The Ginonians       It has come to my attention lately that cults have been quickly proliferating throughout the world (well not really, but I felt like writing about them). It seems that any dispirited youth that struggles to fit in are the main candidates for joining cults since they surely would like a place to belong. It still seems too easy to start a cult because (the way I see it anyway) who would join a cult if they could join a gang or organized crime. Gangs and organized crime are much more lucrative and there aren’t any of those injurious mass suicide thingies. Why kill yourself when you could just kill others and get money for it? I don’t know.       Because cults are so easy to start as I mentioned above, I plan on starting one but I’ll talk about that later. Anyway, the only problem I see with cults is that the leaders do stupid stuff. Anyone remember David Koresh? Probably not, but what about Waco? Yeah, ok then. Well, that idiot Koresh stockpiled weapons. Did he really think the US government wouldn’t notice? Yeah, he did and that’s why he’s dead along with most of his followers. Making stupid prophecies and then saying that they’d occur sometime within their life span. Malcom X did this (hey, the Black Panthers were sort of a cult) by saying God or Allah or whatever would come in the 1984 and return the Earth to the blacks (thus killing all whites). If someone hadn’t shot him he’d still be alive in ’84 and he would’ve had some splainin’ to do. Mass suicide. What the hell? Who would do that if they had something good going like Heaven’s Gate. If you’re making money why kill yourself and have the people giving you the dough kill themselves. It makes no sense. Stupid cultists.       Now it’s time to start my cult. First off if you’d like to join my cult I’m going to require small monetary donations. These, of course, are not the only donations I will accept. Sex will be a welcome donation from those even just a bit comely, it is only a miniscule price for eternal salvation after all. The selling point or main belief (whichever you’d call it) of my cult is that I, the greatest prophet, messiah, Dali Lama, Buddha or whatever is spreading my gospel (or good word) that the Savior will appear in the year 3693 to reclaim the souls of the worthy for salvation and banish the unworthy to a disagreeable locale. That, my friends, is the long way of saying apocalypse in 3693. Be ready. Anyhoo, the basics of being in this cult is donate, donate, donate (to the cult of course). The good things about it are no mass suicides (if you’re into to that I might arrange a one tome thing for you), no human sacrifice, no stupid religious affiliations and no sins. If that isn’t the greatest thing ever I don’t know what is.       Now I will preemptively answer some questions: Q1. Why a cult? A1. As I said it’s easy and to start up a mafia you gotta have connections and some cash, one of which I don't have and the other, well let’s say I don’t want to piss off the other. Q2. No human sacrifice? A2. Sorry, but I’m a pacifist. Sex is a lot better than killing anyway, so try that and see how it works out. Q3. But I can’t get any sex. A3. That’s not a question, but there are always whores that you could get. I can hook you up. Q4. I like religion and your cult, what should I do? A4. You can always do both or read my article entitled religion and then make a decision. Oh, look at the time. Sorry, no more questions.       All you fine consenting individuals, join my cult and reap many rewards. Oh, yeah e-mail me at Trevilen@ignmail.com to get mailing instructions for those monetary donations or to get driving directions for some sex. Warning: For the idiots that think this cult is real: You’re retards, but if you’re looking for a good cult may I point you in the direction of organized religion.