MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to
USCW Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the TD Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, Florida! We are just one week away from the next USCW supercard, Beach Bash! Beach Bash will be coming to you live from Jonesville, Louisiana, on the banks of the confluence of the Ouachita, Tensas, and Little rivers. That's right fans, an outdoor event that is sure to be one big summer party from start to finish. But before that event, we still have one hell of a show to bring to you tonight. Joining me once again is Earl Backwater. Earl, can you describe the anticipation in the building tonight?"
EB:"There is an electricity in the air, MJ. The Board of Directors played a strong role in the matchups you will see tonight. Especially the opening match, which has not even been announced yet. There is no telling what we are going to see tonight in that one."
MJ:"But we do know what is in store after that. We have a big tag team match that features Sweardog McKrackin & The Lineman against The Enforcer & Mr. Chopper of the New Era of Wrestling. Sweardog is a long time star of the league, but has been having some problems lately with his focus and motivation. The 500 pound giant The Enforcer defeated him last Monday on Mayhem. This week, Sweardog is joined by his good friend the Lineman, who has had a little beef of his own with The Enforcer's partner Mr. Chopper. Now these four have a chance to settle their differences in the ring here tonight."
EB:"We could finally be seeing the last of Sweardog. I'm so excited! I've been hoping for this day for a long time!"
MJ:"In addition to that, we have what should be an amazing match between DTM and Mr. Insane for the right to face Ryan Wisler at Beach Bash for the Extreme Division title. It will be a hardcore match, and we have witnessed what DTM is capable of in a match like that. Mr. Insane claims he is up to the task of matching violence with DTM, so you never know what we might see here tonight."
EB:"Both of these guys are crazy. I'm not sure if the winner should get a title shot, or if they should just be committed."
MJ:"And finally, the main event of the evening is one of the biggest matches the USCW has ever seen. A huge six man tag match between the PP&H and Apocalypse. I'm sure the crowd will be whipped into a frenzy when the main event rolls around."
EB:"Clearly LSB had a hand in scheduling this match. He's hoping the two sides beat each other down both physically and mentally and then El Presidente, Hades, and Apollo will be easy pickings for his guys next week at Beach Bash."
MJ:"Well, regardless of the motivation behind scheduling the match, it should be a classic. I'm getting word that we have a feed from backstage to show you. Let's roll that footage."
(The footage rolls as The Lineman enters the locker room to find Sweardog getting dressed. Sweardog still looks down.)
Lineman:"Whats up, Bro? You get some good training in this weekend?"
SD:"I just couldn't. I don't... I mean, I just don't know. I'm in a slump. A bad slump. I'm not myself..."
Lineman:"Will you just let it the fuck go that those two slapdicks screwed you.... Fuck them. Fuck all those guys."
SD:"Well, i just don't know if this is for me anymore..."
(Sweardog walks out of the room and the Lineman grabs his cell out of his locker. The Lineman dials a number on his cell phone. It rings and someone on the other line picks up)
Lineman:"Whats up, big guy?"
(Pause for other to speak.)
Lineman:"Thats great to hear, man. You don't know what this means."
(Pause for other to speak.)
Lineman:"Nope he suspects nothing. This will blindside him."
(A sly smile comes over the Lineman's face.)
Lineman:"Alright. see you then."
(The Lineman slaps his cell phone shut and walks out of the locker room as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Interesting turn of events there. I hate seeing a wrestler like Sweardog struggling like he is."
EB:"Yeah, well I love it. I always said he was overrated and he is proving me right here recently."
MJ:"Well fans, we have been waiting just as you have to find out what will be our first match tonight. And it should be about time to find out."
(The BoD theme starts to play as Colossus, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten, Sniper, and "Lightning" Scott Baxter make their way down to the ring. The crowd starts to boo as the men take their time getting to the ring.)
MJ:"This group is not exactly what you would call fan favorites."
EB:"People are just jealous. Look at all that gold!"
(Colossus and Whitten are wearing the tag team championships while Sniper still has his belt with BoD spray painted across the front.)
MJ:"I could wear a belt down here too you know. A belt doesn't mean you are champion."
EB:"I know. El Presidente needs to quit wearing that belt of his around when Sniper is the true champ."
(The BoD slide into the ring and LSB takes a microphone.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Hello there fans and welcome to Board of Director's Monday Night Mayhem. I usually set the matchups around here but I got some help from the other members of the board this week."
(Baxter motions to the other wrestlers in the ring and the crowd responds with a chorus of boos.)
LSB:"We put our heads together and came up with what I think is a pretty solid card. The Extreme Division match was something that needed to be done. Paramount and NEW have had a solid rivalry going and we continued that little feud. Then the main event should be pretty entertaining. The only thing missing was a compelling opening match. Something to really grab the fans attention and pull them into the show. So we decided that right here tonight, Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten are going to defend the USCW World Tag Team Championship!"
(The fans actually come alive with that announcement and start to cheer.)
LSB:"We've thought long and hard about who should have the right to challenge for the titles and after much deliberation, we have made a choice I'm sure all of you will enjoy. We've already informed the tag team in the back that they will challenge for the titles. So Sniper and I will step out of the ring, and we'll let this match get underway. Tag Team challengers, come on out!"
(After a couple of seconds, Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II walk out onto the ramp. They play to the crowd for a second before they take off running towards the ring.)
MJ:"Good lord. I thought they were actually going to make a legitimate title defense! This is nothing more than a bad joke."
EB:"There is no substitute for experience MJ. And nobody has more experience than Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II."
MJ:"Or more losses. As soon as the challengers slide into the ring they are met with boots to the head from Colossus and Whitten! This one will be over pretty soon after it begins."
EB:"I think they can turn it around."
MJ:"Whitten and Colossus haven't even bothered to take the belts off. They stomp away on Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II. Now they bring them to their feet. They are both setting up for their finishers! Colossus nails the Lockdown on Mr. Wrestling while Whitten hit's Closing Time on Mr. Wrestling II! I'm not even sure who the actual legal men are but both are going for covers and the ref is going to make a count.
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3. Big surprise. The champs retain the titles."
CM:"Your winners, and still USCW World Tag Team Champions, Colossus & "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
EB:"What a big win for the champs!"
MJ:"Are you kidding me? This whole thing was a sham and a dissapointment. That's it? That was the match?"
EB:"Must be, because the BoD is headed to the back now."
MJ:"Well, I have a sneaky suspicion that's not all we will see of the Board tonight."
EB:"Well, it is their show tonight."
MJ:"Well fans, we have several legitimate matches for you tonight, starting with this next one. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, Mr. Chopper & The Enforcer!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as the two NEW members stride down to the ring.)
CM:"And their opponents, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin & The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Baller" by Lil Troy starts to play as Sweardog and The Lineman come out accompanied by Ms. Kitty.)
MJ:"We'll have to see how into this match Sweardog is. He's had a problem with focus lately."
EB:"Yeah, the focus thing has just started to happen recently. He's had a problem with being a punk since birth."
MJ:"You are going to catch a beating one of these days, and I'm going to laugh about it. They are in the ring now and we are ready to get things going. The Enforcer and The Lineman will start things out. The two huge men circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring."
EB:"I hope the ring holds up. That's a whole lot of humanity."
MJ:"Neither man gains an advantage and they push each other away. They move to lock up again and this time The Enforcer comes down with a clubbing blow to the back of The Lineman! And another! The Lineman is stunned and The Enforcer hits him with a clothesline that sends The Lineman to the canvas!"
EB:"You don't see too many people big and strong enough to do that. But The Enforcer is all about size and strength."
MJ:"He certainly is. Now The Enforcer drops an elbow down on The Lineman! What a big impact from the 500 pounder. He goes for a cover!
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No! The Lineman kicks out!"
EB:"The Enforcer brings Lineman to his feet. He goes for a big right hand but it's blocked by The Lineman! Now The Lineman fires a big right hand! And now another! The Enforcer is stunned. He staggers back into his corner and makes a tag to Mr. Chopper!"
MJ:"Mr. Chopper sprints across the ring and locks up with the Lineman. He delivers a knee to the gut that doubles the Lineman over! Now an elbow to the back of the head. He whips the Lineman into the ropes. Mr. Chopper goes for a big clothesline but the Lineman ducks underneath and nails Mr. Chopper with a clothesline of his own when he bounces back!"
(Both men fall to the canvas.)
MJ:"Both men are trying to get to their feet now! The Lineman needs to make a tag to Sweardog. He is crawling that way. Mr. Chopper is on his feet now and running over to grab the Lineman. The Lineman lunges at the last minute and makes the tag to Sweardog!"
EB:"Sweardog is in now and peppering Mr. Chopper with punches to the head! He grabs him by the back of the head and starts delivering knees to the head. But Mr. Chopper catches Sweardogs's leg and picks him up off the ground! Now he slams him down with a spinebuster! Yeah!"
MJ:"Sweardog is stunned. Mr. Chopper picks him up and is applying a sleeper! Mr. Chopper is going to try to put the dog to sleep!"
EB:"How long have you been waiting to use that one MJ?"
MJ:"The ref is going to check Sweardog now. He's raising his arm. It drops. That's one."
(Suddenly a large buzz goes through the crowd as a figure appears at the top of the ramp.)
EB:"Woah, is that who I think it is!?!?!?"
MJ:"It is! It's Thunderbolt Lightfoot! The Native American giant is back!"
(Thunderbolt walks down to the ring and gets directly in the line of sight of Sweardog in the ring.)
MJ:"In the ring, the ref is checking Sweardog for the third and final time! If his arm drops this time the match is over!"
(The ref drops the arm. It starts to fall, but then aburptly stops. Sweardog clinches his hand into a fist and starts to raise it above his head. Then he points at Thunderbolt Lightfoot with his hand before delivering a big elbow shot to the gut of Mr. Chopper.)
MJ:"Sweardog has sprung to life here! He nails another elbow shot and is now free of the sleeper attempt. Where is he going?"
EB:"He's headed to the outside of the ring. He's getting a chair!"
MJ:"Woah, what's coming over Sweardog?! He slides back into the ring and nails Mr. Chopper with the chair! The ref is calling for the bell!"
CM:"Your winners, via disqualification, The Enforcer & Mr. Chopper!"
MJ:"Now Sweardog nails The Enforcer with the chair! He's cleared the ring!"
(Thunderbolt climbs up onto the apron and steps over the top rope. He has a microphone in his hand. Sweardog asks Cindy for her mic and speaks.)
SD:"Its good to see you big guy."
TL:"Had to come. Lineman tells me you haven't been yourself."
SD:"I just don't know if...."
TL:"Yes you do. You know who you are. You know whats important. You are a true leader and a good person."
(Lightfoot looks out at the crowd and points.)
TL:"And all these people call you their champion!
(The crowd cheers.)
TL:"They do so because you stand for what is right. This league is full of evil and vagrents that are just plain garbage. Well, its time to take out the trash. What'd ya say everybody? anyone want to watch us take out the trash?"
(The crowd goes wild.)
TL:"Well, lets hear it! Swear-dog! Swear-dog!
Crowd:"Swear-dog! Swear-dog! Swear-dog! Swear-dog!"
(Sweardog looks up at the crowd, and a feeling of pride, self assurance, and worth come over him. He feels back at home.)
TL:"Now you, old firend. What do you say?"
(Thunderbolt extends his hand. Sweardog looks at him for a second, then shakes his hand.)
SD:"Alright..... lets get rid of some of the garbage. Lineman?"
Lineman:"You know I'm in...lets go..."
(The Enforcer and Mr. Chopper start getting to their feet and Sweardog, Lightfoot, and the Lineman attack them again. All of a sudden The Crippler and Mr. Insane come running from the back.)
MJ:"Woah! What a fight we have brewing here. But The Crippler and Mr. Insane may be running in at the wrong time! Their two friends are already laid out and they are outnumbered!"
EB:"Great. Sweardog has his "motivation" back. I can't begin to contain my excitement."
MJ:"The trio of Sweardog, Lightfoot, and The Lineman are overwhelming The Crippler and Mr. Insane! Now they are leaving the ring and running towards the back. I guess they think there is more trash to be taken out."
(The NEW members get to their feet in the ring. They don't look happy at all. They make their way to the back with looks of hatred on their face.)
EB:"The Enforcer and Mr. Chopper picked up a victory in this match by DQ, but they don't look very happy about it."
MJ:"That's an understatement. I don't think we've seen the last of these two groups clashing with one another. But Mr. Insane better get focused. He has a #1 contenders match coming up right now. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore match set for one fall and the winner will move on to challenge for the Extreme Division Title at Beach Bash! Introducing first, weighing in at 250lbs, Mr. Insane!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock start to play as Mr. Insane comes out with a look of extreme intensity on his face. You can tell he is still pissed from earlier activities.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 215lbs, DTM!"
("Superman" by starts to play as DTM stalks down to the ring carrying his kendo stick with him. He has his usual crazy demeanor.)
MJ:"Let's get ready for a hardcore matchup! DTM charges straight at Mr. Insane and tries to smack him with the kendo stick. Mr. Insane ducks and connects on a kick to the gut. The stick goes flying and Insane quickly scoops DTM up and slams him to the canvas in the corner. Insane quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps off, connecting on a flying legdrop! He goes for a cover!
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No! DTM pushes Insane off."
EB:"I know he didn't think that was going to end this match. We haven't even seen any blood yet."
MJ:"Insane picks up the kendo stick and is working DTM over with it! He is slamming him over and over in the ribs!"
EB:"But what is that we're hearing? Is that laughing? DTM is laughing every time he gets hit in the ribs with the kendo stick! I think he actually enjoys pain!"
MJ:"That would explain a lot. DTM is still down in the ring and Insane just slid to the outside. He is picking up a chair and sliding it into the ring. He slides into the ring himself and picks up the chair. But when he does, DTM gets to his feet! He runs over and nails a dropkick! Insane was just starting to lift the chair up to hit DTM with it, so the dropkick slammed it right into the face of Mr. Insane!"
EB:"And there is the blood we were waiting on! Insane is busted wide open by they chair to the face."
MJ:"And DTM is not done. He is delivering more chair shots to Insane! And now he picks Mr. Insane up and throws him over the top rope to the outside!"
EB:"DTM bounces off the far side ropes. He charges towards the side of the ring where Insane is laying down on the floor. He jumps up and over the top rope and goes for a splash on Mr. Insane! Oh!"
MJ:"Insane rolls out of the way at the last second! And DTM crashes to the concrete with a sickening thud! Look at that! I think he may have busted some of his front teeth out!"
EB:"Now Insane is up and he is sliding back into the ring. He takes the chair in the ring and sets it up. He is waiting for DTM to get to his feet. What is he doing?"
MJ:"DTM finally struggles to his feet. Mr. Insane runs, jumps off the chair, lands on the top rope, then jumps from the top rope and nails a hurracanrana on DTM on the outside!"
EB:"What an incredible high risk move! DTM is flipped to the ground but Mr. Insane may have hit his head on the guardrail during the execution of that move!"
MJ:"I think he might have Earl! And now both men are down! What a war this has been so far! Both man are bruised and bloody. Now DTM is getting to his feet first. He picks up Mr. Insane and rolls him back into the ring. DTM is waiting for Insane to get to his feet. Big spear by DTM into the turnbuckle! DTM calls that the Equalizer and that means Death From Above is coming!"
EB:"Wait, what's this? It's Ryan Wisler! "Big Pimpin" has just come down the ramp and is jawing towards the ring."
MJ:"DTM is taking Mr. Insane up to the top turnbuckle. But now he sees Wisler and is yelling back at Wisler!"
EB:"It obvious how much these two hate each other. They are just yelling back and forth now while DTM stands balanced on the top turnbuckle with Mr. Insane."
MJ:"But look at this! DTM spent so much time yelling back that Mr. Insane has come back to his senses! He fires a right hand into the stomach of DTM! And now he pushes him down! DTM crashes down to the mat! And now Mr. Insane is in perfect position for the Suicide Splash! And there it is! Mr. Insane nails his version of the five star frog splash and now he makes a cover!
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3!! Mr. Insane wins and becomes the Number One Contender!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Mr. Insane!"
(Wisler laughs out loud and heads back up the ramp.)
MJ:"DTM had this one won until Wisler came and distracted him at ringside! He said it didn't matter who he faced, but obviously it did or he wouldn't have been sticking his nose where it didn't belong."
EB:"Oh please MJ, he just came down to check out the competition. It's not his fault if DTM can't concentrate on the match."
MJ:"Well, any way you slice it Mr. Insane becomes the #1 contender to the Extreme Division title and DTM will have to wait once again for his shot. After everything DTM has gone through to get his hands on Wisler again, I think there will be fireworks when he does."
EB:"If he does, MJ. He might, but it won't be next week at Beach Bash."
(Mr. Insane has left the ringside area. DTM is up now, and the look in his eyes now is so intense it looks like his eyes might pop out of their sockets.)
MJ:"We better have security follow Wisler. As crazy as DTM is, he may try to kill him."
(DTM sprints up the ramp to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, that leaves us with one match remaining here tonight. And it's a good one. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is the main event of the evening and is set for one fall. Introducing first, "Sweet" Gordy Dix, Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler, and El Presidente, the Pimps, Players, and Hustlers!"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gansta" by Ghetto Boyz plays as El Presidente and "Big Pimpin" Wisler make their way to the ring. The champion is looking sharp in a black suit. Wisler has his red jersey with "Big Pimpin" on the front on. Surprisingly, "Sweet" Gordy is nowhere to be found.)
MJ:"That's odd. Where is The Sweetness?"
EB:"Maybe he had some business to finish up backstage, if you know what I mean."
CM:"And their opponents, Captain Caveman, Apollo, and Hades, Apocalypse!"
("Hell's Bells by AC/DC plays as the three men come down to the ring. Apollo has on his normal cream colored pants,maroon shirt and shades to go along with a crown of leaves. Hades is sporting long, black leather pants and a sleeveless black t-shirt. The only one out of the ordinary is Captain Caveman, who is wearing the jersey of his new favorite athlete, Zidane. Aphrodite walks behind them, carrying a gold plated club and wearing a t-shirt that says ""Sweet" Gordy is a 2-pump chump.")
MJ:"Well, this was scheduled to be a 6 man tag match but it looks like the PP&H will be shorthanded. Ryan Wisler is in the ring for the PP&H while Apollo is starting things out for Apocalypse."
EB:"Apollo and Wisler circle each other for a while and then lock up. Apollo grabs a headlock and sends Wisler into the ropes. Wisler locks both arms over the top rope and stops his momentum. Apollo is expecting him to come bouncing back and leans over for a back body drop. Wisler sprints forward and nail him with a knee to the head!"
MJ:"Wisler is certainly very quick. He bounces off the ropes and goes for a cross body splash but Apollo catches Wisler! He repositions him and nails him with a piledriver! Nice move by Apollo. He tags in the big man Hades."
EB:"Hades walk over to Wisler but as he reaches down to pick Wisler up Wisler jabs him in the eye!"
MJ:"Come on ref! You can't let him do that. Wisler quickly runs over and tags in El Presidente. The champ has removed his suit jacket and shirt and is wrestling in his suit pants and dress shoes."
EB:"What is this? Look at the ramp! It's "Sweet" Gordy running to ringside! And he has that taser he took from Allan Storm last week! He tasers Captain Caveman on the ring apron! And Apollo! The ref is seeing all this and calling for the bell!"
CM:"Your winners, via disqualification, Apocalypse!"
MJ:"Another DQ! Now the PP&H is attacking Apocalypse after the bell! Gordy has that taser and is trying to use it on all of them!"
EB:"Look at the ramp! It's Sweardog, Thunderbolt Lightfoot, and The Lineman! They said they were going to take out the trash in his league and they must want to start right now! They just hit the ring! And what? Look at this. Now NEW is charging the ring coming after them!"
MJ:"This is just madness. It's a huge brawl in the ring! It's out of control!"
(Suddenly, from the rafters drops a giant net. It covers the entire ring and everyone fighting in the ring is caught under it.)
MJ:"What the hell is going on?"
(Two men come running down the ramp towards the ring. One is a huge, fat man in overalls. The other is wearing blue tights and a black t-shirt. They run down and tie the sides of the net, trapping all the men under the net. After this is done, "Lightning" Scott Baxter comes out onto the ramp with Sniper, Colossus, and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten.)
LSB(laughing hysterically):"This is great. This is really great. To be honest with you, the plan was just to net the PP&H and Apocalypse. But since all you other guys wanted to join the party, you get to hear this also. This is just another reminder of who holds the power in this league. And we just get stronger. Some of you old timers in the league may remember my boys Big Hank Howard and Mangler Lewis. They will be joining us from now on to make sure everything goes according to plan. All of you can talk all you want but in the end, the Board of Directors will get the last laugh. Beach Bash will be no different. The world titles will stay where they belong. And there is nothing any of you can do to stop it."
(The BoD theme music kicks in again as all the men in the ring struggle to get out from under the net.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are out of time for tonight. We had another great night of action. The Board of Directors got the last laugh tonight but I'm sure these other groups will be looking for revenge at Beach Bash! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(In the ring, someone has used a pocket knife to cut the net and the men are escaping. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the TD Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, Florida! We are just one week away from the next USCW supercard, Beach Bash! Beach Bash will be coming to you live from Jonesville, Louisiana, on the banks of the confluence of the Ouachita, Tensas, and Little rivers. That's right fans, an outdoor event that is sure to be one big summer party from start to finish. But before that event, we still have one hell of a show to bring to you tonight. Joining me once again is Earl Backwater. Earl, can you describe the anticipation in the building tonight?"
EB:"There is an electricity in the air, MJ. The Board of Directors played a strong role in the matchups you will see tonight. Especially the opening match, which has not even been announced yet. There is no telling what we are going to see tonight in that one."
MJ:"But we do know what is in store after that. We have a big tag team match that features Sweardog McKrackin & The Lineman against The Enforcer & Mr. Chopper of the New Era of Wrestling. Sweardog is a long time star of the league, but has been having some problems lately with his focus and motivation. The 500 pound giant The Enforcer defeated him last Monday on Mayhem. This week, Sweardog is joined by his good friend the Lineman, who has had a little beef of his own with The Enforcer's partner Mr. Chopper. Now these four have a chance to settle their differences in the ring here tonight."
EB:"We could finally be seeing the last of Sweardog. I'm so excited! I've been hoping for this day for a long time!"
MJ:"In addition to that, we have what should be an amazing match between DTM and Mr. Insane for the right to face Ryan Wisler at Beach Bash for the Extreme Division title. It will be a hardcore match, and we have witnessed what DTM is capable of in a match like that. Mr. Insane claims he is up to the task of matching violence with DTM, so you never know what we might see here tonight."
EB:"Both of these guys are crazy. I'm not sure if the winner should get a title shot, or if they should just be committed."
MJ:"And finally, the main event of the evening is one of the biggest matches the USCW has ever seen. A huge six man tag match between the PP&H and Apocalypse. I'm sure the crowd will be whipped into a frenzy when the main event rolls around."
EB:"Clearly LSB had a hand in scheduling this match. He's hoping the two sides beat each other down both physically and mentally and then El Presidente, Hades, and Apollo will be easy pickings for his guys next week at Beach Bash."
MJ:"Well, regardless of the motivation behind scheduling the match, it should be a classic. I'm getting word that we have a feed from backstage to show you. Let's roll that footage."
(The footage rolls as The Lineman enters the locker room to find Sweardog getting dressed. Sweardog still looks down.)
Lineman:"Whats up, Bro? You get some good training in this weekend?"
SD:"I just couldn't. I don't... I mean, I just don't know. I'm in a slump. A bad slump. I'm not myself..."
Lineman:"Will you just let it the fuck go that those two slapdicks screwed you.... Fuck them. Fuck all those guys."
SD:"Well, i just don't know if this is for me anymore..."
(Sweardog walks out of the room and the Lineman grabs his cell out of his locker. The Lineman dials a number on his cell phone. It rings and someone on the other line picks up)
Lineman:"Whats up, big guy?"
(Pause for other to speak.)
Lineman:"Thats great to hear, man. You don't know what this means."
(Pause for other to speak.)
Lineman:"Nope he suspects nothing. This will blindside him."
(A sly smile comes over the Lineman's face.)
Lineman:"Alright. see you then."
(The Lineman slaps his cell phone shut and walks out of the locker room as the scene fades.)
MJ:"Interesting turn of events there. I hate seeing a wrestler like Sweardog struggling like he is."
EB:"Yeah, well I love it. I always said he was overrated and he is proving me right here recently."
MJ:"Well fans, we have been waiting just as you have to find out what will be our first match tonight. And it should be about time to find out."
(The BoD theme starts to play as Colossus, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten, Sniper, and "Lightning" Scott Baxter make their way down to the ring. The crowd starts to boo as the men take their time getting to the ring.)
MJ:"This group is not exactly what you would call fan favorites."
EB:"People are just jealous. Look at all that gold!"
(Colossus and Whitten are wearing the tag team championships while Sniper still has his belt with BoD spray painted across the front.)
MJ:"I could wear a belt down here too you know. A belt doesn't mean you are champion."
EB:"I know. El Presidente needs to quit wearing that belt of his around when Sniper is the true champ."
(The BoD slide into the ring and LSB takes a microphone.)
LSB:"Well, well, well. Hello there fans and welcome to Board of Director's Monday Night Mayhem. I usually set the matchups around here but I got some help from the other members of the board this week."
(Baxter motions to the other wrestlers in the ring and the crowd responds with a chorus of boos.)
LSB:"We put our heads together and came up with what I think is a pretty solid card. The Extreme Division match was something that needed to be done. Paramount and NEW have had a solid rivalry going and we continued that little feud. Then the main event should be pretty entertaining. The only thing missing was a compelling opening match. Something to really grab the fans attention and pull them into the show. So we decided that right here tonight, Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten are going to defend the USCW World Tag Team Championship!"
(The fans actually come alive with that announcement and start to cheer.)
LSB:"We've thought long and hard about who should have the right to challenge for the titles and after much deliberation, we have made a choice I'm sure all of you will enjoy. We've already informed the tag team in the back that they will challenge for the titles. So Sniper and I will step out of the ring, and we'll let this match get underway. Tag Team challengers, come on out!"
(After a couple of seconds, Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II walk out onto the ramp. They play to the crowd for a second before they take off running towards the ring.)
MJ:"Good lord. I thought they were actually going to make a legitimate title defense! This is nothing more than a bad joke."
EB:"There is no substitute for experience MJ. And nobody has more experience than Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II."
MJ:"Or more losses. As soon as the challengers slide into the ring they are met with boots to the head from Colossus and Whitten! This one will be over pretty soon after it begins."
EB:"I think they can turn it around."
MJ:"Whitten and Colossus haven't even bothered to take the belts off. They stomp away on Mr. Wrestling and Mr. Wrestling II. Now they bring them to their feet. They are both setting up for their finishers! Colossus nails the Lockdown on Mr. Wrestling while Whitten hit's Closing Time on Mr. Wrestling II! I'm not even sure who the actual legal men are but both are going for covers and the ref is going to make a count.
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3. Big surprise. The champs retain the titles."
CM:"Your winners, and still USCW World Tag Team Champions, Colossus & "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!"
EB:"What a big win for the champs!"
MJ:"Are you kidding me? This whole thing was a sham and a dissapointment. That's it? That was the match?"
EB:"Must be, because the BoD is headed to the back now."
MJ:"Well, I have a sneaky suspicion that's not all we will see of the Board tonight."
EB:"Well, it is their show tonight."
MJ:"Well fans, we have several legitimate matches for you tonight, starting with this next one. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, Mr. Chopper & The Enforcer!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as the two NEW members stride down to the ring.)
CM:"And their opponents, Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin & The Lineman!"
("Wanna Be A Baller" by Lil Troy starts to play as Sweardog and The Lineman come out accompanied by Ms. Kitty.)
MJ:"We'll have to see how into this match Sweardog is. He's had a problem with focus lately."
EB:"Yeah, the focus thing has just started to happen recently. He's had a problem with being a punk since birth."
MJ:"You are going to catch a beating one of these days, and I'm going to laugh about it. They are in the ring now and we are ready to get things going. The Enforcer and The Lineman will start things out. The two huge men circle each other and then lock up in the middle of the ring."
EB:"I hope the ring holds up. That's a whole lot of humanity."
MJ:"Neither man gains an advantage and they push each other away. They move to lock up again and this time The Enforcer comes down with a clubbing blow to the back of The Lineman! And another! The Lineman is stunned and The Enforcer hits him with a clothesline that sends The Lineman to the canvas!"
EB:"You don't see too many people big and strong enough to do that. But The Enforcer is all about size and strength."
MJ:"He certainly is. Now The Enforcer drops an elbow down on The Lineman! What a big impact from the 500 pounder. He goes for a cover!
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No! The Lineman kicks out!"
EB:"The Enforcer brings Lineman to his feet. He goes for a big right hand but it's blocked by The Lineman! Now The Lineman fires a big right hand! And now another! The Enforcer is stunned. He staggers back into his corner and makes a tag to Mr. Chopper!"
MJ:"Mr. Chopper sprints across the ring and locks up with the Lineman. He delivers a knee to the gut that doubles the Lineman over! Now an elbow to the back of the head. He whips the Lineman into the ropes. Mr. Chopper goes for a big clothesline but the Lineman ducks underneath and nails Mr. Chopper with a clothesline of his own when he bounces back!"
(Both men fall to the canvas.)
MJ:"Both men are trying to get to their feet now! The Lineman needs to make a tag to Sweardog. He is crawling that way. Mr. Chopper is on his feet now and running over to grab the Lineman. The Lineman lunges at the last minute and makes the tag to Sweardog!"
EB:"Sweardog is in now and peppering Mr. Chopper with punches to the head! He grabs him by the back of the head and starts delivering knees to the head. But Mr. Chopper catches Sweardogs's leg and picks him up off the ground! Now he slams him down with a spinebuster! Yeah!"
MJ:"Sweardog is stunned. Mr. Chopper picks him up and is applying a sleeper! Mr. Chopper is going to try to put the dog to sleep!"
EB:"How long have you been waiting to use that one MJ?"
MJ:"The ref is going to check Sweardog now. He's raising his arm. It drops. That's one."
(Suddenly a large buzz goes through the crowd as a figure appears at the top of the ramp.)
EB:"Woah, is that who I think it is!?!?!?"
MJ:"It is! It's Thunderbolt Lightfoot! The Native American giant is back!"
(Thunderbolt walks down to the ring and gets directly in the line of sight of Sweardog in the ring.)
MJ:"In the ring, the ref is checking Sweardog for the third and final time! If his arm drops this time the match is over!"
(The ref drops the arm. It starts to fall, but then aburptly stops. Sweardog clinches his hand into a fist and starts to raise it above his head. Then he points at Thunderbolt Lightfoot with his hand before delivering a big elbow shot to the gut of Mr. Chopper.)
MJ:"Sweardog has sprung to life here! He nails another elbow shot and is now free of the sleeper attempt. Where is he going?"
EB:"He's headed to the outside of the ring. He's getting a chair!"
MJ:"Woah, what's coming over Sweardog?! He slides back into the ring and nails Mr. Chopper with the chair! The ref is calling for the bell!"
CM:"Your winners, via disqualification, The Enforcer & Mr. Chopper!"
MJ:"Now Sweardog nails The Enforcer with the chair! He's cleared the ring!"
(Thunderbolt climbs up onto the apron and steps over the top rope. He has a microphone in his hand. Sweardog asks Cindy for her mic and speaks.)
SD:"Its good to see you big guy."
TL:"Had to come. Lineman tells me you haven't been yourself."
SD:"I just don't know if...."
TL:"Yes you do. You know who you are. You know whats important. You are a true leader and a good person."
(Lightfoot looks out at the crowd and points.)
TL:"And all these people call you their champion!
(The crowd cheers.)
TL:"They do so because you stand for what is right. This league is full of evil and vagrents that are just plain garbage. Well, its time to take out the trash. What'd ya say everybody? anyone want to watch us take out the trash?"
(The crowd goes wild.)
TL:"Well, lets hear it! Swear-dog! Swear-dog!
Crowd:"Swear-dog! Swear-dog! Swear-dog! Swear-dog!"
(Sweardog looks up at the crowd, and a feeling of pride, self assurance, and worth come over him. He feels back at home.)
TL:"Now you, old firend. What do you say?"
(Thunderbolt extends his hand. Sweardog looks at him for a second, then shakes his hand.)
SD:"Alright..... lets get rid of some of the garbage. Lineman?"
Lineman:"You know I'm in...lets go..."
(The Enforcer and Mr. Chopper start getting to their feet and Sweardog, Lightfoot, and the Lineman attack them again. All of a sudden The Crippler and Mr. Insane come running from the back.)
MJ:"Woah! What a fight we have brewing here. But The Crippler and Mr. Insane may be running in at the wrong time! Their two friends are already laid out and they are outnumbered!"
EB:"Great. Sweardog has his "motivation" back. I can't begin to contain my excitement."
MJ:"The trio of Sweardog, Lightfoot, and The Lineman are overwhelming The Crippler and Mr. Insane! Now they are leaving the ring and running towards the back. I guess they think there is more trash to be taken out."
(The NEW members get to their feet in the ring. They don't look happy at all. They make their way to the back with looks of hatred on their face.)
EB:"The Enforcer and Mr. Chopper picked up a victory in this match by DQ, but they don't look very happy about it."
MJ:"That's an understatement. I don't think we've seen the last of these two groups clashing with one another. But Mr. Insane better get focused. He has a #1 contenders match coming up right now. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is a Hardcore match set for one fall and the winner will move on to challenge for the Extreme Division Title at Beach Bash! Introducing first, weighing in at 250lbs, Mr. Insane!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock start to play as Mr. Insane comes out with a look of extreme intensity on his face. You can tell he is still pissed from earlier activities.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 215lbs, DTM!"
("Superman" by starts to play as DTM stalks down to the ring carrying his kendo stick with him. He has his usual crazy demeanor.)
MJ:"Let's get ready for a hardcore matchup! DTM charges straight at Mr. Insane and tries to smack him with the kendo stick. Mr. Insane ducks and connects on a kick to the gut. The stick goes flying and Insane quickly scoops DTM up and slams him to the canvas in the corner. Insane quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps off, connecting on a flying legdrop! He goes for a cover!
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No! DTM pushes Insane off."
EB:"I know he didn't think that was going to end this match. We haven't even seen any blood yet."
MJ:"Insane picks up the kendo stick and is working DTM over with it! He is slamming him over and over in the ribs!"
EB:"But what is that we're hearing? Is that laughing? DTM is laughing every time he gets hit in the ribs with the kendo stick! I think he actually enjoys pain!"
MJ:"That would explain a lot. DTM is still down in the ring and Insane just slid to the outside. He is picking up a chair and sliding it into the ring. He slides into the ring himself and picks up the chair. But when he does, DTM gets to his feet! He runs over and nails a dropkick! Insane was just starting to lift the chair up to hit DTM with it, so the dropkick slammed it right into the face of Mr. Insane!"
EB:"And there is the blood we were waiting on! Insane is busted wide open by they chair to the face."
MJ:"And DTM is not done. He is delivering more chair shots to Insane! And now he picks Mr. Insane up and throws him over the top rope to the outside!"
EB:"DTM bounces off the far side ropes. He charges towards the side of the ring where Insane is laying down on the floor. He jumps up and over the top rope and goes for a splash on Mr. Insane! Oh!"
MJ:"Insane rolls out of the way at the last second! And DTM crashes to the concrete with a sickening thud! Look at that! I think he may have busted some of his front teeth out!"
EB:"Now Insane is up and he is sliding back into the ring. He takes the chair in the ring and sets it up. He is waiting for DTM to get to his feet. What is he doing?"
MJ:"DTM finally struggles to his feet. Mr. Insane runs, jumps off the chair, lands on the top rope, then jumps from the top rope and nails a hurracanrana on DTM on the outside!"
EB:"What an incredible high risk move! DTM is flipped to the ground but Mr. Insane may have hit his head on the guardrail during the execution of that move!"
MJ:"I think he might have Earl! And now both men are down! What a war this has been so far! Both man are bruised and bloody. Now DTM is getting to his feet first. He picks up Mr. Insane and rolls him back into the ring. DTM is waiting for Insane to get to his feet. Big spear by DTM into the turnbuckle! DTM calls that the Equalizer and that means Death From Above is coming!"
EB:"Wait, what's this? It's Ryan Wisler! "Big Pimpin" has just come down the ramp and is jawing towards the ring."
MJ:"DTM is taking Mr. Insane up to the top turnbuckle. But now he sees Wisler and is yelling back at Wisler!"
EB:"It obvious how much these two hate each other. They are just yelling back and forth now while DTM stands balanced on the top turnbuckle with Mr. Insane."
MJ:"But look at this! DTM spent so much time yelling back that Mr. Insane has come back to his senses! He fires a right hand into the stomach of DTM! And now he pushes him down! DTM crashes down to the mat! And now Mr. Insane is in perfect position for the Suicide Splash! And there it is! Mr. Insane nails his version of the five star frog splash and now he makes a cover!
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3!! Mr. Insane wins and becomes the Number One Contender!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Mr. Insane!"
(Wisler laughs out loud and heads back up the ramp.)
MJ:"DTM had this one won until Wisler came and distracted him at ringside! He said it didn't matter who he faced, but obviously it did or he wouldn't have been sticking his nose where it didn't belong."
EB:"Oh please MJ, he just came down to check out the competition. It's not his fault if DTM can't concentrate on the match."
MJ:"Well, any way you slice it Mr. Insane becomes the #1 contender to the Extreme Division title and DTM will have to wait once again for his shot. After everything DTM has gone through to get his hands on Wisler again, I think there will be fireworks when he does."
EB:"If he does, MJ. He might, but it won't be next week at Beach Bash."
(Mr. Insane has left the ringside area. DTM is up now, and the look in his eyes now is so intense it looks like his eyes might pop out of their sockets.)
MJ:"We better have security follow Wisler. As crazy as DTM is, he may try to kill him."
(DTM sprints up the ramp to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, that leaves us with one match remaining here tonight. And it's a good one. Cindy, take it away."
CM:"The following contest is the main event of the evening and is set for one fall. Introducing first, "Sweet" Gordy Dix, Ryan "Big Pimpin" Wisler, and El Presidente, the Pimps, Players, and Hustlers!"
("Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gansta" by Ghetto Boyz plays as El Presidente and "Big Pimpin" Wisler make their way to the ring. The champion is looking sharp in a black suit. Wisler has his red jersey with "Big Pimpin" on the front on. Surprisingly, "Sweet" Gordy is nowhere to be found.)
MJ:"That's odd. Where is The Sweetness?"
EB:"Maybe he had some business to finish up backstage, if you know what I mean."
CM:"And their opponents, Captain Caveman, Apollo, and Hades, Apocalypse!"
("Hell's Bells by AC/DC plays as the three men come down to the ring. Apollo has on his normal cream colored pants,maroon shirt and shades to go along with a crown of leaves. Hades is sporting long, black leather pants and a sleeveless black t-shirt. The only one out of the ordinary is Captain Caveman, who is wearing the jersey of his new favorite athlete, Zidane. Aphrodite walks behind them, carrying a gold plated club and wearing a t-shirt that says ""Sweet" Gordy is a 2-pump chump.")
MJ:"Well, this was scheduled to be a 6 man tag match but it looks like the PP&H will be shorthanded. Ryan Wisler is in the ring for the PP&H while Apollo is starting things out for Apocalypse."
EB:"Apollo and Wisler circle each other for a while and then lock up. Apollo grabs a headlock and sends Wisler into the ropes. Wisler locks both arms over the top rope and stops his momentum. Apollo is expecting him to come bouncing back and leans over for a back body drop. Wisler sprints forward and nail him with a knee to the head!"
MJ:"Wisler is certainly very quick. He bounces off the ropes and goes for a cross body splash but Apollo catches Wisler! He repositions him and nails him with a piledriver! Nice move by Apollo. He tags in the big man Hades."
EB:"Hades walk over to Wisler but as he reaches down to pick Wisler up Wisler jabs him in the eye!"
MJ:"Come on ref! You can't let him do that. Wisler quickly runs over and tags in El Presidente. The champ has removed his suit jacket and shirt and is wrestling in his suit pants and dress shoes."
EB:"What is this? Look at the ramp! It's "Sweet" Gordy running to ringside! And he has that taser he took from Allan Storm last week! He tasers Captain Caveman on the ring apron! And Apollo! The ref is seeing all this and calling for the bell!"
CM:"Your winners, via disqualification, Apocalypse!"
MJ:"Another DQ! Now the PP&H is attacking Apocalypse after the bell! Gordy has that taser and is trying to use it on all of them!"
EB:"Look at the ramp! It's Sweardog, Thunderbolt Lightfoot, and The Lineman! They said they were going to take out the trash in his league and they must want to start right now! They just hit the ring! And what? Look at this. Now NEW is charging the ring coming after them!"
MJ:"This is just madness. It's a huge brawl in the ring! It's out of control!"
(Suddenly, from the rafters drops a giant net. It covers the entire ring and everyone fighting in the ring is caught under it.)
MJ:"What the hell is going on?"
(Two men come running down the ramp towards the ring. One is a huge, fat man in overalls. The other is wearing blue tights and a black t-shirt. They run down and tie the sides of the net, trapping all the men under the net. After this is done, "Lightning" Scott Baxter comes out onto the ramp with Sniper, Colossus, and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten.)
LSB(laughing hysterically):"This is great. This is really great. To be honest with you, the plan was just to net the PP&H and Apocalypse. But since all you other guys wanted to join the party, you get to hear this also. This is just another reminder of who holds the power in this league. And we just get stronger. Some of you old timers in the league may remember my boys Big Hank Howard and Mangler Lewis. They will be joining us from now on to make sure everything goes according to plan. All of you can talk all you want but in the end, the Board of Directors will get the last laugh. Beach Bash will be no different. The world titles will stay where they belong. And there is nothing any of you can do to stop it."
(The BoD theme music kicks in again as all the men in the ring struggle to get out from under the net.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are out of time for tonight. We had another great night of action. The Board of Directors got the last laugh tonight but I'm sure these other groups will be looking for revenge at Beach Bash! For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(In the ring, someone has used a pocket knife to cut the net and the men are escaping. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)