MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
USCW Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the Savvis Center in St. Louis, Missouri! Things are heating up here in the USCW as we countdown to our next USCW supershow, Beach Bash. The battle lines have been drawn and many different groups have emerged to contend for power. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. Earl, can things get any more exciting than they have been the past few weeks?"
EB:"I don't know if they can or not but we'll certainly find out tonight. We have an amazing show coming to you. To lead things off, the fan favorite Sweardog will take on the 500lbs. giant, The Enforcer. Then a grudge match between Allan Storm and "The California Dream", Christopher Lee. Those two have had some harsh words for each other in the past and then Storm cost Lee his chance at the US title. The Immortals are in action against Death & Destruction, with the winners getting a title shot at Beach Bash against the Board of Directors team of Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten. And finally, the US title is on the line as Captain Caveman defends his belt against "Sweet" Gordy Dix. I can't wait."
MJ:"It certainly is a night of grea.....Fans I'm getting word that something is going on backstage. Let's see if we can find out what it is."
(The scene shifts to the backstage area. A limo pulls up and quickly Colossus jumps out. He looks furious. He slams the door of the limo, then proceeds to start destroying anything in his path backstage. He kicks over some large trash cans, then picks up a wooden chair in the hallway and slams it into the wall, breaking it into pieces. He curses under his breath, then sees the camera. He comes towards the camera and grabs the lens as the scene changes to static.)
MJ:"Wow, one half of our World Tag Team Champions doesn't look very happy."
EB:"After being brained with some brass knuckles and then spraypainted on last week by Hades, I imagine Colossus might not be in the best of moods."
MJ:"I suppose not. Well fans, let's get things going tonight. This first match should be something else. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 500 pounds, The Enforcer!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as The Enforcer comes down to the ring along with the rest of the NEW.)
EB:"These guys don't go anywhere without the entire group lately. That's four pretty intimidating looking men. They have the potential to become a force here in the USCW."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen plays as Sweardog struts down to the ring with Ms. Kitty, playing to the crowd.)
MJ:"Sweardog is going it alone tonight. Since Whitten and Colossus turned on Paramount, Sweardog hasn't had the backup he once had."
EB:"I'm sure his "friend" The Lineman is around here somewhere."
MJ:"You never quit do you?"
EB:"Sweardog annoys me as much today as he ever has. No reason to go soft now."
MJ:"Backwater logic. Ok fans the bell has rung and we are underway. Sweardog starts to circle the huge Enforcer. Sweardog has a history of studying his opponents, but I'm not sure he has any experience against a man this incredibly massive."
EB:"How could he? The Enforcer is the arguably the largest athlete in the world."
MJ:"The Enforcer is able to cut off the ring, corner Sweardog, and lock up with him. He easily takes the smaller man and hurls him across the ring! What a show of power!"
EB:"Wow. That was impressive."
MJ:"Sweardog quickly gets back to his feet. They start to circle each other once again. This time, Sweardog ducks out of the way when The Enforcer tries to grab him! He bounces off the ropes and clips The Enforcer's knee from behind! The Enforcer is knocked down to one knee! Sweardog is up quickly and hits a standing drop kick! The Enforcer is sent reeling but is still on his feet!"
EB:"Now Sweardog boucnes off the ropes against, jumps and nails a leaping clothesline! The Enforcer goes down!"
MJ:"And Sweardog goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
Woah! The Enforcer bench presses Sweardog off of him! Sweardog flew several feet into the air and over to the other side of the ring!"
EB:"That's what I call a kick out."
MJ:"At ringside, the other members of the NEW are starting to look concerned. Both men are back up now and are circling each other once again. Sweardog circles around by the side of the ring that NEW is standing and The Crippler reaches out and grabs Sweardog's leg! Sweardog jerks away and turns to look to see who grabbed him. The Enforcer takes advantage and nails Sweardog with a big clothesline from behind!"
EB:"It almost doesn't seem fair. Almost."
MJ:"Sweardog is stunned. The Enforcer brings him to his feet. It looks like The Enforcer is about to go for the Problem Solved! Wait, Sweardog quickly rolls him up in a small package!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No! The Enforcer manages to power free!"
EB:"And this time, NEW isn't going to sit back. Mr. Insane just hopped up on the apron. The ref quickly comes over in an attempt to make him get down."
MJ:"Then from the other sid Mr. Chopper and The Crippler slide into the ring! They double clothesline Sweardog as he gets to his feet! Now they are stomping on him! Come on ref! Turn around!"
EB:"The Enforcer is up and all three are bringing Sweardog to his feet. The Enforcer grabs Sweardog by the neck! Problem Solved chokeslam! Mr. Chopper and The Crippler slide out of the ring."
MJ:"Mr. Insane points out the downed Sweardog and hops off the ring apron. The ref turns around to see The Enforner go for a pin!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
3!! The Enforcer wins it!
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Enforcer!"
MJ:"Sweardog gets triple teamed mid match and comes out on the losing end of this one. He was simply outnumbered in this one. Here comes The Lineman down to the ring!"
EB:"Too little, too late MJ. He keeps Sweardog from getting jumped after the match, but the damage was already done."
(The NEW makes their way up the ramp and then The Lineman and Sweardog follow behind them.)
MJ:"Sweardog is looking pretty down right now. I'm not sure his head was even in that match. I wonder what's on his mind? In any event, we are ready to continue. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first weighing in at 240 pounds, Allan Storm!"
("We Ready" plays as Storm get pumped up as he comes to the ring. He is without his trademark taser.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 185lbs., "The California Dream" Christopher Lee!"
("Hustle & Flow" starts to play as Lee makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"As you recall, Allan Storm came down and cost Lee the match in the three way battle for the US title. Since then, Lee has vow......"
("The BoD Theme" starts to play as Colossus starts to storm down to the ring with a 2x4 in his hands and his Tag Team Championship belt around his waist. He's followed closely by Marcus Whitten, Sniper, and "Lightning" Scott Baxter. Whitten and Sniper are also carrying 2x4's. Whitten has his tag belt over his shoulder while Sniper is wearing a giant championship belt around his waist. "BoD" is spraypainted across the front of it. Colossus slides into the ring and cracks Allan Storm over the back of the head with the 2x4. Christopher Lee quickly slides out of the ring but he turns around to get cracked over the head by the 2x4 of Marcus Whitten. Sniper picks Lee up and slides him back into the ring. All four of the Board of Directors members are in the ring now and Baxter pulls out a wireless mic.)
LSB:"This match has been declared a no contest. By me."
(The crowd boos loudly as Baxter continues to speak.)
LSB:"Get over it. You were all dead silent when these two came out anyway. Don't try to act like you'll miss their match now."
(Colossus is still on the rampage in the ring. He picks Storm up and hits him with the Lockdown. Then he does the same to Lee. Sniper takes his championship belt and nails Storm while Whitten hits Lee with his tag belt with both of them while they are laying there stunned. They then rolls both men out of the ring.)
LSB:"As you can see, the BoD has a little frustration we need to vent tonight. Apparently everyone and their brother think they are going to be the ones to bring the BoD down. Well I got news for every last one of you. The Board of Directors will have the power in this league for a long.........., long time. And why shouldn't we? We have the greatest wrestling talent. We have the greatest smarts. We have the greatest looks. We have, right here, the heavyweight champion of the world."
(Baxter points over to Sniper who shows off his spraypainted belt as the crowd boos unmercifully.)
LSB:"El Presidente and some of his idiot fans may think he is the champion. But anyone with half a brain knows otherwise. And at Beach Bash, on July 23rd, Sniper will prove to you once and for all El Presidente who the real heavyweight champion is. It will be Sniper versus El Presidente in a best 2 out of 3 falls match for the USCW Heavyweight Championship."
(The crowrd actually cheers this annoucnement.)
LSB:"Oh, you like that? Well you won't like it when Sniper chokes the life out of that deluded son of a bitch and you all have to bow down to the true champion. And speaking of champions.....We have, right here, the world tag team champions."
(Baxter points over to Colossus and Whitten, who start to show off their belts.)
LSB:"The BoD was shocked and appalled at the actions of Apocalypse last week. If you can't win on your own Hades, you shouldn't step into the ring with a wrestler the calibur of Colossus. All you did was stir up a hornet's nest. And you will face the consequences. The Board actually hopes that you two clowns get past Death & Destruction tonight so you can be put in your place for a third and final time at Beach Bash. That's all the time we have to waste on you people tonight. MJ, get MY show running again."
("The BoD Theme" starts to play again as the Board of Directions make their way to the back mouthing at the crowd.)
MJ:"Well, you heard the commissioner."
EB:"You're such a company man MJ. You shouldn't let the commish run over you like that."
MJ:"Like you would do any different?"
EB:"Earl Backwater is his own man."
MJ:"I'd rather be the man with a job. Well folks, as LSB mentioned next on the agenda tonight is a #1 contenders tag team match. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a tag team match set for one fall and the winner will move on to challenge for the World Tag Team Championship at Beach Bash! Introducing first, Mr. Chopper and The Crippler, Death & Destruction!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock start to play as all four members of NEW emerge from the back on Choppers. They rev the engines a few times and then ride down to ringside. They climb off the choppers and The Crippler and Mr. Chopper slide into the ring.)
CM:"And their opponents, Hades and Apollo, The Immortals!"
("My Minds Playing Tricks On Me" by Ghetto Boyz plays as Apollo and Hades make their way to the ring.)
EB:"Have you noticed these two seem to be more and more different from each other? Hades is still the lord of the underworld but Apollo's personality and actions seem to have changed dramatically. He doesn't really refer to himself as a god anymore. And his choice of attire and music don't exactly lend themselves to being a Greek god."
MJ:"You're right Earl. We have seen quite a change in Apollo since his first appearance here. But he is still as good a wrestler as he ever was. The bell has rung and we are underway. It looks like Apollo and The Crippler will start things off."
EB:"And things are starting quickly! The Crippler runs over and tries a clothesline, but Apollo ducks it, grabs The Crippler around the waist and nails a belly to back suplex!"
MJ:"Nice move by Apollo to get this match kicked off. Apollo brings The Crippler to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner. Big chop across the chest of The Crippler!"
(The crowd yells Woooooooo!)
MJ:"And another!"
(The crowd Wooooooo's loudly again.)
EB:"Nasty chops by Apollo. That's gonna leave a mark."
MJ:"Apollo grabs a front headlock on The Crippler and walks him to the corner and makes a tag to Hades. The big man is in now. Apollo holds The Crippler's arm up and out of the way while Hades connects on a boot to the ribs. The Crippler grabs his ribs and doubles over."
EB:"And Hades picks him up and nails a perfect piledriver!"
MJ:"Hades goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
No! The Crippler gets a shoulder up."
EB:"The Crippler needs to do something to change the momentum here. Hades picks The Crippler up and whips him into the ropes. Hades goes for a big boot but The Crippler ducks under it! He stops and floors Hades with a big clothesline!"
MJ:"Now both men are down! The Crippler is trying to get to his corner to tag in his brother! Hades is trying to shake loose the cobwebs! Hades makes it to his feet. But The Crippler is crawling over. Hades lunges to grab The Crippler but The Crippler also lunges at the same time and tags in Mr. Chopper!"
EB:"He's been over there chomping at the bit to get into the ring! He charges in and nails Hades with a right hand, and another, and another! Big clothesline sends Hades to the canvas! Mr. Chopper is a house of fire!"
MJ:"Mr. Chopper runs over and nails Apollo with a right hand! Apollo is knocked off the ring apron and down to the floor!"
EB:"And that's not a good thing. The Enforcer and Mr. Insane are down there. Woah, look at this!"
(Persephone comes down to ringside. She is wearing a leather vest, buttoned at the bottom with nothing underneath, black leather chaps, a white thong, and black leather boots. She is carrying what appears to be a bottle of lighter fluid.)
MJ:"Perspephone is coming down to the ring area! She is dousing NEW's motorcycles with something! And now she set them on fire! Oh my God! Get the fans away from that area! Those bikes could explode!"
EB:"Where's DTM when you need him?"
MJ:"In the ring, Mr. Chopper, who was in complete control of the match, has stopped wrestling and is just starting at his beloved chopper, which is covered in flames!"
EB:"Hades manges to make a tag to Apollo! Apollo charges in and clips Mr. Chopper knee from behind! The big man goes down!"
MJ:"And now Apollo is locking him in the Achilles Heel! USCW security is out now with fire extinguishers as The Enforcer, The Crippler, and Mr. Insane are over trying to save their rides. Mr. Chopper is in trouble! He's tapping out!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, and new # 1 contenders, The Immortals!"
MJ:"The Immortals pull off the victory with the help of a distraction by Persephone! The fires are out at ringside now and now security has a new job. Keeping NEW from trying to storm the ring."
EB:"They can't keep everybody from storming the ring!"
(El Presidente, Ryan Wisler, and "Sweet" Gordy slide into the ring from the opposite side.)
MJ:"The PP&H are here and are in the ring! They are attacking the victorious Immortals! What is this all about?"
EB:"If I know the PP&H, I know exactly what it is about. They don't want the Immortals to be in any condition to help Captain Caveman in our main event match. They want to give Gordy every advantage they can to win the US title."
MJ:"Now here comes Captain Caveman with his gold plated club! The PP&H quickly scatter but the damage is already done. They were putting quite a beating on Apollo and Hades."
(Captain Caveman points his club at Gordy outside the ring as Gordy gives him a crotch chop.)
MJ:"Alright fans, I'm getting word there is something going on in the back we might want to listen to. We'll let you look at that as the wrestlers clear the ringside area."
(The scene changes to show Sweardog McCrackin setting on a bench in his locker room. He is hunched over and appears to be deep in thought. After a second The Lineman walk into the locker room.)
Lineman:"Sweardog, what's the problem man? You look rough."
Sweardog:"Remember how a couple of months ago when the USCW first started, I said I didn't know if I had the desire to do this anymore? Well, I decided I did at the time. And I've had a pretty decent run. But I'm havng those same feelings again. People I thought I could trust turned on me. Jackasses are running rampant in the league and I just feel like it's all too much for you and I to handle alone. You saw what happened out there tonight. No way The Enforcer beats me if I'm focused and ready. But something is missing. I need a spark Lineman. I need something to give me that fire that I'm missing. But I don't know if I know what that is. And if I can't find it soon, I may hang up my boots. I may retire from the USCW for good."
(The Lineman nods as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Wow, what a bombshell from Sweardog. The fan favorite of the USCW for years is considering retirement. What do you think it would take for him to stay active Earl?"
EB:"Maybe if he quit sucking so much ass he might feel better about staying a wrestler. But when you suck as much as he does, I can see where it could get discouraging."
MJ:"Sorry I asked. Well fans, we are now ready for our main event of the evening. "Sweet" Gordy Dix challenges Captain Caveman for the US title. Let's take it down to Cindy to get this one going."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is for the USCW United State Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 270 pounds, "Sweet" Gordy Dix!"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gansta" by Ghetto Boyz plays as the Sweetness makes his way down to the ring with Ashley.El Presidente and "Big Pimpin" Wisler are also with Gordy.)
EB:"The PP&H are in full force tonight. They...., what the hell?"
(Down the ramp comes streaking a member of the Bum Squad. He is pushing a shopping cart that contains the other three members. They get to ringside and all jump out of the cart. One bum runs over to Ryan Wisler with an old mug and starts asking for change. Another runs over to El Presidente and starts trying to shine his shoes. The third bum has a squeegee and some Windex and runs over to Gordy.)
EB:"Look at the shirts they are wearing! They all say ""Sweet" Gordy is a two pump chump"!"
MJ:"And the third bum has sprayed Gordy in the face with the Windex! Now he's trying to wipe it off with the squeegee. What a crazy scene!"
CM:"And his opponent, the champion, weighing in at 250 pounds, Captain Caveman!"
(The sounds of drums and jungle noises fill the arena as Captain Caveman comes running down to the ring with Aphrodite following behind him.)
MJ:"Gordy wipes his face off and then takes a swing at the bum who quickly ducks and runs away. That punch wasn't even close. That was odd."
EB:"Look at Captain Caveman! He tackles Gordy on the outside and starts raining down right hands!"
MJ:"They haven't even made it into the ring yet! Captain Caveman picks Gordy up and rolls him into the ring. Now the ref rings the bell and this match is officially underway."
EB:"The strange appearance by the Bum Squad gave Captain Caveman an opening and he is taking advantage of it!"
MJ:"Captain Caveman whips Gordy into the ropes. Caveman Clothesline! Caveman goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
No! Gordy kicks out! But he is still having trouble with his eyes! He's rubbing them like crazy while he is down on the mat."
EB:"That Windex must still be bothering him. That has to sting."
MJ:"Captain Caveman moves over to bring Gordy to his feet but Gordy connects with a big uppercut low blow! Ouch!"
EB:"That has to sting a little bit as well."
MJ:"The Caveman doubles over and falls to the mat. Gordy gets to his feet, but instead of going after the Caveman, he rolls out of the ring and is looking for the bum that sprayed him with Windex!"
(Gordy spots the bum and takes off after him on the outside. Meanwhile, Wisler and El Presidente are also tired of the bums that are bothering them and start trying to punch them. The bums shriek in terror and are running all around the ringside area, running crazily, dodging all different directions and causing utter chaos.)
MJ:"This match has broken down! Gordy tackles the bum down from behind! But look at this! Right as he gets ready to unload on him Captain Caveman is down at ringside now and kicks Gordy off the bum! Now Captain Caveman and Gordy are brawling at ringside!"
(Ryan Wisler catches the bum that was asking him for money. But right as he does DTM appears from out of the crowd behind Wisler and pops him over the head with a kendo stick.)
EB:"Woah! DTM is here. And now he is setting the kendo stick he just used on Wisler on fire! He's going to hit him with the flaming kendo stick!"
(El Presidente sees what is going on and manages to grab a chair at ringside and fling it over at DTM, knocking the kendo stick out of his hands.)
MJ:"Meanwhile, in all of this, nobody has been paying attention to the ref! He's been counting!"
Ref:"9.......................................10!"
MJ:"The ref is calling for the bell!"
CM:"The ref has declared this match a double countout. Captain Caveman retains the title."
MJ:"Well this certainly isn't what Gordy wanted! They were able to eliminate The Immortals from the picture tonight with the sneak attack earlier. But who knew the Bum Squad would come down and create so much chaos!"
EB:"Aphrodite has grabbed the belt and motions to Captain Caveman to follow her to the back. They are taking off to the back. El Presidente and Gordy run over to help Ryan Wisler and DTM dissapears back into the crowd."
MJ:"He was serious about attacking Wisler until he gets a match."
EB:"DTM doesn't strike me as the joking kind. So I imagine he is very serious."
MJ:"Well fans, we are out of town for tonight. We had another great night of action. Be sure to join as next week as we take our last step towards Beach Bash! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Gordy, El Presidente, and Wisler are shown pissed off at ringside. Then an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the Savvis Center in St. Louis, Missouri! Things are heating up here in the USCW as we countdown to our next USCW supershow, Beach Bash. The battle lines have been drawn and many different groups have emerged to contend for power. Joining me as always is Earl Backwater. Earl, can things get any more exciting than they have been the past few weeks?"
EB:"I don't know if they can or not but we'll certainly find out tonight. We have an amazing show coming to you. To lead things off, the fan favorite Sweardog will take on the 500lbs. giant, The Enforcer. Then a grudge match between Allan Storm and "The California Dream", Christopher Lee. Those two have had some harsh words for each other in the past and then Storm cost Lee his chance at the US title. The Immortals are in action against Death & Destruction, with the winners getting a title shot at Beach Bash against the Board of Directors team of Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten. And finally, the US title is on the line as Captain Caveman defends his belt against "Sweet" Gordy Dix. I can't wait."
MJ:"It certainly is a night of grea.....Fans I'm getting word that something is going on backstage. Let's see if we can find out what it is."
(The scene shifts to the backstage area. A limo pulls up and quickly Colossus jumps out. He looks furious. He slams the door of the limo, then proceeds to start destroying anything in his path backstage. He kicks over some large trash cans, then picks up a wooden chair in the hallway and slams it into the wall, breaking it into pieces. He curses under his breath, then sees the camera. He comes towards the camera and grabs the lens as the scene changes to static.)
MJ:"Wow, one half of our World Tag Team Champions doesn't look very happy."
EB:"After being brained with some brass knuckles and then spraypainted on last week by Hades, I imagine Colossus might not be in the best of moods."
MJ:"I suppose not. Well fans, let's get things going tonight. This first match should be something else. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 500 pounds, The Enforcer!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as The Enforcer comes down to the ring along with the rest of the NEW.)
EB:"These guys don't go anywhere without the entire group lately. That's four pretty intimidating looking men. They have the potential to become a force here in the USCW."
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin!!"
("Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen plays as Sweardog struts down to the ring with Ms. Kitty, playing to the crowd.)
MJ:"Sweardog is going it alone tonight. Since Whitten and Colossus turned on Paramount, Sweardog hasn't had the backup he once had."
EB:"I'm sure his "friend" The Lineman is around here somewhere."
MJ:"You never quit do you?"
EB:"Sweardog annoys me as much today as he ever has. No reason to go soft now."
MJ:"Backwater logic. Ok fans the bell has rung and we are underway. Sweardog starts to circle the huge Enforcer. Sweardog has a history of studying his opponents, but I'm not sure he has any experience against a man this incredibly massive."
EB:"How could he? The Enforcer is the arguably the largest athlete in the world."
MJ:"The Enforcer is able to cut off the ring, corner Sweardog, and lock up with him. He easily takes the smaller man and hurls him across the ring! What a show of power!"
EB:"Wow. That was impressive."
MJ:"Sweardog quickly gets back to his feet. They start to circle each other once again. This time, Sweardog ducks out of the way when The Enforcer tries to grab him! He bounces off the ropes and clips The Enforcer's knee from behind! The Enforcer is knocked down to one knee! Sweardog is up quickly and hits a standing drop kick! The Enforcer is sent reeling but is still on his feet!"
EB:"Now Sweardog boucnes off the ropes against, jumps and nails a leaping clothesline! The Enforcer goes down!"
MJ:"And Sweardog goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
Woah! The Enforcer bench presses Sweardog off of him! Sweardog flew several feet into the air and over to the other side of the ring!"
EB:"That's what I call a kick out."
MJ:"At ringside, the other members of the NEW are starting to look concerned. Both men are back up now and are circling each other once again. Sweardog circles around by the side of the ring that NEW is standing and The Crippler reaches out and grabs Sweardog's leg! Sweardog jerks away and turns to look to see who grabbed him. The Enforcer takes advantage and nails Sweardog with a big clothesline from behind!"
EB:"It almost doesn't seem fair. Almost."
MJ:"Sweardog is stunned. The Enforcer brings him to his feet. It looks like The Enforcer is about to go for the Problem Solved! Wait, Sweardog quickly rolls him up in a small package!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No! The Enforcer manages to power free!"
EB:"And this time, NEW isn't going to sit back. Mr. Insane just hopped up on the apron. The ref quickly comes over in an attempt to make him get down."
MJ:"Then from the other sid Mr. Chopper and The Crippler slide into the ring! They double clothesline Sweardog as he gets to his feet! Now they are stomping on him! Come on ref! Turn around!"
EB:"The Enforcer is up and all three are bringing Sweardog to his feet. The Enforcer grabs Sweardog by the neck! Problem Solved chokeslam! Mr. Chopper and The Crippler slide out of the ring."
MJ:"Mr. Insane points out the downed Sweardog and hops off the ring apron. The ref turns around to see The Enforner go for a pin!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
3!! The Enforcer wins it!
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, The Enforcer!"
MJ:"Sweardog gets triple teamed mid match and comes out on the losing end of this one. He was simply outnumbered in this one. Here comes The Lineman down to the ring!"
EB:"Too little, too late MJ. He keeps Sweardog from getting jumped after the match, but the damage was already done."
(The NEW makes their way up the ramp and then The Lineman and Sweardog follow behind them.)
MJ:"Sweardog is looking pretty down right now. I'm not sure his head was even in that match. I wonder what's on his mind? In any event, we are ready to continue. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first weighing in at 240 pounds, Allan Storm!"
("We Ready" plays as Storm get pumped up as he comes to the ring. He is without his trademark taser.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 185lbs., "The California Dream" Christopher Lee!"
("Hustle & Flow" starts to play as Lee makes his way down to the ring.)
MJ:"As you recall, Allan Storm came down and cost Lee the match in the three way battle for the US title. Since then, Lee has vow......"
("The BoD Theme" starts to play as Colossus starts to storm down to the ring with a 2x4 in his hands and his Tag Team Championship belt around his waist. He's followed closely by Marcus Whitten, Sniper, and "Lightning" Scott Baxter. Whitten and Sniper are also carrying 2x4's. Whitten has his tag belt over his shoulder while Sniper is wearing a giant championship belt around his waist. "BoD" is spraypainted across the front of it. Colossus slides into the ring and cracks Allan Storm over the back of the head with the 2x4. Christopher Lee quickly slides out of the ring but he turns around to get cracked over the head by the 2x4 of Marcus Whitten. Sniper picks Lee up and slides him back into the ring. All four of the Board of Directors members are in the ring now and Baxter pulls out a wireless mic.)
LSB:"This match has been declared a no contest. By me."
(The crowd boos loudly as Baxter continues to speak.)
LSB:"Get over it. You were all dead silent when these two came out anyway. Don't try to act like you'll miss their match now."
(Colossus is still on the rampage in the ring. He picks Storm up and hits him with the Lockdown. Then he does the same to Lee. Sniper takes his championship belt and nails Storm while Whitten hits Lee with his tag belt with both of them while they are laying there stunned. They then rolls both men out of the ring.)
LSB:"As you can see, the BoD has a little frustration we need to vent tonight. Apparently everyone and their brother think they are going to be the ones to bring the BoD down. Well I got news for every last one of you. The Board of Directors will have the power in this league for a long.........., long time. And why shouldn't we? We have the greatest wrestling talent. We have the greatest smarts. We have the greatest looks. We have, right here, the heavyweight champion of the world."
(Baxter points over to Sniper who shows off his spraypainted belt as the crowd boos unmercifully.)
LSB:"El Presidente and some of his idiot fans may think he is the champion. But anyone with half a brain knows otherwise. And at Beach Bash, on July 23rd, Sniper will prove to you once and for all El Presidente who the real heavyweight champion is. It will be Sniper versus El Presidente in a best 2 out of 3 falls match for the USCW Heavyweight Championship."
(The crowrd actually cheers this annoucnement.)
LSB:"Oh, you like that? Well you won't like it when Sniper chokes the life out of that deluded son of a bitch and you all have to bow down to the true champion. And speaking of champions.....We have, right here, the world tag team champions."
(Baxter points over to Colossus and Whitten, who start to show off their belts.)
LSB:"The BoD was shocked and appalled at the actions of Apocalypse last week. If you can't win on your own Hades, you shouldn't step into the ring with a wrestler the calibur of Colossus. All you did was stir up a hornet's nest. And you will face the consequences. The Board actually hopes that you two clowns get past Death & Destruction tonight so you can be put in your place for a third and final time at Beach Bash. That's all the time we have to waste on you people tonight. MJ, get MY show running again."
("The BoD Theme" starts to play again as the Board of Directions make their way to the back mouthing at the crowd.)
MJ:"Well, you heard the commissioner."
EB:"You're such a company man MJ. You shouldn't let the commish run over you like that."
MJ:"Like you would do any different?"
EB:"Earl Backwater is his own man."
MJ:"I'd rather be the man with a job. Well folks, as LSB mentioned next on the agenda tonight is a #1 contenders tag team match. Let's take it down to Cindy for the introductions."
CM:"The following contest is a tag team match set for one fall and the winner will move on to challenge for the World Tag Team Championship at Beach Bash! Introducing first, Mr. Chopper and The Crippler, Death & Destruction!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock start to play as all four members of NEW emerge from the back on Choppers. They rev the engines a few times and then ride down to ringside. They climb off the choppers and The Crippler and Mr. Chopper slide into the ring.)
CM:"And their opponents, Hades and Apollo, The Immortals!"
("My Minds Playing Tricks On Me" by Ghetto Boyz plays as Apollo and Hades make their way to the ring.)
EB:"Have you noticed these two seem to be more and more different from each other? Hades is still the lord of the underworld but Apollo's personality and actions seem to have changed dramatically. He doesn't really refer to himself as a god anymore. And his choice of attire and music don't exactly lend themselves to being a Greek god."
MJ:"You're right Earl. We have seen quite a change in Apollo since his first appearance here. But he is still as good a wrestler as he ever was. The bell has rung and we are underway. It looks like Apollo and The Crippler will start things off."
EB:"And things are starting quickly! The Crippler runs over and tries a clothesline, but Apollo ducks it, grabs The Crippler around the waist and nails a belly to back suplex!"
MJ:"Nice move by Apollo to get this match kicked off. Apollo brings The Crippler to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner. Big chop across the chest of The Crippler!"
(The crowd yells Woooooooo!)
MJ:"And another!"
(The crowd Wooooooo's loudly again.)
EB:"Nasty chops by Apollo. That's gonna leave a mark."
MJ:"Apollo grabs a front headlock on The Crippler and walks him to the corner and makes a tag to Hades. The big man is in now. Apollo holds The Crippler's arm up and out of the way while Hades connects on a boot to the ribs. The Crippler grabs his ribs and doubles over."
EB:"And Hades picks him up and nails a perfect piledriver!"
MJ:"Hades goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
No! The Crippler gets a shoulder up."
EB:"The Crippler needs to do something to change the momentum here. Hades picks The Crippler up and whips him into the ropes. Hades goes for a big boot but The Crippler ducks under it! He stops and floors Hades with a big clothesline!"
MJ:"Now both men are down! The Crippler is trying to get to his corner to tag in his brother! Hades is trying to shake loose the cobwebs! Hades makes it to his feet. But The Crippler is crawling over. Hades lunges to grab The Crippler but The Crippler also lunges at the same time and tags in Mr. Chopper!"
EB:"He's been over there chomping at the bit to get into the ring! He charges in and nails Hades with a right hand, and another, and another! Big clothesline sends Hades to the canvas! Mr. Chopper is a house of fire!"
MJ:"Mr. Chopper runs over and nails Apollo with a right hand! Apollo is knocked off the ring apron and down to the floor!"
EB:"And that's not a good thing. The Enforcer and Mr. Insane are down there. Woah, look at this!"
(Persephone comes down to ringside. She is wearing a leather vest, buttoned at the bottom with nothing underneath, black leather chaps, a white thong, and black leather boots. She is carrying what appears to be a bottle of lighter fluid.)
MJ:"Perspephone is coming down to the ring area! She is dousing NEW's motorcycles with something! And now she set them on fire! Oh my God! Get the fans away from that area! Those bikes could explode!"
EB:"Where's DTM when you need him?"
MJ:"In the ring, Mr. Chopper, who was in complete control of the match, has stopped wrestling and is just starting at his beloved chopper, which is covered in flames!"
EB:"Hades manges to make a tag to Apollo! Apollo charges in and clips Mr. Chopper knee from behind! The big man goes down!"
MJ:"And now Apollo is locking him in the Achilles Heel! USCW security is out now with fire extinguishers as The Enforcer, The Crippler, and Mr. Insane are over trying to save their rides. Mr. Chopper is in trouble! He's tapping out!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, and new # 1 contenders, The Immortals!"
MJ:"The Immortals pull off the victory with the help of a distraction by Persephone! The fires are out at ringside now and now security has a new job. Keeping NEW from trying to storm the ring."
EB:"They can't keep everybody from storming the ring!"
(El Presidente, Ryan Wisler, and "Sweet" Gordy slide into the ring from the opposite side.)
MJ:"The PP&H are here and are in the ring! They are attacking the victorious Immortals! What is this all about?"
EB:"If I know the PP&H, I know exactly what it is about. They don't want the Immortals to be in any condition to help Captain Caveman in our main event match. They want to give Gordy every advantage they can to win the US title."
MJ:"Now here comes Captain Caveman with his gold plated club! The PP&H quickly scatter but the damage is already done. They were putting quite a beating on Apollo and Hades."
(Captain Caveman points his club at Gordy outside the ring as Gordy gives him a crotch chop.)
MJ:"Alright fans, I'm getting word there is something going on in the back we might want to listen to. We'll let you look at that as the wrestlers clear the ringside area."
(The scene changes to show Sweardog McCrackin setting on a bench in his locker room. He is hunched over and appears to be deep in thought. After a second The Lineman walk into the locker room.)
Lineman:"Sweardog, what's the problem man? You look rough."
Sweardog:"Remember how a couple of months ago when the USCW first started, I said I didn't know if I had the desire to do this anymore? Well, I decided I did at the time. And I've had a pretty decent run. But I'm havng those same feelings again. People I thought I could trust turned on me. Jackasses are running rampant in the league and I just feel like it's all too much for you and I to handle alone. You saw what happened out there tonight. No way The Enforcer beats me if I'm focused and ready. But something is missing. I need a spark Lineman. I need something to give me that fire that I'm missing. But I don't know if I know what that is. And if I can't find it soon, I may hang up my boots. I may retire from the USCW for good."
(The Lineman nods as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Wow, what a bombshell from Sweardog. The fan favorite of the USCW for years is considering retirement. What do you think it would take for him to stay active Earl?"
EB:"Maybe if he quit sucking so much ass he might feel better about staying a wrestler. But when you suck as much as he does, I can see where it could get discouraging."
MJ:"Sorry I asked. Well fans, we are now ready for our main event of the evening. "Sweet" Gordy Dix challenges Captain Caveman for the US title. Let's take it down to Cindy to get this one going."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is for the USCW United State Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 270 pounds, "Sweet" Gordy Dix!"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gansta" by Ghetto Boyz plays as the Sweetness makes his way down to the ring with Ashley.El Presidente and "Big Pimpin" Wisler are also with Gordy.)
EB:"The PP&H are in full force tonight. They...., what the hell?"
(Down the ramp comes streaking a member of the Bum Squad. He is pushing a shopping cart that contains the other three members. They get to ringside and all jump out of the cart. One bum runs over to Ryan Wisler with an old mug and starts asking for change. Another runs over to El Presidente and starts trying to shine his shoes. The third bum has a squeegee and some Windex and runs over to Gordy.)
EB:"Look at the shirts they are wearing! They all say ""Sweet" Gordy is a two pump chump"!"
MJ:"And the third bum has sprayed Gordy in the face with the Windex! Now he's trying to wipe it off with the squeegee. What a crazy scene!"
CM:"And his opponent, the champion, weighing in at 250 pounds, Captain Caveman!"
(The sounds of drums and jungle noises fill the arena as Captain Caveman comes running down to the ring with Aphrodite following behind him.)
MJ:"Gordy wipes his face off and then takes a swing at the bum who quickly ducks and runs away. That punch wasn't even close. That was odd."
EB:"Look at Captain Caveman! He tackles Gordy on the outside and starts raining down right hands!"
MJ:"They haven't even made it into the ring yet! Captain Caveman picks Gordy up and rolls him into the ring. Now the ref rings the bell and this match is officially underway."
EB:"The strange appearance by the Bum Squad gave Captain Caveman an opening and he is taking advantage of it!"
MJ:"Captain Caveman whips Gordy into the ropes. Caveman Clothesline! Caveman goes for a cover!
1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
No! Gordy kicks out! But he is still having trouble with his eyes! He's rubbing them like crazy while he is down on the mat."
EB:"That Windex must still be bothering him. That has to sting."
MJ:"Captain Caveman moves over to bring Gordy to his feet but Gordy connects with a big uppercut low blow! Ouch!"
EB:"That has to sting a little bit as well."
MJ:"The Caveman doubles over and falls to the mat. Gordy gets to his feet, but instead of going after the Caveman, he rolls out of the ring and is looking for the bum that sprayed him with Windex!"
(Gordy spots the bum and takes off after him on the outside. Meanwhile, Wisler and El Presidente are also tired of the bums that are bothering them and start trying to punch them. The bums shriek in terror and are running all around the ringside area, running crazily, dodging all different directions and causing utter chaos.)
MJ:"This match has broken down! Gordy tackles the bum down from behind! But look at this! Right as he gets ready to unload on him Captain Caveman is down at ringside now and kicks Gordy off the bum! Now Captain Caveman and Gordy are brawling at ringside!"
(Ryan Wisler catches the bum that was asking him for money. But right as he does DTM appears from out of the crowd behind Wisler and pops him over the head with a kendo stick.)
EB:"Woah! DTM is here. And now he is setting the kendo stick he just used on Wisler on fire! He's going to hit him with the flaming kendo stick!"
(El Presidente sees what is going on and manages to grab a chair at ringside and fling it over at DTM, knocking the kendo stick out of his hands.)
MJ:"Meanwhile, in all of this, nobody has been paying attention to the ref! He's been counting!"
Ref:"9.......................................10!"
MJ:"The ref is calling for the bell!"
CM:"The ref has declared this match a double countout. Captain Caveman retains the title."
MJ:"Well this certainly isn't what Gordy wanted! They were able to eliminate The Immortals from the picture tonight with the sneak attack earlier. But who knew the Bum Squad would come down and create so much chaos!"
EB:"Aphrodite has grabbed the belt and motions to Captain Caveman to follow her to the back. They are taking off to the back. El Presidente and Gordy run over to help Ryan Wisler and DTM dissapears back into the crowd."
MJ:"He was serious about attacking Wisler until he gets a match."
EB:"DTM doesn't strike me as the joking kind. So I imagine he is very serious."
MJ:"Well fans, we are out of town for tonight. We had another great night of action. Be sure to join as next week as we take our last step towards Beach Bash! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Gordy, El Presidente, and Wisler are shown pissed off at ringside. Then an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)