MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
another edition of Monday Night Mayhem!!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live from the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona. We have another exiciting night of action for you tonight as well lead into Summer Spectacular. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. Earl."
EB:"Glad you once again have the pleasure of working with me MJ. And you're right, it should be an exciting night. The debut of the league's largest man, and two hardcore matchups. One featuring The Lineman versus Mr. Chopper, and the other an amazing three way match between Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler, DTM, and The Crippler."
MJ:"And don't forget we will bring you the official contract signing between World Champion Sniper and the challenger El Presidente. That match is scheduled to take place at Summer Spectaular in San Diego and should be something else."
EB:"That's one I'm looking forward to. I'm not sure which one of these guys I like more."
(Suddenly the lights go out and the Jumbotron comes to life. A clip begins with repeated CNN coverage of the recent U.S. bombings of Al-Zurqawi and the updated photo's of his death. Then a recorded press conference begins with a military spokesman in Iraq stating the first bomb to hit Zurqawi was guided by laser by special ops personel on the ground. The screen fades to black.)
(One Shot!!! One Kill!!! scrolls across the screen.)
MJ:"Well that was certa...."
(You hear Morning Prayer in Baghdad "Allllllllaaaaaaahhhhh Ackbar!!! Mackbaaaaaaaa Zurqawiiiiiiiiii!!!" The Jumbotron comes to life again. A clip shows a black background with a siloutte of Sniper in the foreground staring at the screen with his belt around his waist.)
Voice of Gunny:"Do you think it is a coincidence that Sniper has been AWOL the past week from the USCW? Do you think it is a coincidence that the most wanted man in Iraq is killed during the same time period?"
(Prayers begin again.)
Gunny:"Mr. Baxter!!!!! You might bring the Lightning! But Sniper brings the THUNDER!!!! "
("Thunderstruck" by ACDC begins to play.)
Gunny:"You want Sniper to sign some bullshit corporate contract? You should know better then anyone that Sniper doesn't sign contract's, HE CANCELS THEM!!! "
(Scenes of the Al-Zarqawi bombing flash over and over again before the screen fades to black.)
MJ:"Wow, Sniper makes his presense felt early here tonight."
EB:"Sniper helped bomb Al-Zarqawi? Makes sense if you think about it."
MJ:"Thanks to his unique situation as active both in the military and the USCW, these type situations can happen. But sometimes I question their legitimacy."
EB:"Well thanks to your situation as being an idiot and having a mic in your hand you can say stupid things like that. But anyone with a brain knows better than to doubt a man like Sniper."
MJ:"Very funny. Alright fans, we're ready to get this night of action underway. Let's take it down to Cindy for our first match."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 280lbs pounds, Hardbody Harrison!"
(Hardbody flexes and poses for the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 500 pounds, The Enforcer!"
("Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie plays as The Enforcer comes out and walks slowly to the ring.)
MJ:"Wow, what an absolutely huge man."
EB:"We saw The Enforcer last week on Mayhem and now we are getting ready for his inring debut."
MJ:"The bell has run and we are underway. Harrison circles The Enforcer looking for an opening."
EB:"I think I would just keep circling and hope there is a time limit."
MJ:"Now Harrison moves in on The Enforcer and the two lock up. The Enforcer swings down with a clubbing forearm shot to the back of Hardbody Harrison! Harrison is stunned!"
EB:"This one could be over quick."
MJ:"The Enforcer whips Harrison into the ropes. Big Boot to the jaw of Harrison as he comes bouncing back!"
EB:"That will clear your sinuses. Of course then it will refill them with blood."
MJ:"The Enforcer brings Harrison to his feet and delivers a powerful chokeslam! He calls that Problem Solved! Here's the cover.
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3!! The Enforcer dominates his debut."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Enforcer!"
MJ:"The Enforcer makes quick work of Hardbody Harrison."
EB:"Any man that size is going to make an impact. But we'll have to wait and see exactly what that impact will be."
MJ:"Next on the agenda for tonight will be a hardcore match between Paramount member The Lineman and Mr. Chopper. These two have had quite the war of words here recently.
(A clip rolls of interview highlights.)
Mr. Chopper:"It was good to get away the jitters from my first match and now I am ready to show this big jabroni that the bigger they are the harder they fall. You might have the weight on me but it will be a treat to show these fans that i am not a guy to be reckoning with."
The Lineman:"YOU SEE, MR. CHOPPER, YOU HAVE COME INTO USCW DOING NOTHING BUT RUNNING YOUR MOUTH. YOU MADE YOUR DEBUT LAST WEEK. BUT TAKING OUT A GREENHORN DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. WHEN YOU COME TO PHOENIX TONIGHT, JUST REMEMBER ONE THING. YOU WILL HAVE THE MOST INTENSE PLAYER IN THE GAME STARING YOU DOWN FROM ACROSS THE RING."
Mr. Chopper:"You think I am actually scared of you. I grew up in chicago. I can take what ever you give me and some more. At the end of the night, you will realize your more talk then action when you get hit with my orange county crush."
The Lineman:"CHOP, YOU ARE MY NEXT VICTIM THAT I AM ABOUT TO PLOW OVER. RIGHT HERE IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. YOU ARE GOING TO BE WALKING DOWN THAT RAMP TONIGHT A MAN WITH A PLAN. BUT YOU WILL BE CARRIED BACK OUT ON A STRETCHER YOU NO TALENT SON OF A BITCH."
(The clips fades to black.)
MJ:"As you can see, there is no love lost between these two big men."
EB:"These two in a hardcore match should be a treat to watch."
MJ:"Let's take it down to Cindy to get this one underway."
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore Match set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 280 pounds, Mr. Chopper!"
("American Bad Ass" by Kid Rock starts to play as Mr. Chopper makes his way to the ring. He is accompanied by The Crippler and The Enforcer.)
MJ:"Mr. Chopper is bringing a lot of muscle to the ring."
EB:"In a hardcore match, you want to make sure you have backup. If things start going badly, you could actually be seriously injured."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 395 pounds, The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Balla" by Lil Troy starts to blare over the arena speakers as The Lineman appears at the top of the ramp with the rest of the members of Paramount. He stares intently down at the ring before starting to slowly walk.)
MJ:"Lots of intensity on the face of The Lineman for this match."
EB:"I'm surprised that neither man brought a weapon to the ring. I figured they would in a hardcore match."
MJ:"Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. Mr. Chopper charges over the two men tie up in the corner! They are clinched in the corner and now they go up and over the top rope! Oh my goodness what a crash at ringside as they both hit the ground!"
EB:"That's almost 700 pounds of man that just slammed to floor. I hope the floor is ok."
MJ:"Both men are stunned as they try to shake the cobwebs out at ringside."
EB:"The Enforcer rushes over to Mr. Chopper's side. He looks to be daring Paramount to do something."
MJ:"You don't dare those guys to do anything. Sweardog is over in The Enforcers's face now. Or as close as he can get to the seven foot two inch man's face. Tempers flair for a second but it appears both are backing off now."
EB:"I would love to see the big guy get a hold of Sweardog. That might shut him up."
MJ:"Woah! I thought the fireworks were over with but The Crippler gave a stomp to The Lineman before he started to walk back over to his corner and Paramount saw the whole thing! Now the two groups tie into it!"
EB:"Woah, this whole thing broke down quickly!"
MJ:"Both Mr. Chopper and The Lineman are back up now and are brawling at ringside! Sweardog and the Crippler are trading punches, while the tag champs Colossus & Whitten are doubleteaming The Enforcer!"
EB:"The Enforcer may be big, but those two are too much for any one man!"
MJ:"It looks like the ref has had enough of this. He's calling for the bell."
CM:"This match has been declared a no contest!"
MJ:"Security is flowing into the ringside area now, trying to establish some order. They are pulling the wrestlers apart now and are finally getting them all seperated. So much for that match fans. It quickly broke down into a bar room brawl between members of Paramount and the group of wrestlers from Chicago."
(Security escorts the seperated wrestlers to the back.)
EB:"I have a feeling that is not the last we will see of this little rivalry."
MJ:"I have a feeling you are right. Well now fans it's time for what should be just as wild and crazy as the last match, if not more. This is a Hardcore three way match. Let's take it down to Cindy to get things started.
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore match set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 295lbs, The Crippler!"
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith plays as The Crippler makes his way to the ring.)
CM:"Next, weighing in at 220lbs, DTM!"
(The lights dim as "Superman" by Blindside starts to play. DTM walks out from the back in jeans and boots. He is pushing a shopping cart full of various weapons like baseball bats, barb wire, and bricks. He pushes the cart down to the ring and slides in.)
CM:"And finally, weighing in at 215 pounds, Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler!"
("Pimp Juice" by Nelly starts to play as Wisler comes down to the ring and slides in.)
MJ:"Alright fans, we are ready for this hardcore matchup to get underway. I'll do my best to call the action."
EB:"Let's see if these guys can deliver."
MJ:"Woah! Immediately all three men charge towards the middle of the ring! A dropkick by Wisler sends the other two reeling! The Crippler stumbles back into the ropes then runs forward and catches Wisler with a clothesline as Wisler gets to his feet from the drop kick. But it looks like DTM is taking a different approach!"
EB:"DTM rolled immediately to the outside and has grabbed a bat from the shopping cart!"
MJ:"I had a feeling we would see one of those weapons pretty soon. The Crippler brings Wisler to his feet. He whips him into the ropes just as DTM is getting in the ring. Woah! A big home run cut from DTM is barely ducked by Wisler. Wisler bounces off the ropes and dives towards The Cripper and nails him with a forearm smash! Wisler quickly rolls out of the ring as DTM comes over with the bat."
EB:"This doesn't look good for The Crippler!"
MJ:"Oh! A big shot to the ribs of The Crippler from DTM with the baseball bat! Now he is winding up for a big swing at The Crippler's head!"
EB:"But Ryan Wisler has grabbed a brick from the shopping cart at ringside is up coming up behind DTM! He nails him with the brick in the back of the head! DTM goes down!"
MJ:"Wisler drops the brick and goes for a quick pin on DTM!
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No!!!!! The Crippler manages to get over and stomp Wisler off of DTM!"
EB:"That was close! And DTM is bleeding pretty badly from that brick to the back of the head."
MJ:"The Crippler is fighting off the effects of the rib shot from the bat and is putting the boots to Ryan Wisler. Now he grabs the bat DTM dropped and takes a swing at Wisler! Big shot to the ribs of Wisler now!"
EB:"These men all want the Extreme division title, but they may not all make it out of this match at this rate!"
MJ:"Now The Crippler brings Wisler to his feet. He drops the bat and sets Wisler up for a pedigree, Oh! Pedigree right onto the brick that is still in the ring! Oh my what an impact!"
EB:"And now Wisler's forehead is busted open and the blood is flowing!"
MJ:"The Crippler goes for a cover on Big Pimpin!
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No!! DTM manages to roll over there and grab a leg of The Crippler and pull him off!"
EB:"I thought DTM was out of this match after that shot from the brick! But he manages to break up the pinfall attempt!"
MJ:"And now all three men are stuggling! Wisler is still down from the pedrigree to the brick. Both The Crippler and DTM have taken big shots to the ribs from the baseball bat and DTM also was hit with the brick. DTM and The Crippler are both trying to get to their feet. The Crippler is up first and he is after the bat again!
EB:"Wisler and DTM better do something quick!"
MJ:"The Crippler grabs the bat and swings it at the still down DTM but he rolls out of the way and to the outside. The Crippler turns his attention to Wisler. He tries to nails Wisler in the head with the bat but Wisler ducks it at the last second. Wisler struggles to get to his feet. The Crippler moves off to swing at Wisler again but this time Wisler nails a dropkick to the bat and it slams back into The Crippler's head! And now The Crippler is busted open! All three men are bleeding now!"
EB:"Look at DTM on the outside! He has set up a table. And from somewhere he got a lighter and now the table is on fire!"
MJ:"Oh my goodness! The Crippler manages to hold on to the bat as he staggers backwards and now Ryan Wisler grabs the brick that is still in the ring. The Crippler takes a big swing at Wisler! Wisler ducks it and smashes the brick into the face of The Crippler!"
EB:"That's all the brick could take! It crumbles into a hundred pieces as The Crippler crashes to the mat!"
MJ:"And now Ryan Wisler is headed to the top rope! It looks like he is about to his frog splash on The Crippler! But look at this! DTM grabbed a bunch of barb wire from the cart outside and he is up on the ring apron. He clubs Wisler in the back as he moves to stand on the top rope for the frog splash!"
EB:"And not what is he doing?"
MJ:"Wisler slumps into a sitting position, still perched on the top rope. Now DTM climbs up to the top rope with him! He is balancing on the top rope and bringing Wisler to his feet! Now he wraps barb wire around both himself and Wisler!"
EB:"This man is truely insane!"
MJ:"And look at this. He is setting Wisler up and.......Oh my God! He just nailed Death From Above from the top rope! He reverse DDT's Wisler from top rope through the burning table at ringside! And while both were wrapped in barb wire! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
EB:"Blood is everywhere at ringside! And both DTM and Wisler are down!"
MJ:"But DTM manages to roll over and put an arm on top of Wisler. The ref is down at ringside and he is going to make a count. The Crippler has shaken off the cobwebs inside the ring and sees what's going on. He is trying to get there break up the pin. Will he make it?!?!
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3!!!!! DTM wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, DTM!"
MJ:"What an incredible match! And The Crippler is furious at ringside! He is now stomping both of the downed men as the ref calls for the bell to get him to stop."
(The sound of clapping, slow and steady, starts coming through the arena speakers. From the top of the ramp emerges the commissioner, "Lightning" Scott Baxter. He quits clapping and speaks into his wireless mic.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Nicely done gentleman. I think all of you have proven you have what it takes to compete in the USCW Extreme division. In fact, I liked this match so much....why don't we do it again?"
(The crowd cheers loudly.)
LSB:"Yes, I think so. At Summer Spectacular, there will again be a Triple Threat Hardcore match between the three of you. The only difference is that this time, the winner will take home the Extreme division title!"
(The crowrd cheers loudly again.)
LSB:"So rest up fellas. It was a good match tonight. But I expect even better at Summer Spectacular!"
("Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne kicks in as Baxter puts the mic back into his inside suit pocket and walks to the back. The Crippler sneers as Wisler and DTM and walks to the back. He breaks into a jog on the ramp like he is in a hurry to get to the back. Slowly the other two men get to their feet as USCW personnel clean up the rinside area.)
MJ:"A major announcement from the commissioner. A Triple Threat Hardcore Match at Summer Spectacular for the Extreme Division Title! Summer Spectacular just keeps getting better and better. All four USCW belts will now be on the line."
EB:"Including the biggest belt of them all, the USCW Heavyweight Championship."
MJ:"Right you are Earl. But this Triple Threat Hardcore match may steal the show again like it did tonight. The championship will be on th..... Wait fans, I'm getting word something has gone down backstage. Let's take you to some footage that was captured moments ago."
(A clip rolls. Shown is Paramount, walking together about to enter their limo to leave the show. Suddenly Mr. Chopper and The Enforcer run in from each side with chairs. They catch Paramount off guard and nail Sweardog and The Lineman with chair shots. Marcus Whitten and Colossus turn to see Mr. Chopper and The Enforcer with chairs, and Mr. Crippler walks up with a mic.)
The Crippler:"You guys like those tag titles don't you? Well don't get used to them. Because even if you beat the Immortals at Summer Spectacular, those titles belong to me and my brother Mr. Chopper. In fact, if you still have the titles after the pay per view, we challenge any three of you to a 6 man tag match. We win, we get a shot at the belts.
(Suddenly the Immortals, Hades and Apollo show up in the scene.)
Hades:"Foolish mortals. What makes you think those two will even have the belts after Summer Spectacular? If you want a shot at the titles, it's us you should be challenging."
Whitten:"Now hold on just a minute. All of you jackasses can just put the breaks on. First off, who the fuck are you guys?"
(The crowd laughs as Whitten acts like he has no idea who Mr. Chopper, The Enforcer, and The Crippler are.)
Whitten:"Are you wrestlers? Because I swear I've never seen you or heard of you before in my life. Second, if any of you think these straps are leaving us anytime soon your're wrong. Dead wrong."
Hades:"It is you two that shall feel the cold of death Whitten."
The Crippler:"Well, it doesn't matter to us who wins. We'll be next in line regardless."
Colossus:"It doesn't matter to me who's ass we kick after the Immortals. But talk to us after Summer Spectacular."
Apollo:"All this talk angers Apollo. You will have no titles after Summer Spectacular. There would be no summer at all if Apollo didn't allow the sun to rise."
(All the men start talking over each other. USCW security floods the area, and finally seperates the groups from one another as the scene fades to black.)
MJ:"Interesting developments backstage. And that only gets me even more excited about the huge show we have coming up in Summer Spectacular."
EB:"I can't wait to see Sniper take on El Presidente."
MJ:"Which brings us to our final activities of the evening. Commissioner "Lightning" Scott Baxter has made his way to the ring now and is about to speak."
LSB:"Well fans, Summer Spectacular is almost upon us. And one of the biggest matches at that show will feature the World Heavyweight Championship being on the line as the challenger El Presidente takes on the champion Sniper. I would like to call both men down to the ring now for the official contract signing. El Presidente, come on out."
(The Scarface theme plays as El Presidente comes down to the ring with The First Lady. He is wearing a black suit. He climbs into the ring.)
LSB:"El Prez, you and I haven't always seen eye to eye. But I respect your ability, and I wish the best of luck at Summer Spectacular. Now, Sniper, your turn. Come on down."
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses plays as Sniper appears on the ramp. He is wearing a camo helmet, and has his face painted in all black. He comes down to the ring and sits across from El Presidente at the table in the middle of the ring.)
LSB:"Alright fellas. Let's get this underway. In front of you is a standard USCW match contract which stipulates that this match is for the title. Take a second to read over it if you like and go ahead and sign."
El Presidente:"I don't need to read nothing. Put me in the ring and I win the title. Simple as that."
(El Presidente takes his pen and signs.)
LSB:"And now you Sniper. You expressed some displeasure earlier this week in having to do this. But you have to in order to defend the title. Now do it."
(Sniper stares down LSB for a second before grabbing the pen and signing. After he signs, he throws the pen in the face of El Presidente. El Presidente leaps across the table at him and the two start rolling around fighting in the ring.)
LSB:"Hey, save it for the pay per view!"
(El Presidente gets the upper hand and punches Sniper to the face. Sniper lies motionless. El Presidente knocks the helmet off. He stares for a second, then just looks at Baxter.)
MJ:"What that even Sniper? I'm not sure it was. This fake Sniper keeps showing up all the time."
(Suddenly the real Sniper slides into the ring behind El Presidente and jumps him from behind.)
EB:"There is the real Sniper!"
MJ:"And now the two are going at it in the ring. LSB is trying to get in between them and pull them apart! Fans, we are out of time. Our next show is the big pay per view, USCW Summer Spectacular in San Diego, CA. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Baxter manages to pull El Presidente and Sniper apart. They jaw for a second, and then go for each other again. USCW security starts to run in to try to restore order as an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live from the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona. We have another exiciting night of action for you tonight as well lead into Summer Spectacular. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. Earl."
EB:"Glad you once again have the pleasure of working with me MJ. And you're right, it should be an exciting night. The debut of the league's largest man, and two hardcore matchups. One featuring The Lineman versus Mr. Chopper, and the other an amazing three way match between Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler, DTM, and The Crippler."
MJ:"And don't forget we will bring you the official contract signing between World Champion Sniper and the challenger El Presidente. That match is scheduled to take place at Summer Spectaular in San Diego and should be something else."
EB:"That's one I'm looking forward to. I'm not sure which one of these guys I like more."
(Suddenly the lights go out and the Jumbotron comes to life. A clip begins with repeated CNN coverage of the recent U.S. bombings of Al-Zurqawi and the updated photo's of his death. Then a recorded press conference begins with a military spokesman in Iraq stating the first bomb to hit Zurqawi was guided by laser by special ops personel on the ground. The screen fades to black.)
(One Shot!!! One Kill!!! scrolls across the screen.)
MJ:"Well that was certa...."
(You hear Morning Prayer in Baghdad "Allllllllaaaaaaahhhhh Ackbar!!! Mackbaaaaaaaa Zurqawiiiiiiiiii!!!" The Jumbotron comes to life again. A clip shows a black background with a siloutte of Sniper in the foreground staring at the screen with his belt around his waist.)
Voice of Gunny:"Do you think it is a coincidence that Sniper has been AWOL the past week from the USCW? Do you think it is a coincidence that the most wanted man in Iraq is killed during the same time period?"
(Prayers begin again.)
Gunny:"Mr. Baxter!!!!! You might bring the Lightning! But Sniper brings the THUNDER!!!! "
("Thunderstruck" by ACDC begins to play.)
Gunny:"You want Sniper to sign some bullshit corporate contract? You should know better then anyone that Sniper doesn't sign contract's, HE CANCELS THEM!!! "
(Scenes of the Al-Zarqawi bombing flash over and over again before the screen fades to black.)
MJ:"Wow, Sniper makes his presense felt early here tonight."
EB:"Sniper helped bomb Al-Zarqawi? Makes sense if you think about it."
MJ:"Thanks to his unique situation as active both in the military and the USCW, these type situations can happen. But sometimes I question their legitimacy."
EB:"Well thanks to your situation as being an idiot and having a mic in your hand you can say stupid things like that. But anyone with a brain knows better than to doubt a man like Sniper."
MJ:"Very funny. Alright fans, we're ready to get this night of action underway. Let's take it down to Cindy for our first match."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 280lbs pounds, Hardbody Harrison!"
(Hardbody flexes and poses for the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 500 pounds, The Enforcer!"
("Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie plays as The Enforcer comes out and walks slowly to the ring.)
MJ:"Wow, what an absolutely huge man."
EB:"We saw The Enforcer last week on Mayhem and now we are getting ready for his inring debut."
MJ:"The bell has run and we are underway. Harrison circles The Enforcer looking for an opening."
EB:"I think I would just keep circling and hope there is a time limit."
MJ:"Now Harrison moves in on The Enforcer and the two lock up. The Enforcer swings down with a clubbing forearm shot to the back of Hardbody Harrison! Harrison is stunned!"
EB:"This one could be over quick."
MJ:"The Enforcer whips Harrison into the ropes. Big Boot to the jaw of Harrison as he comes bouncing back!"
EB:"That will clear your sinuses. Of course then it will refill them with blood."
MJ:"The Enforcer brings Harrison to his feet and delivers a powerful chokeslam! He calls that Problem Solved! Here's the cover.
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3!! The Enforcer dominates his debut."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Enforcer!"
MJ:"The Enforcer makes quick work of Hardbody Harrison."
EB:"Any man that size is going to make an impact. But we'll have to wait and see exactly what that impact will be."
MJ:"Next on the agenda for tonight will be a hardcore match between Paramount member The Lineman and Mr. Chopper. These two have had quite the war of words here recently.
(A clip rolls of interview highlights.)
Mr. Chopper:"It was good to get away the jitters from my first match and now I am ready to show this big jabroni that the bigger they are the harder they fall. You might have the weight on me but it will be a treat to show these fans that i am not a guy to be reckoning with."
The Lineman:"YOU SEE, MR. CHOPPER, YOU HAVE COME INTO USCW DOING NOTHING BUT RUNNING YOUR MOUTH. YOU MADE YOUR DEBUT LAST WEEK. BUT TAKING OUT A GREENHORN DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. WHEN YOU COME TO PHOENIX TONIGHT, JUST REMEMBER ONE THING. YOU WILL HAVE THE MOST INTENSE PLAYER IN THE GAME STARING YOU DOWN FROM ACROSS THE RING."
Mr. Chopper:"You think I am actually scared of you. I grew up in chicago. I can take what ever you give me and some more. At the end of the night, you will realize your more talk then action when you get hit with my orange county crush."
The Lineman:"CHOP, YOU ARE MY NEXT VICTIM THAT I AM ABOUT TO PLOW OVER. RIGHT HERE IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. YOU ARE GOING TO BE WALKING DOWN THAT RAMP TONIGHT A MAN WITH A PLAN. BUT YOU WILL BE CARRIED BACK OUT ON A STRETCHER YOU NO TALENT SON OF A BITCH."
(The clips fades to black.)
MJ:"As you can see, there is no love lost between these two big men."
EB:"These two in a hardcore match should be a treat to watch."
MJ:"Let's take it down to Cindy to get this one underway."
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore Match set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 280 pounds, Mr. Chopper!"
("American Bad Ass" by Kid Rock starts to play as Mr. Chopper makes his way to the ring. He is accompanied by The Crippler and The Enforcer.)
MJ:"Mr. Chopper is bringing a lot of muscle to the ring."
EB:"In a hardcore match, you want to make sure you have backup. If things start going badly, you could actually be seriously injured."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 395 pounds, The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Balla" by Lil Troy starts to blare over the arena speakers as The Lineman appears at the top of the ramp with the rest of the members of Paramount. He stares intently down at the ring before starting to slowly walk.)
MJ:"Lots of intensity on the face of The Lineman for this match."
EB:"I'm surprised that neither man brought a weapon to the ring. I figured they would in a hardcore match."
MJ:"Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. Mr. Chopper charges over the two men tie up in the corner! They are clinched in the corner and now they go up and over the top rope! Oh my goodness what a crash at ringside as they both hit the ground!"
EB:"That's almost 700 pounds of man that just slammed to floor. I hope the floor is ok."
MJ:"Both men are stunned as they try to shake the cobwebs out at ringside."
EB:"The Enforcer rushes over to Mr. Chopper's side. He looks to be daring Paramount to do something."
MJ:"You don't dare those guys to do anything. Sweardog is over in The Enforcers's face now. Or as close as he can get to the seven foot two inch man's face. Tempers flair for a second but it appears both are backing off now."
EB:"I would love to see the big guy get a hold of Sweardog. That might shut him up."
MJ:"Woah! I thought the fireworks were over with but The Crippler gave a stomp to The Lineman before he started to walk back over to his corner and Paramount saw the whole thing! Now the two groups tie into it!"
EB:"Woah, this whole thing broke down quickly!"
MJ:"Both Mr. Chopper and The Lineman are back up now and are brawling at ringside! Sweardog and the Crippler are trading punches, while the tag champs Colossus & Whitten are doubleteaming The Enforcer!"
EB:"The Enforcer may be big, but those two are too much for any one man!"
MJ:"It looks like the ref has had enough of this. He's calling for the bell."
CM:"This match has been declared a no contest!"
MJ:"Security is flowing into the ringside area now, trying to establish some order. They are pulling the wrestlers apart now and are finally getting them all seperated. So much for that match fans. It quickly broke down into a bar room brawl between members of Paramount and the group of wrestlers from Chicago."
(Security escorts the seperated wrestlers to the back.)
EB:"I have a feeling that is not the last we will see of this little rivalry."
MJ:"I have a feeling you are right. Well now fans it's time for what should be just as wild and crazy as the last match, if not more. This is a Hardcore three way match. Let's take it down to Cindy to get things started.
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore match set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 295lbs, The Crippler!"
("I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith plays as The Crippler makes his way to the ring.)
CM:"Next, weighing in at 220lbs, DTM!"
(The lights dim as "Superman" by Blindside starts to play. DTM walks out from the back in jeans and boots. He is pushing a shopping cart full of various weapons like baseball bats, barb wire, and bricks. He pushes the cart down to the ring and slides in.)
CM:"And finally, weighing in at 215 pounds, Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler!"
("Pimp Juice" by Nelly starts to play as Wisler comes down to the ring and slides in.)
MJ:"Alright fans, we are ready for this hardcore matchup to get underway. I'll do my best to call the action."
EB:"Let's see if these guys can deliver."
MJ:"Woah! Immediately all three men charge towards the middle of the ring! A dropkick by Wisler sends the other two reeling! The Crippler stumbles back into the ropes then runs forward and catches Wisler with a clothesline as Wisler gets to his feet from the drop kick. But it looks like DTM is taking a different approach!"
EB:"DTM rolled immediately to the outside and has grabbed a bat from the shopping cart!"
MJ:"I had a feeling we would see one of those weapons pretty soon. The Crippler brings Wisler to his feet. He whips him into the ropes just as DTM is getting in the ring. Woah! A big home run cut from DTM is barely ducked by Wisler. Wisler bounces off the ropes and dives towards The Cripper and nails him with a forearm smash! Wisler quickly rolls out of the ring as DTM comes over with the bat."
EB:"This doesn't look good for The Crippler!"
MJ:"Oh! A big shot to the ribs of The Crippler from DTM with the baseball bat! Now he is winding up for a big swing at The Crippler's head!"
EB:"But Ryan Wisler has grabbed a brick from the shopping cart at ringside is up coming up behind DTM! He nails him with the brick in the back of the head! DTM goes down!"
MJ:"Wisler drops the brick and goes for a quick pin on DTM!
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No!!!!! The Crippler manages to get over and stomp Wisler off of DTM!"
EB:"That was close! And DTM is bleeding pretty badly from that brick to the back of the head."
MJ:"The Crippler is fighting off the effects of the rib shot from the bat and is putting the boots to Ryan Wisler. Now he grabs the bat DTM dropped and takes a swing at Wisler! Big shot to the ribs of Wisler now!"
EB:"These men all want the Extreme division title, but they may not all make it out of this match at this rate!"
MJ:"Now The Crippler brings Wisler to his feet. He drops the bat and sets Wisler up for a pedigree, Oh! Pedigree right onto the brick that is still in the ring! Oh my what an impact!"
EB:"And now Wisler's forehead is busted open and the blood is flowing!"
MJ:"The Crippler goes for a cover on Big Pimpin!
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No!! DTM manages to roll over there and grab a leg of The Crippler and pull him off!"
EB:"I thought DTM was out of this match after that shot from the brick! But he manages to break up the pinfall attempt!"
MJ:"And now all three men are stuggling! Wisler is still down from the pedrigree to the brick. Both The Crippler and DTM have taken big shots to the ribs from the baseball bat and DTM also was hit with the brick. DTM and The Crippler are both trying to get to their feet. The Crippler is up first and he is after the bat again!
EB:"Wisler and DTM better do something quick!"
MJ:"The Crippler grabs the bat and swings it at the still down DTM but he rolls out of the way and to the outside. The Crippler turns his attention to Wisler. He tries to nails Wisler in the head with the bat but Wisler ducks it at the last second. Wisler struggles to get to his feet. The Crippler moves off to swing at Wisler again but this time Wisler nails a dropkick to the bat and it slams back into The Crippler's head! And now The Crippler is busted open! All three men are bleeding now!"
EB:"Look at DTM on the outside! He has set up a table. And from somewhere he got a lighter and now the table is on fire!"
MJ:"Oh my goodness! The Crippler manages to hold on to the bat as he staggers backwards and now Ryan Wisler grabs the brick that is still in the ring. The Crippler takes a big swing at Wisler! Wisler ducks it and smashes the brick into the face of The Crippler!"
EB:"That's all the brick could take! It crumbles into a hundred pieces as The Crippler crashes to the mat!"
MJ:"And now Ryan Wisler is headed to the top rope! It looks like he is about to his frog splash on The Crippler! But look at this! DTM grabbed a bunch of barb wire from the cart outside and he is up on the ring apron. He clubs Wisler in the back as he moves to stand on the top rope for the frog splash!"
EB:"And not what is he doing?"
MJ:"Wisler slumps into a sitting position, still perched on the top rope. Now DTM climbs up to the top rope with him! He is balancing on the top rope and bringing Wisler to his feet! Now he wraps barb wire around both himself and Wisler!"
EB:"This man is truely insane!"
MJ:"And look at this. He is setting Wisler up and.......Oh my God! He just nailed Death From Above from the top rope! He reverse DDT's Wisler from top rope through the burning table at ringside! And while both were wrapped in barb wire! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
EB:"Blood is everywhere at ringside! And both DTM and Wisler are down!"
MJ:"But DTM manages to roll over and put an arm on top of Wisler. The ref is down at ringside and he is going to make a count. The Crippler has shaken off the cobwebs inside the ring and sees what's going on. He is trying to get there break up the pin. Will he make it?!?!
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3!!!!! DTM wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, DTM!"
MJ:"What an incredible match! And The Crippler is furious at ringside! He is now stomping both of the downed men as the ref calls for the bell to get him to stop."
(The sound of clapping, slow and steady, starts coming through the arena speakers. From the top of the ramp emerges the commissioner, "Lightning" Scott Baxter. He quits clapping and speaks into his wireless mic.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Nicely done gentleman. I think all of you have proven you have what it takes to compete in the USCW Extreme division. In fact, I liked this match so much....why don't we do it again?"
(The crowd cheers loudly.)
LSB:"Yes, I think so. At Summer Spectacular, there will again be a Triple Threat Hardcore match between the three of you. The only difference is that this time, the winner will take home the Extreme division title!"
(The crowrd cheers loudly again.)
LSB:"So rest up fellas. It was a good match tonight. But I expect even better at Summer Spectacular!"
("Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne kicks in as Baxter puts the mic back into his inside suit pocket and walks to the back. The Crippler sneers as Wisler and DTM and walks to the back. He breaks into a jog on the ramp like he is in a hurry to get to the back. Slowly the other two men get to their feet as USCW personnel clean up the rinside area.)
MJ:"A major announcement from the commissioner. A Triple Threat Hardcore Match at Summer Spectacular for the Extreme Division Title! Summer Spectacular just keeps getting better and better. All four USCW belts will now be on the line."
EB:"Including the biggest belt of them all, the USCW Heavyweight Championship."
MJ:"Right you are Earl. But this Triple Threat Hardcore match may steal the show again like it did tonight. The championship will be on th..... Wait fans, I'm getting word something has gone down backstage. Let's take you to some footage that was captured moments ago."
(A clip rolls. Shown is Paramount, walking together about to enter their limo to leave the show. Suddenly Mr. Chopper and The Enforcer run in from each side with chairs. They catch Paramount off guard and nail Sweardog and The Lineman with chair shots. Marcus Whitten and Colossus turn to see Mr. Chopper and The Enforcer with chairs, and Mr. Crippler walks up with a mic.)
The Crippler:"You guys like those tag titles don't you? Well don't get used to them. Because even if you beat the Immortals at Summer Spectacular, those titles belong to me and my brother Mr. Chopper. In fact, if you still have the titles after the pay per view, we challenge any three of you to a 6 man tag match. We win, we get a shot at the belts.
(Suddenly the Immortals, Hades and Apollo show up in the scene.)
Hades:"Foolish mortals. What makes you think those two will even have the belts after Summer Spectacular? If you want a shot at the titles, it's us you should be challenging."
Whitten:"Now hold on just a minute. All of you jackasses can just put the breaks on. First off, who the fuck are you guys?"
(The crowd laughs as Whitten acts like he has no idea who Mr. Chopper, The Enforcer, and The Crippler are.)
Whitten:"Are you wrestlers? Because I swear I've never seen you or heard of you before in my life. Second, if any of you think these straps are leaving us anytime soon your're wrong. Dead wrong."
Hades:"It is you two that shall feel the cold of death Whitten."
The Crippler:"Well, it doesn't matter to us who wins. We'll be next in line regardless."
Colossus:"It doesn't matter to me who's ass we kick after the Immortals. But talk to us after Summer Spectacular."
Apollo:"All this talk angers Apollo. You will have no titles after Summer Spectacular. There would be no summer at all if Apollo didn't allow the sun to rise."
(All the men start talking over each other. USCW security floods the area, and finally seperates the groups from one another as the scene fades to black.)
MJ:"Interesting developments backstage. And that only gets me even more excited about the huge show we have coming up in Summer Spectacular."
EB:"I can't wait to see Sniper take on El Presidente."
MJ:"Which brings us to our final activities of the evening. Commissioner "Lightning" Scott Baxter has made his way to the ring now and is about to speak."
LSB:"Well fans, Summer Spectacular is almost upon us. And one of the biggest matches at that show will feature the World Heavyweight Championship being on the line as the challenger El Presidente takes on the champion Sniper. I would like to call both men down to the ring now for the official contract signing. El Presidente, come on out."
(The Scarface theme plays as El Presidente comes down to the ring with The First Lady. He is wearing a black suit. He climbs into the ring.)
LSB:"El Prez, you and I haven't always seen eye to eye. But I respect your ability, and I wish the best of luck at Summer Spectacular. Now, Sniper, your turn. Come on down."
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses plays as Sniper appears on the ramp. He is wearing a camo helmet, and has his face painted in all black. He comes down to the ring and sits across from El Presidente at the table in the middle of the ring.)
LSB:"Alright fellas. Let's get this underway. In front of you is a standard USCW match contract which stipulates that this match is for the title. Take a second to read over it if you like and go ahead and sign."
El Presidente:"I don't need to read nothing. Put me in the ring and I win the title. Simple as that."
(El Presidente takes his pen and signs.)
LSB:"And now you Sniper. You expressed some displeasure earlier this week in having to do this. But you have to in order to defend the title. Now do it."
(Sniper stares down LSB for a second before grabbing the pen and signing. After he signs, he throws the pen in the face of El Presidente. El Presidente leaps across the table at him and the two start rolling around fighting in the ring.)
LSB:"Hey, save it for the pay per view!"
(El Presidente gets the upper hand and punches Sniper to the face. Sniper lies motionless. El Presidente knocks the helmet off. He stares for a second, then just looks at Baxter.)
MJ:"What that even Sniper? I'm not sure it was. This fake Sniper keeps showing up all the time."
(Suddenly the real Sniper slides into the ring behind El Presidente and jumps him from behind.)
EB:"There is the real Sniper!"
MJ:"And now the two are going at it in the ring. LSB is trying to get in between them and pull them apart! Fans, we are out of time. Our next show is the big pay per view, USCW Summer Spectacular in San Diego, CA. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Baxter manages to pull El Presidente and Sniper apart. They jaw for a second, and then go for each other again. USCW security starts to run in to try to restore order as an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)