championship. The US Title has a colorful history and is the second most prestigious title in the USCW. LSB will announce how that title will be decided right here live tonight."
EB:"Maybe he'll just declare himself the champion. He's won it before."
MJ:"I somehow doubt that. And our main event match of the evening should get everyone's attention. A Bra and Panties match between two of our female stars in Persephone and Ms. Kitty. The winner is the first one to strip the other down to just her bra and panties."
EB:"I can't imagine someone not having interest in that one MJ."
MJ:"Alright fans, it's time for our first match. Let's take it down to Cindy Maxwell to kick off Mayhem with our first match."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring,weighing in at 225lbs pounds, Hans Friegen!"
(Hans pulls on the ropes to warm up.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 185 pounds, "The California Dream", Christopher Lee!"
("Hustle and Flow" plays as Lee struts down to the ring.)
MJ:"Lee has been very vocal and outspoken thus far about this abilities."
EB:"Let's see if he can back up that talk in the ring. But if he can't handle Friegen, he's going to be in trouble against some of the other USCW superstars."
MJ:"The bell has run and this match is under way. Except Lee isn't tearing into Friegen right away. He's busy playing to the crowd."
EB:"He seems much more interested in what's going on outside the ring than what's going on inside."
MJ:"Friegen runs over and tries a clothesline but Lee ducks it. He fires a punch that stuns Friegen. And another! Now he is using his hands to frame Friegen like he is about to take a picture. And he nails him with a big clothesline!"
EB:"He brings Friegen to his feet and whips him into the far side ropes. He gets a running start and nails a big splash in the corner! There was quite an impact on that one!"
MJ:"Friegen stumbles out of the corner and Lee grabs him from behind into a Dragon Sleeper! He drops Friegen down, slamming his knee into the neck of Friegen! He stands back up, still holding the Dragon Sleeper, and this time he slams Friegen straight down to the mat, driving his elbow into him on the way down! That's the move he calls the Snap Shot! And Lee goes for a cover!
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3!! "The California Dream" wins his debut in impressive fashion!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "The California Dream", Christopher Lee!"
MJ:"So the newcomer makes good on all his talk and puts away Hans Friegen quickly."
EB:"The real test will come when he faces a USCW superstar of a little higher caliber. Lots of wrestlers have emerged into the USCW impressively, only to not live up to their potential."
MJ:"What is this? Look at the ramp! It's Secshun Ate and the Bum Squad! They are coming down the ramp and heading towards the ring!"
EB:"It looks like all that talk from The California Dream got somebodies attention!"
MJ:"The five men slide into the ring and attack Christopher Lee! He's fighting them off at first but all five of them together overwhelm him!"
EB:"Am I seeing things, or do each of the bums have a sign around their neck? Panner, Kartman, Wendex, and ShoeShine. Now I've seen everything."
MJ:"Secshun Ate just grabbed the stunned Lee and nailed him with the W.I.C slam! And look at this! One of the Bums just smashed a pie in the face of The California Dream! Where did he get a pie?"
EB:"Correction, now I've seen everything."
MJ:"Now they have left Lee in the ring and the Bums are panhandling again and offering to shine the shoes of the people in the first row as they start to head to the back."
(Christopher Lee gets to his feet slowly in the ring. He wipes the pie from his face and looks around but Secshun Ate and the Bum Squad have already made their way to the back. He is obviously mad as he slides out of the ring and heads backstage.)
MJ:"I'm sure that sneak attack will not sit well with The California Dream."
EB:"He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would just let something like that go."
MJ:"Certainly not. Alright fans, now that we have that debut done, it's time for another. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighting in at 300 pounds, Milkjug Mahoney!"
(Milkjug yells out "Gitter done!" in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 220 pounds, DTM!"
( "Superman" by Blindside starts to play as DTM makes his way out from the back in his normal attire of jeans and boots..)
MJ:"DTM has put the USCW on notice to exactly what lengths he will go to win a match."
EB:"I don't think he will have to go very far to take out Milkjug."
MJ:"We'll see. The bell has rung for this match and we are underway. Milkjug charges at DTM who sidesteps him, then jumps straight up and delivers an impressive standing dropkick which pushes Milkjug backwards with such force that he flips over the top rope and down to the floor!"
EB:"Wow! I've never seen Milkjug take a spill like that!"
MJ:"Now look at DTM! He is measuring Milkjug from the opposite side of the ring. He gets a running start, jumps and springboards off the top rope! He nailed Milkjug with a huge splash on the outside! What a crazy move!"
EB:"That took almost as much out of DTM as it did Milkjug!"
MJ:"Both men are down for a second before DTM makes it to his feet and rolls Milkjug into the ring. He slides in and picks Milkjug up. Whip into the corner. Spear by DTM in the corner!"
EB:"Milkjug is completely out of it now."
MJ:"DTM is picking Milkjug up now and setting him sitting on the top turnbuckle facing the crowd. He climbs up behind him and grabs him in a position for a reverse DDT! He jumps backwards and DDT's Milkjug from the top rope to the canvas! He calls that move Death From Above and now here is a cover.
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3!! DTM picks up the win!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, DTM!"
MJ:"Another impressive win for a newcomer Earl."
EB:"I must say, DTM is cer......."
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith starts to play and The Crippler walks out from the back carrying a microphone. He stares down DTM and starts to speak.)
Crippler:"DTM, you think you're hardcore. But I'll show you what hardcore really is. If you try to pull anything with me, I will use every weapon in the building and the only way you will leave the ring is in an ambulance."
(The crowd starts to get excited at the prospect of a hardcore match.)
Crippler:"If you are man enough, I challenge you for a shot at the Extreme Division Championship. I will unleash all my built up frustration and you won't have a chance. You're not the same caliber wrestler I am. Not even in the same league. If you want it, I'll take you to hell and you won't survive. I'll give you some time to think it over to make sure it's what you really want. Get back to me. I'll be waiting."
(With that last comment, The Crippler heads into the back. DTM, who has been listening intently, hops out of the ring and makes his way to the back.)
MJ:"Well, a challenge in the new USCW Extreme Division. We'll have to see what DTM has to say about that, but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to back down to challenges."
EB:"I would agree with that MJ. I'd say these two are headed towards a showdown in the near future."
MJ:"Alright fans, we are ready now for a match between two men who have already made their presence felt here tonight. One you just saw in The Crippler. And the other the man who earlier tonight jumped Christopher Lee with the help of the Bum Squad. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 160lbs and accompanied to the ring by Downtown Jimmy Brown, Secshun Ate!"
("The Ghetto" by Too Short plays as Secshun Ate comes out from the back. He is actually dressed a little nicer tonight, as is his manager, with new clothes.)
EB:"Secshun Ate is actually looking pretty stylish tonight. I guess Judge Joe Brown is actually hooking them up."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 295lbs, The Crippler!"
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith cranks up as The Crippler comes out from the back.)
MJ:"This should be a good one. Once again, Secshun Ate faces a major size disadvantage. But as we have seen before, he finds ways around those issues quite often."
EB:"You mean he runs from his problems, in a manner of speaking."
MJ:"I suppose you could say that. Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The much larger Crippler attempts to lock up with Secshun Ate but he ducks out of the way."
EB:"I think we are going to see a pattern developing."
MJ:"Once again The Crippler tries to lock up but this time Secshun Ate connects with a thumb to the eye before The Crippler can get his hands of him. The ref tries to admonish Secshun Ate as Ate grabs The Crippler and nails a big headbutt right to his face!"
EB:"Ouch! You don't have to weigh very much for your head to hurt somebody."
MJ:"The Crippler is stunned and Secshun Ate grabs him around the head and nails a running bulldog! Secshun Ate goes for a cover!
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No! The Crippler kicks out!"
EB:"That was close! The Crippler was stunned and Secshun Ate almost got that three count."
MJ:"It was certainly close. Secshun Ate brings The Crippler to his feet. He whips him into the far side ropes. Secshun Ate goes for a clothesline but The Crippler ducks underneath it! Secshun Ate bounces off the ropes but as he comes back The Crippler wraps him up and throws him over with a belly to belly suplex! Secshun Ate goes flying across the ring and crashes down hard!"
EB:"Nice move by The Crippler. He showed pretty good agility for a big man on that one."
MJ:"Secshun Ate is still down and The Crippler moves over and grabs a leg. He puts Secshun Ate in an anklelock! He has it locked on pretty tight but Secshun Ate manages to get a hand to the ropes and the ref is making The Crippler break the hold."
EB:"I can see why he is called The Crippler with moves like that. That could do some damage."
MJ:"Secshun Ate gets to his feet but The Crippler nails him with a big right hand. He grabs Secshun Ate and is setting him up. Oh! Big chokeslam from The Crippler! And here's a cover!
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No!! Secshun Ate wriggles a shoulder up at the last second!"
EB:"He kicked out there MJ. But he looks to be in a lot of trouble. Wait, look at that!"
(Down the ramp comes running two members of the Bum Squad.)
MJ:"The Bum Squad are headed to the ring."
EB:"Something isn't right about this. Those are the strangest looking Bums I've ever seen."
MJ:"Well, whoever they are they are in the ringside area. One bum hops up on the apron. Wow, that's the hottest bum I've ever seen."
EB:"You can't hide a body like that, even with old clothes."
MJ:"The female bum is distracting the ref. And doing a damn fine job of it. Meanwhile, the other bum is in the ring now and jumps The Crippler from behind! The Crippler is stunned and the bum picks him up into a suplex and drops him straight down on his head! Now he slides out of the ring."
EB:"That move was awfully familiar."
MJ:"Secshun Ate manages to crawl over and make a cover on The Crippler! The female bum points it out to the ref and hops down from the ring apron. He's a count!"
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3!! Secshun Ate wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Secshun Ate!"
MJ:"The Crippler was in control of the match but outside interference from these two "Bums" gave the win to Secshun Ate!"
EB:"The Bum Squad is so popular it's gaining new members all the time! But seriously, those two look suspiciously like a certain wrestler and manager we know all too well. There aren't too many 6'9" bums that I know of."
MJ:"The two bums have made their way to the back now and Secshun Ate isn't far behind them. The Crippler gets to his feet now. I'm sure he will not be too happy when he sees the replay of this one."
EB:"Interference is part of the game. A tough part to deal with, but a part none the less."
MJ:"Alright fans, we almost ready for the main event of the evening. But first we nee....."
("Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne interrupts MJ as "Lightning" Scott Baxter starts to make his way to the ring. He is carrying a microphone as he goes.)
MJ:"I was about to say, first we need to hear from the commissioner regarding the 8 man battle royal for the United State Heavyweight Title. The commissioner is in the ring now and ready to speak."
LSB:"Well..,well.., well. How are the fans here in California enjoying the USCW?"
(The fans roar their approval.)
LSB:"That's good to hear. Tonight has been exciting. But next week has the chance to be even more exciting. And that's because in addition to the debut of three new wrestlers, there will be an eight man over the top battle royal to determine the United State Heavyweight Champion!"
(The crowd roars again.)
LSB:"And tonight, I will name the participants. The eight men that will compete in the battle royal are........
Sweardog McKrackin.....
The Big Shot......
Captain Caveman.......
Secshun Ate........
The Lineman........
The Crippler.........
"The California Dream" Christopher Lee........
and DTM!"
(The crowd reacts to each name and cheers loudly when the final participant is named.)
LSB:"I don't want to hear any whining from those of you who weren't chosen. My decision is final. It always is. I'll see you next week in San Diego."
("Crazy Train" plays again as Baxter makes his way to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, there will certainly be a lot of people in that battle royal that don't care for each other at all!"
EB:"You can say that again. The title is important, but some of those guys will be looking more for revenge that for titles."
MJ:"Well, fans we have reached the main event of the evening. It's one that most of you have been looking forward to for a while. Ms. Kitty versus Persephone in a Bra & Panties match. Both women have agreed to come out in just a robe, tied tightly at the waist, with just their underwear underneath. Which ever women can completely remove the other's robe first will be declared the winner. Let's take it down to Cindy for the intro......"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" by Getto Boys starts to play and "Sweet" Gordy Dix appears on the ramp. He is wearing a purple hat with a feather, a white jacket with purple polka dots, and purple pants. He walks down the ramp with a cane and walk over to the announcer's desk and takes a seat.)
SGD:"I know that. I'm just here to see some bitches and see if there is anything I can stir up. Now just shut up and watch so I can strategerize."
CM:"The following contest is a Bra and Panties match. Introducing first, Persephone!"
("Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts to play as Persephone walks out from the back with a black robe on. She seductively walks down to the ring. She loosens her robe and teases a flash to the crowd before sliding into the ring and tightening up the robe.)
SGD:"Man I never had a Goth chick. I think I'd like to hit that one night, but then these gods would be all over me like white on rice on a paper plate in the middle of a snowstorm. Oh, no I am just too scared."
CM:"And her opponent, Miss Kitty!"
("Kitty Kitty" by 69 Boyz plays as Miss Kitty comes down to the ring. She is in a tight fitting white robe. She slinks her way to the ring, playing to the crowd.)
MJ:"Both women are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The bell rings and Persephone charges straight over and tackles Miss Kitty! They are struggling on the ground with Persephone on top of Miss Kitty. Now Miss Kitty rolls her over and is now on top. They are trying to control each others hands so they can't get to the tied up strings of the robes. Earl, what do you think of this action."
(Backwater is too busy staring, lost in his thoughts, with his mouth open to answer.)
MJ:"I see."
(From the back walks Captain Caveman. He is carrying what appears to be a stone tablet. The camera catches a glimpse of the tablet and on it is drawn a stick figure and also Captain Caveman's name carved into the rock.)
MJ:"What the? Is that his idea of an autograph?"
EB:"Caveman logic. He is a celebrity you know."
MJ:"Meanwhile in the ring the struggle continues. They have fought their way back to their feet now."
(Gordy stands up from the desk and heads towards the ring.)
EB:"That was a short visit."
MJ:"Look at this. Gordy is up on the ring apron now. The two women are struggling with each other by the ropes and Gordy reaches over and pulls the strings to untie both robes!"
(The front of both women's robes come open to reveal their impressive assets. After pausing for a second, they each quickly remove the robe of the other until they are both standing in just their underwear in the ring.)
MJ:"The robes came off at the same time. How can there be a winner?"
EB:"Are you kidding me MJ? We're all winners right now!"
(Sweardog, The Lineman, Marcus Whitten, and Colossus all run to the ring. Following shortly after them is Hades and Apollo.)
MJ:"Here come the men to protect their women. Sweardog grabs Miss Kitty's robe and covers her up while Hades does the same to Persephone. Now they are both staring at Gordy, who has dropped to the ringside floor."
EB:"And look, there is El Presidente! He is coming down to the ring now and joins Dix. Now both of them slide into the ring!"
MJ:"What a showdown this is! We have Paramount in the ring, Hades & Apollo, and El Presidente & The Sweetness. And it looks like tempers are flaring!"
EB:"Look at this! It's Sniper! Sniper just appeared from the crowd and is getting into the ring!"
MJ:"What is he doing here? Sniper is standing in the middle of everyone. He stares at each group individually. And now he attacks Marcus Whitten! And now everyone is brawling!"
EB:"Captain Caveman just jumped into the ring and is attacking random people from both sides! I think he is just mad that the match is over and the two girls put their robes back on!"
MJ:"It's chaos in the ring! Fans, we are out of time! Join us next Monday Night as the USCW continues it's West Coast swing. We will be live from the ipayOne Center at the Sports Arena in San Diego, CA! We will see the debut of some new USCW talent, and also have the eight man battle royal for the US Title! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(The groups are still brawling in the ring. They continue to fight as an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, California! We are coming off the heels of an amazing night of action at Memphis in May 2006. Sniper is the new USCW World Heavyweight Champion. Colossus and Marcus Whitten joined forces with Sweardog and The Lineman and took home the World Tag Team Championship. And El Presidente settled an old score while welcoming back one of the leagues most infamous wrestlers in "Sweet" Gordy Dix. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. What do you think about the many happenings over the past few weeks."
EB:"The USCW just keeps getting better and better. The return of old stars. The influx of new talent. And it continues tonight here in Los Angeles."
MJ:"That's right Earl. Now that Memphis in May is over, we begin building towards the next USCW premier event, Summer Spectacular in San Diego, California on June 18th, 2006."
EB:"That's Father's Day MJ and we'll leave that night having answered a lot of questions. Like "Who's Your Daddy?" after the matches are over."
MJ:"Fans, the action will be hot and heavy tonight. We have the debut of two new superstars. Both are making waves in the USCW. I'm talking about the hardcore kid himself, DTM, and Christopher Lee, "The California Dream".
EB:"Both of these guys have talked a good game up to this point. It's time to see what they can get done in the ring."
MJ:"In addition to those two matches, we also have two more exciting matches. First, The Crippler versus everyone's favorite homeless wrester, Secshun Ate."
EB:"Hopefully accompanied by the Bum Squad. Bum fever is sweeping the USCW."
MJ:"Also tonight, USCW Commissioner "Lightning" Scott Baxter will make an announcement regarding the United States Championship. The US Title has a colorful history and is the second most prestigious title in the USCW. LSB will announce how that title will be decided right here live tonight."
EB:"Maybe he'll just declare himself the champion. He's won it before."
MJ:"I somehow doubt that. And our main event match of the evening should get everyone's attention. A Bra and Panties match between two of our female stars in Persephone and Ms. Kitty. The winner is the first one to strip the other down to just her bra and panties."
EB:"I can't imagine someone not having interest in that one MJ."
MJ:"Alright fans, it's time for our first match. Let's take it down to Cindy Maxwell to kick off Mayhem with our first match."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring,weighing in at 225lbs pounds, Hans Friegen!"
(Hans pulls on the ropes to warm up.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 185 pounds, "The California Dream", Christopher Lee!"
("Hustle and Flow" plays as Lee struts down to the ring.)
MJ:"Lee has been very vocal and outspoken thus far about this abilities."
EB:"Let's see if he can back up that talk in the ring. But if he can't handle Friegen, he's going to be in trouble against some of the other USCW superstars."
MJ:"The bell has run and this match is under way. Except Lee isn't tearing into Friegen right away. He's busy playing to the crowd."
EB:"He seems much more interested in what's going on outside the ring than what's going on inside."
MJ:"Friegen runs over and tries a clothesline but Lee ducks it. He fires a punch that stuns Friegen. And another! Now he is using his hands to frame Friegen like he is about to take a picture. And he nails him with a big clothesline!"
EB:"He brings Friegen to his feet and whips him into the far side ropes. He gets a running start and nails a big splash in the corner! There was quite an impact on that one!"
MJ:"Friegen stumbles out of the corner and Lee grabs him from behind into a Dragon Sleeper! He drops Friegen down, slamming his knee into the neck of Friegen! He stands back up, still holding the Dragon Sleeper, and this time he slams Friegen straight down to the mat, driving his elbow into him on the way down! That's the move he calls the Snap Shot! And Lee goes for a cover!
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3!! "The California Dream" wins his debut in impressive fashion!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "The California Dream", Christopher Lee!"
MJ:"So the newcomer makes good on all his talk and puts away Hans Friegen quickly."
EB:"The real test will come when he faces a USCW superstar of a little higher caliber. Lots of wrestlers have emerged into the USCW impressively, only to not live up to their potential."
MJ:"What is this? Look at the ramp! It's Secshun Ate and the Bum Squad! They are coming down the ramp and heading towards the ring!"
EB:"It looks like all that talk from The California Dream got somebodies attention!"
MJ:"The five men slide into the ring and attack Christopher Lee! He's fighting them off at first but all five of them together overwhelm him!"
EB:"Am I seeing things, or do each of the bums have a sign around their neck? Panner, Kartman, Wendex, and ShoeShine. Now I've seen everything."
MJ:"Secshun Ate just grabbed the stunned Lee and nailed him with the W.I.C slam! And look at this! One of the Bums just smashed a pie in the face of The California Dream! Where did he get a pie?"
EB:"Correction, now I've seen everything."
MJ:"Now they have left Lee in the ring and the Bums are panhandling again and offering to shine the shoes of the people in the first row as they start to head to the back."
(Christopher Lee gets to his feet slowly in the ring. He wipes the pie from his face and looks around but Secshun Ate and the Bum Squad have already made their way to the back. He is obviously mad as he slides out of the ring and heads backstage.)
MJ:"I'm sure that sneak attack will not sit well with The California Dream."
EB:"He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would just let something like that go."
MJ:"Certainly not. Alright fans, now that we have that debut done, it's time for another. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighting in at 300 pounds, Milkjug Mahoney!"
(Milkjug yells out "Gitter done!" in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 220 pounds, DTM!"
( "Superman" by Blindside starts to play as DTM makes his way out from the back in his normal attire of jeans and boots..)
MJ:"DTM has put the USCW on notice to exactly what lengths he will go to win a match."
EB:"I don't think he will have to go very far to take out Milkjug."
MJ:"We'll see. The bell has rung for this match and we are underway. Milkjug charges at DTM who sidesteps him, then jumps straight up and delivers an impressive standing dropkick which pushes Milkjug backwards with such force that he flips over the top rope and down to the floor!"
EB:"Wow! I've never seen Milkjug take a spill like that!"
MJ:"Now look at DTM! He is measuring Milkjug from the opposite side of the ring. He gets a running start, jumps and springboards off the top rope! He nailed Milkjug with a huge splash on the outside! What a crazy move!"
EB:"That took almost as much out of DTM as it did Milkjug!"
MJ:"Both men are down for a second before DTM makes it to his feet and rolls Milkjug into the ring. He slides in and picks Milkjug up. Whip into the corner. Spear by DTM in the corner!"
EB:"Milkjug is completely out of it now."
MJ:"DTM is picking Milkjug up now and setting him sitting on the top turnbuckle facing the crowd. He climbs up behind him and grabs him in a position for a reverse DDT! He jumps backwards and DDT's Milkjug from the top rope to the canvas! He calls that move Death From Above and now here is a cover.
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3!! DTM picks up the win!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, DTM!"
MJ:"Another impressive win for a newcomer Earl."
EB:"I must say, DTM is cer......."
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith starts to play and The Crippler walks out from the back carrying a microphone. He stares down DTM and starts to speak.)
Crippler:"DTM, you think you're hardcore. But I'll show you what hardcore really is. If you try to pull anything with me, I will use every weapon in the building and the only way you will leave the ring is in an ambulance."
(The crowd starts to get excited at the prospect of a hardcore match.)
Crippler:"If you are man enough, I challenge you for a shot at the Extreme Division Championship. I will unleash all my built up frustration and you won't have a chance. You're not the same caliber wrestler I am. Not even in the same league. If you want it, I'll take you to hell and you won't survive. I'll give you some time to think it over to make sure it's what you really want. Get back to me. I'll be waiting."
(With that last comment, The Crippler heads into the back. DTM, who has been listening intently, hops out of the ring and makes his way to the back.)
MJ:"Well, a challenge in the new USCW Extreme Division. We'll have to see what DTM has to say about that, but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to back down to challenges."
EB:"I would agree with that MJ. I'd say these two are headed towards a showdown in the near future."
MJ:"Alright fans, we are ready now for a match between two men who have already made their presence felt here tonight. One you just saw in The Crippler. And the other the man who earlier tonight jumped Christopher Lee with the help of the Bum Squad. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 160lbs and accompanied to the ring by Downtown Jimmy Brown, Secshun Ate!"
("The Ghetto" by Too Short plays as Secshun Ate comes out from the back. He is actually dressed a little nicer tonight, as is his manager, with new clothes.)
EB:"Secshun Ate is actually looking pretty stylish tonight. I guess Judge Joe Brown is actually hooking them up."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 295lbs, The Crippler!"
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith cranks up as The Crippler comes out from the back.)
MJ:"This should be a good one. Once again, Secshun Ate faces a major size disadvantage. But as we have seen before, he finds ways around those issues quite often."
EB:"You mean he runs from his problems, in a manner of speaking."
MJ:"I suppose you could say that. Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The much larger Crippler attempts to lock up with Secshun Ate but he ducks out of the way."
EB:"I think we are going to see a pattern developing."
MJ:"Once again The Crippler tries to lock up but this time Secshun Ate connects with a thumb to the eye before The Crippler can get his hands of him. The ref tries to admonish Secshun Ate as Ate grabs The Crippler and nails a big headbutt right to his face!"
EB:"Ouch! You don't have to weigh very much for your head to hurt somebody."
MJ:"The Crippler is stunned and Secshun Ate grabs him around the head and nails a running bulldog! Secshun Ate goes for a cover!
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No! The Crippler kicks out!"
EB:"That was close! The Crippler was stunned and Secshun Ate almost got that three count."
MJ:"It was certainly close. Secshun Ate brings The Crippler to his feet. He whips him into the far side ropes. Secshun Ate goes for a clothesline but The Crippler ducks underneath it! Secshun Ate bounces off the ropes but as he comes back The Crippler wraps him up and throws him over with a belly to belly suplex! Secshun Ate goes flying across the ring and crashes down hard!"
EB:"Nice move by The Crippler. He showed pretty good agility for a big man on that one."
MJ:"Secshun Ate is still down and The Crippler moves over and grabs a leg. He puts Secshun Ate in an anklelock! He has it locked on pretty tight but Secshun Ate manages to get a hand to the ropes and the ref is making The Crippler break the hold."
EB:"I can see why he is called The Crippler with moves like that. That could do some damage."
MJ:"Secshun Ate gets to his feet but The Crippler nails him with a big right hand. He grabs Secshun Ate and is setting him up. Oh! Big chokeslam from The Crippler! And here's a cover!
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No!! Secshun Ate wriggles a shoulder up at the last second!"
EB:"He kicked out there MJ. But he looks to be in a lot of trouble. Wait, look at that!"
(Down the ramp comes running two members of the Bum Squad.)
MJ:"The Bum Squad are headed to the ring."
EB:"Something isn't right about this. Those are the strangest looking Bums I've ever seen."
MJ:"Well, whoever they are they are in the ringside area. One bum hops up on the apron. Wow, that's the hottest bum I've ever seen."
EB:"You can't hide a body like that, even with old clothes."
MJ:"The female bum is distracting the ref. And doing a damn fine job of it. Meanwhile, the other bum is in the ring now and jumps The Crippler from behind! The Crippler is stunned and the bum picks him up into a suplex and drops him straight down on his head! Now he slides out of the ring."
EB:"That move was awfully familiar."
MJ:"Secshun Ate manages to crawl over and make a cover on The Crippler! The female bum points it out to the ref and hops down from the ring apron. He's a count!"
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3!! Secshun Ate wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Secshun Ate!"
MJ:"The Crippler was in control of the match but outside interference from these two "Bums" gave the win to Secshun Ate!"
EB:"The Bum Squad is so popular it's gaining new members all the time! But seriously, those two look suspiciously like a certain wrestler and manager we know all too well. There aren't too many 6'9" bums that I know of."
MJ:"The two bums have made their way to the back now and Secshun Ate isn't far behind them. The Crippler gets to his feet now. I'm sure he will not be too happy when he sees the replay of this one."
EB:"Interference is part of the game. A tough part to deal with, but a part none the less."
MJ:"Alright fans, we almost ready for the main event of the evening. But first we nee....."
("Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne interrupts MJ as "Lightning" Scott Baxter starts to make his way to the ring. He is carrying a microphone as he goes.)
MJ:"I was about to say, first we need to hear from the commissioner regarding the 8 man battle royal for the United State Heavyweight Title. The commissioner is in the ring now and ready to speak."
LSB:"Well..,well.., well. How are the fans here in California enjoying the USCW?"
(The fans roar their approval.)
LSB:"That's good to hear. Tonight has been exciting. But next week has the chance to be even more exciting. And that's because in addition to the debut of three new wrestlers, there will be an eight man over the top battle royal to determine the United State Heavyweight Champion!"
(The crowd roars again.)
LSB:"And tonight, I will name the participants. The eight men that will compete in the battle royal are........
Sweardog McKrackin.....
The Big Shot......
Captain Caveman.......
Secshun Ate........
The Lineman........
The Crippler.........
"The California Dream" Christopher Lee........
and DTM!"
(The crowd reacts to each name and cheers loudly when the final participant is named.)
LSB:"I don't want to hear any whining from those of you who weren't chosen. My decision is final. It always is. I'll see you next week in San Diego."
("Crazy Train" plays again as Baxter makes his way to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, there will certainly be a lot of people in that battle royal that don't care for each other at all!"
EB:"You can say that again. The title is important, but some of those guys will be looking more for revenge that for titles."
MJ:"Well, fans we have reached the main event of the evening. It's one that most of you have been looking forward to for a while. Ms. Kitty versus Persephone in a Bra & Panties match. Both women have agreed to come out in just a robe, tied tightly at the waist, with just their underwear underneath. Which ever women can completely remove the other's robe first will be declared the winner. Let's take it down to Cindy for the intro......"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" by Getto Boys starts to play and "Sweet" Gordy Dix appears on the ramp. He is wearing a purple hat with a feather, a white jacket with purple polka dots, and purple pants. He walks down the ramp with a cane and walk over to the announcer's desk and takes a seat.)
SGD:"Nice for you to have me here I know. So MJ, where did you gets this
douchebag from?"
EB:"Actually I...."
SGD:"Well it doesn't really matter now does it? You should just be excited that you are going to see your first set of titties."
SGD:"Well it doesn't really matter now does it? You should just be excited that you are going to see your first set of titties."
MJ:"So what brings the Sweetness to ringside tonight? You and El
Presidente are not in any type of match tonight."
SGD:"I know that. I'm just here to see some bitches and see if there is anything I can stir up. Now just shut up and watch so I can strategerize."
CM:"The following contest is a Bra and Panties match. Introducing first, Persephone!"
("Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts to play as Persephone walks out from the back with a black robe on. She seductively walks down to the ring. She loosens her robe and teases a flash to the crowd before sliding into the ring and tightening up the robe.)
SGD:"Man I never had a Goth chick. I think I'd like to hit that one night, but then these gods would be all over me like white on rice on a paper plate in the middle of a snowstorm. Oh, no I am just too scared."
CM:"And her opponent, Miss Kitty!"
("Kitty Kitty" by 69 Boyz plays as Miss Kitty comes down to the ring. She is in a tight fitting white robe. She slinks her way to the ring, playing to the crowd.)
MJ:"Both women are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The bell rings and Persephone charges straight over and tackles Miss Kitty! They are struggling on the ground with Persephone on top of Miss Kitty. Now Miss Kitty rolls her over and is now on top. They are trying to control each others hands so they can't get to the tied up strings of the robes. Earl, what do you think of this action."
(Backwater is too busy staring, lost in his thoughts, with his mouth open to answer.)
MJ:"I see."
(From the back walks Captain Caveman. He is carrying what appears to be a stone tablet. The camera catches a glimpse of the tablet and on it is drawn a stick figure and also Captain Caveman's name carved into the rock.)
MJ:"What the? Is that his idea of an autograph?"
EB:"Caveman logic. He is a celebrity you know."
MJ:"Meanwhile in the ring the struggle continues. They have fought their way back to their feet now."
(Gordy stands up from the desk and heads towards the ring.)
EB:"That was a short visit."
MJ:"Look at this. Gordy is up on the ring apron now. The two women are struggling with each other by the ropes and Gordy reaches over and pulls the strings to untie both robes!"
(The front of both women's robes come open to reveal their impressive assets. After pausing for a second, they each quickly remove the robe of the other until they are both standing in just their underwear in the ring.)
MJ:"The robes came off at the same time. How can there be a winner?"
EB:"Are you kidding me MJ? We're all winners right now!"
(Sweardog, The Lineman, Marcus Whitten, and Colossus all run to the ring. Following shortly after them is Hades and Apollo.)
MJ:"Here come the men to protect their women. Sweardog grabs Miss Kitty's robe and covers her up while Hades does the same to Persephone. Now they are both staring at Gordy, who has dropped to the ringside floor."
EB:"And look, there is El Presidente! He is coming down to the ring now and joins Dix. Now both of them slide into the ring!"
MJ:"What a showdown this is! We have Paramount in the ring, Hades & Apollo, and El Presidente & The Sweetness. And it looks like tempers are flaring!"
EB:"Look at this! It's Sniper! Sniper just appeared from the crowd and is getting into the ring!"
MJ:"What is he doing here? Sniper is standing in the middle of everyone. He stares at each group individually. And now he attacks Marcus Whitten! And now everyone is brawling!"
EB:"Captain Caveman just jumped into the ring and is attacking random people from both sides! I think he is just mad that the match is over and the two girls put their robes back on!"
MJ:"It's chaos in the ring! Fans, we are out of time! Join us next Monday Night as the USCW continues it's West Coast swing. We will be live from the ipayOne Center at the Sports Arena in San Diego, CA! We will see the debut of some new USCW talent, and also have the eight man battle royal for the US Title! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(The groups are still brawling in the ring. They continue to fight as an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)