[The classroom of Evan Drexxler]

(A flock of student sit cross-legged on a rug in front of Evan Drexxler who is rocking back on fourth on a rocking chair)

Evan Drexxler: Tonight, I am going to improve your vocabulary children. Lemme write this on the board.

(Evan walks to the chalkboard writing “Hardcorelitude”)

Evan Drexxler: Hard-core-li-tude. Children. Hardcorlitude means to be of an extremely hardcore nature. This is what makes some one hardcore. Hardcorelitude is something like Hardcore Hooligan’s beer.

Evan Drexxler: Tri-pen-dic-ular. Tripendicular means to be really, really cool.

(The children nod their heads in aw)

Evan Drexxler: Mind-f#ck is to mess with some ones mind. Something that Chris Cupland, the World's largest Douce bag, likes to do.

(Many of the small children plug their ears)

Evan Drexxler: Here’s another one for you children. Evan "F#cking" Drexxler- the best "F#cking" wrestler on the planet.

(Tears start trembling down the children eyes)

Evan Drexxler: Here’s one last one. Pondab#tch the president of the UWA and the world's only walking, talking vibrator.

(The kids didn’t understand that joke as a knock of the door illuminates the eyes of Evan Drexxler. He opens the door. Rudolph marches in the classroom like a preacher.)

Rudolph: For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free.

(Rudolph starts handing out flyers to the small children as Drexxler appears angered)

Evan Drexxler: Did Pondab#tch tell you to do this?
Rudolph: Man is the measure of all things. There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Evan Drexxler: The ways of death, eh?

(Rudolph finishes handing out the flyers and turns around. Evan Drexxler smiles and socks Rudolph across the face as the flyers fly up in the air like a tornado. Drexxler chalks the expert analysis in the eye and pins him into the wall. Demonically, Drexxler elevates Rudolph while throttling his throat. Rudolph gasps for air until Drexxler comes out swinging with his one-shot punch connecting into the face of Rudolph! A blotch of red blood splats on the wall as if Drexxler swatted a mosquito injected with blood!)

Evan Drexxler: Pondab#tch, it’s your end of days.

[Back to the arena]

(Fireworks go and the best technology of pyrotechniques goes off to signify the beginning of the Boston, Massachusetts showing of the Ultimate Survivor. Rudolph is seen running down the entranceway holding a bible and wooden cross going back to the announcing table)

Jimmy: Welcome everyone to Boston Massachusetts! We’ve got a bit of BOOM for you tonight!
Rudolph: Let me catch my breath here, Jimmy. God gives every person second chances. God gives forgiveness. Jimmy, you must forgive me for my trespasses.
Jimmy: Okay, okay, you’re forgiven! Nice beating you took by Evan Drexxler back there.
Rudolph: There are some inner daemons in Evan Drexxler. I saw it in his eyes. I am going to see what I can do; I might bring the higher priests of Detroit, Michigan. I may, I may not. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Jimmy: Anyways... Due to popular demand; our Immunity Main Event will be occurring before the three-way dance!

Jimmy: Our matches are broadcasted in the three main languages of Canada and the United States. As you all know this is the English announcing table. Right over there (points at the Spanish Announcing table) that’s Pedro and Carlos they are the Spanish Announcing team. For those Quebecers in Canada, there is Guy and Francois of the French announcing team.
Rudolph: And God did not say: The goal is simple; you must throw your opponent through 2 out of 3 tables. If your opponent breaks through 2 tables, you are the winner.
Jimmy: Evan Drexxler is a huge favorite in this match.
Rudolph: And God did not say: Let the games begin. God didn't say that. I say that.

(The whole arena dims as the crowd grows deathly silent as Evan Drexxler appears from the curtains. Evan Drexxler shimmies to the ring never keeping his eye off Rudolph.)

Rudolph: Did you hear what Evan Drexxler was teaching those children? That’s awful Jimmy, we must always think about the children. They are a fountain of joy for the World and our God of Earth.
Jimmy: Is that right, Rudy? He has once been called an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle and shrouded in mystery. That’s what most think about him.

(Drexxler has his eyes pierced on Rudolph like cigarettes)

Rudolph: What are you looking at, Drexxler?

(“Beg” by Saliva plays loudly in the Fleet Center and the man that cut-loose from Pain Express slowly marches to the ring.)

Jimmy: Butler has been quiet as of late. Maybe he is using his quietness to psyche out his opponent. Or maybe he’s just scared?
Rudolph: Let it be a mystery. If you’re listening Rex Butler, God will break through your silence. God will speak to your need-if you're listening.

(Rex Butler rolls into the ring and stares eye to eye with Evan Drexxler.)

Jimmy: This will be the fourth time Evan Drexxler’s back has been against the wall! That’s more than Uluz!

(DING. DING. DING. The bell chimes and Drexxler strikes like a fork of lightning. Drexxler pounds several shots into the breadbasket of Butler. Butler retreats into the corner and is sent flying into the opposite corner. Drexxler lifts Butler high up in the air with a military press and treats him like a barbell, pressing him up and down. Drexxler walks forward to the rope and launches Rex Butler over the third rope through the French Announcing table.)

[Drexxler military presses Butler from the ring into the French Announcing Table!]

Francois: Beh, quest’ce qui arrive?
Jimmy: Oh shut up, French Fry.

(Drexxler laughs like a hyena. Butler tries to recuperate from that huge medicine ball-like toss from Drexxler. The French men are yelling in their own tongue at Butler who walks away from the table. Drexxler perches himself on the top turnbuckle and nails a high-flying crossbody!)

Jimmy: Look at that smile that Drexxler has on his face!

Jimmy: Would you look at that? That’s a nice smile he has!

(The crowd goes bananas as Drexxler elevates Butler with a pump-handle slam! Butler crashes into the concrete floor grabbing his twisting and turning back muscles!)

Jimmy: Butler is being treated like a dog’s chew toy out there!

(Drexxler sends Butler into the steel steps with an Irish Whip. The fans enjoy the royal thrashing from the hands of Evan Drexxler. Drexxler lifts the hotheaded Rex Butler in the air and hangs him out to dry on the railing. With fans patting his back, Drexxler rubs the facial features of Butler along the railings! The crowd cheers for my violence and Drexxler shows his A+ smile.)

Jimmy: Where is all that steam we saw earlier with Rex Butler? It’s non existant!

(Evan Drexxler picks up Butler by his long strands of blonde hair and body slams him on the Spanish Announcing table. Evan Drexxler arrogantly puts out his chin for Butler to hit! Butler swings to no avail! Drexxler counters it with THE HURRICANE HEART PUNCH he used to beat Zang! Butler tumbles like a ton of bricks upon the table. Drexxler raises his arms in glory until with one big HURRICANE HEART PUNCH, he downward punches Butler through the table!)

[Evan Drexxler gives a Downward Hurricane Heart Punch to beat Rex Butler!]

Jimmy: Evan Drexxler didn’t break a sweat out there, Rudy.
Rudolph: My prayers were for Rex Butler in that one. May God give salvation to Rex and his family.
Jimmy: I am sure 80,000 dollars will.

Jimmy: What do you get when you get Knight, Copeland and Hooligan in the ring all at the same time?
Rudolph: The finals of the Ultimate Survivor?
Jimmy: Maybe. You get one helluva match! Cliff Knight is a gifted athlete. Oh wait. Supreme Being.
Rudolph: (interrupts Jimmy) That Cliff Knight is a travesty! He calls himself the Supreme Being??? There is ONE SUPREME BEING- GOD. THE G-O-D. And God thundered: Thou shalt have no other gods before me. I have a little score to settle with Cliff Knight. I am going to surprise him with an interview.
Jimmy: What? Ok, Rudolph has just left us to interview Knight! I have word that Rudolph has found Knight, let’s get backstage, yal!

[Rudolph demands Cliff Knight to change his nickname “THE Supreme Being”]

(Rudolph has a cross in front of Cliff Knight and his First Testament Bible crouched beneath his armpit. Knight is wearing his futuristic clothing and has his hair wildly spiked up like a banshee)

Rudolph: (raises the cross in front of the face of Cliff Knight) I demand you to change your name! There is ONE SUPREME BEING and God THUNDERED: THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME!
Cliff Knight: (Cliff lightly pushes the cross out of his face) You see that bible. You see where that bible is? That bible is nothing but an armpit. That’s where it is int’t it? It stinks, just like you and your commentating Rudolph Wittacher.
Rudolph: GOD demands you to change your name. AND GOD ROARED: Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.

(Rudolph backs away from Cliff Knight lifting his cross like Cliff Knight was a vampire. Knight shakes his head taping up his wrists in a fidgety motion.)

[Party Central Still Jammin’- prematch drinking.]

(Creighton Duke knocks at the door)

Creighton Duke: It’s me, Creighton. It’s not Simmy. Don’t fret, Damage.
Johnny Damage: Creighton Duke is good people. Come in.
(Creighton Duke enters a smog-filled room with girls bouncing up and down. Duke appears to enjoy their presence as he approaches Damage with Alexis all over him)

Creighton Duke: After that emotionally draining New York Night, what are your thoughts about tonight with what is thought to be the final three fighting in Las Vegas?
Johnny Damage: (takes a sip of moonshine) AHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT’S BETTA!!!! It’s great that my fans out there have faith in me to make it to the final three.
Creighton Duke: What’s your gameplan for this match. You are not allowed to use Hardcore tools.
Johnny Damage: I have faith that I can somehow get a few weapons in that ring tonight.

(Rudolph slams into the door preaching some more of his madness.)

Rudolph: YOU HAVE FAITH??? LET ME TELL YOU WHAT FAITH IS BOY!!! FAITH is believing in GOD! FAITH isn’t trying to impose Damage… DAMAGE! God Speed, boy. God Speed.

(Rudolph backs up stretching out his wooden cross)

[Ashleigh Engels with Chris Copeland- prematch concentration]

(Chris Copeland is rubbing his quad muscle)

Ashleigh Engels: What’s the matter?
Chris Copeland: Nothing. Nothing’s a matter. Why don’t you keep on massaging me like before.

(Ashleigh rubs the shoulders of Chris Copeland… ahh that’s betta.)

[Back to the arena]

(Rudolph returns to his commentating booth)

Jimmy: Boy, aren’t you everywhere tonight!
Rudolph: THE VOICE OF GOD MUST BE HEARD!
Jimmy: Many believe that this match will be the final three of the Ultimate Survivor. We have Cliff Knight, Chris Copeland and Johnny Damage in a three-way dance. Rudolph: May God give guidance to Cliff Knight. Jimmy: Ok Rudy, we take out the hardcore advantage of Damage and we cut the arena to a small square circle. What do we have? Let me answer that: we have a place where Cliff Knight’s reigns supreme! (Rudolph looks angrily at Jimmy because of the word “Supreme”) Politically correct, we have a place where Cliff Knight is THE Premier Athlete.
Rudolph: Cliff Knight will learn the path of God. When this occurs he’ll learn salvation.
Jimmy: We’ve seen Hardcore Hooligan and Cliff Knight go tooth to tooth and these two are clearly great competitors against each other. But is there an odd-man out? Namely, Chris Copeland? Have you noticed that Chris Copeland hasn’t even mentioned Knight’s name one time yet? This is the first time Copeland gets the chance to wrestle with Cliff Knight- I can feel the rush boys and girls.
Rudolph: May God give Copeland salvation.
Jimmy: Will Knight have some sort of enraged anger for Copeland because he stole his girl? So many things to keep track of! I am getting excited; let’s watch this go down!

(“Hardcore Hooligan” by Business begins to play and Alexis and Hardcore Hooligan march to the ring together. Hooligan hops onto the canvas and does a cut-throat motion with his Singapore cane to the audience.)

(“Aenema” by Tool blares in the Fleet Center and out comes Chris Copeland wearing an orange t-shirt and taped up wristbands. “The Poisonous” Ashleigh Engels struts down the aisle by Copeland’s proud and determined facial features)

(Crossbreed lights up the faces of the crowd as Cliff Knight appears at the entrance way. He gives the big thumbs down to Copeland and Damage as he walks down the aisle standing alone. Cliff Knight rolls into the ring and is booted in the ribs by the fearless Damage. DING. DING. DING. The bell sounds and the madness begins!)

Rudolph: Look at these three non-believers. The real Supreme Being is God. He gave life.

(Chris Copeland enters the ring with the two combatants slugging out shot-for shot. Damage strikes repeated fists into the jaw of Knight until he’s whipped against the ropes. Damage drops his head for a back-body-drop but Knight cleverly procures a swinging neck breaker. Copeland comes into the attack swinging his elbow and hitting the marked man Cliff Knight in the chin. Copeland hoists Cliff Knight perpendicular to the ring in a stalling Blizzard Suplex. The fans oh and aw as Knight drops a large distance bouncing on the ring!)

Rudolph: That was taller than Noah’s Arc!!! God would spite you Copeland for that one.

(Damage cheaply hits the opened backside of Copeland and procures a police-style wristlock. Copeland yelps like a deer hit by a car as Damage like a police officer pulls Copeland up by his nose. He pushes Copeland back down to the ground and Damage catapults the broken man into the turnbuckle. Knight emerges from the floor while Damage charges like a wild boar. Knight schoolboy pins Damage.)

1…2.. Kick out!

Jimmy: Knight almost caught Damage off guard there.

(Chris Copeland anxiously attacks Cliff Knight but is caught with a boot in the chest. Knight rolls up Copeland for a pin.)

1…2.. Kick out!

Jimmy: Oh my! This time Knight almost caught Copeland with that roll up there.

(Damage catches Knight off guard with a double-ax handle. Damage immediately tangles up the wrist of Cliff Knight with a wristlock. Cliff Knight laughs at the submission hold and non-chilantely swings Damage between the middle and top rope. Damage is flinged right below Alexis. Alexis aids Damage up and kisses him smack on the lips. Damage is super-powered!)

(Copeland and Knight are exchanging blows near the ropes when Damage snarls in their direction. He charges up his engines and connects his arms catching the two with a double clothesline over the top rope! Hardcore Hooligan yells “AHHHHHHH THAT’S BETTA!!!!!” as the fans cheer for the drunken man! Chris Copeland stands up. Damage perches the top rope and soars through the air and shifts his weight in mid-air. Damage performs a jumping soccer-style insiguri kick sending Copeland three-sixtying into the ramp!!! Cliff Knight struggles to his feet as Damage picks up the wooden cross of Rudolph. He points at the cross as the fans go ballistic. Damage swings in a downward motion at Cliff Knight like an ax! The wooden cross implants Knight square in the face as the cross splinters into pieces!)

Rudolph: You are cursed Johnny Damage! You are cursed for doing that. May God be a witness!

(The fans cheer like baboons as Damage rolls Cliff Knight into the ring for the pin!)

1…2…3/4 (Cliff Knight kicks out!)

(Hardcore Hooligan stands on his feet and claps his hands angrily for a faster count. Hooligan helps Knight up to his feet until a jumping Chris Copeland catches Damage in the back with a jumping bulldog from the top rope! Cliff Knight staggers on his feet. Copeland runs off the ropes and plants Knight’s face into the mat with a running bulldog. Damage stands up as Copeland continues the same motion off the other ropes. Damage receives a running bulldog! Cliff Knight again stands up but Copeland continues the same running motion and thunders a bulldog with Cliff Knight’s cranium. Chris Copeland after three running bulldogs pins Cliff Knight)

1…2…3/4 (Cliff Knight kicks out!)

Jimmy: KICK OUT! KICK OUT! Knight kicks out after his face is pushed in like a pancake!

(Hardcore Hooligan arrives to his feet as Copeland starts to wind up his feet motioning for the superkick! Hardcore Hooligan slowly gets up to his feet and CLICK, Copeland sweeps Hooligan clean in the jaw with a superkick!)

Jimmy: This match may be over early, Rudy!

(Damage falls on his back like a snow angel as Cliff Knight makes it to his feet slowly but surely. But what he doesn't see is Chris Copeland's superkick crushing his jaw in! CLICK!)

Rudolph: Make the cover Chris Copeland. No more pain!

(Chris Copeland scratches his head and pins Johnny Damage!)

1...2...3/4! (Johnny Damage amazingly kicks out!)

(Chris Copeland swings his arm angrily and hurries to pin THE Premier Athlete)

1...2...3/4! (Cliff Knight's amazingly kicks out!)

(Chris Copeland, frustrated indeed, guides the Hardcore Hooligan to his feet. But Damage low blows Copeland and he falls on his knees holding his groin in pain! Damage snarls... grabs his jaw... and laughs like a hyena)

Jimmy: Poor Copeland. After nailing Knight and Damage with superkicks they still come back fighting! Copeland is fighting a fair and clean match but he just keeps on getting hit by the illegal activities of Damage.
Rudolph: May God give Chris Copeland guidance to win this match.

(Cliff Knight staggers to his feet as Damage swings his miniature right leg at Knight. Knight catches the leg and Damage hops three times before attempting an insiguri. Knight cleverly ducks and Damage embarrassingly falls flat on his stomach. Cliff Knight gives a reverse bearhug to Damage and with his immense power he lifts Damage off the ground into a fallaway slam! Hooligan crashes into the mat and Copeland lies in the corner like a dog that just was neutered.)

(Cliff Knight stands tall and proud over the competition. The fans are getting restless to see a winner! Cliff Knight pins Damage!)

1…2.. (EVAN DREXXLER grabs Damage by his feet and pulls him out from safety!)

Rudolph: THAT NON-BELIEVER! EVAN DREXXLER IS THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS!
Jimmy: Drexxler came from a huge defeat over Rex Butler in the “All Around the World” IME we saw earlier tonight.

(Evan Drexxler unleashes a fist full of fury into the face of Johnny Damage! Damage returns the favor with uncontrolled punches! Damage and Drexxler are giving it there all on the outside of the ring.)

(In the ring, “the neutered dog” Copeland slowly raises to his feet and swings into air! Knight ducks and grabs the arms of Chris Copeland placing him into a Razor’s Edge position. The back of Copeland crashing into the mat is heard around the World! Knight locks up the legs of Chris Copeland with a sharpshooter! Copeland squeals in pain as Knight cinches the most powerful leg lock existing today! The tensions are high! Chris Copeland starts rolling left! Copeland rolls right! Copeland rolls over and reversed the Sharpshooter!!! Cliff Knight now is the one screaming! Copeland locks it in tight!)

(Suddenly, Drexxler explodes with the Hurricane Heart Punch connecting into the heart of Johnny Damage. Outside the ring, Drexxler folds out a chair. Drexxler locks up the leg of Damage in a Russian Leg Sweep. With a lifting and falling motion, Drexxler executes a DDT with the tired Johnny Damage into the folded out chair! Evan Drexxler spits on a lifeless Johnny Damage and walks away)

Jimmy: SECOND DEATH!!! SECOND DEATH ON THE OUTSIDE, RUDY!

(Cliff Knight is MOTIONLESS in the ring! Knight is completely INANIMATE! Chris Copeland looks worried at a passed out Cliff Knight! The ref swings his arm and calls it a match!)

Jimmy: Eighty-six seconds of the sharpshooter!!! Chris Copeland beats Cliff Knight with a submission hold!!!

[Chris Copeland defeats Cliff Knight via TKO]

(Chris Copeland, with emotions running wild, drops on his knees with his arms stretched out widely. Cliff Knight lies on the ground, knocked out, from a reversed-sharpshooter given by Chris Copeland! Copeland crawls up the turnbuckle and stretches his arms tall and proud.)

Jimmy: What’s this??? Who’s this at ringside???

(President Pondababa rolls into the ring and turns a switch on his left arm. A discharge of electricity hits Chris Copeland causing him to convulse in the center of the ring. Copeland has an eerie cold feeling to him when he shakes like a jitterbug. President Pondababa is handed a pale of cold water and he drops the water on Cliff Knight. Cliff Knight slowly revives.)

Jimmy: Is this an alliance that Pondababa has with Cliff Knight? Pondababa acts like Knight is THE bounty hunter in the Ultimate Survivor. Look at this, Pondababa is telling Cliff Knight to bring the pain to Chris Copeland!

(Cliff Knight slowly rises to his feet. Pondababa points at Chris Copeland. Cliff Knight nods his head and Pondababa leaves ringside. Dragged to the corner turnbuckle, Cliff Knight tangles up the legs of Chris Copeland)

Jimmy: Come on! This match is over!
Rudolph: God have mercy on Chris Copeland’s soul!

(Cliff Knight applies a figure four leg lock along the ring post to the winner of the match-Chris Copeland! Security swarm around Cliff Knight like bees! But the damage has been done. Cliff Knight, a poor loser indeed, has gone too far. He has injured the leg of Chris Copeland coming into his hometown)

Cliff Knight: (grabs a mic to a booing crowd in the Fleet Center) Sign the match, Pondababa. Sign it! Knight against Copeland!

(Security starts to push Knight)

Rudolph: Praise Jesus! Cliff Knight has gone too far!
Jimmy: He wants more of Chris Copeland!

(Security is shoving THE Premier Athlete Cliff Knight out of the ring. The camera cut shots to Chris Copeland. His eyes show definite signs of fatigue as he applies pressure to his busted leg, courtesy of Cliff Knight. It's amazing how things can get turned around within seconds in the Ultimate Survivor...)

[The scene fades in and out with a picture of Rex Butler] Rex Butler- we bid thee farewell.