(The screen cut shots to Andre walking down a large dark aisle. He flies past a room with smoke exhaling from the slit of the door. Andre decides to look further into the abyss. He calmly opens the door and sees Johnny Damage with his blue electric hair wildly spiked up sitting on a bar stool with Alexis hugging him from behind.)

Andre: Hey, I remember you. Hardcore Hooligan, right?
Johnny Damage: The one and only.

(Andre playfully sends a message on his three-way radio)

Andre: I found him.

(Andre gives a short, brief description of the location and he good-naturedly swings Johnny Damage into a headlock. Andre starts rubbing the top of Damage’s head with his fist until a knock at the door is heard.)

Johnny Damage: Come on in!

(Paolo enters the room and is greeted by the beautiful Alexis. He lodges in Hardcore Hooligan’s Party Place in aspiration of getting Alexis’ phone number. Another knock is heard at the door)

Johnny Damage: Come in!

(Lou drops the bat from his right hand and enters the room.)

Lou: This is a search party, boys. We are searching for Uluz, not Hardcore Hooligan.
Johnny Damage: Hey. It’s okay. I’ll take care of Uluz for that unlimited supply of alcohol you promised me. You stay here and help yourself to some of my reserve.
Lou: You don’t have to tell me twice.

(Without question the raging alcoholic bartender pours a glass of tequila and already commences with the shots)

Johnny Damage: Ah, that’s betta!

(Two big cops appear at the door way with a specialized dog unit to search for drugs. The dog starts to snoop around in the room and points his nose into a locker compartment. The police officer opens the compartment and finds a plastic bag with something similar to flour)

Police Officer: What’s this?
Johnny Damage: You planted that! That’s not mine!!! I’ve never used that compartment before!!!
Police Officer: Uh huh. I smell alcohol on your breath right now.
Johnny Damage: So what? It’s not a crime!

(President Pondababa and Kingsly lurk from the shadows. Kingsly pats the police officer on his back.)

President Kingsly: There is nothing more that we at the Ultimate Survivor take more pride in then a healthy roster without the use of heroin.
President Pondababa: Officer, Damage has a contract signed… a legal one… that is… to fight against Uluz… tonight… If you were to arrest him… that would be… a breach of contract… which is illegal… So you see… taking him away… would only result in more illegal activity…
President Kingsly: Afterwards, Ponda, you officers and myself will settle this. We’ll truly find if it’s real or just a fairy tale.
Officer: We’ll have to handcuff him for the moment.
(The officer slaps a handcuff to Damage and one on his hand. Damage smirks and is enraged with furious anger. Lou in the back is a bit woozy from the alcohol as he rests on a couch at Party Central)

[An interview with Uluz]

(The screen cut shots to Uluz who is having a few words with Creighton Duke)

Creighton Duke: Uluz, you have been trying so hard to get up to the hardcore standards of Johnny Damage. What’s your main goal in this match?
Uluz: Search, seek and destroy. I have Damage in my crosshairs and will destroy him with even more hardcore moves than Johnny Damage, himself.

(Uluz touches his afro and rearranges the Afro pick)

Creighton Duke: Uluz, you do realize this isn’t a hardcore match?
Uluz: Damage gets away with murder in the Ultimate Survivor. Every match he should’ve been disqualified at THE VERY LEAST six times… each match… I counted… We live a lie here in the Ultimate Survivor.
Creighton Duke: So you are expecting a hardcore match?
Uluz: Damn right I am. Expect the worst… Expect the unexpected… These new referees should be a big help, as well. I experienced them first hand in my match. These are top notch referees I tell ya.
Creighton Duke: Good luck in your match.

(“It Began in Africa” blares in the Cow Palace as Uluz appears from the curtains. He’s excited as he is doing weird African tribal dances such as the backwards windmill with both of his arms.)

Jimmy: Well, party central has been officially crashed!
Rudolph: Do you believe this? Damage is caught using drugs.
Jimmy: Don’t get ahead of yourself. The investigation will tell us if he’s under the influence of narcotics. Those drugs could have been planted or who knows.
Rudolph: He’s coming into this match with one of the worst mind frames possible.
Jimmy: Uluz is hyped as you can see.

(Uluz is crazily dancing and hopping on one foot as “Business” blasts out loud)

Rudolph: Isn’t this ironic. Last week we saw Hardcore Hooligan handcuff Cliff Knight to the steel cage so he couldn’t escape. Now we have two police officers doing the same to Johnny Damage so he can’t escape.
Jimmy: The World works in mysterious ways.

(Hardcore Hooligan is smaller of the two cops as they escort the Hardcore Juggernaut to the ring. Damage is in the middle of the three staring at the ground like a convict. He makes it to the ring and the police officer uncuffs Johnny Damage)

(Ding. Ding. Ding. The bell sounds as Uluz is in a positive state of mind; Hardcore Hooligan-the exact opposite. Uluz crawls on the ground like a snake.)

Jimmy: SNAKE!

(Johnny Damage is already feeling a bit light-headed already from all the night’s occurrences as Uluz crawls underneath the legs of Damage. Uluz lifts his body up and Damage is on top of his shoulders. Uluz charges like a wild boar into the turnbuckles and Damage flies face first into the steel ring post. Uluz performs a backwards somersault as Damage nurses his face in pain. With no seconds to spare, Uluz executes a failed-monkey flip from the top rope landing flat on his back. Hardcore Hooligan, already on the top turnbuckle, flies through the air like a blue-haired eagle and completes a textbook-jumping dropkick)

(Damage runs into the corner and grabs his Singapore Cane. The cops are looking a bit scared out there as he swings a baseball swing into the abdomen of Uluz. Uluz squeezes those abs and the swings has no effect! Uluz screams and likes the hardcore! This time Johnny Damage winds up again and Uluz is basically saying, “bring it”. Damage does a Happy Gilmore golf swing right into the groin of Uluz! Uluz’s knees buckle and he cradles like a newborn baby. Damage pins Uluz.)

1… (Uluz kicks out!)

(Uluz kicks out from the extreme pain but holds himself together. With sheer force, Damage launches Uluz into the ropes and prepares his hellish clothesline. Uluz threads the needle and bounces off the other ropes. Damage unknowingly shifts his body and receives the corporal punishment of a Tito Santana jumping cross body into a pin.)

½… (Damage kicks out)

(The ref doesn’t see a thing as Uluz reaches into his afro and pulls out a pair of brass knucks! Uluz does the classis 360-degree spin and nails Johnny Damage on the cheekbone! This really pumps Uluz up! Uluz tries to get the crowd involved by stomping his long black leg into the mat several times. The fans begin to cheer as Uluz receives a low blow from Johnny Damage! The crowd stop ranting and raving as Damage hurries for a chair. Uluz holds his jewels and Damage unfolds the chair placing it in the center of the ring. Damage grabs his Singapore Cane and pistol-whips Uluz a few times in his ribletinos. With no remorse, he hoists Uluz on the top turnbuckle and he follows on the second rope. With his trusty Singapore Cane in hand, he strikes Uluz’s headbanded forehead with the Cane! The fans explode singing the numbers of each wallop. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10… Damage does a shot put sort of motion in glory and accidentally releases the Singapore Cane! The Cane goes flying into the audience and nails an old man!)

(The police officer thinks twice about going into the ring to arrest Johnny Damage. But, Damage points at the police officer as he elevates the African import in the air dropping him on the folded chair with a top rope fisherman’s DDT.)

Jimmy: Wow! The creativity on that one!

(The police officer whispers something into the other police officer’s ear as Johnny Damage hooks the leg.)

1…2. (Uluz kicks out)

Jimmy: He must’ve leached into the soul of Mortician for that kick out!

(Slowly, walking to the ring is a drunken Lou. He staggers to the ring with a bat in hand.)

(Meanwhile in the ring, Damage has Irish whipped Uluz into the turnbuckle. The ref, inadvertently is hit by Uluz’s bag of bones body and falls on the ground holding his head!)

Jimmy: There goes our ref.

(Damage rolls out of the ring and grabs a staple gun. The police officer is getting agitated on the outside and is hesitating to get into the ring. Damage starts stapling Uluz and red blood slowly oozes from the head of the African man. Damage snarls and shakes his head up and down. Uluz reaches into his pocket of souls and turns into the man who is shooting at new highs in the wrestling business- Shepard Williams. Uluz grabs Damage with both arms and swings him into the turnbuckle. He unleashes six pinpoint jabs in the face of Damage. Uluz grabs the staple gun and uses it against Johnny Damage! A millilitre of blood slowly drips from the brow of Damage.)

(Damage is resting in the turnbuckle. Uluz is just in front of him. Suddenly, Lou enters the ring with cruel intentions. Uluz turns around and ducks a blatant swing by the bartender! The bat crushes the head of Johnny Damage! Uluz quickly hooks the leg as a Ref storms to the ring.)

1… (Johnny Damage kicks out!)

(Frustrated, Uluz reaches into his repertoire and charges at Johnny Damage like it was his last day to live. The African import attempts a spear but Damage moves out of the way in the nick of time. Uluz hits headfirst into the middle turnbuckle and Damage schoolboy rolls up Uluz.)

1…2.. (Uluz kicks out!)

(Damage thinks and a light bulb appears above his blue electric spiked hair. Running like the dickens, Damage swerves a ladder into the ring. Uluz is slowly reviving. Damage has a 20-foot ladder and is carrying it at about the 10-foot point. He swings it in the direction of Uluz! It hits Uluz but also hits the Referee because of the ladders tremendous length. Damage snarls at the second referee of the match that got knocked out as he sets up the ladder.)

(Damage, now throws in a table. He stands the table up and picks up Uluz by his long strands of Afro puffs.)

(All of a sudden, CRACK! Damage didn’t know what hit him! The police officer stands up with his billy club in his right hand. He smiles over the battered and bruised Johnny Damage and gets out the handcuffs. The same referee on the sea-doo in the immunity main event last week, Drake Peebles, charges to the ring for the safety of the match.)

Jimmy: Finally, a real referee. The only good one we got!

(Peebles yells at the police officer about “contracts” and such and the officer slowly cowers away. Both men lie on the ground for a standing ten count.)

1…2….3…4…5…6…7…8…9.. (Uluz places his hand on the chest of Johnny Damage!)

1…2... (Johnny Damage kicks out!)

(Funnily, Damage is the first to his feet. He lightly bodyslams Uluz on the table and like a monkey climbs the 20-foot ladder. Damage raises his hands in the air at the top of the ladder and horribly misses Uluz with the Hangover!)

Jimmy: Plaaaaaying Possam!

(Damage crashes through the table and twitches. Uluz shakes the cobwebs and then climbs the ladder, himself. The afro is swaying in the air as the fans are loudly roaring watching the African import 20-feet high in the air. The ladder all of a sudden shifts away from Johnny Damage. Then it shifts towards Damage! Uluz rides the ladder from the top step all the way down as it sandwiches Johnny Damage.)

Jimmy: Damage is sandwiched with a table and a ladder! Is this a pin?

(Uluz pins Johnny Damage on top of the ladder)

1…2…3 (Uluz pins Damage and breaks the undefeated streak!)

Jimmy: Oh my! Uluz is the first to shatter the undefeated streak!
Rudolph: And what a way to do it! He sandwiched Damage and made it impossible for him to kick out!

(To add further embarrassment, the police officer enters the ring and handcuffs the battered Johnny Damage. Damage is weak at the moment and is literally being carried with those handcuffs. He escapes the cow palace with two big losses: a drug investigation and a loss on his record)

[Backstage: CJ Scott’s interview]

(Chris Reynolds is desperately trying to carry the eightieth cinderblock solely for the purpose of CJ Scott’s interview)

Creighton Duke: Great job back there Reynolds.

(Reynolds collapses and lands on the cinder block. The cinder block shatters in pieces as an already tired Reynolds lies on the ground from exhaustion)

Creighton Duke: Anyways, CJ Scott… how is your frame of mind coming into this Ladder Match IME?
CJ Scott: They are my forte, so to speak. Nobody can handle a ladder match like I can. In my career I have never lost one. And I do not intend to start now.
Creighton Duke: How about the Mountain Top Match… You fell down the mountain than hiked all the way up… And you stand tall and proud at the top hands out like a bird. Do you think because it was you at the top of the mountain and because the official Survivor logo is that of a man standing at the top of the mountain, this is some sort of symbol that you are THE one?
CJ Scott: I am going to win this thing. That briefcase is as good as mine.

(The camera pans across and shows Cliff Knight giving guidance to his partner Chris Reynolds.)

Cliff Knight: Ok, let’s take it nice and slow. You are hardly able-bodied to fight in this IME… Let me do the fighting.

(Chris Reynolds exerts himself to get on both feet. He struggles as Cliff Knight holds him up like a ventriloquist dummy)

[JT Dolar turning into Ixon]

(JT Dolar puts Petey down after reading him an hour of storybooks and he declares the time to be naptime. Petey gladly takes a nap in the corner of the room and JT Dolar goes into the bathroom. He stares into the mirror with his wolf-like eyes. The hair turns to a grey, the face turns to gold and his clothing has changed into a grey cloak. Ixon powers up! Muscles are bulging as he walks out of the classroom. Petey wakes up and his eyes light up like cigarettes noticing the significant change from JT Dolar to Ixon)

(“Seasons” by Crossbreed blares through the Cow Palace as Knight holds Chris Reynolds up like a mere puppet.)

Jimmy: How is Chris Reynolds going to snap a few bones with his Endless Abandonment like he has done two times in the Ultimate Survivor?
Rudolph: He is going to need much help by Cliff Knight, I tell ya.

(Cliff Knight does the “v” shape as Chris Reynolds drags his corpse to the turnbuckle. Knight looks at the ladder in the ring and looks at the two briefcases in the air.)

Jimmy: This is an odd sort of match. The team that scores the first briefcase gets team immunity. After the team gets immunity they leave the ring. The team that did not attain a briefcase now are each other’s worst enemies. They fight for that final briefcase suspended in the air.

(Nickelback blares and CJ Scott casually walks out to ringside waiting for his partner, Ixon)

(The whole arena dims as the crowd grows deathly silent, waiting in an ill fated anticipation for what is inevitably to come. The lights then slowly come on and then dim down again. Suddenly a wolf's howl echoes through the arena piercing desolation into the hearts of those around. The methodic guitars of "Second Death" by Living Sacrifice then chime in. The voice continues on alone saying "Presently waiting, Second Death." trailing off in an ominous echo. When the echo stops the lights flash on with a bang. As the lights come on and eyes begin to come back into focus there is a man crouched in the ring cloaked all in grey. The smoke flees from him as he stands and removes his hood to reveal the man known only as Ixon. Ixon lumbers forward to the ring and rotates into the ring and goes into the form of a cross with his arms out.)

Jimmy: After tonight we are going to have a roster cut in half from our original.

(Ding. Ding. Ding. The bell sounds and Ixon is already stomping a mudhole into the chest of Cliff Knight. Reynolds acts like a tired baboon in the corner as Cliff Knight turns the tide early by kneeing Ixon into his nose. Ixon’s head pops up; eyes wide open! Knight continues his onslaught on Ixon by a few right-handed jabs. Knight swings Ixon against the ropes with an Irish whip. Ixon runs with his grey cloak and jumps over the back body drop of Cliff Knight. With a hurried momentum, Ixon delivers a flying forearm to the beautiful face of Cliff Knight. The man possessed known as the Ixon pins the obnoxious rich Cliff Knight)

Jimmy: This is a handicap match! It's like Reynolds isn't even fighting. Knight is fighting by himself.

(Ixon mounts the fourth step and attempts a flying elbow. The boot of Cliff Knight collides into the powered up Ixon and Ixon bounces to his partner CJ Scott. Scott tags in.)

(Scott immediately goes for a clothesline and Cliff Knight ducks the attempt. Scott is hoisted in the air and receives a punishing spinning powerslam. Cliff Knight opens his bag of tricks and delivers a devastating Premier Powerbomb to “the best wrestler in the World today”-CJ Scott. Scott’s body goes limp and bounces twice on the canvas as Cliff Knight pushes the trash aside.)

(Ixon tags his partner and rushes in with a double ax handle to the full-figured Cliff Knight. Knight edges into the turnbuckle and receives repeated knife-edge chops by the Spirit Breaker Ixon Del Lobo. Ixon sets up Cliff Knight for a pump-handle slam but Knight stands up and Ixon crashes flat on his back. Knight hurries off the ropes and misses a knee to the sternum of Ixon)

(Ixon starts his onslaught of spirit breaking goodness by changing the game with an arm wringer into a sidekick. Knight holds his face and looks for the tag. Knight doublethinks and does not tag his more exhausted partner- Chris Reynolds. Ixon continues his wrath by performing a ¾ nelson DDT. It’s time for Ixon to go for the briefcase. With an urge to win, Ixon climbs the ladder to the second last step. Knight, cleverly rams the ladder and sends Ixon flying all the way outside the ring!!!)

Jimmy: Oh my! Ixon just fell from the top of the ladder all the way to the concrete floor!

(Ixon shakes the whiplash and sees CJ Scott striking THE Premier Athlete with his fists of fury. Cliff Knight blocks up… blocks down… blocks up… and swoops a roundhouse into the face of CJ Scott. Scott falls to the ground and Ixon enters the ring right beside him. They hold their hands together attempting a double clothesline. Cliff Knight ducks the attack. Scott and Ixon turn around and Cliff Knight performs a standing drop kick connecting his left foot to Scott’s chest and his right foot to Ixon’s bulging chest. Knight cockily gives the thumbs up and then drops the thumb like Julius Caesar. Scott, who is no stranger to ladder matches, doesn’t give up. CJ Scott strikes with a dropkick. Cliff Knight swats the dropkick away and Scott lands chest first to the canvas. Ixon, springboards off the ropes and catches Cliff Knight off guard with a football shoulder smash style collision. Knight rolls forward in front of his partner Chris Reynolds. He hesitates… then he tags Chris Reynolds into the ring)

Rudolph: Reynolds is actually going to wrestle after moving eighty cinderblocks!

(Ixon is the legal man in the ring as Reynolds blindly swings his right arm. Cunningly, Ixon ducks and rings Chris Reynolds out with a pumphandle release German suplex. The fans detonate in cheers as Reynolds body recoils on the mat. CJ Scott runs on the outside of the mats and grabs Cliff Knight. Cliff Knight and CJ Scott start brawling on the outside as Ixon applies the “Second Death”- a DDT where the leg is locked like a Russian leg sweep. The fans roar as Ixon starts to climb the ladder. CJ Scott and Cliff Knight are brawling on the outside as Ixon grasps the briefcase scoring immunity!)

[CJ Scott and Ixon gain immunity]

Jimmy: CJ Scott is still undefeated in ladder matches!

(CJ Scott runs away from an enraged Cliff Knight. CJ Scott and Ixon give each other a pat on the back. The briefcase is in Ixon’s hand. CJ Scott gives a few high fives to the crowd as the beefy Ixon turns around and nails CJ Scott square in the face with the briefcase!!!)

Rudolph: Ixon is one crazy mo-fo!
Jimmy: Look at CJ Scott! He has the seems of the briefcase still implanted in his face!

(Chris Reynolds lies on the ground after the devastating “Second Death” of Ixon. Cliff Knight enters the ring shaking his head. He gives a football kick into the ribs of Chris Reynolds.)

Cliff Knight: (yelling) Submission Specialist?!? YEAH RIGHT!!!

(President Pondababa lurks from the shadows to the ring where Cliff Knight has started his attack on the fatigued Chris Reynolds) Rudolph: What is he doing out here? We’ve seen this before… Ponda gets Cliff Knight on his darkside… and then Cliff Knight really destroys!

Pondababa: Finish him…

(President Pondababa gives Cliff Knight the big thumbs down. Knight stares into the robots “eyes” and gives the thumbs down. Knight sets up the ladder near the ropes. Engulfed in rage, Knight yanks Chris Reynolds by his feet and starts swinging him in a circular fashion. Reynolds is swung 1080 degrees until his head collapses into the leg of the ladder. A dent is made in the ladder as Cliff Knight smiles, liking every moment of it. The ladder rests upon the ropes.

Rudolph: It’s like he’s getting fun out of beating up a dead body!

(Cliff Knight again commences the swinging motion and this time swings 2160 degrees and lets go of the limp body of Chris Reynolds. Reynolds flies like a crash test dummy between the middle and top rope outside the ring receiving concrete burn! Reynolds steamrolls right by a watching President Pondababa. Ponda claps for Knight and exits ringside)

Cliff Knight: Yeah… F—k… Yeah

[Cliff Knight easily grasps the briefcase and is declared the winner!]

Rudolph: What an eerie moment we saw here. Knight was put into a trance and annihilated his partner/opponent!
Jimmy: It’s like Pondababa is brainwashing Cliff Knight to the darkside!
Rudolph: Thanks for tuning in.
Jimmy: Until next time… Dallas, Texas! 8-man unethical tournament all in one night!
Rudolph: Could you ask for any more?
Jimmy: Go Ultimate or Go Home
Rudolph: Goodnight, folks!

The UWA says goodbye to a submission specialist