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Attention: All Ladies 16 Years of Age and Up

Senior year, a time for relaxation and enjoyment, is when we reap the rewards of our high school
careers. The senior ball (prom or whatever other moniker it goes by) is supposedly the zenith of the year. It
could be the greatest night of your life (yeah, it’s pathetic but that’s beside the point) and like many I kind
of feel like I would be missing something (though I don’t know why) if I didn’t attend. Unfortunately, it
would be rather difficult for me to get a date (on account of my loser status) through conventional means.
That is why I am now imploring all eligible women that are of average comeliness and aptitude to consider
going with me to the senior ball (prom or whatever you may call it). For added incentive, I’ll make sweet love to
whoever goes with me if they’d like. I advise that you think thoroughly about your decision and contact me
if you decide to go for it. If not, of course, you should not speak with me or disclose your decision to
anyone since you would most likely be an object of scorn and should be wholly ashamed of yourself for
passing up such a momentous opportunity. I truly hope the former is the dominant selection since I
wouldn’t want anyone to feel depressed. If you’ve chosen to go, talk to me in school or via e-mail at
Trevilen@ignmail.com. Any extra ladies will be referred to some good friends of mine. And if no one
responds there’s always the escort service or going alone like a loser (wait, can I do that?).

Well, the ball has come and gone (a long while ago, actually) and no one went with me. Hell, I didn't even go, but that's not my fault it's yours (the women that went to GCHS, I'm not into the guys y'know). You people fucking blow... you can have your pick of damnation though, since I am, of course, a really nice guy:

1. An eternity complete emptiness i.e. nirvana. (note: cannot pick if you are Buddhist or Hindu)
2. An afterlife in the torturous, tumultous torrents of flame in the Inferno.
3. Eternity watching the horrid Anna Nicole Show, which is by far the worst.

Of course, like the Catholic, I accept donations that will allow you to avoid those ordeals, but unlike the church, they are not monetary but of the flesh i.e sex.