MJ:"Hello there fans and welcome to another edition of Monday Night Mayhem!"
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the University Center on the campus Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana! We are coming off the heels of one of the biggest and best events in USCW history, Beach Bash 2006. All four titles were on the line, with one changing hands, and we also found out the biggest news of all. "Lightning" Scott Baxter out as commissioner. Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin in. You know there will be changes in the way things are run around here. And tonight will be our first chance to see that. Joining me as always is my partner Earl Backwater. You have been extremely critical of Sweardog in the past. And now?"
EB:"He sucks just as much as he ever has and him being the commissioner is nothing but a first class mistake by the CEO. I will be counting the days until CEO Adams has the good sense to put someone besides him in charge."
MJ:"Well, at least you are consistent. We have an exciting night of action for you this evening. Two new wrestlers will be making their USCW debuts and one wrestler many of you are already familiar with will make a return. Also, a challenge was issued and accepted this week for The Enforcer to take on "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten in a old USCW tradition, a Hammond Street Fight. And of course, what better place to do that than right here in Hammond, Louisiana."
EB:"The Hammond Street Fight has a rich tradition. In the early days of the USCW, the former tag team champs The Hammond Express popularized this type of match. And it has been a preferred way to settle differences ever since."
MJ:"Fans, I'm getting word there is something happening in the back we need to see. Let's take you to it now."
(The Jumbrotron shows an office backstage. Behind a desk is the new commissioner. The USCW ref, Richard Fairbanks, walks into his office.)
Fairbanks:"You needed me from something Sweardog?"
Sweardog:"Just wanted to let you know that I will only need you for the first three matches tonight. After that, I have other plans for the final two. So after the Mancuso match tonight, take a well deserved couple of matches off and we'll see you next Mayhem."
Fairbanks:"Sure. Thanks commissioner."
Sweardog:"No problem."
(Fairbanks turns to leave and the camera focuses in on Sweardog who has a huge smile on his face.)
MJ:"The commissioner is already cooking up something."
EB:"Interesting. I wasn't aware he had the capacity for abstract thought."
MJ:"You aren't aware of a lot of things. Let's get tonight going with our first match. Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 250 pounds, Mr. Wrestling!!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 320 pounds, The Real Deal!"
("Laffy Taffy" by d4l plays as The Real Deal comes down to the ring. The massive man steps into the ring and stares down Mr. Wrestling.)
MJ:"We're ready for the debut of this UFC veteran. Immediately the two men lock up. The Real Deal with a quick go behind. He has Mr. Wrestling wrapped up from behind. He picks him up and throws him over into a release German suplex! He calls that the Broken Neck!"
EB:"I hope Mr. Wrestling didn't actually break his neck on that one! It was pretty viscious."
MJ:"Now The Real Deal quickly moves over to Mr. Wrestling and grabs his foot. He's putting him in an ankle lock! He calls that Shattered Pieces. Mr. Wrestling is tapping out!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, The Real Deal!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock starts to play as all the members of the NEW make their way down to the ring. Once they are all in, The Crippler grabs a microphone.)
Crippler:"The NEW continues to get stronger and stronger. Later tonight, we have accepted the challenge of the PP&H and we will face and defeat the men they put in front of us. Once we beat them, we want a match with the PP&H themselves. And right now, the NEW grows stronger by the addition of another member. The Real Deal is one of the baddest men on the planet. And now he runs with us!"
(The Real Deal exchanges high five's and fist bumps with the other NEW members.)
Crippler:"Soon the rest of the USCW will learn that we must be taken seriously, whether they want to or not. The New Era of Wrestling is about to begin."
("Cocky" starts to play again as the NEW members pile out of the ring and head to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are ready now for another debut match. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 207 pounds, Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 260lbs., Wingfoot!"
("Bonecrusher" by Foghat starts to play. For several seconds, no one comes out. Then suddenly Wingfoot comes sprinting down the ramp.)
EB:"Woah! I don't know if that guy can fight or not, but he sure is fast!"
(Wingfoot sprints to the ring, dives in under the bottom rope and quickly slides all the way to the other side and through the ropes to the outside. He quickly gives Earl Backwater a high five before sliding back into the ring.)
MJ:"Wingfoot is wasting no time here. He runs towards Paco and kicks him in the gut. Quick DDT from Wingfoot! He is quickly up and heading to the top rope. He turns a backflip off the top and nails Paco with an elbow! That's his Quick Silver finisher! Here's the cover!
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3!! Wingfoot wins easily."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Wingfoot!"
EB:"That may be the quickest match I've ever seen. And look at this! Wingfoot took off up the ramp as soon as the three count was finished! And now he's gone into the back!"
MJ:"The fastest match I've ever seen. And an impressive debut for the man they call Wingfoot. Let's take Wingfoot's lead and keep things going here. Next up is the return of a man who has been a big impact already in his short time back."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 280lbs., Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison flexes and poses in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 196lbs.,"The Iceman" Tito Mancuso!"
("The BoD theme" plays as Tito Mancuso steps out onto the top of the ramp. He runs through a kata before making his way to the ring.)
EB:"Tito has already made some enemies in his short stay here. Mr. Insane feels Mancuso cost him the Extreme Division title when Tito attacked him at Beach Bash."
MJ:"He certainly cost him the title. He attacked Insane and then laid a hurt Wisler on top of him."
EB:"You heard Wisler, Mancuso was just evening the odds after the DTM attack."
MJ:"Do you actually believe these things that sometimes come out of your mouth? Mancuso is in the ring now and we are underway. The two men circle each other and you can tell that Mancuso has a very unique wrestling style. Harrison tries to throw a right hand but it is parried by Mancuso and he dances away."
EB:"What is he waiting for? I don't know if I'm willing to watch somebody dance around and nev...Woah!"
MJ:"Mancuso dodged another punch, then delivered a huge kick right to the head of Harrison and he is out cold! That's the Ice Breaker! What a shot! Here's a cover.
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3!! Mancuso takes home a victory in his return to the USCW ring."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "The Iceman" Tito Mancuso!"
MJ:"Tito has to be happy with that debut. He picks up.....Look at this!"
(Mr. Insane emerges from the crowd with a chair. He slides into the ring and nails a celebrating Tito in the back with the chair.)
EB:"See what I mean about his enemies?"
MJ:"Now Mr. Insane just pulled out a can of spray paint and is writing on Mancuso."
(Colossus and Marcus Whitten come storming down the ramp and slide into the ring. Mr. Insane has just finished what he was spraying, the letters NEW. He slides out of the ring as the tag team champs slide in. Mr. Insane disspears into the crowd again.)
MJ:"I guess Mr. Insane believes that one good turn deserves another. Whitten and Colossus help up their teammate and they walk to the back. We haven't heard anything from Baxter or the BoD regarding his removal as commissioner. What do you think it means for them?"
EB:"Baxter is a proud man. There is no way he is going to let what happened at Beach Bash go without getting back at everyone somehow. That's just the way he is. As for the BoD, I don't know. They have very strong and volitile personalities and I don't know if they will be able to stick things out together without Baxter as a calming influence. We'll see."
MJ:"Fans, we have now reached a very interesting match. This match holds a special place in USCW history. And now it is being revived here tonight in Hammond, Louisiana. It's a Hammond Street Fight. We skip all the usual things we do before a match like introductions and all that. We have a cameraman in a back alley here in Hammond where The Enforcer and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten will battle until one can't answer a ten count. No disqualifications, any goes."
EB:"Whitten was just out here helping Mancuso so it may take a minute or so for him to arrive in the alley."
MJ:"Let's get the feed from the cameraman and see what going on."
(The Jumbotron switches to the feed from the camera in the alley. Standing in the street are The Enforcer, and dressed in a ref shirt is Apollo. Apollo has a big smile on his face. After a few moments, Marcus Whitten is seen walking around the corner. He spots Apollo and immediately looks pissed off.)
Whitten:"Ah hell naw. This is some bullshit. What the hell are you doing here?"
Apollo:"I was assigned by the new comissioner to call this match. And Apollo says the match begins now."
(The huge men start walking towards each other cautiously.)
MJ:"Well fans, here we go. Whitten still looks a little apprehensive about having Apollo as the ref but what can he do?"
EB:"I told you having Sweardog as a comissioner was going to blow. We're going from one comissioner who was stacking the desk against people he didn't like to another doing the same thing."
MJ:"Ok, after the staredown Mr. Enforcer goes to throw a right hand but Whitten pulls something out of his pocket and puts it into The Enforcers stomach!"
EB:"Did he stab him?"
MJ:"It was a stun gun! The Enforcer crumples in a heap onto the ground! Whitten really wasn't kidding about no rules in the streets. He went straight to an electric weapon!"
EB:"Now Whitten is yelling at Apollo to start counting. This should be elementary. The Enforcer isn't moving at all."
Apollo:"
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Whitten:"Give me a break! That is the slowest count in history! Retarded monkeys count faster than that!"
Apollo:"I hope you are happy. You have broken Apollo's concentration. I lost count. Now I have to start over.
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Whitten:"You son of a bitch!"
(Whitten tries to use the stun gun on Apollo who quickly darts away. All of a sudden the lid of a large trash bin next to where they are standing opens up and three members of the Bum Squad jump out. They proceed to run around crazy and provide a major distraction.)
Whitten:"Damn it."
(Suddenly another man dressed like a bum but much larger than the other bums comes up behind Whitten and clocks him over the head with what looks like a rolled up newspaper made of iron. Whitten stumbles for a second and falls to his hands and knees.)
Apollo:"1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10!"
(Whitten quickly gets back to his feet but Apollo has already counted the fastest 10 in wrestling history.)
Apollo:"The Enforcer is the winner!"
(Apollo raises the hand of The Enforcer, who is still out cold on the ground.)
MJ:"Did you see that? There was nothing Whitten could do! They had the deck stacked against him!"
(Suddenly a car pulls up. Apollo and the large bum jump into the car and it streaks away, leaving Whitten standing there furious.)
MJ:"Well, The Enforcer picks up a "win" here tonight in the Hammond Street Fight. Although I'm not sure that's a loss Whitten will choose to count on his record."
EB:"I know I wouldn't. His opponent still hasn't gotten up!"
(The Jumbotron fades to black.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are down to our last match of the evening. There have been rumors flying around as to exactly what this match would be. Let's get the lowdown from the commissioner himself."
(“Who Do You Love” by George Thurgood echoes throughout the arena. The fans pause briefly before realizing who the music is for and they start
cheering wildly. They know that this music denotes a turning point in the USCW. Their belt less champion emerges from friendly fire strong and ready to restart. The crowd feels the life that is Sweardog and they manifest one of the greatest ovations ever to grace a wrestler second only to the likes of Hogan’s victory over the Giant. At the top of the ramp, out steps Sweardog- typical black slacks, shoes, and belt, but this time a nice crisp long sleeve button down shirt and tie with the cuffs rolled up once and the top button loosened with the tie. Sweardog stands appreciating the applause. On the jumbotron, the scene replays Baxter being chucked into the river at Beach Bash. The crowd then continues their homage to the people’s champ until he begins to address them.)
SD:"Somebody had to stand up to that son of a bitch. Ya’ll didn’t mind, did you?"
(The crowd roars again and again Sweardog allows the roar to linger.)
SD:"Hey, you guys like the new commish intro music?"
(More roars from the crowd.)
SD:"Well, I just want to say thanks for all the support and also to enjoy a little applause now in the case I flop at this job. At least I can get a little now… I think you will all enjoy the main event tonight. This steel cage match has 100K on the line for the members of the NEW. Their opponents- Milkjugs Mahoney, Paco R. Rodriguez, and Mr. Wrestling. The conditions of the match includes:
1. If any member of the NEW pins any of the jobbers, 100K will be awarded to the stable, the NEW Era of Wrestling.
2. If anyone, whether it be PP&H or any other individuals or stables, not directly affiliated with this match interferes, there contract will be terminated and their affiliation with the USCW will cease immediately.
It sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it folks. You didn’t pay to come here and see anybody wrestle a bunch of jobbers, did you?"
Crowd:"NO!"
SD:"It sounds like we need to spice it up a little, huh?"
Crowd:"Yeah!"
SD:"You want it a little spicy…"
(The crowd cheers.)
SD:(Yelling this out to get crowd hype)"Or burn your flesh off spicy?!"
(The crowd cheers wildly.)
SD:"Alright, well “a little spicy” would have gotten you a special guest referee…"
(The crowd starts to cheer)
SD:"But sine you guys want crazy tonight…. You’ll get not only a special guest referee, but also a special guest announcer and a special guest timekeeper! Guys come on out…"
("Sweet" Gordy Dix, El Presidente and Ryan Wisler all walk out together wearing their championship belts. Gordy is wearing a ref shirt, El Presidente is carrying a microphone, and Wisler has a bell hammer. Cheers erupt from the crowd, along with its fair share of boos, but the three champions focus on the cheers.)
SD:"I have authorized these men to act as the timekeeper, referee, and announcer. Special referee Dix will join the six men in the ring while the other two will do their job from ringside. With that, I'm going to enjoy this one on the TV in my office."
(As Sweardog walks backstage, the “Who Do You Love” kicks back up and fades out as he disappears. The crowd offers one last episode of
cheering for the new Commissioner.)
MJ:"Well this has turned into quite the event."
EB:"There is something fishy about this."
MJ:"Normally I would say let's take it over to Cindy. But this time, let's take it to the World Champ, El Presidente, for the introductions."
El Prez:"The following contest is set for one fall chicos. If the NEW can win, they get 100 G's. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 757 pounds, Mr. Wrestling, Milkjug Mahoney, and Paco Rodriguez!"
(All three men are already in the ring. Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist, Paco turns and backflip, and Milkjug pulls on his overall straps and yells out "Gitter Dun"!)
El Presidente:"And the chumps they will be beating tonight, at a combined weight of entirely too fat, Mr. Insane, Mr. Chopper, and The Crippler, The Gay Bikers!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as the three NEW members stalk down to the ring looking very pissed off..)
MJ:"Ryan Wisler just rang the bell and we are underway. It looks like the Crippler will start off with Milkjug Mahoney."
EB:"Do you think the Sweetness can move around effectively enough in the ring to be the ref while he is wearing his US Title belt around his waist?"
MJ:"I think he will manage. The Crippler fires a right hand which stuns Mahoney. The Crippler grabs Milkjug by the throat. He delivers a big chokeslam! Milkjug is laid out in the ring. The Crippler is going to go for a cover. Mr. Insane and Mr. Chopper both hop into the ring and knock Mr. Wrestling and Paco off the ring apron! The Crippler is covering Milkjug. Dix starts a count.
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(Just before he counts three Gordy hops up, removes his belt and slams The Crippler over the head with it. Mr. Insane and Mr. Chopper see what's going on and turn to attack Gordy but El Prez and Wisler hit the ring. El Prez hits Mr. Chopper over the head with his microphone while Wisler hits Mr. Insane with the ring hammer.)
MJ:"What's going on here? They can't do that! All three are going to be fired!"
EB:"How much of a dope are you MJ? The stipulations said nobody not directly involved in the match could interfere. And technically, the ref, timekeeper, and ring announcer are directly involved."
MJ:"What a load of crap."
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal come running from the back.)
El Presidente:"Stop right there, amigos. You guys aren't directly involved in this match. You step foot in this ring before the Sweetness declares the match over and you are both fired."
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal give each other confused glances, not sure what to do.)
EB:"What a genius plan."
(The PP&H members stomp on the laid out NEW members in the ring. All of a sudden Big Jim and Undercover Brother jump The Enforcer and The Real Deal from behind. They both hit them with police style night sticks. Once Gordy sees those two laid out, he calls for the bell.)
El Presidente:"Your winners, because we kicked their ass, would have to be the NEW. But they didn't pin anybody, so no dinero."
(Undercover Brother and Big Jim climb into the ring.)
El Presidente:"Say hello to my little friend, Undercover Brother. He's been watching my back for a long time, and now it's time for him to make a name for himself. As you can see, this is someone you will piss your self because your fear will dominate you like Sweet Gordy Dix dominates his porn films. Now, Undercover Brother, drop a dime on this jasa, and take his ass down town."
(Undercover Brother climbs to the top rope and nails a huge splash on Mr. Chopper. Then he rolls him face down and puts on a double chicken wing submission hold. After holding his a while, he pulls out a pair of handcuffs and cuff Mr. Chopper to the ring ropes.)
El Presidente:"NEW this is just a preview, it's time you recognize; who does what they want, when they want around here. I told you that when you break the law, you suffer the consequences. But you didn't listen. Well look at you now.... "
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal start to get to their feet and run towards the ring. The PP&H slide out as they are sliding in. They start to check on the others as the PP&H starts to taunt them on their way to the back.)
MJ:"Well, fans, we are out of time! The PP&H set up the NEW tonight and I'm sure the NEW will be looking for revenge on the next Mayhem! Don't forget that we are preempted next Monday and the next edition of Mayhem will be Monday, August 14th. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(The camera shows the NEW getting back to their feet and staring angrily at the PP&H. Then an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)
(Once again fireworks shoot from the ring posts and explode above the ring.)
MJ:"We are coming to you live from the University Center on the campus Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana! We are coming off the heels of one of the biggest and best events in USCW history, Beach Bash 2006. All four titles were on the line, with one changing hands, and we also found out the biggest news of all. "Lightning" Scott Baxter out as commissioner. Smackin' Sweardog McKrackin in. You know there will be changes in the way things are run around here. And tonight will be our first chance to see that. Joining me as always is my partner Earl Backwater. You have been extremely critical of Sweardog in the past. And now?"
EB:"He sucks just as much as he ever has and him being the commissioner is nothing but a first class mistake by the CEO. I will be counting the days until CEO Adams has the good sense to put someone besides him in charge."
MJ:"Well, at least you are consistent. We have an exciting night of action for you this evening. Two new wrestlers will be making their USCW debuts and one wrestler many of you are already familiar with will make a return. Also, a challenge was issued and accepted this week for The Enforcer to take on "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten in a old USCW tradition, a Hammond Street Fight. And of course, what better place to do that than right here in Hammond, Louisiana."
EB:"The Hammond Street Fight has a rich tradition. In the early days of the USCW, the former tag team champs The Hammond Express popularized this type of match. And it has been a preferred way to settle differences ever since."
MJ:"Fans, I'm getting word there is something happening in the back we need to see. Let's take you to it now."
(The Jumbrotron shows an office backstage. Behind a desk is the new commissioner. The USCW ref, Richard Fairbanks, walks into his office.)
Fairbanks:"You needed me from something Sweardog?"
Sweardog:"Just wanted to let you know that I will only need you for the first three matches tonight. After that, I have other plans for the final two. So after the Mancuso match tonight, take a well deserved couple of matches off and we'll see you next Mayhem."
Fairbanks:"Sure. Thanks commissioner."
Sweardog:"No problem."
(Fairbanks turns to leave and the camera focuses in on Sweardog who has a huge smile on his face.)
MJ:"The commissioner is already cooking up something."
EB:"Interesting. I wasn't aware he had the capacity for abstract thought."
MJ:"You aren't aware of a lot of things. Let's get tonight going with our first match. Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, weighing in at 250 pounds, Mr. Wrestling!!"
(Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist to the crowd.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 320 pounds, The Real Deal!"
("Laffy Taffy" by d4l plays as The Real Deal comes down to the ring. The massive man steps into the ring and stares down Mr. Wrestling.)
MJ:"We're ready for the debut of this UFC veteran. Immediately the two men lock up. The Real Deal with a quick go behind. He has Mr. Wrestling wrapped up from behind. He picks him up and throws him over into a release German suplex! He calls that the Broken Neck!"
EB:"I hope Mr. Wrestling didn't actually break his neck on that one! It was pretty viscious."
MJ:"Now The Real Deal quickly moves over to Mr. Wrestling and grabs his foot. He's putting him in an ankle lock! He calls that Shattered Pieces. Mr. Wrestling is tapping out!"
CM:"Your winner, via submission, The Real Deal!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock starts to play as all the members of the NEW make their way down to the ring. Once they are all in, The Crippler grabs a microphone.)
Crippler:"The NEW continues to get stronger and stronger. Later tonight, we have accepted the challenge of the PP&H and we will face and defeat the men they put in front of us. Once we beat them, we want a match with the PP&H themselves. And right now, the NEW grows stronger by the addition of another member. The Real Deal is one of the baddest men on the planet. And now he runs with us!"
(The Real Deal exchanges high five's and fist bumps with the other NEW members.)
Crippler:"Soon the rest of the USCW will learn that we must be taken seriously, whether they want to or not. The New Era of Wrestling is about to begin."
("Cocky" starts to play again as the NEW members pile out of the ring and head to the back.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are ready now for another debut match. Let's take it down to Cindy."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 207 pounds, Paco Rodriguez!"
(Paco turns a backflip in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 260lbs., Wingfoot!"
("Bonecrusher" by Foghat starts to play. For several seconds, no one comes out. Then suddenly Wingfoot comes sprinting down the ramp.)
EB:"Woah! I don't know if that guy can fight or not, but he sure is fast!"
(Wingfoot sprints to the ring, dives in under the bottom rope and quickly slides all the way to the other side and through the ropes to the outside. He quickly gives Earl Backwater a high five before sliding back into the ring.)
MJ:"Wingfoot is wasting no time here. He runs towards Paco and kicks him in the gut. Quick DDT from Wingfoot! He is quickly up and heading to the top rope. He turns a backflip off the top and nails Paco with an elbow! That's his Quick Silver finisher! Here's the cover!
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3!! Wingfoot wins easily."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, Wingfoot!"
EB:"That may be the quickest match I've ever seen. And look at this! Wingfoot took off up the ramp as soon as the three count was finished! And now he's gone into the back!"
MJ:"The fastest match I've ever seen. And an impressive debut for the man they call Wingfoot. Let's take Wingfoot's lead and keep things going here. Next up is the return of a man who has been a big impact already in his short time back."
CM:"The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 280lbs., Hardbody Harrison!"
(Harrison flexes and poses in the ring.)
CM:"And his opponent, weighing in at 196lbs.,"The Iceman" Tito Mancuso!"
("The BoD theme" plays as Tito Mancuso steps out onto the top of the ramp. He runs through a kata before making his way to the ring.)
EB:"Tito has already made some enemies in his short stay here. Mr. Insane feels Mancuso cost him the Extreme Division title when Tito attacked him at Beach Bash."
MJ:"He certainly cost him the title. He attacked Insane and then laid a hurt Wisler on top of him."
EB:"You heard Wisler, Mancuso was just evening the odds after the DTM attack."
MJ:"Do you actually believe these things that sometimes come out of your mouth? Mancuso is in the ring now and we are underway. The two men circle each other and you can tell that Mancuso has a very unique wrestling style. Harrison tries to throw a right hand but it is parried by Mancuso and he dances away."
EB:"What is he waiting for? I don't know if I'm willing to watch somebody dance around and nev...Woah!"
MJ:"Mancuso dodged another punch, then delivered a huge kick right to the head of Harrison and he is out cold! That's the Ice Breaker! What a shot! Here's a cover.
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3!! Mancuso takes home a victory in his return to the USCW ring."
CM:"Your winner, via pinfall, "The Iceman" Tito Mancuso!"
MJ:"Tito has to be happy with that debut. He picks up.....Look at this!"
(Mr. Insane emerges from the crowd with a chair. He slides into the ring and nails a celebrating Tito in the back with the chair.)
EB:"See what I mean about his enemies?"
MJ:"Now Mr. Insane just pulled out a can of spray paint and is writing on Mancuso."
(Colossus and Marcus Whitten come storming down the ramp and slide into the ring. Mr. Insane has just finished what he was spraying, the letters NEW. He slides out of the ring as the tag team champs slide in. Mr. Insane disspears into the crowd again.)
MJ:"I guess Mr. Insane believes that one good turn deserves another. Whitten and Colossus help up their teammate and they walk to the back. We haven't heard anything from Baxter or the BoD regarding his removal as commissioner. What do you think it means for them?"
EB:"Baxter is a proud man. There is no way he is going to let what happened at Beach Bash go without getting back at everyone somehow. That's just the way he is. As for the BoD, I don't know. They have very strong and volitile personalities and I don't know if they will be able to stick things out together without Baxter as a calming influence. We'll see."
MJ:"Fans, we have now reached a very interesting match. This match holds a special place in USCW history. And now it is being revived here tonight in Hammond, Louisiana. It's a Hammond Street Fight. We skip all the usual things we do before a match like introductions and all that. We have a cameraman in a back alley here in Hammond where The Enforcer and "Hard Hitten" Marcus Whitten will battle until one can't answer a ten count. No disqualifications, any goes."
EB:"Whitten was just out here helping Mancuso so it may take a minute or so for him to arrive in the alley."
MJ:"Let's get the feed from the cameraman and see what going on."
(The Jumbotron switches to the feed from the camera in the alley. Standing in the street are The Enforcer, and dressed in a ref shirt is Apollo. Apollo has a big smile on his face. After a few moments, Marcus Whitten is seen walking around the corner. He spots Apollo and immediately looks pissed off.)
Whitten:"Ah hell naw. This is some bullshit. What the hell are you doing here?"
Apollo:"I was assigned by the new comissioner to call this match. And Apollo says the match begins now."
(The huge men start walking towards each other cautiously.)
MJ:"Well fans, here we go. Whitten still looks a little apprehensive about having Apollo as the ref but what can he do?"
EB:"I told you having Sweardog as a comissioner was going to blow. We're going from one comissioner who was stacking the desk against people he didn't like to another doing the same thing."
MJ:"Ok, after the staredown Mr. Enforcer goes to throw a right hand but Whitten pulls something out of his pocket and puts it into The Enforcers stomach!"
EB:"Did he stab him?"
MJ:"It was a stun gun! The Enforcer crumples in a heap onto the ground! Whitten really wasn't kidding about no rules in the streets. He went straight to an electric weapon!"
EB:"Now Whitten is yelling at Apollo to start counting. This should be elementary. The Enforcer isn't moving at all."
Apollo:"
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Whitten:"Give me a break! That is the slowest count in history! Retarded monkeys count faster than that!"
Apollo:"I hope you are happy. You have broken Apollo's concentration. I lost count. Now I have to start over.
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Whitten:"You son of a bitch!"
(Whitten tries to use the stun gun on Apollo who quickly darts away. All of a sudden the lid of a large trash bin next to where they are standing opens up and three members of the Bum Squad jump out. They proceed to run around crazy and provide a major distraction.)
Whitten:"Damn it."
(Suddenly another man dressed like a bum but much larger than the other bums comes up behind Whitten and clocks him over the head with what looks like a rolled up newspaper made of iron. Whitten stumbles for a second and falls to his hands and knees.)
Apollo:"1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10!"
(Whitten quickly gets back to his feet but Apollo has already counted the fastest 10 in wrestling history.)
Apollo:"The Enforcer is the winner!"
(Apollo raises the hand of The Enforcer, who is still out cold on the ground.)
MJ:"Did you see that? There was nothing Whitten could do! They had the deck stacked against him!"
(Suddenly a car pulls up. Apollo and the large bum jump into the car and it streaks away, leaving Whitten standing there furious.)
MJ:"Well, The Enforcer picks up a "win" here tonight in the Hammond Street Fight. Although I'm not sure that's a loss Whitten will choose to count on his record."
EB:"I know I wouldn't. His opponent still hasn't gotten up!"
(The Jumbotron fades to black.)
MJ:"Well fans, we are down to our last match of the evening. There have been rumors flying around as to exactly what this match would be. Let's get the lowdown from the commissioner himself."
(“Who Do You Love” by George Thurgood echoes throughout the arena. The fans pause briefly before realizing who the music is for and they start
cheering wildly. They know that this music denotes a turning point in the USCW. Their belt less champion emerges from friendly fire strong and ready to restart. The crowd feels the life that is Sweardog and they manifest one of the greatest ovations ever to grace a wrestler second only to the likes of Hogan’s victory over the Giant. At the top of the ramp, out steps Sweardog- typical black slacks, shoes, and belt, but this time a nice crisp long sleeve button down shirt and tie with the cuffs rolled up once and the top button loosened with the tie. Sweardog stands appreciating the applause. On the jumbotron, the scene replays Baxter being chucked into the river at Beach Bash. The crowd then continues their homage to the people’s champ until he begins to address them.)
SD:"Somebody had to stand up to that son of a bitch. Ya’ll didn’t mind, did you?"
(The crowd roars again and again Sweardog allows the roar to linger.)
SD:"Hey, you guys like the new commish intro music?"
(More roars from the crowd.)
SD:"Well, I just want to say thanks for all the support and also to enjoy a little applause now in the case I flop at this job. At least I can get a little now… I think you will all enjoy the main event tonight. This steel cage match has 100K on the line for the members of the NEW. Their opponents- Milkjugs Mahoney, Paco R. Rodriguez, and Mr. Wrestling. The conditions of the match includes:
1. If any member of the NEW pins any of the jobbers, 100K will be awarded to the stable, the NEW Era of Wrestling.
2. If anyone, whether it be PP&H or any other individuals or stables, not directly affiliated with this match interferes, there contract will be terminated and their affiliation with the USCW will cease immediately.
It sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it folks. You didn’t pay to come here and see anybody wrestle a bunch of jobbers, did you?"
Crowd:"NO!"
SD:"It sounds like we need to spice it up a little, huh?"
Crowd:"Yeah!"
SD:"You want it a little spicy…"
(The crowd cheers.)
SD:(Yelling this out to get crowd hype)"Or burn your flesh off spicy?!"
(The crowd cheers wildly.)
SD:"Alright, well “a little spicy” would have gotten you a special guest referee…"
(The crowd starts to cheer)
SD:"But sine you guys want crazy tonight…. You’ll get not only a special guest referee, but also a special guest announcer and a special guest timekeeper! Guys come on out…"
("Sweet" Gordy Dix, El Presidente and Ryan Wisler all walk out together wearing their championship belts. Gordy is wearing a ref shirt, El Presidente is carrying a microphone, and Wisler has a bell hammer. Cheers erupt from the crowd, along with its fair share of boos, but the three champions focus on the cheers.)
SD:"I have authorized these men to act as the timekeeper, referee, and announcer. Special referee Dix will join the six men in the ring while the other two will do their job from ringside. With that, I'm going to enjoy this one on the TV in my office."
(As Sweardog walks backstage, the “Who Do You Love” kicks back up and fades out as he disappears. The crowd offers one last episode of
cheering for the new Commissioner.)
MJ:"Well this has turned into quite the event."
EB:"There is something fishy about this."
MJ:"Normally I would say let's take it over to Cindy. But this time, let's take it to the World Champ, El Presidente, for the introductions."
El Prez:"The following contest is set for one fall chicos. If the NEW can win, they get 100 G's. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 757 pounds, Mr. Wrestling, Milkjug Mahoney, and Paco Rodriguez!"
(All three men are already in the ring. Mr. Wrestling pumps his fist, Paco turns and backflip, and Milkjug pulls on his overall straps and yells out "Gitter Dun"!)
El Presidente:"And the chumps they will be beating tonight, at a combined weight of entirely too fat, Mr. Insane, Mr. Chopper, and The Crippler, The Gay Bikers!"
("Cocky" by Kid Rock plays as the three NEW members stalk down to the ring looking very pissed off..)
MJ:"Ryan Wisler just rang the bell and we are underway. It looks like the Crippler will start off with Milkjug Mahoney."
EB:"Do you think the Sweetness can move around effectively enough in the ring to be the ref while he is wearing his US Title belt around his waist?"
MJ:"I think he will manage. The Crippler fires a right hand which stuns Mahoney. The Crippler grabs Milkjug by the throat. He delivers a big chokeslam! Milkjug is laid out in the ring. The Crippler is going to go for a cover. Mr. Insane and Mr. Chopper both hop into the ring and knock Mr. Wrestling and Paco off the ring apron! The Crippler is covering Milkjug. Dix starts a count.
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(Just before he counts three Gordy hops up, removes his belt and slams The Crippler over the head with it. Mr. Insane and Mr. Chopper see what's going on and turn to attack Gordy but El Prez and Wisler hit the ring. El Prez hits Mr. Chopper over the head with his microphone while Wisler hits Mr. Insane with the ring hammer.)
MJ:"What's going on here? They can't do that! All three are going to be fired!"
EB:"How much of a dope are you MJ? The stipulations said nobody not directly involved in the match could interfere. And technically, the ref, timekeeper, and ring announcer are directly involved."
MJ:"What a load of crap."
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal come running from the back.)
El Presidente:"Stop right there, amigos. You guys aren't directly involved in this match. You step foot in this ring before the Sweetness declares the match over and you are both fired."
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal give each other confused glances, not sure what to do.)
EB:"What a genius plan."
(The PP&H members stomp on the laid out NEW members in the ring. All of a sudden Big Jim and Undercover Brother jump The Enforcer and The Real Deal from behind. They both hit them with police style night sticks. Once Gordy sees those two laid out, he calls for the bell.)
El Presidente:"Your winners, because we kicked their ass, would have to be the NEW. But they didn't pin anybody, so no dinero."
(Undercover Brother and Big Jim climb into the ring.)
El Presidente:"Say hello to my little friend, Undercover Brother. He's been watching my back for a long time, and now it's time for him to make a name for himself. As you can see, this is someone you will piss your self because your fear will dominate you like Sweet Gordy Dix dominates his porn films. Now, Undercover Brother, drop a dime on this jasa, and take his ass down town."
(Undercover Brother climbs to the top rope and nails a huge splash on Mr. Chopper. Then he rolls him face down and puts on a double chicken wing submission hold. After holding his a while, he pulls out a pair of handcuffs and cuff Mr. Chopper to the ring ropes.)
El Presidente:"NEW this is just a preview, it's time you recognize; who does what they want, when they want around here. I told you that when you break the law, you suffer the consequences. But you didn't listen. Well look at you now.... "
(The Enforcer and The Real Deal start to get to their feet and run towards the ring. The PP&H slide out as they are sliding in. They start to check on the others as the PP&H starts to taunt them on their way to the back.)
MJ:"Well, fans, we are out of time! The PP&H set up the NEW tonight and I'm sure the NEW will be looking for revenge on the next Mayhem! Don't forget that we are preempted next Monday and the next edition of Mayhem will be Monday, August 14th. For Earl Backwater, this is Mike Johnson. Good night everybody!"
(The camera shows the NEW getting back to their feet and staring angrily at the PP&H. Then an overhead camera sweeps the crowd, and then settles on the red USCW logo in the center of the ring as the camera fades to black.)