Hooligan: Hey there mister Scott. What brings you to party central?
Scott: Well, I jobbed Chris Rage and Kurt Stone last week, so I’ve got the night off. I figure I’ll cheat on my wife when I get good and drunk tonight.
Hooligan: (Smiles and takes a swig of fire water) Ahh, I see, make yourself comfortable, cause Party Central closes when the last person has passed out.

(Gary Coleman runs in and begins massaging CJ Scott’s trap muscles. Then Alexis catches his eye and he wanders over to her. To impress her he cracks a 2-4 of liquor and pounds it back, with booze streaming all over his over-alls. Coleman vomits and falls over in a daze. Hooligan: What is up with these midgets unable to hold their booze.
Coleman: Sorry brotha’s. (Coleman looks at Alexis, soaked in his own refuse and thinks to himself. [Damn the black man’s poison])

(CJ and the gang proceed to get more drunk.)

(Pain Express is walking to the entrance of the arena and the fans outside fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of the legend begin the cheer! He waves, and kicks the door to the arena open. It swings back and hits him, but he takes it in stride, getting ready to team up with Rex Butler.)

(Rex Butler is sitting in his dressing room talking to Creighton Duke. Creighton is smoking and laughing as he tells tales of the time Shepard Williams beat him up. Or the time Zang attacked him.)

Duke: Then he punched me! HAHA… Anyways, let’s get to business.
Butler: Okay. Bring it.
Duke: You are going to be affixed to Pain Express for the remainder of the UWA Survivor. How do you feel about this… Marriage of convenience?
Butler: I don’t care. Pain Express is a proven wrestler, and I know I can carry my own in a match. But the real question is whether we can co-exist.
Duke: Yeah.. uhh, how’s your leg? I thought Reynolds ripped the muscle clean off!
Butler: STOP YELLING! And yeah, he did. I got the best surgeons to reapply that sucker to my super thick bones. It’s still pretty tender, but I’ll survive. I always do.
Duke: Thanks Mister Butler.

(Mortician is lying on his couch in his dressing room, he has a blanket wrapped around his body and he looks very ill. He mumbles something incoherent at the camera, then trying to be the Mortician we all know and love, he gets up to attack the camera man. He stumbles over in a feverish haze and passes out. The camera man leaves the room chuckling to himself.)

(Cliff Knight is seen backstage talking to Ashleigh Engels. He is caressing her and he seems almost infatuated by her. The camera sneaks up and listens to the conversations. (OOC: The UWA has LOTS of cameramen.)

Engels: Listen to me Cliffy, I want you to DESTROY Ixon and Mortician tonight. I want you to shatter them like candy glass.
Knight: Yeah, I’ve messed up a few people before, but tonight, I’m going to show you what a man possessed can do.
Engels: Whatever, just make sure they both get messed up tonight.
Knight: Yeah… Fuck yeah!

(The camera man enters Rage’s dressing room but leaves immediately as he sees Rage cutting himself.)

(The best technology of pyrotechnics goes off to signify the beginning of the Ultimate Survivor in Indianapolis, Indiana!)

Rudolph: Good Christ… Big card… Excited I am!
Jimmy: Okay brothers and sisters! Three big matches tonight! Who will pay! And who will stay!
Rudolph: Opening match is Mortician, Ixon and STILL undefeated! Cliff Knight! Who will win? I’m drawing a blank.
Jimmy: Uluz, Zang and the Hardcore Hooligan battle it out for a little more than shits and giggles tonight, because the loser of this match will take on the loser of the other triple threat in a scuba match in Hawaii!
Rudolph: And in the Main Event, The three Chris’-
Jimmy:Chris
Rudolph: Copeland-
Jimmy: Chris-
Rudolph: Reynolds and-
Jimmy: CHRIS!
Rudolph: RAGE! AHHHH
Jimmy: and that Siamese dream team known as Pain Express and Rex Butler square off in a four-way ladder match! The loser goes home with six thousand dollars in his pocket! Let’s kick this shiz off already!

Rudolph: Well, Cliff Knight has been on a rampage this entire Ultimate Survivor.
Jimmy: He has an undefeated record and is still blasting through the competition.
Rudolph: He has another bridge to cross today; The Mortician and Ixon del Lobo. (A cameraman saunters into Ixon Del Lobo’s change room and four kids are sitting at desk-like structures. Ixon is wearing a pair of reading glasses and he is teaching them how to read. He notices the camera and invites him to have a seat.

Ixon: Class, say hello to the camerman
Class: HELLO CAMERAMAN.
Cameraman: uh, hi kids.
Ixon: (checks his watch and prepares to speak.)Class, I have a match against Mortician and Cliff Knight now. Uncle Ixon will be right back.

(Ixon gets up and heads to the ring. The four kids lead the way as the whole arena dims. The crowd grows deathly silent, waiting in an ill fated anticipation for what is inevitably to come. The lights then slowly come on and then dim down again. Smoke begins to billow out from behind the curtains as well as out from underneath the ring. It creates an oppressive haze through out the whole arena. Four kids start dashing out of the curtains and wait for their teacher, Ixon del Lobo. The methodical guitars of "Second Death" by Living Sacrifice then chime in. The song goes through the chorus as the smoke continues to billow and lights continue to dim and then reanimate. As the lights come on and eyes begin to come back into focus there is a man crouched in the ring cloaked all in grey. The smoke flees from him as he stands and removes his hood to reveal the man known only as Ixon. He marches to the ring with a loud pop from the crowd. The kids wait at the entranceway and Ixon gives the big thumbs up to all four of them. They walk back to the locker room.)

[What’s on the outdated titantron: The camera at a snail's pace swoops around “The Icon” who looks happy | cutshot to JT signs a few autographs for the fans | JT giving a suicide dive to a figure laying on the ground | cutshot to JT crushing a figure with the Cash Flow | cutshot to JT with the CWF championship around the waist walking to the ring]

Rudolph: Ixon has been quiet as of late.
Jimmy: At least he’s made it to Indiana

(He rolls into the ring and stares at the titantron video of Cliff Knight.)

[What’s on the titantron: A camera slowly swoops around the figure of Cliff Knight one time, as at the end of the final rotation Cliff Knight bashes the camera out of order | cutshot to Cliff Knight winning the 56-man Cross federation tournament | cutshot to Cliff Knight signing autographs for the fans in his futuristic costume | cutshot to Cliff setting up an opponent for a pedigree and then lifting him up and planting his face into the ground with a fameasser.]

(Knight puts a thumbs up towards the ring and just like Julius Caesar would, he turns it down in favour of decapitation. He marches to the ring while the fans go bananas. Knight rolls into the ring in his futuristic clothing and points at Ixon Del Lobo. Ixon and Knight wait awhile for Mortician’s Grande entrance but cannot wait to fight nail to nail with each other. Their incredible urge to fight kicks in as Knight darts into Ixon with a running flying forearm.)

Ring Judge: Mortician has ten seconds to make it to the ring.

1.

2.

3.

4.

(Without hesitation, Cliff Knight is laying repeated rights and lefts in the turnbuckle.)

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

(Knight holds Ixon up in the position of the Knights End. Suddenly, “Pondababa’s Groove” begins to play and Pondababa walks out and stops down the aisle way.)

Pondababa: ALL THESE EXCUSES!!!! I received a call from Mortician early this morning claiming that he’s stuck in bed taking 6 to 7 Tylenol Extra Strength per day… Mortician has made it here, but is not able to compete for health reasons. Mortician is automatically placed in the immunity main event because of his fragile and delicate body. Mortician’s brain is…. not ready. His body is… soft. His mind is… dull. His excuses…. Poor. His wrestling skills are… inexperienced. Knight, you are the exact opposite of this fragile ness and mediocre ness of others. Let the match continue! Knight, you show the fans what they want to see! Kill Ixon!

(Knight turns his head around in blazing heat and fury! With stunning power, he drops Ixon with the most powerful standing side chokehold DDT ever seen in the Ultimate Survivor)

(Knight stands up in fuming exhilaration as he shakes and bakes by placing Ixon’s skull in between his thighs. He hoists the big man high up in the air and runs lengthwise with running Premier Powerbomb. It sounds like a crack of thunder as Ixon’s backbone jams into the canvas. The relentless Cliff Knight picks Ixon up by his stringy body and raises the behemoth up in the air in the position of a Razor’s Edge. Ixon kicks his heels a bit but the over-powering Cliff Knight mustards his strength to drop Ixon with authority. Ixon doesn’t even see it coming as Ixon legs are tangled up with a sharpshooter. Ixon starts tapping out from the pain but Cliff Knight releases the submission hold in time. Knight, engulfed in rage climbs the top rope as Ixon struggles up to his feet. Ixon has his back turned away from Cliff Knight as Knight soars in the air like an eagle. Knight swats his arms together like a bear and with the momentum of his jump; Ixon falls flat on his face with a blatant sleeper hold. Ixon again taps out from the pain and the ref signals the match for Cliff Knight.)

The Scene cut shots to the four little students of Ixon Del Lobo… They are screaming for mercy as their mentor suffers in the ring. Coming from a foster home was one thing, but seeing a respected parental-figure destroyed was turning them into instant car thieves. With no guidance from Ixon… Who would light the way? Cameraman: Look away kids! Don’t look!
Kid: Please mister Knight he’s already dead!

(Hank McCoy, beloved cameraman of the UWA put down his camera and rested it against a cute apple with a worm coming out of it. [One of the teacher-ish things Ixon had in the room.] Hank came into view of the still running camera and hugged the crying child. [Please let the madness end] Hank McCoy thought to himself. [Please.])

“The Premier Athlete” Cliff Knight is victorious

Rudolph: 1nce again, Knight is victorious.
Jimmy: 1 minute and 43 seconds. Ixon was defeated in one minute and forty-three seconds! Must’ve been an off night.
Rudolph: Or hell yea, it must’ve been Cliff Knight! Cliff Knight is questioning Ixon wrestling skills and credibility!
Jimmy: Face it! He’s questioning the entire roster’s credibility! Knight hasn’t missed a single move this match!
Rudolph: Ixon hasn’t even hit a single move!
Jimmy: Cliff Knight undresses Ixon with an undefeated 6-0 record!

(Cliff Knight is definitely on his angry side tonight. His eyes are wide open and blood-shot as Knight continues his onslaught of wrath on Ixon. Knight tangles up the arms of Ixon in the position of a pedigree… He lifts Del Lobo up and puts the icing on the cake with a Famasser. Knight jumps on top of Del Lobo and swings quick lefts and rights. Ixon has his blocker up but many of the shots collide into his cheeks and teeth. Many referees storm the ring like a hurricane in aid of the helpless Ixon. All of a sudden, a familiar voice erupts from the speakers)

Pondababa: Hey referees! Hey black and white striped shirt guys! Yeah all you.

(They all turn their heads almost in unison halting before reaching the ring. Cliff Knight is still on top of Ixon, delivering shot after shot onto the poor and defenceless Ixon)

Pondababa: Refs, you all are FIRED! I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile because of your incompetence as of late.

(Many of the refs drop their heads in shame and walk by the robotic man back to the locker room.)

Jimmy: These refs all have families they must provide to.
Rudolph: What has he done?
Jimmy: I guess he’s going to bring in an entire new group of referees… I guess…

Pondababa: I like to see this side of you Cliff Knight.

(Cliff Knight is still bashing Ixon left and right with jabs as he turns his head in the direction of Pondababa)

Pondababa: Continue your madness.

(Pondababa walks back to the locker room. Cliff Knight puts his hands on top of his temples and shakes a few of the voices out of his head. He ponders his actions for a few seconds and gets off the helpless and destroyed Ixon. Knight no longer attacks Ixon as he rests on the mat. “Seasons” by Crossbreed erupts as Knight angrily walks backstage.)

Rudolph: Pondababa has fired every single referee in the Ultimate Survivor. Who is going to regulate this match?
Jimmy: I hope Ponda has something up his sleeve for this one.

(Suddenly, the long lost beat of Tennant Enemy One begins to play and the Ultimate Survivor legend known as Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley walks to the ring wearing a black and white stripped t-shirt)

Jimmy: OH MY! It’s been awhile. An old friend of the Ultimate Wrestling Alliance has returned for a special appearance as a guest referee!

(The fans detonate as the master of the “South Troy Stomp”, Tommy Bradley marches down old memory lane. Bradley claps his hands once and chalk slowly tumbles on the mat.)

Rudolph: This is Bradley’s old stomping grounds!

(The instrumental of “It Began in Africa” by the Chemical Brothers roars as the African Import, Uluz hops on one foot to the ring. He flicks his Afro puffs a couple of times and pulls out the Afro pick. He combs it back a few times before rolling in the ring with our special guest referee.)

[What’s on the titantron: A camera swoops around Uluz | footage of Uluz back on the savannah of Africa | cutshot to Uluz hopping on his right foot | cutshot to Uluz slowly raises his head as his eyes pierce into the camera]

Jimmy: Uluz seems to have quite a large rivalry with “Hardcore Hooligan” Johnny Damage.

(A remixed version of “Break Your Neck” by Busta Rhymes blares in the Conseco Fieldhouse. The old man emerges from the curtains with his legs stretched out and his arms in the air. 362 pounds of Zang appears and they both march to the ring in determination to “break a few necks”. He rolls into the ring with the African import and tensions are high.)

(The two men hold their inner rage until “Hardcore Hooligan” by Business takes control of the speakers. Hardcore Hooligan is pushing a shopping cart filled of miscellaneous hardcore tools. Hooligan happily pushes the cart to the ring with Alexis rubbing his bony shoulders)

[What’s on the titantron: A camera swoops around the Hardcore Hooligan as he looks extremely angry. He swats the camera like a fly | cutshot to Hardcore Hooligan is on the top rope with a barbed wire wrapped around his body as a figure is laying upon a table. Hooligan jumps 15 meters out of the air and annihilates the figure by causing extreme pain from the barbed wire | cutshot to Hardcore Hooligan with his WCHW Hardcore belt around his waist | cutshot to Hardcore Hooligan angrily looking at the camera guzzling on a beer | Hardcore Hooligan getting rocked through a table | cutshot to Hardcore Hooligan kicking a barbed wire soccer ball]

(The three wrestler’s eye the special guest referee and then the bell rings. Uluz immediately goes for Hooligan, who in turn goes for Uluz. Zang just watches the two men begin to brawl. Uluz gets the upper hand with a hammer-lock. Hooligan seems suspended in a painful position and Zang uses this moment to come crashing down on Hooligan’s back with an axe kick.)

(Uluz winces as he feels the shoulder socket stretch a little further than it should and he releases the hold. Hooligan rolls to the outside and grabs a chair. He leaves his cart of goodies for later. The Hardcore Icon rolls in and Zang goes to attack. Using quick wits, Hooligan swings it sideways and nails Zang in the knee. Zang takes a step back, but Hooligan bounces off the ropes and delivers a flying chair shot to Zang. Zang shakes the cobwebs, then Uluz jumps on his back and applies a sleeper. Zang shakes back and forth but Uluz refuses to let go. Hardcore nails Zang again, but the giant won’t fall. Zang reaches over his back and pulls Uluz over his shoulder. Zang grabs Uluz by the feet and spins in a circle, nailing Hooligan out of the ring. Uluz falls to the outside like the victim of a hit and run.)

(Zang is running in circles in the ring and the crowd is in a frenzy! Hooligan grabs a table and Uluz grabs the other end. The two charge at Zang, trying to crash the table through Zang’s standing body. Zang just delivers a big boot and splinters the table in half. Outside, the Old Man shakes his groove thing and walks over to Alexis.)

Jimmy: That table was the irresistible force, and Zang was the immovable object!

(Old Man grabs Alexis’ hiney and she turns to him and smiles. The Old Man, feeling as though he got a green light, begins to woo the beautiful woman. When his guard is down, Alexis lifts her foot and connects it to his Old Man balls. Hooligan throws himself over the top rope and crashes into the Old Man, knocking him out.)

(Uluz performs the African Swallow Dive, a spinning missile dropkick to the back of Zang as his attention is diverted to the Old Man getting attacked. Zang tumbles over the top rope, but he lands on his feet. Zang checks on the Old Man and Uluz and Hooligan prepare to battle.)

(Outside, Zang has let his rage take over. He sets up a table and then sneaks up behind Alexis. He grabs her by the back of the neck and drags her to the table he set up. Without another second’s hesitation, he delivers a reverse chokeslam through the table. This action catches Hooligan’s attention and he gets the patented brass knuckles from Uluz’ afro. Hooligan tumbles to the outside, dazed. Uluz presses the assault, he grabs a chair and so does Zang as he approaches Johnny Damage from the other side. Uluz and Zang each swing and catch Hooligan in a two-chair conchairto! Hooligan drops to the ground holding his ears. Zang grabs Uluz by the throat and picks him up over his head.)

Jimmy: Men have lost their hearing from conchairtos!

(Inside the ring, Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley just laughs and watches.)

(Zang throws Uluz in the ring and executes yet another reverse chokeslam. Uluz looks deep-fried and Zang mounts the top rope. Showing great agility, Zang performs a beautiful moonsault and 368 pounds crash on the skinny frame of the African Import!)

1…2…3! Zang pins Uluz!

Jimmy: Call me a slut, but I never thought Zang would be able to pull off that high flying move!
Rudolph: How about I call you a monkey’s uncle?
Jimmy: No… Call me a slut.
Rudolph: Well it seemed Zang was the odd man out. Uluz and Hooligan were too focused on each other than to worry about Zang.
Jimmy: I’m a slut damn you!

(Uluz and Johnny Damage are the only wrestler’s left in the three way elimination match. Damage nudges Alexis with his foot, but she is out cold. He shrugs and figures that he has to destroy Uluz. He goes to his cart and pulls out a florescent light bulb. He grabs a few and lies them on the ground. He takes one of them and shatters it over Uluz’ head. Uluz tumbles back and swipes at the tiny shards of glass embedded in his scalp and afro. Hooligan grabs him and quickly applies a Russian leg sweep as the two crash onto the other tubes of halogen pain. Hooligan stands up first and has glass stuck in his back. Uluz rolls outside and rubs the shards deeper into his back against the apron to “get his head in the game”)

(Hardcore grabs his Singapore cane and whacks Uluz with it as the import stumbles like a drunk back in the ring. Hooligan puts Uluz in the tree of woe and uses the cane like a baseball bat as he hits the barbed wire ball into his face. Uluz groans and flops onto his ribby chest.

1…2…Uluz channels the power of his souls and lifts his bleeding shoulder from the ground. Hooligan

(Hooligan diverts his attention to Alexis who is getting up. Alexis sees Uluz charging in to gore Hooligan! Thinking quicky, she tosses him a chair and Hooligan spins around and smashes Uluz to the ground with the chair! Uluz is rolling around like he has rabies!)

(Alexis gets into the ring and holds a chair in front of Uluz’ face. Hooligan runs and dropkicks the chair, but as fast as a rabbit being hunted by a wolf, Uluz ducks out and the chair careens into Alexis as she falls to the outside, once again sleeping.)

(Hooligan doesn’t seem to care too much. He’s more focused on putting Uluz to sleep. Uluz’ new skin colour is red- the colour of blood. Hooligan grabs a chainsaw from his cart and starts it up. He gets in the ring, and at the sight of this, Uluz limps away. Hooligan is freaking out and swinging it around. Hooligan cuts through the top rope and then throws the chainsaw away. He swings off the cut top rope like tarzan and wraps his legs around Uluz and delivers a hurricaranna!)

(Hooligan rolls the corpse into the ring and goes for a cover!)

1…2…3/4! Uluz is running on empty as he avoids the IME one more time!

(Uluz doesn’t seem to know where he is and he instinctively goes to the top rope. Hooligan creeps like a creep underneath him and powerbombs him onto the broken shards of glass. Hooligan signals for a big finish and mounts the top rope. He pulls Uluz up there and delivers the Genocide Driver, a one arm underhook piledriver! The two fly off the top turnbuckle to the outside towards the announcer’s table! Uluz rotates sideways and crashes with his neck and shoulders onto a monitor as the table collapses!) (Hooligan rolls the sucker back into the ring and goes for a cover!)

1…2…3/4! Uluz kicks out! Hooligan: FUCK!

(Hooligan heads back to his cart and grabs the last item. A string of M-80's! Hooligan lies them on the semi-conscious wrestler and lights the fuse! Uluz throws them at Hooligan in the last second and they explode in mid-air! Some fragments hit Uluz, some hit Johnny Damage! Damage sees that Uluz is near the breaking point and mounts the top rope! Flying through the air, delivering a 180 degree frog splash, Hooligan lands on Uluz’ carcass!)

1…2…3! Hardcore Hooligan defeats Uluz.

(Tommy Bradley raises Hooligan’s hand in victory as the human scab known as Uluz rolls in his own life-blood.) Jimmy: Well, they’re gonna have to fix that top rope and clean all of that HIV out of the ring.
Rudolph: So there we have it, the feverish Mortician taking on the bloodied African in the IME for the next card! Both of these men have had there backs to the wall before and now one of them will be leaving.
Jimmy: Hey! Here comes Chris Copeland!

(Chris Copeland passes Hooligan as he is carrying Alexis back to Party Central for more drinking. Always drinking.)

(Copeland stands over the fallen zulu warrior. Bradley leaves the ring.)

Copeland: Wake up Uluz. Are you gonna stand for that?
Uluz:(Sitting up)huh?
Copeland: Well, I made an offer. My soul. I am empty with it anyway. It is like a cave with mold in it!
Uluz: Chris Copeland (blood oozes from his mouth) I respect you. I wan’t your soul, but not like this! I must earn it. Just like Hooligan earned his victory tonight.
Copeland: Well, I guess nothing’s for free.
Uluz: Please Copey, you must focus on your match tonight so I can take your soul later now get ready for your fight!
Copeland: That’s decent, I can respect that.

(The two head backstage and Copeland helps the wounded Uluz backstage.)

IMMUNITY MAIN EVENT
4-Way Ladder Match
Chris Copeland VS Chris Reynolds VS Chris Rage VS Rex Butler/Pain Express (as Siamese Twins)

(Creighton Duke shimmies his way towards an enraged Chris Rage. Rage is dripping blood from his forehead as Duke starts the interview)

Creighton Duke: Well, Chris Rage you’ve gotten your wish. Why do you intend on eliminating both of the Chris’?
Chris Rage: I am ruthless, ferocious, an unstoppable killing machine. Reynolds and Copeland, I will destroy you tonight.
Creighton Duke: Yes, but why do you want to destroy them?
Chris Rage: I am unforgiving. My body is filled with hatred. I am all knowing and all seeing.
Creighton Duke: Yes, but WHY? Why do you want to eliminate them?!?
Chris Rage: (grabs a sweating Creighton Duke by his collar) THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!

(Chris Rage shoves Duke into the wall and he bumps his head causing a loud thud) Creighton Duke: (grabs his skull) Ouch.

---

(Rex Butler is sitting in his locker room when suddenly an angry Indiana Terminator enters loudly into the room. The two sit side by side grimacing. President Kingsly walks in after the Indiana Terminator and pulls out the duct tape. The two are being meshed to one and other when President Pondababa strolls into the room and laughs as only a robot can laugh.)

(When the two scrappers are securely taped to each other, Kingsly smiles and bids them good luck. Pondababa wheels around mechanically and the two owner/operators of the UWA head back to the office.)

Rudolph: One of these men will gone home with six thousand dollars in his sweaty pocket.
Jimmy: Sweaty bills.
Rudolph: Well, the odds would definitely state that a CHRIS will be leaving tonight. In fact Simmy says bet the bank on it.
Jimmy: Umm, Simmy’s track record ain’t so good Rudy.
Rudolph: Yeah, well, shut up.

[What’s on the titantron: (Gone Away playing in the background) a camera swoops around Chris Reynolds three-hundred and sixty degrees | cutshot to Reynolds landing a top rope elbow onto the chest of an unknown figure | cutshot showing a figure tapping out from his modified sharpshooter – the Endless Abandonment | cutshot to Chris Reynolds with EWWF title on his shoulder as he taps it twice]

(Chris Reynolds marches to the ring and open his throat pipe. He pours water into his mouth and spits it up into a fine mist. He inspects the ladders for safety then awaits the other wrestlers.)

[What’s on the titantron: (while Tool is playing) a camera angle swooping one time around the figure of Chris | cutshot to Copeland exploding on his opponent with a series of punches | cutshot to Chris talking trash on the microphone | cutshot to Chris piercing a figure with his finishing move - the super-kick]

(Chris Copeland looks as if he has taken Uluz’ advice and he looks ready to battle it out.)

[What’s on the titantron: Different shots of different Siamese twins. Rather disturbing in fact.]

(The fans explode! Still the two haven’t come through the curtains. Finally the two emerge and some fans cheer, while others laugh. They seem to have trouble finding a rhythm in walking and they seem all off balance. Finally, they work together and make it to ringside.)

[What’s on the titantron: A camera swoops around showing the figure of Chris Rage from all angles | cutshot to Chris Rage walking down the aisle to his theme music | cutshot to Chris Rage performing a neckbreaker from the top rope | cutshot to Chris slapping on the Cobra Clutch | cutshot to Chris Rage on the turnbuckle with the UCW Tag-Team Championship as the scene fades away]

(Chris Rage walks out, dripping blood. He seems ready to make jam and he runs to the the ring!)

(Madness erupts as the four begin survival warfare! Each wrestler takes a turnbuckle. Chris Rage charges in a fury of rage into the submission specialist, Chris Reynolds. But Reynolds, cunningly, flips Rage into an arm bar. Copeland smiles at the Siamese twins and he dashes in with a running dropkick. It has no effect, as Pain Express just swats away Copeland with a grin on his face.)

Jimmy: It would be very tough to fight two men together.
Rudolph: This is one hulk of a man, their combined weight is over five hundred pounds!

(Reynolds is making Chris Rage squeal like a pig as he releases the arm bar. Copeland is pondering what his next move should be. Copeland hops in between the two Siamese twins and hops up onto the middle turnbuckle. The Siamese Twins have a bit of miscommunication as Copeland flies in the air, dropping both their faces into the mat with a DDT. The Twins have difficulty getting to a standing position as Copeland backstabs Reynolds with a clothesline. Copeland snarls at a struggling Reynolds, Chris Rage and Pain Express/Rex Butler all lying on the ground.)

(Copeland makes haste and grabs a chair. He sizes up Pain Express and nails the hardcore legend from behind. Pain goes limp and Rex Butler is holding up 275 pounds of dead weight. Copeland stomps Rage while he’s down. Reynolds gets up behind him and reaches between his leg and trips him up. Copeland falls and rolls onto his back! Reynolds begins to apply the Endless Abandonment when the 500-plus pound Pain Express/Rex Butler combination engulfs him in a two man bearhug! Reynolds is overwhelmed by the power of the two and his breath is being squeezed from his very gut-pipe.)

(Copeland goes outside the ring where the ladder is stationed. He begins to climb and goes for the first of three briefcases suspended in the air! Out of nowhere Chris Rage runs up the turnbuckle and performs a flying somersault and crashes into the ladder from 15 feet in the air! Copeland bails off the ladder, but Rage is less fortunate, he crashes into the steel ladder and his arm is caught between the steps as the ladder pinches shut! Rage shrieks looking at his broken arm. It hangs forlornly at his side, but the madness has all but consumed his soul. He continues to fight.

Rudolph: Screw me silly! Rage has broken his own arm!
Jimmy: (Vomiting)RECHHHH good…. God…

(Copeland looks ill at ease staring at Rage as the “Anti-hero” charges in to sock him in the mouth with his good arm.)

(In the ring, Reynolds looks woozy from the bearhug, but he whacks Pain Expresses head against Rex Butler’s head. The two drop him and Reynolds dropkicks PE’s leg out from under him. Rex, in turn falls beside his partner.)

(Copeland is slugging it out by giving repeated lefts into the slashed up face of Chris Rage. Chris Copeland grabs Rage and Irish Whips him into the railings. The fans go wild getting up close and personal to the excitement. Chris Rage leans back upon the railings as Chris Copeland winds up a super-kick. Copeland charges up the lethal kick as Chris Rage ducks in the nick of time. A father of five takes a wrestling boot to the chin from Copeland’s superkick. Rage stands back up and Copeland takes another stab at it. This time he connects and “The Anti Hero” drops like a sac of hammers over the guardrail. Chris Copeland finds his opportunity and sets up the ladder. Copeland takes six steps up the ladder and reaches for the briefcase. Out of nowhere, Chris Rage performs a flying drop kick to the ladder and sends Copeland flying ribs-first with the briefcase in his hand.)

[Chris Copeland escapes the madness!]

(Copeland holds his ribs and makes it backstage with the briefcase)

(Meanwhile, inside the ring, Rex Butler and Pain Express seem to be having difficulty functioning as a unit. Pain Express takes swing at Butler and Butler gets clocked. Butler returns the fire, and Reynolds slinks his way over to the handicapped Chris Rage. Reynolds delivers a swift kick to the swollen, broken arm. Rage bleats like a goat and tumbles backwards. Reynolds, seizing the moment puts Rage in the Endless Abandonment and the sound of Velcro tearing away can be heard as Rage’s quad muscle tears away from the bone! Reynolds refuses to tap as the pain floods his mind. Lying in his own blood, Chris Rage eventually passes out, but still Reynolds keeps the hold locked.)

(Pain Express and Rex Butler tumble to the outside and continue brawling. Reynolds has finally released and he easily makes his way up to the top of the ladder. Reynolds pulls the briefcase down and heads backstage.)

[Chris Reynolds manages to escape the ladder match.]

(The last competitors are left and the Siamese twins attempt to climb the ladder, but they just can seem to get the timing down. With his last ounce of strength, Chris Rage grabs a chair and nails PE over the head! Once again it seems Rex is trying to support the huge bulk of PE. Rex watches Rage collapse at the base of the ladder and begin to paw his way up. Butler goes to the other side and tries to climb despite the huge weight on his left side. Rex seems stuck on the bottom rung.)

(President Pondababa makes his way to ringside. He looks at Pain Express who seems to have lost his will to fight in his HOME state. Rage makes it to the second rung. Pondababa holds out a hacksaw to Rex Butler. Butler takes it, confused. Rage gimps his way to the third rung and takes a break. Pondababa begins to speak.)

Pondababa: DO IT! Cut Pain Express away, if you do, his career ends tonight.
Butler: (Butler seems torn at ending the career of Pain Express) uhh.
Pondababa: DO IT NOW! HAVE NO REMORSE!
Butler: Alright!

(Butler begins to saw away at the duct tape attaching their arms. Rage makes it to the fourth rung. Butler hacks furiously at the tape and it comes undone, now for the legs. Rage slimes his way to the fifth rung. One more! Butler manages to cut it all away and Pain Express falls to the ground, broken like a cheap action figure. Butler quickly makes his way to the top where he sees Rage’s head at the top of the ladder, swinging the hacksaw with all his might, he digs it into Rage’s skull and the “anti-hero” falls to the unforgiving concrete!)

(Butler reaches up and grabs the sweet golden immunity!)

[Rex Butler survives the IME!]

(Robotic laughter is heard and Pondababa heads backstage with Butler, the lone warrior covered in blood standing victorious at the top of the ladder!)

(Backstage: Copeland sees Reynolds and approaches him.)

Copeland: Hey you punk, you think you’re the best at submissions because you can tear muscles like paper?
Reynolds: As a matter of fact I do.
Copeland: Put your money where your mouth is. I challenge you to a submission match for the next card.
Reynolds: (Smiling)Fine, but realize that if you lose it will be your last match here in the UWA on account that your quad muscle will be ripped off.
Copeland: Whatever…

Jimmy: Well, I guess this means new life for Rex Butler as he strikes out on his own from now on!
Rudolph: What a treat, Chris Rage and Pain Express leave tonight! Unfortunately Pain Express gets no money, and Rage can pay for his medical bills.
Jimmy: The next card gets hairy. We’re down to the final ten wrestlers and we head to beautiful Hawaii!
Rudolph: And the UWA says goodbye to Pain Express and Chris Rage, goodnight everybody!

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The UWA says goodbye to a legend and a resident maniac