Universalist Unitarian Church
Santa Paula, California
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How to Do What You Want to Do
by Reverend John Alexie Crane
I. Human Limitations
St Paul has never been one of my religious
heroes.. It was he, you may remember, who wrote most of the letters that
are included in the New Testament, toward the end of the Bible. I find
that, for the most part, his writings shed little light on the nature
of things for me; but now and then I do find myself touched, moved by
him. There is a passage in his letter to the Romans that speaks to me,
for example, and I expect that many of you will remember it.
Paul said irritably: "I do not understand my own actions. For I
do not do what I want, but I do everything I hate.... I can will what
is right, but I cannot do it.... Wretched man that I am!"
Isn't that beautiful? Isn't it just like us? Paul speaks here to a
universal aspect of human nature. We have a great deal of difficulty
obliging ourselves to do the creative things we know we want to do; and
instead we often wander off into useless, aimless, even self-destructive
activities.
We may see, for example, that we are growing bulgy around the middle,
and assure ourselves we are going to do something constructive about
that. We will diet and exercise. Instead we find ourselves sitting in
front of the television set eating chocolate cake and ice cream, or
drinking lots of beer with cheese and crackers or pepperoni pizza.
We decide we want to expand our understanding of one or another aspect
of ourselves or our world, and we go get books from the library, then,
after reading for twenty minutes find that we have dropped off to
sleep. We decide we want very much to learn to play the piano, so we buy
one, have it moved in, arrange for lessons; but then, we find we are not
able to oblige ourselves to practice.
"I do not understand my own actions," Paul said. "For
I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
II. What Holds Us Back?
Why are we like this? What gets in the way of our doing what we want?
What makes it so difficult for us? Why do we drag our feet so
consistently? Why don't we jut go ahead and do what we know very well we want
to do? What holds us back?
1. The mind often gets in our way. The mind is without doubt a
wonderfully creative organ, but it is complicated. It is hard to get it to
produce when you want it to. Our minds are ceaselessly churning, turning
out an erratic stream of flitting images, ideas, thoughts, conceptions,
wishes, dreams, fantasies, scattered intuitions, etc.
The mind is restless, leaping from one thought to another, following
its nose as it were. It will resist us when we try to get it to hold
still and do something responsible. The mind likes to play rather than
produce. We find it difficult to keep a consistent thought in our minds
for any sustained period of time. So, the mind is often an obstacle to
our being able to do what we want to do.
2. Feelings often get in our way. We like feeling comfortable, do not
like feeling strained or heavily taxed. We shy away instinctively from
uncomfortable feelings. If we decide we want to learn to dance or to
play the piano, we will, as we stumble through the early stages of
learning, often feel like fools, feel inept and inadequate, and this will be
painful. So we back off, let it slide. We back away from the source
of the discomfort.
Fear, above all, is a feeling that can securely shut us away from
doing what we want to do. We will be afraid that if we reach out, reach
up, if we try, we will fail, thereby proving to ourselves and others
something we suspected all along -- that we are inadequate, that we really
don't have what it takes.
3. Our attitudes can get in the way of our doing what we want.
Many of us work from an attitude that the world is a mess and is never
going to get much better, that nothing we do will make much difference,
that no matter how hard we try we will never gain much in the way of
substantial rewards.
We are defeated from the start. We have tried in the past to do what
we wanted to do, and found that it just wasn't possible. It was too
hard. And so what if you do manage to do what you want to do? What have
you got? It's all going to go up in smoke when nuclear war breaks out,
or when the sun grows cold. What's the use?
4. Our feelings and our attitudes together may produce an irresistible
tilting toward procrastination. Which, as I am sure you know,
is perhaps the most persisting, the most plaguing of all human
limitations. Procrastination and ambivalence are surely the most widespread,
most common of all the characteristics of our species. Procrastination
constantly gets in the way of our doing what we want to do.
III. Do We Need What We Want?
But hold on a minute. Are all of our wants valid? Is every little
thing we want exactly what we should have for our own well-being? For
the well-being of those close to us? Do we actually need what we want?
As a matter of fact, we often want passionately things that are at
best of little consequence, and, at worst, are destructive or
self-destructive. Many young people (and many not so young) very much want, even
yearn for the easy (short term) bliss to be found in the experience of
drugs and drink. Many want to know the wondrous thrill of sexual
experience, want it, yearn for it at a very young age. Pregnancy, emotional
pain, stunted lives for both the young parents and their offspring
frequently result.
It is important that we educate our wanting. We may be wanting the
universe when only the earth is actually available to us. We may be
wanting constant and intense bliss, when it is only ordinary, everyday life
that is actually available to us.
If we are to be able to do what we want to do, we must be sure that
our wants are in touch with reality. We may well need to reeducate our
wanting.
IV. Finding Our Way
How can we rise above the things that get in the way of our doing what
we want? Mind; feelings; attitudes; and, most of all, perhaps,
procrastination. I see three possibilities here.
1. The first is the way of understanding. By growing in understanding,
in awareness, by gaining insight into ourselves, others, and the world,
we may learn more and ever more about the nature of reality, grow
closer to awareness of it, thereby making it possible for us to bring our
wants into harmony with what actually is and is possible.
With growth in understanding, we will be better able to find our way
in the world, will be more secure and steady within it, will be more
competent and capable, less crippled by ego needs, less driven by
them.
It is important to note that understanding takes time, takes
attention, takes concentration. If we are to find understanding, we must
approach the subject we are considering with tranquility, serenity; then
concentrate patiently, persistently, look closely, attentively. Taking
time. We can't arrive at understanding if we are in a hurry. We must be
at peace.
It is this kind of understanding that is a central aim in UU religion.
It matters profoundly to us. It is what we are seeking when we gather
here in church, and when we gather in groups to study the nature of
things, to share insights, to ask and answer questions of each other.
We seek understanding through examining ourselves and our experience,
through observation, reading, reflection, discussion. Sharing. We
attend workshops, undergo therapy, talk to friends, read novels and
poetry, take in drama, music and films as additional ways of expanding our
understanding. And over a lifetime, our understanding grows, deepens,
gets closer and closer to reality. Ever so gradually, sometimes swiftly
in moments of special insight, we find our way forward into life.
2. We rise above the barriers that get in the way of our doing what we
want by growing in command of ourselves, by learning creative
self-discipline. This, to be sure, is not at all a fashionable idea at present.
Self-discipline seems an antiquated virtue these days, but as a matter
of fact it is an essential element in any full and happy life. If we
are not in command of ourselves, then we will be victimized by our own
vagrant impulses, by the strong inclination we human creatures have
toward procrastination.
Creative self-discipline brings extraordinary rewards. If you don't
have it, how can you develop it? You can develop it through practice,
through working steadily at it, by trying and failing, then trying
again.
I know this is not fashionable advice, that it is out of step with the
rhythm of the times; but the rewards are hard to win in any other way.
It is, in fact, ever so good to know that you can do what you want to
do. Within the limits of reality.
V. Dialogue with Oneself
Then, there is one other unfashionable approach to self-command.
Dialogue with oneself. Once we choose a goal for ourselves, decide
there is something we want ever so much to do, because the mind is so
shifting, because it is so hard to hold an intention in mind, because we
are so prone to procrastination, we need to have some way of keeping the
goal before us, making it a permanent part of our awareness. Prayer
and meditation are ways of achieving this end.
I realize that prayer has traditionally been conceived as petitioning
the Almighty Lord and Ruler of the Universe to do you a special favor.
This is how prayer is understood in popular religion all over the
world. In philosophical religion like our own, prayer is understood as a
mode of communication with the deepest levels of the self.
Prayer is a rich and rewarding mode of communication with the deepest
levels of the self. It is a way of training the self to live fully,
competently, intentionally. It is a way of keeping alive in our
awareness the things we want to do and to be, keeping ourselves steadily in
touch with the goals we are aiming for. It is a way of focusing one's
whole being around consciously conceived intentions.
To pray, you begin by centering yourself. You sit comfortably, body
relaxed, eyes closed, then for a minute or two, focus your attention on
your breathing, just watch it as it enters and leaves the nostrils.
Soon you will be inwardly still and centered. Then, begin to put into
words, into as poetic language as possible, what you want to do, the goal
you want to keep alive in your awareness, and why the goal matters to
you, its importance.
Let's try doing that now. See how it feels. Suppose we notice one
day that our lives have become overly full, that we are hurrying from one
demanding activity to another, always on the move, that we have fallen
into “constant preoccupation with the details and doings of our
everyday lives.” That we have lost sight of “the things that really matter
and matter in the long run.” So we set out, in prayer, to remind
ourselves, not just once but frequently, that we want to rise above this
relentless pattern.
So, we find a quiet place where we will not be disturbed, sit relaxed,
eyes closed, and reach within for the deep center of ourselves. And we
begin something like this, perhaps:
We pray that, with deliberate effort and attention, we may become
aware, deeply and richly aware of the beauty and the wonder we pass by each
day unseeing. The beauty in the face of a child, a friend, a loved
one, of a total stranger passing in the street or across the room. The
beauty in the rising, spreading shape of a tree nearby. The beauty of
the incredible colors in the evening sky. In the homes and gardens
around us in the place where we live. In the rock-ribbed hills, the rising
peaks and the billowing clouds close to them; the rolling, green plains
of this precious land on the vast continent we occupy. Yes. Yes. We
pray that we may, each day of our lives, be fully alive and aware, in
intimate touch with others and with the world in which we are set down
together. So may it be...
Rather than merely drifting as the prisoner of our random, often
self-destructive impulses, rather than allowing ourselves to be controlled
passively by our social conditioning, by tradition, by habit and custom,
we may find our way toward fullness of life by developing a rich
understanding of our lives, our selves, by learning self-discipline,
self-command. By living intentionally.
This does not mean that we give up play, give up letting go from time
to time, always fight down our impulses. This too is self-destructive.
A full life includes play and free flowing impulses. But when we are
living intentionally, when we are in possession of ourselves, we will
know when impulsiveness is destructive of ourselves or others and when it
is is life-giving.
Dr Alexie Crane
2880 Exeter Place
Santa Barbara, CA 93105
(805) 682-3476
Lex1304@aol.com