 |
|
Silly Quotes
Every morning is the dawn of a new error Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved Dain bramaged Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny Beware of programmers who carry screwdriver OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO A repair shop: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) A Laundromat: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHING WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT May the smile on your face Come straight from your heart Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry Maybe this world is another planet's hell A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans Most good judgement comes from experience. Most experience comes from bad judgement. You can't cheat an honest man One slip, and down the hole we fall It seems to take no time at all Does the noise in my head bother you? I know a million ways To always pick the wrong thing to say I must be an acrobat To talk like this and act like that Every rose has its thorn. Sister Luck is screaming somebody else's name It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help It's no secret that a liar won't believe in anyone elser "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." - Douglas Adams. "Unus, sed leo!" [One, but a lion!] - Aisopos (Fabulae 194). "»Stay« is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary." - Bronson Allcott. "Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." - Dave Barry. "Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours." - M. Berle. "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair." - George Burns. "An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less." - Nicholas Murray Butler. "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake." - W.C. Fields. "When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?" - Douglas Gauck. "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." - J.P. Getty. "I'm gonna live forever, or die trying." - Joseph Heller (Catch 22). "Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill. "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." - Kin Hubbard. "Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - Hubert Humphrey. "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - Carl Gustav Jung. "I dress up for weddings, funerals and fine steakhouses." --Dan Daly . "Clean laundry helps the confidence level, which helps the self image, which helps um, you win games, which makes you rich, which leads to greed, which leads to more money!!!, Which causes immense spending, which then triggers high anxiety, which causes a heart attack at the age of 31 and puts you in a coma for 10 years while you lose all of your money and you start at the beginning again!" --Benjer Petersen "If it's about computers... it can wait!" --Rachel Halladay "Don't spend your life as a pretty bitch... God will send you back nice and ugly!" --Fritz "I had gone searching for the truth, and found facts instead. I hate that." --Anonymous "I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died." --Steven Wright . "This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it." --unknown "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." - Matt Groening. "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." --Sir Humphrey Appleby. "You'll earn thousands of dollars daily by doing nothing." --Found on a piece of paper in a Fortune Cookie . In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots. --Kaa's Law "Some people look at jerky and say, 'Why?' I look at jerky and say, 'Mmm! Jerky!'. In our view, everybody is a potential partner -- until they shoot at us." - AOL CEO Steve Case. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window --Steve Wozniak To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income. (With thanks to John Pettitt and Ed O'Connell) It happens. Sometimes people just explode. Natural causes. from Repo Man What if this weren't a hypothetical question? "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet" --Al Gore "Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite." " - Dan Quayle. "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." . --Ronald Reagan "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." --President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on "I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." - Abraham Lincoln. "640k ought to be enough for anybody." . -- Bill Gates in 1981 "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." --Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." . basepall player Pedro Guerrero on reporters "We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics." . Bob Ojeda, baseball pitcher "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." Yogi Berra, baseball catcher and manager "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win." -- Doug Collins, basketball commentator "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games." --David Garcia "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other." --Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl. Go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger! "A person knows he has found his true love when they call that person and say: Honey, I just killed someone. And that persons response is: where do we hide the body?" "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex...worst 15 minutes of my life. Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. If you need space join NASA baby "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts -- Tre Cool of Green Day If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put them all there? If the shoe fits, buy it in every color! I am nobody... nobody is perfect... I must be perfect then.. The best thing about Alzheimers is : You can hide your own Easter eggs. - Gramps Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. HOWEVER...the roses are dead, the violets are wilting, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head. WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT Why can't I attract men like crazy, Instead of crazy men "Beer, getting ugly people laid since 1700" If you want breakfast in bed.........sleep in the kitchen No matter what road we take we'll always end up in the same place . "I hear voices, and they don't like you" "Buy me another drink, because your still ugly" "I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me there." "It's not attention deficit disorder, I'm not just not listening to you." Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but teach him how and he'll sit on his ass staring at the fishing pole trying to decide what to do Cancel my subscription cause I dont need your issues As you slide down the banister of life, may your ass collect many splinters |
|
++Elizabeth. 15. red hair. green eyes. ga. single. may 5. ++loves: friends, shopping, autumn, scotland, ireland, braveheart, scottish romance novels. ++hates: ketchup, things getting near my eyes, alarm clocks, spiders. |