For the good of the game

For the good of the game

" Football's all about 90 minutes "

glen Hoddle

The Football Association was considering a scheme for simplifying club badges and emblems so that they more closely reflected the clubs' names. A committee was set up to receive suggestions and, after a few weeks, the chairman called a meeting.

'Gentlemen,' he said, 'our request for new club badge designs has produced a very satisfactory response.

Most of the suggestions are perfectly straightforward and logical - an ox for Oxford United, a sun for Sunderland, a heart for Heart of Midlothian, a windmill and a brick wall for Millwall.

However, I'm afraid we must definitely draw the line at the proposed design received from Arsenal!'

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Joe always books two seats when he goes to watch a Chelsea game. That's one to sit in and one to throw when the fighting starts.

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A visiting fan turned up at a Manchester City vs Manchester United match last week and was told that seats were £16, £20 and £35, and programmes £2.

'OK,' he said cheerfully, 'I'll sit on a programme!'

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Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

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One afternoon an elderly man turned up at the office of a large Manchester company.

"Good afternoon;" he said, "I'm Tony Collier's uncle. I've come to ask if he can have the afternoon off so I can take him to the match."

"I'm afraid he's not here," came the reply, "We already gave him the afternoon off so he could attend your funeral."

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Q. What's the similarity between Manchester United and a 3-pin plug?

A. They're both useless in Europe.

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A young autograph hunter was really chuffed when he got Emil Heskey's autograph after a match. The following week he accosted Heskey once more and got his autograph, and after the next game he tried to get it yet again.

"Look here," said Heskey, "this is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?"

"Well," said the young man, "if I can get eight more of yours, I can swap them for one of Michael Owen's."

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