MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to USCW
Memphis in May!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee! We are finally here. The first PPV in the return of the USCW. Joining me once again is Earl Backwater."
EB:"All the shows we have had so far have been leading up to this one. Champions will be crowned tonight. The direction of the USCW will be determined. This is the biggest event I have ever been a part of and I'm looking forward to calling the action."
MJ:"As am I, Earl. And the action begins with a huge grudge match between two huge stars of the USCW that has been brewing for quite some time."
(A sledgehammer starts to lower from the top of the arena and USCW road crew bring out a ladder and set it down at ringside.)
MJ:"As everyone heard the commissioner say, this next match is a Sledgehammer match. All the normal rules of a match except one. If you can set up the ladder and reach the sledgehammer, it's yours to use legally. Let's take it down to....
("Superman" By Blindside starts to play over the arena speakers. After a second, a man wearing only jeans and boots walks out from the back. He walks down to the ring carrying a microphone and slides into the ring.)
MJ:"That's new USCW wrestler DMT. Let's see what he has to say."
DMT:"Ladies and gentleman, let me congraduate you all on being the first people EVER to lay their eyes on the greatest wrestler of ALL-TIME!!!...I have came here on a mission...and that mission is to break EVERY SINGLE WRESTLER IN THIS COMPANY!!!!...Wrestlers beware...DTM is here and I AM CRAZY!!!!...I drop this offer on the table from here on out...ANYONE...ANYTIME...ANYWHERE...ANY KIND OF MATCH!!!...You name it...I'll bring it...tables, chairs, barbwire, bats, canes, steel cages anything you got ill take...In fact, tonight's sledgehammer match would be right up my alley..."
(DMT points to the sledgehammer above the ring.)
DMT:"Ladies and gentleman...I have made my declaration of violence...come one, come all...and prepare for DEATH FROM ABOVE... "
(DMT drops the microphone, gets a running start and hurdles the top rope, crashing into a table, smashing it to peices. He stands up, dusts himself off and proceeds to walk to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, I'm speechless after that last display."
EB:"That guy really is crazy. He seems like a perfect addition for the USCW's new Extreme Division."
MJ:"You are certainly right Earl. Fans, we are ready now to get things going tonight with our first match. Let's take it down to Cindy to get Memphis in May started!"
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 375lbs pounds, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
(The "Last of the Mohicans" theme plays as Lightfoot comes down to the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 245 pounds, El Presidente!"
(The "Scarface" theme plays as El Presidente emerges from the back with the First Lady.)
MJ:"Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The sledgehammer is suspended above the ring and a ladder is on the outside, ready to be brought into the ring and set up."
EB:"I can understand being in a regular old wrestling match. And that is dangerous enough. But why someone would agree to something like this is beyond me. These guys and guys like DMT are nuts."
MJ:"That's why you are over here with me Earl, and not a USCW superstar."
EB:"Oh I'm a superstar. Look for my merchandise soon on the USCW website."
MJ:"Ok. The bell has rung. The two men circle each other cautiously. El Presidente dives in and grabs a leg of the big man! He trips Lightfoot up and is now up and stomping on the knee of Lightfoot!"
EB:"It's obvious that El Presidente is a seasoned veteran. Why try to match strength for strength with a 375lbs. man? He is going to chop the big man down to size, limit his mobility, and then pick him apart. Flawless strategy as usual by the Bad Guy."
MJ:"El Presidente is dragging Thunderbolt over towards the ringpost. He slides out of the ring and pulls Thunderbolt into the ringpost! I think everyman in the crowd just doubled over!"
EB:"Me included MJ. That was brutal."
MJ:"And now El Presidente puts a figure four on Thunderbolt around the ringpost! He has the figure four on, and he's hanging down from the apron to apply more pressure! You can see the pain in Thunderbolt's face! The ref is counting now and makes El Presidente break the hold."
(Suddenly the Jumbotron comes on and shows a stretch Hummer limo pulling into the wrestler's entrance to the Pyramid.)
EB:"Did you see that MJ? I wonder what that is all about."
MJ:"Not sure. El Presidente has grabbed the ladder from the outside now and is sliding it into the ring. Thunderbolt is still down in the ring. He walks over, places Thunderbolts leg in between the ladder and stomps on it! Lightfoot grimaces and grabs for his knee! EL Presidente has really worked over Thunderbolt's right knee."
EB:"Following his strategy to perfection."
MJ:"Now El Presidente is setting up the ladder in the middle of the ring. It looks like he is going for the sledgehammer!"
EB:"In my book that isn't bad strategy either."
MJ:"He is climbing towards the sledgehammer! He is at the top of the ladder now. The sledgehammer is high enough that he will have to get to the top and really stretch to reach it. Wait. He's not going for the sledgehammer yet!"
EB:"Oh no! El Presidente leaps from the very top of the ladder!"
MJ:"He is going for a huge leg drop from the top of the ladder! No! Thunderbolt rolls out of the way and El Presidente crashes to the mat! What an impact that was! And now Thunderbolt is back up and he brings a stunned El Presidente to his feet!"
EB:"Could be payback time!"
MJ:"Big right hand from Thunderbolt! And another! El Presidente stumbles back into the corner. Lightfoot runs over and nails him with a clothesline!"
EB:"Now the massive Native American warrior is in control. He grabs El Presidente and is setting him up for a big move!"
MJ:"It's a powerbomb and he absolutely plants El Presidente with it! Wow! And now Thunderbolt climbs to the top rope! Will he knee hold up?"
EB:"It's a little unsteady but he makes it. He comes flying off with the Tomahawk Drop!"
MJ:"He nails it on El Presidente and El Pres is in a lot of trouble now! Lightfoot is up and about to climb the ladder!"
(The Jumbotron flashes on again. This time the Hummer limo is parked and the doors come open. Out of the back starts to climb one incredibly hot girl after another. All of them are scantily clad. They get out of the Hummer and start to form a walkway from the Hummer to the wrestler's entrance to the arena at the top of the ramp.)
MJ:"What in the world is going on here?"
EB:"I'm not sure. But it looks like we aren't the only curious one. Thunderbolt has stopped climbing the ladder and is watching the Jumbotron."
(The girls continue to pile out of the Hummer until finally a familiar face steps out of the limo.)
MJ:"No way. It can't be. The CEO told me it wasn't happening this time!"
EB:"Wait a minute, isn't that....."
MJ:"It's former USCW manager Ashley Donnelle! And where ever she is, her wrestler isn't too far away!"
("Sweet" Gordy Dix emerges from the stretch limo and takes Ashley's arm. He is wearing a purple silk leisure suit. He has a cane in one hand and a large diamond encrusted cup in the other. He has a flashy alligator belt that matches his alligator boots. They start to make their way through the walkway that the other girls have formed.)
MJ:"Oh my God! "Sweet" Gordy Dix is here!"
EB:"I think I just pissed my pants. Maybe a little bit."
MJ:"Look at the ring! We were completely distracted by the arrival of Dix!"
(In the ring, El Presidente has climbed the ladder, grabbed the sledgehammer, and is now behind Thunderbolt in the ring. El Presidente takes a big swing and nails Thunderbolt in the small of the back with the sledgehammer.)
MJ:"Oh my goodness! What a shot that was! Thunderbolt collapses in the ring! El Presidente makes a quick cover!
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3!! El Presidente wins the Sledgehammer match!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, El Presidente!"
EB:"And look at the ramp now! It's "Sweet" Gordy and he's on his way to the ring."
MJ:"He hands Ashley his cane and cup and now he and El Presidente are putting the boots to Thunderbolt Lightfoot in the ring. I haven't seen this in a while. It's a can of black spraypaint! And they are spraypainting Lightfoot!"
EB:"PP&H right across the back of the laid out Thunderbolt."
MJ:"Gordy is grabbing a microphone now and it looks like he has something to say."
EB:"Big surprise there."
(Gordy looks down at Thunderbolt in the ring.)
Gordy:"Pathetic bitch. Been around wrestling for years but you still haven't learned that you just can't mess with the PP&H. This is a message to all of you slapdicks in the USCW. All of you are a fucking disgrace to MY league and MY fans."
(Gordy pulls a out a list of the USCW roster.)
Gordy:"A caveman? A fucking caveman? Are you fucking with me????? Greek gods? God dammit!! You can't be serious. Can you? DTM? I think that must be a typo. More like ATM- Ass to mouth. The Big Shot? I had a big shot once. I think it ended up in your mom's eye. Smackin' Sweardog McKracken? I can't believe you haven't been demoted to some little bush league wrestling circuit touring around the local VFW's and churches. I guess this league needed another Milkjug Mahoney for everyone to stomp on. Speaking of stomping."
(Gordy takes one last kick at Thunderbolt with his alligator skin boots.)
Gordy:"The SWEETNESS has some bitches he is going to go stomp some camel toes with."
("Sweet" Gordy and El Presidente makes their way to the back with Ashley, The First Lady, and the rest of the girls.)
MJ:"Wow, the return of the Sweetness to the USCW! He and El Presidente together in the newly reformed PP&H are certainly a force to be reckoned with. USCW medical staff are out now and placing Thunderbolt Lightfoot on a stretcher. That sledgehammer blow to the back was devastating. I hope he is able to recover from it."
EB:"They better get more people if they plan to carry him on that stretcher. On a serious note, I haven't seen him move all at. It could be a serious injury."
MJ:"Let's hope not. Thunderbolt has been a big part of this league for a long time. I hope we see him back in action soon. Well fans. One huge match down. But plenty more to go. On the line are the World Tag Team titles. Let's a take a look at this video."
(Clip rolls.)
Voiceover:"Four of these men have hated each other since the beginning."
Sweardog:"First off, I'd like to address the two schizophrenics who are under the delusion that they are Greek gods, more like geek gods. I mean they wear togas, great for a 'toga party' but when worn any other time, its called a fucking dress. bitches. You need to lock yourselves up in Mount Moron with a bunch of fucking Prozac and wellbutrin and maybe call for some professional help. One thing is fact: You will not come in here like a couple of fags and take control of this league. "
Apollo:" I hear that Swearbitch and that Weight Watcher reject have been disrespecting the Immortals. That does not surprise Apollo. Most weak mutts bark loudly from the porch but are to afraid to come into the street. You know, Apollo thinks that maybe mankind would be better if these two were spade and neutered with rusted instruments. But you know, talk is cheap. Apollo and Hades are ready for action!!! And speaking of dresses, maybe after they are defeated, The Immortals will dress Swearbitch and Jenny Craig like she-servants and have them bathe the Caveman."
Lineman:"The Lineman and Sweardog don't take anyone lightly. We prepare for each and every opponent the same way. We go into a match with only one thing in mind. Kicking ass. And that is just what is going to happen. Because you two sons of bitches are two speed bumps on our road to achieving our goal. And that is having gold around our waists."
Hades:"All of you may now take this as my final word. The Immortals will hold tag gold, and any of you wastes of skin that decide to get in our way will suffer the Cerberus, or maybe we find your Achilles Heel. Whatever the outcome we have no compunctions of delivering you into the hands of severe pain."
Voiceover:"Then new challengers emerged."
LSB:"Already scheduled for that night is the finals of the World Title tournament. Well, I'm adding a new match to that schedule. On Sunday, May 21st, from the Pyramid in Memphis, The Immortals will have a rematch of tonight's match with Sweardog McKrackin and The Lineman, only this time, the World Tag Team Championship will be on the line! Now you might wonder where that leaves you Whitten. Well don't worry old friend I have plans for you. You want a piece of the Immortals so you will also be in that match for the World Tag Team Championship. And since you seem to have struck up such a nice relationship with him, Colossus will join you as your tag team partner in a triple threat tag match for the World Tag Team Titles!"
Voiceover:"Live at Memphis in May, it's The Immortals versus Sweardog & The Lineman versus "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten & Colossus for the World Tag Team titles. This time, it's personal."
(Clip ends.)
MJ:"There are certainly a lot of questions going into this match. The Immortals and Sweardog & The Lineman have feuded from the beginning. Who will get the best of their rivalry this time? And can "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten and Colossus get along long enough to function as a team?"
EB:"And what will Persephone be wearing?"
(MJ shakes his heads.)
MJ:"Let's take it down to Cindy to find out the answers to all these questions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is for the World Tag Team titles! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 510lbs, Apollo & Hades, The Immortals!"
("Crossroads" by Bone Thugs & Harmony starts to play. Suddenly a white Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet pulls out from the back onto the ramp. Apollo and Hades emerge from the vehicle. So do Persephone and Apollo's martial arts trainer Bruce. Persephone gets in the driver's seat and takes the car backstage as the other three men make their way to the ring. Apollo grabs a mic when they get to the ring.)
Apollo:"How do you like my new "chariot"? We thought you people would like to see how tough Sweardog's new trainer really is, so check this out."
(A clip rolls on the Jumbotron.)
Apollo:"And Hades and I will deal with these puny mortals we are up against, giving them an even worse beating than that."
(Apollo hands the mic back to Cindy.)
CM:"And their opponents, weigh...."
(The lights go out in the arena. After a second, you hear a voice speak.)
SD:"You have cheated. You have connived. You have hated. You have disrespected. You have made trespasses here. Tonight you will pay for those
trespasses. I want to introduce you two fags to the four Horseman of Paramount!"
(The lights snap on, and at the four corners of the ring are Sweardog, the Lineman, Whitten, and Colossus. Sweardog is holding a mic. The bell man, seeing all 6 men, rings the bell to start. Whitten and Colossus rush Hades. They double team him in one corner. Sweardog and Lineman double team Apollo in the other corner. The Lineman grabs Apollo in a full Nelson and holds him their as he squirms trying to get out. Sweardog walks up to him and slaps him across the face.)
SD:"You act and dress like a bitch, so I’ll slap you like one."
(The crowd cheers wildly. Bruce tries to get into the ring but Chuck Norris grabs him from behind and the two start to brawl on the outside.)
SD:"How’s it feel to be taken advantage of?"
(Apollo begins to answer, but is slapped in the face again by Sweardog.)
SD:"You shut your mouth when your talking to me! This is our fucking moment- not yours. As a matter of fact, why don’t you look over to see how your chance for the tag team title is going."
(Colossus has grabbed a dazed Hades now and puts him in a full nelson. He picks him up and over and nails the Lockdown. He makes a cover and the ref counts.)
MJ:"A cover already!
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3!! Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten have won the match!"
CM:"Your winners, and NEW USCW World Tag Team Champions, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten & Colossus!"
(Whitten helps up Colossus and they bumps fists. Whitten jumps down out of the ring and pulls something out from under the mat. It’s a cooler.)
SD:"Aww. Look everybody. The immortals do bleed."
(Sweardog turns his attention back to Apollo.)
SD:"We have seen you this past week show several video clips of me on your interviews. Well, here is something else for you to watch."
(Sweardog takes the doggie treat given to him earlier in the week by Apollo in his intrusive visit to Baptist Hospital and shoves it into Apollo’s mouth. Simultaneously, Sweardog runs towards the ropes as the Lineman whips Apollo into the opposite ropes. They meet in the middle as Sweardog jumps catching Apollo in a flying Sweardog Stunner. The crowd is on there feet in hysterics.)
EB:"These four have apparently joined together! They had this whole thing planned to ambush The Immortals! The Immortals never had a chance against all four of them at once!"
(Whitten tosses each of the other three men left standing in the ring a Natty Light. Sweardog again addresses the crowd.)
SD:"We are your four horseman. We are your people’s Champions. We are Paramount."
(The crowd remains insane. The four horsemen toast in the middle of the ring. The crowd continues cheering. The four horseman toss their beer
cans out to the crowd. The fans snatch at the souvenirs. The crowd begins to chant Par-a-mount! Par-a-mount! The four men pump their fists to
the crowd. The Lineman and Sweardog walk over and take the Tag Team Championship Belts and present them to Colossus and Whitten. . The crowd continues to chant Par-a-mount! Par-a-mount! The Lineman takes the mic.)
Lineman:"Lets give it up to the Tag Team Champions!!! Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!!"
(The crowd cheers again as all four men raise their arms in the ring. They climb out of the ring and head to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, what a shocking turn of events. "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten and Colossus have joined forces with Sweardog and The Lineman to form Paramount!"
(Bruce slides back into the ring as Apollo and Hades get to their feet in the ring. They are both furious as they walk with Bruce to the back.)
EB:"Something tells me we haven't see the last of this rivalry."
MJ:"Yes, Paramount probably just forced The Immortals to up the ante. I'm scared to think about what these two might do next. Fans, we are down to one match remaining. And it should be one for the ages. The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line!"
(Clip rolls.)
Voiceover:"These two started out as friends."
(Sniper is seen climbing the face of the cave and supports himself against the rock and the Carabeaner that is supporting the rope he is attached to. Sniper pulls out a hand held Satellite dish and mounts it on the face of the rocky surface. Sniper then takes out 5 four by Eight Solar panels and interlocks them while mounting them a few inches above the hand held satellite dish. He then wires the panels to the dish and what appears to be a satellite receiver. Sniper repels down the rock then reaches behind a bush and pulls out an old Zenith Black and White tv with the old 24 channel rotary dial on it. He takes off the back of the tv. Hardwires the sattelite receiver into the tv and places the back of the tv back on. He then connects wires from the solar panels into the TV.)
Voiceover:"But circumstances changed."
(Sniper walks into the room covertly and scans the area. Sniper then walks over to the weapons rack. He takes a satchel off his back and opens it. He grabs the club and places it in the bag, then the spear, and then the bowie Knife. He closes the bag and walks out. Sniper stops just outside the cave. He pulls out a Blackberry, pushes some buttons and you see the satellite receiver un hone and face toward the ground unable to receive a signal.)
Voiceover:"And now it's gotten ugly."
Jackie O'Sullivan:"Do you feel like you need to pay Sniper back for taking your weapons and disabling your TV?"
(Captain Caveman looks confused, he scratches his head.)
CC:"Sniper take Captain Caveman weapons? Sniper break Captain Caveman teeveedumbass?"
JO:"Yes…well, he did give you most of the things that he took from you, you know."
(Captain Caveman doesn’t hear that last statement from Jackie. He is now visibly pissed off, his face has turned blood red, and he is starting to foam at the mouth. )
CC:"CAPTAIN CAVEMAN THOUGHT SNIPER WAS FRIEND! CAPTAIN CAVEMAN KILL SNIPER!"
(Camera Flashes to Sniper Gazing into the Camera with a sinister Smile. Behind him are the weapons taken from Caveman's Cave. On the ground is Caveman's Wooden Club. Sniper Smirks and pulls out a bottle of lighter fluid and starts squirting it on the club. Then lights a match and drops it on the club. Sniper then positions himself between the fire and the camera and turns his back to the camera. It looks as if he is pissing on the fire. He laughs continuously as he sways back and forth.)
Voiceover:"At Memphis in May, Captain Caveman takes on Sniper for the World Heavyweight Championship. This time, it's personal."
(Clip ends.)
MJ:"There you have it folks. What a main event we have tonight. The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line. And while that clip was playing USCW officials brought down the championship belt and are holding it at a table on the far side of the ring. Let's find out who will be taking it home. Joining us as special guest ring announcer for this one is Michael Buffer."
Michael Buffer:"The USCW would like to welcome you to the main event of the evening. For the undisputed, USCW, Heavyweight Championship, of the world! And now, for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world...Ladies and Gentleman! Let's get ready to Rummmmmmmmbllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!"
(Congo drums and dinosaur noises start to play as Captain Caveman steps out onto the ramp. Following behind him is Aphrodite, again looking disgusted.)
MB:"Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Aphrodite and weighing in at 250lbs. He is the ferocious prehistoric warrior that has turned the USCW on it's ear. He is, Captain Caveman!"
(The Caveman makes it to the ring and jumps in.)
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses starts to play over the arena speakers.)
MB:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. He is the military man that is alway full of surprises. He is, Sniper!"
(Gunny R Lee Ermey appears at the top of the ramp. Behind him are two marines rolling a cage with a chimpanzee down to the ring.)
MJ:"Sniper had an interview earlier in which he said he had Captain Caveman's mother held captive and then presented this chimpanzee."
EB:"It's showmanship, pure and simple. A try to get inside the head of Captain Caveman."
MJ:"Would anyone want to be inside of his head?"
(Sniper appears repelling down from the ceiling. He is holding the club of Captain Caveman. He is waving the club around and trying to rile up the fans.)
MJ:"Sniper is trying to hype up the crowd and they are getting pretty exicited for this championship match. Sniper has touched down outside the ring and he tossed the club to Aphrodite! That's odd."
EB:"Sniper is an unpredictable guy. That makes as much sense as anything else he does."
MJ:"Sniper is in the ring now and here we go! The championship is on the line. Captain Caveman runs at Sniper and the two lock up. They are both trying to impose their will on the other. But neither seems to be gaining the upper hand."
EB:"These two are pretty evenly matched as far as strength. Maybe a slight edge for Captain Caveman. But Sniper has all the experience in the world."
MJ:"And all the cheap shots in the world! Sniper pokes the eyes of Captain Caveman and he takes control in the ring."
EB:"All is fair in love and war."
MJ:"I hope this is war. The caveman is stunned and Sniper lifts him up and over with a vertical suplex. Sniper takes the time to play to the crowd a little bit before he brings Captain Caveman to his feet."
EB:"Sniper is showing a lot of confidence tonight. We'll see if he can turn that into a win."
MJ:"Sniper whips Captain Caveman into the corner. He charges in and nails the caveman with a clothesline! Captain Caveman stumbles out of the corner and Sniper grabs him around the head and nails a running bulldog! Sniper goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman kicks out at the last second!"
EB:"I though Sniper might have a chance there. The caveman has to pick it up if he wants to compete here in this championship match."
MJ:"Sniper picks the Caveman up and whips him into the ropes. He goes for a forearm smash but the Caveman ducks under it! Captain Caveman bounces off the ropes and Sniper goes a clothesline but the Caveman ducks again! This time Captain Caveman bounes off the ropes and quickly nails Sniper with a diving headbutt before Sniper can turn around!"
EB:"And here comes the standard Caveman offense! Numerous, unrelenting headbutts!"
MJ:"Captain Caveman is throwing headbutts from all angles! He is overwhelming Sniper in the ring! Sniper goes down from a big headbutt and he immediately rolls to the outside of the ring."
EB:"Sniper is going to try to slow things down and reset but Captain Caveman will have none of it! He leaps to the outside and grabs Sniper from behind. He walks Sniper over to the guard rail and slams Sniper's head down on the guard rail!"
MJ:"All out agression, which I suppose is what you would expect from a caveman. Captain Caveman tries to whip Sniper into the ringsteps, but Sniper reverses it and sends Captain Caveman head first into the ringsteps! Oh what an impact that had!"
(The Jumbotron immediately shows a replay of Captain Caveman flying head first into the steps.)
EB:"Sniper takes a second to regain his composure and picks Captain Caveman up and rolls him into the ring. He climbs up onto the apron and follows him in. He walks Captain Caveman back into the corner and gives him a big chop across the chest!"
(The crowd yells "Wooo!!!!!!")
MJ:"And another huge chop across the chest of the Caveman!"
(The crowd yells "Wooo!!!!" again, and this time Backwater joins in.)
MJ:"Sniper whips Caveman into the ropes and nails a high impact mini-chokeslam! He goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman gets a shoulder up."
EB:"A little bit of frustration is starting to come into the face of Sniper. He is starting to wonder what he has to do to put this man away."
MJ:"Sniper picks Captain Caveman up again. The Caveman nails a quick headbutt to the jaw of Sniper on the way up! He rolls Sniper into a small package!
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No! Sniper wiggles free just before the three count!"
EB:"We almost had a new champion there!"
MJ:"Both men pop up to their feet. They charge at each other and both nail each other with clotheslines! And the ref gets hit by Captain Caveman on his way down! Captain Caveman slammed his hard head into the ref and the ref is out, along with both wrestlers!"
EB:"Both are stuggling to get to their feet but this match has taken a lot out of both of them!"
MJ:"Look at this. Aphrodite is climbing up on the ring apron. She has that club that Sniper tossed to her before the match! And she looks like she plans to use it!"
EB:"This could be the end for Sniper. She is running to him while he struggles to get to his feet and the ref is out."
(Aphrodite looks at Sniper struggling to get to his feet. Then she looks at Captain Caveman struggling to get to his feet. She gets a wide smile on her face.)
MJ:"I can't believe it! Aphrodite just clubbed Captain Caveman over the head! Now she slides out of the ring. Sniper crawls over and puts an arm across Captain Caveman right as the ref starts to come around. He sees the cover and starts to count!"
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3!! Sniper wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, and new USCW Heavyweight Champion, Sniper!"
EB:"It looks like Aphrodite had enough of the way Captain Caveman was treating her and got her revenge when it hurt the Caveman the most! I guess "Cheaters" never win!"
MJ:"The USCW officials hand the USCW Championship belt to Sniper. He looks at it with a little disdain but accepts it."
EB:"Sniper has always said he doesn't fight for belts, but it has to feel gratifying to be the champ."
(Sniper rolls to the outside and holds the belt over his head as the crowd boos.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Join us next Monday Night as the USCW goes on a West Coast swing. We will be live from the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA! We will see the debut of some new USCW talent, and as always more of the great USCW action you have grown accustomed to. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Captain Caveman struggles to his feet in the ring. He looks at the ramp and sees Aphrodite waving the club at him as she heads to the back. He jumps up and down in anger. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are live here from the Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee! We are finally here. The first PPV in the return of the USCW. Joining me once again is Earl Backwater."
EB:"All the shows we have had so far have been leading up to this one. Champions will be crowned tonight. The direction of the USCW will be determined. This is the biggest event I have ever been a part of and I'm looking forward to calling the action."
MJ:"As am I, Earl. And the action begins with a huge grudge match between two huge stars of the USCW that has been brewing for quite some time."
(A sledgehammer starts to lower from the top of the arena and USCW road crew bring out a ladder and set it down at ringside.)
MJ:"As everyone heard the commissioner say, this next match is a Sledgehammer match. All the normal rules of a match except one. If you can set up the ladder and reach the sledgehammer, it's yours to use legally. Let's take it down to....
("Superman" By Blindside starts to play over the arena speakers. After a second, a man wearing only jeans and boots walks out from the back. He walks down to the ring carrying a microphone and slides into the ring.)
MJ:"That's new USCW wrestler DMT. Let's see what he has to say."
DMT:"Ladies and gentleman, let me congraduate you all on being the first people EVER to lay their eyes on the greatest wrestler of ALL-TIME!!!...I have came here on a mission...and that mission is to break EVERY SINGLE WRESTLER IN THIS COMPANY!!!!...Wrestlers beware...DTM is here and I AM CRAZY!!!!...I drop this offer on the table from here on out...ANYONE...ANYTIME...ANYWHERE...ANY KIND OF MATCH!!!...You name it...I'll bring it...tables, chairs, barbwire, bats, canes, steel cages anything you got ill take...In fact, tonight's sledgehammer match would be right up my alley..."
(DMT points to the sledgehammer above the ring.)
DMT:"Ladies and gentleman...I have made my declaration of violence...come one, come all...and prepare for DEATH FROM ABOVE... "
(DMT drops the microphone, gets a running start and hurdles the top rope, crashing into a table, smashing it to peices. He stands up, dusts himself off and proceeds to walk to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, I'm speechless after that last display."
EB:"That guy really is crazy. He seems like a perfect addition for the USCW's new Extreme Division."
MJ:"You are certainly right Earl. Fans, we are ready now to get things going tonight with our first match. Let's take it down to Cindy to get Memphis in May started!"
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 375lbs pounds, Thunderbolt Lightfoot!"
(The "Last of the Mohicans" theme plays as Lightfoot comes down to the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 245 pounds, El Presidente!"
(The "Scarface" theme plays as El Presidente emerges from the back with the First Lady.)
MJ:"Both men are in the ring now and we are ready to go. The sledgehammer is suspended above the ring and a ladder is on the outside, ready to be brought into the ring and set up."
EB:"I can understand being in a regular old wrestling match. And that is dangerous enough. But why someone would agree to something like this is beyond me. These guys and guys like DMT are nuts."
MJ:"That's why you are over here with me Earl, and not a USCW superstar."
EB:"Oh I'm a superstar. Look for my merchandise soon on the USCW website."
MJ:"Ok. The bell has rung. The two men circle each other cautiously. El Presidente dives in and grabs a leg of the big man! He trips Lightfoot up and is now up and stomping on the knee of Lightfoot!"
EB:"It's obvious that El Presidente is a seasoned veteran. Why try to match strength for strength with a 375lbs. man? He is going to chop the big man down to size, limit his mobility, and then pick him apart. Flawless strategy as usual by the Bad Guy."
MJ:"El Presidente is dragging Thunderbolt over towards the ringpost. He slides out of the ring and pulls Thunderbolt into the ringpost! I think everyman in the crowd just doubled over!"
EB:"Me included MJ. That was brutal."
MJ:"And now El Presidente puts a figure four on Thunderbolt around the ringpost! He has the figure four on, and he's hanging down from the apron to apply more pressure! You can see the pain in Thunderbolt's face! The ref is counting now and makes El Presidente break the hold."
(Suddenly the Jumbotron comes on and shows a stretch Hummer limo pulling into the wrestler's entrance to the Pyramid.)
EB:"Did you see that MJ? I wonder what that is all about."
MJ:"Not sure. El Presidente has grabbed the ladder from the outside now and is sliding it into the ring. Thunderbolt is still down in the ring. He walks over, places Thunderbolts leg in between the ladder and stomps on it! Lightfoot grimaces and grabs for his knee! EL Presidente has really worked over Thunderbolt's right knee."
EB:"Following his strategy to perfection."
MJ:"Now El Presidente is setting up the ladder in the middle of the ring. It looks like he is going for the sledgehammer!"
EB:"In my book that isn't bad strategy either."
MJ:"He is climbing towards the sledgehammer! He is at the top of the ladder now. The sledgehammer is high enough that he will have to get to the top and really stretch to reach it. Wait. He's not going for the sledgehammer yet!"
EB:"Oh no! El Presidente leaps from the very top of the ladder!"
MJ:"He is going for a huge leg drop from the top of the ladder! No! Thunderbolt rolls out of the way and El Presidente crashes to the mat! What an impact that was! And now Thunderbolt is back up and he brings a stunned El Presidente to his feet!"
EB:"Could be payback time!"
MJ:"Big right hand from Thunderbolt! And another! El Presidente stumbles back into the corner. Lightfoot runs over and nails him with a clothesline!"
EB:"Now the massive Native American warrior is in control. He grabs El Presidente and is setting him up for a big move!"
MJ:"It's a powerbomb and he absolutely plants El Presidente with it! Wow! And now Thunderbolt climbs to the top rope! Will he knee hold up?"
EB:"It's a little unsteady but he makes it. He comes flying off with the Tomahawk Drop!"
MJ:"He nails it on El Presidente and El Pres is in a lot of trouble now! Lightfoot is up and about to climb the ladder!"
(The Jumbotron flashes on again. This time the Hummer limo is parked and the doors come open. Out of the back starts to climb one incredibly hot girl after another. All of them are scantily clad. They get out of the Hummer and start to form a walkway from the Hummer to the wrestler's entrance to the arena at the top of the ramp.)
MJ:"What in the world is going on here?"
EB:"I'm not sure. But it looks like we aren't the only curious one. Thunderbolt has stopped climbing the ladder and is watching the Jumbotron."
(The girls continue to pile out of the Hummer until finally a familiar face steps out of the limo.)
MJ:"No way. It can't be. The CEO told me it wasn't happening this time!"
EB:"Wait a minute, isn't that....."
MJ:"It's former USCW manager Ashley Donnelle! And where ever she is, her wrestler isn't too far away!"
("Sweet" Gordy Dix emerges from the stretch limo and takes Ashley's arm. He is wearing a purple silk leisure suit. He has a cane in one hand and a large diamond encrusted cup in the other. He has a flashy alligator belt that matches his alligator boots. They start to make their way through the walkway that the other girls have formed.)
MJ:"Oh my God! "Sweet" Gordy Dix is here!"
EB:"I think I just pissed my pants. Maybe a little bit."
MJ:"Look at the ring! We were completely distracted by the arrival of Dix!"
(In the ring, El Presidente has climbed the ladder, grabbed the sledgehammer, and is now behind Thunderbolt in the ring. El Presidente takes a big swing and nails Thunderbolt in the small of the back with the sledgehammer.)
MJ:"Oh my goodness! What a shot that was! Thunderbolt collapses in the ring! El Presidente makes a quick cover!
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3!! El Presidente wins the Sledgehammer match!"
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, El Presidente!"
EB:"And look at the ramp now! It's "Sweet" Gordy and he's on his way to the ring."
MJ:"He hands Ashley his cane and cup and now he and El Presidente are putting the boots to Thunderbolt Lightfoot in the ring. I haven't seen this in a while. It's a can of black spraypaint! And they are spraypainting Lightfoot!"
EB:"PP&H right across the back of the laid out Thunderbolt."
MJ:"Gordy is grabbing a microphone now and it looks like he has something to say."
EB:"Big surprise there."
(Gordy looks down at Thunderbolt in the ring.)
Gordy:"Pathetic bitch. Been around wrestling for years but you still haven't learned that you just can't mess with the PP&H. This is a message to all of you slapdicks in the USCW. All of you are a fucking disgrace to MY league and MY fans."
(Gordy pulls a out a list of the USCW roster.)
Gordy:"A caveman? A fucking caveman? Are you fucking with me????? Greek gods? God dammit!! You can't be serious. Can you? DTM? I think that must be a typo. More like ATM- Ass to mouth. The Big Shot? I had a big shot once. I think it ended up in your mom's eye. Smackin' Sweardog McKracken? I can't believe you haven't been demoted to some little bush league wrestling circuit touring around the local VFW's and churches. I guess this league needed another Milkjug Mahoney for everyone to stomp on. Speaking of stomping."
(Gordy takes one last kick at Thunderbolt with his alligator skin boots.)
Gordy:"The SWEETNESS has some bitches he is going to go stomp some camel toes with."
("Sweet" Gordy and El Presidente makes their way to the back with Ashley, The First Lady, and the rest of the girls.)
MJ:"Wow, the return of the Sweetness to the USCW! He and El Presidente together in the newly reformed PP&H are certainly a force to be reckoned with. USCW medical staff are out now and placing Thunderbolt Lightfoot on a stretcher. That sledgehammer blow to the back was devastating. I hope he is able to recover from it."
EB:"They better get more people if they plan to carry him on that stretcher. On a serious note, I haven't seen him move all at. It could be a serious injury."
MJ:"Let's hope not. Thunderbolt has been a big part of this league for a long time. I hope we see him back in action soon. Well fans. One huge match down. But plenty more to go. On the line are the World Tag Team titles. Let's a take a look at this video."
(Clip rolls.)
Voiceover:"Four of these men have hated each other since the beginning."
Sweardog:"First off, I'd like to address the two schizophrenics who are under the delusion that they are Greek gods, more like geek gods. I mean they wear togas, great for a 'toga party' but when worn any other time, its called a fucking dress. bitches. You need to lock yourselves up in Mount Moron with a bunch of fucking Prozac and wellbutrin and maybe call for some professional help. One thing is fact: You will not come in here like a couple of fags and take control of this league. "
Apollo:" I hear that Swearbitch and that Weight Watcher reject have been disrespecting the Immortals. That does not surprise Apollo. Most weak mutts bark loudly from the porch but are to afraid to come into the street. You know, Apollo thinks that maybe mankind would be better if these two were spade and neutered with rusted instruments. But you know, talk is cheap. Apollo and Hades are ready for action!!! And speaking of dresses, maybe after they are defeated, The Immortals will dress Swearbitch and Jenny Craig like she-servants and have them bathe the Caveman."
Lineman:"The Lineman and Sweardog don't take anyone lightly. We prepare for each and every opponent the same way. We go into a match with only one thing in mind. Kicking ass. And that is just what is going to happen. Because you two sons of bitches are two speed bumps on our road to achieving our goal. And that is having gold around our waists."
Hades:"All of you may now take this as my final word. The Immortals will hold tag gold, and any of you wastes of skin that decide to get in our way will suffer the Cerberus, or maybe we find your Achilles Heel. Whatever the outcome we have no compunctions of delivering you into the hands of severe pain."
Voiceover:"Then new challengers emerged."
LSB:"Already scheduled for that night is the finals of the World Title tournament. Well, I'm adding a new match to that schedule. On Sunday, May 21st, from the Pyramid in Memphis, The Immortals will have a rematch of tonight's match with Sweardog McKrackin and The Lineman, only this time, the World Tag Team Championship will be on the line! Now you might wonder where that leaves you Whitten. Well don't worry old friend I have plans for you. You want a piece of the Immortals so you will also be in that match for the World Tag Team Championship. And since you seem to have struck up such a nice relationship with him, Colossus will join you as your tag team partner in a triple threat tag match for the World Tag Team Titles!"
Voiceover:"Live at Memphis in May, it's The Immortals versus Sweardog & The Lineman versus "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten & Colossus for the World Tag Team titles. This time, it's personal."
(Clip ends.)
MJ:"There are certainly a lot of questions going into this match. The Immortals and Sweardog & The Lineman have feuded from the beginning. Who will get the best of their rivalry this time? And can "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten and Colossus get along long enough to function as a team?"
EB:"And what will Persephone be wearing?"
(MJ shakes his heads.)
MJ:"Let's take it down to Cindy to find out the answers to all these questions."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall and is for the World Tag Team titles! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 510lbs, Apollo & Hades, The Immortals!"
("Crossroads" by Bone Thugs & Harmony starts to play. Suddenly a white Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet pulls out from the back onto the ramp. Apollo and Hades emerge from the vehicle. So do Persephone and Apollo's martial arts trainer Bruce. Persephone gets in the driver's seat and takes the car backstage as the other three men make their way to the ring. Apollo grabs a mic when they get to the ring.)
Apollo:"How do you like my new "chariot"? We thought you people would like to see how tough Sweardog's new trainer really is, so check this out."
(A clip rolls on the Jumbotron.)
Apollo:"And Hades and I will deal with these puny mortals we are up against, giving them an even worse beating than that."
(Apollo hands the mic back to Cindy.)
CM:"And their opponents, weigh...."
(The lights go out in the arena. After a second, you hear a voice speak.)
SD:"You have cheated. You have connived. You have hated. You have disrespected. You have made trespasses here. Tonight you will pay for those
trespasses. I want to introduce you two fags to the four Horseman of Paramount!"
(The lights snap on, and at the four corners of the ring are Sweardog, the Lineman, Whitten, and Colossus. Sweardog is holding a mic. The bell man, seeing all 6 men, rings the bell to start. Whitten and Colossus rush Hades. They double team him in one corner. Sweardog and Lineman double team Apollo in the other corner. The Lineman grabs Apollo in a full Nelson and holds him their as he squirms trying to get out. Sweardog walks up to him and slaps him across the face.)
SD:"You act and dress like a bitch, so I’ll slap you like one."
(The crowd cheers wildly. Bruce tries to get into the ring but Chuck Norris grabs him from behind and the two start to brawl on the outside.)
SD:"How’s it feel to be taken advantage of?"
(Apollo begins to answer, but is slapped in the face again by Sweardog.)
SD:"You shut your mouth when your talking to me! This is our fucking moment- not yours. As a matter of fact, why don’t you look over to see how your chance for the tag team title is going."
(Colossus has grabbed a dazed Hades now and puts him in a full nelson. He picks him up and over and nails the Lockdown. He makes a cover and the ref counts.)
MJ:"A cover already!
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3!! Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten have won the match!"
CM:"Your winners, and NEW USCW World Tag Team Champions, "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten & Colossus!"
(Whitten helps up Colossus and they bumps fists. Whitten jumps down out of the ring and pulls something out from under the mat. It’s a cooler.)
SD:"Aww. Look everybody. The immortals do bleed."
(Sweardog turns his attention back to Apollo.)
SD:"We have seen you this past week show several video clips of me on your interviews. Well, here is something else for you to watch."
(Sweardog takes the doggie treat given to him earlier in the week by Apollo in his intrusive visit to Baptist Hospital and shoves it into Apollo’s mouth. Simultaneously, Sweardog runs towards the ropes as the Lineman whips Apollo into the opposite ropes. They meet in the middle as Sweardog jumps catching Apollo in a flying Sweardog Stunner. The crowd is on there feet in hysterics.)
EB:"These four have apparently joined together! They had this whole thing planned to ambush The Immortals! The Immortals never had a chance against all four of them at once!"
(Whitten tosses each of the other three men left standing in the ring a Natty Light. Sweardog again addresses the crowd.)
SD:"We are your four horseman. We are your people’s Champions. We are Paramount."
(The crowd remains insane. The four horsemen toast in the middle of the ring. The crowd continues cheering. The four horseman toss their beer
cans out to the crowd. The fans snatch at the souvenirs. The crowd begins to chant Par-a-mount! Par-a-mount! The four men pump their fists to
the crowd. The Lineman and Sweardog walk over and take the Tag Team Championship Belts and present them to Colossus and Whitten. . The crowd continues to chant Par-a-mount! Par-a-mount! The Lineman takes the mic.)
Lineman:"Lets give it up to the Tag Team Champions!!! Colossus and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten!!"
(The crowd cheers again as all four men raise their arms in the ring. They climb out of the ring and head to the back.)
MJ:"Wow, what a shocking turn of events. "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten and Colossus have joined forces with Sweardog and The Lineman to form Paramount!"
(Bruce slides back into the ring as Apollo and Hades get to their feet in the ring. They are both furious as they walk with Bruce to the back.)
EB:"Something tells me we haven't see the last of this rivalry."
MJ:"Yes, Paramount probably just forced The Immortals to up the ante. I'm scared to think about what these two might do next. Fans, we are down to one match remaining. And it should be one for the ages. The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line!"
(Clip rolls.)
Voiceover:"These two started out as friends."
(Sniper is seen climbing the face of the cave and supports himself against the rock and the Carabeaner that is supporting the rope he is attached to. Sniper pulls out a hand held Satellite dish and mounts it on the face of the rocky surface. Sniper then takes out 5 four by Eight Solar panels and interlocks them while mounting them a few inches above the hand held satellite dish. He then wires the panels to the dish and what appears to be a satellite receiver. Sniper repels down the rock then reaches behind a bush and pulls out an old Zenith Black and White tv with the old 24 channel rotary dial on it. He takes off the back of the tv. Hardwires the sattelite receiver into the tv and places the back of the tv back on. He then connects wires from the solar panels into the TV.)
Voiceover:"But circumstances changed."
(Sniper walks into the room covertly and scans the area. Sniper then walks over to the weapons rack. He takes a satchel off his back and opens it. He grabs the club and places it in the bag, then the spear, and then the bowie Knife. He closes the bag and walks out. Sniper stops just outside the cave. He pulls out a Blackberry, pushes some buttons and you see the satellite receiver un hone and face toward the ground unable to receive a signal.)
Voiceover:"And now it's gotten ugly."
Jackie O'Sullivan:"Do you feel like you need to pay Sniper back for taking your weapons and disabling your TV?"
(Captain Caveman looks confused, he scratches his head.)
CC:"Sniper take Captain Caveman weapons? Sniper break Captain Caveman teeveedumbass?"
JO:"Yes…well, he did give you most of the things that he took from you, you know."
(Captain Caveman doesn’t hear that last statement from Jackie. He is now visibly pissed off, his face has turned blood red, and he is starting to foam at the mouth. )
CC:"CAPTAIN CAVEMAN THOUGHT SNIPER WAS FRIEND! CAPTAIN CAVEMAN KILL SNIPER!"
(Camera Flashes to Sniper Gazing into the Camera with a sinister Smile. Behind him are the weapons taken from Caveman's Cave. On the ground is Caveman's Wooden Club. Sniper Smirks and pulls out a bottle of lighter fluid and starts squirting it on the club. Then lights a match and drops it on the club. Sniper then positions himself between the fire and the camera and turns his back to the camera. It looks as if he is pissing on the fire. He laughs continuously as he sways back and forth.)
Voiceover:"At Memphis in May, Captain Caveman takes on Sniper for the World Heavyweight Championship. This time, it's personal."
(Clip ends.)
MJ:"There you have it folks. What a main event we have tonight. The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line. And while that clip was playing USCW officials brought down the championship belt and are holding it at a table on the far side of the ring. Let's find out who will be taking it home. Joining us as special guest ring announcer for this one is Michael Buffer."
Michael Buffer:"The USCW would like to welcome you to the main event of the evening. For the undisputed, USCW, Heavyweight Championship, of the world! And now, for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world...Ladies and Gentleman! Let's get ready to Rummmmmmmmbllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!"
(Congo drums and dinosaur noises start to play as Captain Caveman steps out onto the ramp. Following behind him is Aphrodite, again looking disgusted.)
MB:"Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Aphrodite and weighing in at 250lbs. He is the ferocious prehistoric warrior that has turned the USCW on it's ear. He is, Captain Caveman!"
(The Caveman makes it to the ring and jumps in.)
("Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses starts to play over the arena speakers.)
MB:"And his opponent, weighing in at 240lbs. He is the military man that is alway full of surprises. He is, Sniper!"
(Gunny R Lee Ermey appears at the top of the ramp. Behind him are two marines rolling a cage with a chimpanzee down to the ring.)
MJ:"Sniper had an interview earlier in which he said he had Captain Caveman's mother held captive and then presented this chimpanzee."
EB:"It's showmanship, pure and simple. A try to get inside the head of Captain Caveman."
MJ:"Would anyone want to be inside of his head?"
(Sniper appears repelling down from the ceiling. He is holding the club of Captain Caveman. He is waving the club around and trying to rile up the fans.)
MJ:"Sniper is trying to hype up the crowd and they are getting pretty exicited for this championship match. Sniper has touched down outside the ring and he tossed the club to Aphrodite! That's odd."
EB:"Sniper is an unpredictable guy. That makes as much sense as anything else he does."
MJ:"Sniper is in the ring now and here we go! The championship is on the line. Captain Caveman runs at Sniper and the two lock up. They are both trying to impose their will on the other. But neither seems to be gaining the upper hand."
EB:"These two are pretty evenly matched as far as strength. Maybe a slight edge for Captain Caveman. But Sniper has all the experience in the world."
MJ:"And all the cheap shots in the world! Sniper pokes the eyes of Captain Caveman and he takes control in the ring."
EB:"All is fair in love and war."
MJ:"I hope this is war. The caveman is stunned and Sniper lifts him up and over with a vertical suplex. Sniper takes the time to play to the crowd a little bit before he brings Captain Caveman to his feet."
EB:"Sniper is showing a lot of confidence tonight. We'll see if he can turn that into a win."
MJ:"Sniper whips Captain Caveman into the corner. He charges in and nails the caveman with a clothesline! Captain Caveman stumbles out of the corner and Sniper grabs him around the head and nails a running bulldog! Sniper goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman kicks out at the last second!"
EB:"I though Sniper might have a chance there. The caveman has to pick it up if he wants to compete here in this championship match."
MJ:"Sniper picks the Caveman up and whips him into the ropes. He goes for a forearm smash but the Caveman ducks under it! Captain Caveman bounces off the ropes and Sniper goes a clothesline but the Caveman ducks again! This time Captain Caveman bounes off the ropes and quickly nails Sniper with a diving headbutt before Sniper can turn around!"
EB:"And here comes the standard Caveman offense! Numerous, unrelenting headbutts!"
MJ:"Captain Caveman is throwing headbutts from all angles! He is overwhelming Sniper in the ring! Sniper goes down from a big headbutt and he immediately rolls to the outside of the ring."
EB:"Sniper is going to try to slow things down and reset but Captain Caveman will have none of it! He leaps to the outside and grabs Sniper from behind. He walks Sniper over to the guard rail and slams Sniper's head down on the guard rail!"
MJ:"All out agression, which I suppose is what you would expect from a caveman. Captain Caveman tries to whip Sniper into the ringsteps, but Sniper reverses it and sends Captain Caveman head first into the ringsteps! Oh what an impact that had!"
(The Jumbotron immediately shows a replay of Captain Caveman flying head first into the steps.)
EB:"Sniper takes a second to regain his composure and picks Captain Caveman up and rolls him into the ring. He climbs up onto the apron and follows him in. He walks Captain Caveman back into the corner and gives him a big chop across the chest!"
(The crowd yells "Wooo!!!!!!")
MJ:"And another huge chop across the chest of the Caveman!"
(The crowd yells "Wooo!!!!" again, and this time Backwater joins in.)
MJ:"Sniper whips Caveman into the ropes and nails a high impact mini-chokeslam! He goes for a cover!
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No! Captain Caveman gets a shoulder up."
EB:"A little bit of frustration is starting to come into the face of Sniper. He is starting to wonder what he has to do to put this man away."
MJ:"Sniper picks Captain Caveman up again. The Caveman nails a quick headbutt to the jaw of Sniper on the way up! He rolls Sniper into a small package!
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No! Sniper wiggles free just before the three count!"
EB:"We almost had a new champion there!"
MJ:"Both men pop up to their feet. They charge at each other and both nail each other with clotheslines! And the ref gets hit by Captain Caveman on his way down! Captain Caveman slammed his hard head into the ref and the ref is out, along with both wrestlers!"
EB:"Both are stuggling to get to their feet but this match has taken a lot out of both of them!"
MJ:"Look at this. Aphrodite is climbing up on the ring apron. She has that club that Sniper tossed to her before the match! And she looks like she plans to use it!"
EB:"This could be the end for Sniper. She is running to him while he struggles to get to his feet and the ref is out."
(Aphrodite looks at Sniper struggling to get to his feet. Then she looks at Captain Caveman struggling to get to his feet. She gets a wide smile on her face.)
MJ:"I can't believe it! Aphrodite just clubbed Captain Caveman over the head! Now she slides out of the ring. Sniper crawls over and puts an arm across Captain Caveman right as the ref starts to come around. He sees the cover and starts to count!"
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3!! Sniper wins it!"
CM:"Your winner, and new USCW Heavyweight Champion, Sniper!"
EB:"It looks like Aphrodite had enough of the way Captain Caveman was treating her and got her revenge when it hurt the Caveman the most! I guess "Cheaters" never win!"
MJ:"The USCW officials hand the USCW Championship belt to Sniper. He looks at it with a little disdain but accepts it."
EB:"Sniper has always said he doesn't fight for belts, but it has to feel gratifying to be the champ."
(Sniper rolls to the outside and holds the belt over his head as the crowd boos.)
MJ:"Fans, we are out of time! Join us next Monday Night as the USCW goes on a West Coast swing. We will be live from the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA! We will see the debut of some new USCW talent, and as always more of the great USCW action you have grown accustomed to. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(Captain Caveman struggles to his feet in the ring. He looks at the ramp and sees Aphrodite waving the club at him as she heads to the back. He jumps up and down in anger. An overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)