LOCATION: Dallas, Texas
ARENA: American Airlines Center
DATE: June 3, 2002
REMAINING WRESTLERS: 8
  • IMMUNITY MAIN EVENT:Quick and the Dead Unethical Tournament
  • UNETHICAL="LOSERS ADVANCE"


(Fireworks go and the best technology of pyrotechniques goes off to signify the beginning of the 8-man unethical tournament of the Ultimate Survivor)

Tournament Round 1
”Hardcore Hooligan” Johnny Damage VS Chris Copeland

[A prison bus appears in front of the American Airlines Centre]

(Guards have a mouth guard across the mouth of Johnny Damage so he cannot try anything funny with his teeth)

Guard: Hey, you come here boy.

(Damage gives a demented smile even though the mouth guard is covering his face. The guards carry the Hardcore Hooligan all the way to the entrance way and suddenly the “Hardcore Hooligan” by Business blares in the sold out crowd)

Jimmy: As you can see, Damage has been put in prison for several days due to a heroin contiction.
Rudolph: He has been scratching at the surfaces of the prison and living with fellow convicts! Welcome to hell, Jimmy. Welcome to helllllll!

(The guards rolls out Johnny Damage and have his arms shackled in chains. They wheel him out like a Hannibal Lecter and they unhook the locks. Damage is a temporary free man as he enters the ring with hardly energy at all)

Jimmy: Hardcore Hooligan has been on a diet of bread and water for these past three days!!!
Rudolph: I guess it’s betta than his usual smokes and booze.

(Aenema by Tool begins to play and Chris Copeland emerges from the curtains. The crowd roars for this mind-bending wrestler as he struts down the aisle with a strong look of determination. He rolls into the ring and points at Johnny Damage. He immediately walks up at Chris Copeland and slaps him across his smug little face.)

(Ding. Ding. Ding. The bell sounds and they are at it. Hooligan just stares at Copeland evily as Copeland looks afraid. Copeland heads to the outside and Damage follows. Copeland uses his plan to it’s full potential and dropkicks Hooligan as he is halfway out of the ring. Copeland jumps onto Hooligan’s chest and pummels away. Hooligan looks like a shell of a man as he has been without alcohol. He wiggles from side to side, but Copeland applies a side-arm bar.)

(Before the count ends, Copeland goes for a cheap victory by rolling into the ring and letting Hooligan be counted out. Damage beats the count and gets back in the ring. Copeland jumps on his back and procures a cobra clutch. Hooligan reaches for the ropes and Copeland performs a snazzy counter by spinning Hooligan upside down! Copeland is on his back and avoids a count as he really squeezes in the cobra clutch from underneath.)

(On the runway, Pondababa plays with the bottle of booze.)

(Hooligan looks sloppy under the conditions of “Getting healthy” under prison life. Copeland pulls up the weakened Hooligan and punches him squarely in the throat. Hooligan tumbles back into the corner and when Copeland charges in, he lifts his boot and catches Copeland in the chest pipe. Chris Copeland tries to recoup outside and Hooligan performs a springboard flip over the top and onto an unsuspecting Copeland!)

(The guards, all of a sudden, corner an unsuspecting Damage. Damage swings his fists around and the guards recoil away. Damage looks like a mad man in the corner with his bony fists swinging like tree trunks. Chris Copeland sneaks his way through the traffic and grabs a tazer from one of the guards. Chris Copeland pulls the trigger and electricity wildly flows through the veins of Damage. Damage stands still shaking the shock of the tazer!)

Jimmy: Oh my! Damage just had 500 volts of electricity in his body! How is he going to survive despite his bad diet!

(The lights flicker a bit from all the electricity concentrated in this one spot. Chris Copeland bounces back into the ring as Damage rolls with the “shakes”.)

(All of a sudden, “Ponda’s New Groove” begins to play! The robotic man starts walking down the aisle raising the roof with a bottle of moonshine in his hand. Chris Copeland and Hardcore Hooligan stare at this freakish-looking man carrying a few objects in his hands. Hooligan is smirking madly outside the ring as Pondababa approaches the convict. Ponda hands him the bottle as the guards look in irritation. Hardcore Hooligan chugs the moonshine and his eyes widen from the horrendous flavour!)

Hardcore Hooligan: AHHHHH, that's betta!!!
Jimmy: Hooligan has super powers!

(Damage starts shaking the bottle like a bottle of champagne and sprays it all over the guards! The guards angrily recoil as Damage turns his head and receives a baseball slide from the feet of Chris Copeland!)

(Copeland looks nervous that Hooligan has regained the drunken rage from within and decides to try and finish him off quickly! Copeland aims true and goes to strike with his superkick! But Hooligan ducks the kick and wraps his arm around Copeland’s throat! In a mere moment, Hooligan hoists Copeland up and chokeslams him to the mat! With the strength of a raging alcoholic! Hooligan squeezes Copelands knee into his face and tries for a pin!

1…2…3! Hooligan pins Copeland!

(As soon as the pin is achieved, the guards storm the ring and stomp Hooligan down, and drag him away! Copeland is mad that he got caught off guard and he kicks the bottom rope in anger. As a small victory, he waves farewell to Hooligan as he is dragged away.)

Jimmy: Chris Copeland was scooped up by his thigh into a chokeslam. That was quite an innovative move for the hardcore Juggernaut of the Ultimate Survivor.
Rudolph: Well, I guess it’s back to prison for Johnny Damage.
Jimmy: I guess it’s back to fighting for Chris Copeland.

Tournament Round 1
Rex Butler VS Zang

(Rex Butler is chatting on his cell phone to an unknown connoisseur of wrestling)

Rex Butler: Yea, so I jobbed Zang last week with that grubby old man… Hang on, my music is playing.

(“Beg” by Saliva plays and Rex Butler appears in front of the crowd. He launches his cell phone in the crowd as six-crowd members run for it. Butler laughs and struts down to the ring.)

Jimmy: Rex Butler is coming from a gigantic win in a triple threat match with Zang and Chris Copeland.
Rudolph: Butler powerbombed Zang twice but Chris Copeland, that little weasel, scored the pin!

(“Break Your Neck” by Busta Rhymes plays and the old man emerges from the shadows. He lurks forward and the juggernaut known as Zang stands tall in front of the old man. Butler eyes Zang as he heads to the ring with the old man by his side)

Jimmy: Zang’s been quiet as of late.
Rudolph: He’s on a lot of medication, Jimmy… Give him a break.
Jimmy: Speaking about break… Break Your Neck is no longer allowed in wrestling! Because of Chris Copeland.
Rudolph: Chris Copeland is picking away at wrestling with his fine tooth comb!

(Ding. Ding. Ding. The bell sounds. The two lock up, and Zang gains the advantage, by executing an arm bar. Zang laughs. Butler bends over and holds his shoulder where the pressure is applied. Then like lightning, Zang kicks him square in the face and a gout of blood spews from Butler’s mouth. Rex Butler falls to his knees and what appears to be a tooth falls from his mouth. It was just a bit of spit. Zang releases the hold and sizes up his enemy.

Butler is still on his knees and Zang begins to kick him repeatedly in the head. Rex Butler falls onto his hands and knees, and Zang drops down sending a crucial elbow at the base of his spine. Butler collapses and Zang signals for what may be the end of the match. Zang starts yelling a few words at the old man to bring a chair)

(Rex Butler walks over to Zang, dodges a left hook and ties up his arm, slamming him into the turnbuckle. Zang tries his luck at sneaking up behind Butler, but the “Butler Boy” drops to one knee, laces an elbow into his gut and delivers a snapmare! Butler locks in an ankle lock, but when Zang tries to kick him, Butler grabs the other foot, rolls him onto his back and executes a pin.)

1... (Zang kicks out!)

(Rex Butler delivers a sleeper from behind and then releases. Zang holds him close and hammers him in the gut)

(Zang in angry rage starts to yell at the old man to get a few tables. The old man struggles and as quick as an African Swallow pulls out the tables. Zang now tells the old man to set up the tables on top of each other. Rex Butler slowly sneaks up behind Zang and delivers a low blow heard around the World!)

Jimmy: What is Zang planning to do with those tables?

(Rex Butler charges off the ropes and Zang does the same. They both deliver a clothesline to each other hitting the Referee as well. The old man looks in wonder. There is no Ref to make the count but both wrestlers rest on the canvas for at least eight seconds. The old man grabs a chair and hurries into the ring. Butler stands on his feet and stares the old man straight in his eyes. The old man swings! Butler ducks! Zang gets his head cracked like an egg! The old man shakes his head and rolls out of the ring.)

(Rex Butler, in a fury of rage, holds Zang by his Mohawk and drags him towards the tables set up. Butler, with tremendous strength, hoists the 300 plus pounds of Zang. The old man stands in the way but the relentless Butler still goes! Butler crashes the colossus through the double stack of tables, nailing the old man in the process! The Ref revives slowly and watches Butler do a springboard frogsplash onto Zang- onto the two broken tables!)

1…2…3 (Rex Butler beats Zang!)

Jimmy: Butler performs a powerbomb through two tables and then puts the icing on the cake with a springboard frogsplash!

Tournament Round 1
Cliff Knight VS Ixon

[In JT Dolar’s classroom]

Myron: Good luck with your match with your match Mr. Dolar.
Dolar: Don’t call me that, I don’t know who I am anymore.
Myron: Search your soul Mr. Dolar.
Dolar: I SAID DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!! I HAVE TO GO FIGHT NOW!!!!

(Cliff Knight knocks at the door. It slowly creeks open.)

Cliff Knight: Hey Ixon or whatever your name is… Get ready for an education in PAIN… b-censor-h

(Cliff Knight walks out the door and JT Dolar throws a can of coke at the door)

Dolar: There’s no swearing in my classroom!

(“Seasons” by Crossbreed fills up the American Airlines Arena and Knight emerges from the curtains. He has his goggles and his spiked up bleached hair walking to the ring. He does the “V” shape and awaits his opponent… JT Dolar.)

Jimmy: Cliff Knight has found a new degree in intensity as of late.
Rudolph: He massacred Chris Reynolds into a bloody pulp!
Jimmy: Pondababa has been coming out and almost as if he’s been turning Cliff Knight to the dark side.

(Pink Floyd – “Money” begins to play and JT Dolar appears, wearing a slick pair of reading glasses.)

[The scene cut shots to Myron giving a thumbs up to Mr. Dolar. Myron is sitting in a hospital bed that has been wheeled into Dolar’s classroom.]

(The bell sounds. Dolar steps in between the middle and top rope, before getting clubbed by Knight’s bony fist

Dolar retreats back in the corner but Knight continues the beating with rights and lefts, to Dolar’s ugly face. Knight begins kneeing Dolar in the chest and Dolar falls laying down like Raven in the corner. Knight goes to the opposite end of the turnbuckle and he points at Dolar.)

Jimmy: I hope he’s not going to do what I think he’s going to do.

(Knight charges and he lays the Bronco Buster on Dolar!)

Jimmy: This man weighs under 300 pounds and he’s doing the Bronco Buster!

(Knight finally stomps busting him, and he cradles Dolar’s head. Knight begins to hug, Dolar, then finally he clenches him even harder, getting him in the Polar Bear Hug.)

(Dolar resists from giving up, but he starts pounding Knight in the forehead. Knight drops Dolar out of the hold, and Dolar begins to bear hug Knight! Knight starts beating Dolar with both hands, but Dolar tightens his grip.)

Jimmy: Dolar is one hell of an athlete.

(Dolar drops Knight on his feet than he delivers a belly-to-belly suplex! Dolar hooks the leg and goes for the pin.)

1... Kick Out!

(Dolar continues his brutal attack by launching Knight against the ropes... On the return, Dolar lowers his head, but Knight cunningly stops. Knight laughs at Dolar, then faceplants his ugly figure into the mat! Knight covers Dolar)

1...2 Kick Out!

(Knight drops to one knee. Knight found the key, to victory! Knight climbs to the top rope, Dolar is in fear, and Knight plunges with a moonsault! Knight covers Dolar)

1...2...1/4 (Dolar kicks out!)

(Cliff Knight angrily pulls Dolar up by his ear. Knight performs his patented Knights End destroying Dolar into the mat with a ring-shaking running powerbomb! Dolar does a backwards somersault and Knight guides Dolar to the turnbuckle. Knight climbs the top rope and drags up Dolar as well. Cliff Knight hooks up his legs with JT Dolar into a small package! Knight rolls Dolar all the way from the top rope like a bowling ball. Dolar’s shoulders are pinned in a small package!)

1…2…3 (Cliff Knight beats JT Dolar!) Jimmy: Fear gives intelligence to even fools. But that was a good match but their was no way of beating the experience of “THE Premier Athlete” Cliff Knight.

Tournament Round 1
Uluz VS CJ Scott

Jimmy: Uluz does bad things to people.
Rudolph: Yeah, he’s on a tear as of late!
Jimmy: Probably the most popular wrestler in this bastard. Uluz has the goods.
Rudolph: Oh yeah, CJ Scott’s in this match too!

(the hit song, “How you Remind Me” by Nickelback plays as CJ Scott heads to ringside.)

(“IT BEGAN IN AFRICA” pumps over the speakers, getting the fans riled up as the African sensation bounces to the ring and rubs his skulled can all over his body! His mama is by his side to cheer her darling boy onto victory!)

(Uluz gets wasted by CJ Scott and stomps Uluz down! Genetic Freak, CJ Scott attacks Uluz. Uluz gets CJ Scott into a strong grapple and over-powers him with sheer will. Uluz, tosses Scott like some kind’ve rag doll into the turnbuckle. Uluz charges at him like a bear, and he delivers a big splash, crushing the ribs of Scott. CJ falls to the mat, and Uluz applies a camel clutch. CJ taps the mat a few times, then he manages to reach the ropes.)

Jimmy: So far Uluz is in control.

( CJ punches it… Uluz’s head that is! Uluz makes a sore face. CJ attempts a hip toss, but Uluz resists, Uluz reverses the hip toss and lauches Scott to the mat. Uluz follows it up with an elbow drop, hitting the mark. Uluz covers CJ.)

1...2... Kick Out!

Jimmy: Uluz is winning the war!

Uluz lifts up CJ by the hair, and he throws CJ into the corner. Uluz charges at him, but CJ lifts up his boot, right into the face of the African sensation. CJ climbs the top rope in a jiffy, then he lunges forward. CJ attempts a hurricarana, but the black guy counters. He runs out of the corner, and plants him with a huge running powerbomb! Uluz tells his mom to distract the ref, and when his back his turned, he NAILS CJ Scott with the skulled cane while Scott is already on the ground!)

Uluz pins CJ

1...2...3

Rudolph: Zang has already issued a challenge to CJ Scott in the next round… Good luck buddy!
Jimmy: That was solid… Solid.

Tournament Round 2
Ixon VS Chris Copeland

[Back in JT Dolar’s dressing room]

Myron: You haven’t gotten much rest Mister Dolar. Maybe you should back out of this match, and then go fight in the finals..
JT Dolar: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP KID! I HAVE TO PROVE MYSELF TO EVERYONE!
(JT flips the Hospital bed and Myron crashes to the ground. Myron just shakes his head as JT Heads to ringside.)

Myron: God… Please forgive mister Dolar. For he know not what he do.

(JT Dolar runs to the ring frothing at the mouth! He rolls in the ring and shakes his head as what appears to be cottage cheese spews from his mouth.)

(Aenema rings out and Copeland steps from the curtain. He looks disgusted, but heads to ringside nonetheless. Ixon/JT Dolar is screaming in the ring!) Dolar: WHO AM I! AM I CURSED!

(Copeland goes for the tender back and squeezes out the life juice. Ixon screams like Arnold Schwarzenegger after stubbing his toe on a rusty nail, and Copeland capitalizes by executing a backslide.)

1…2…Kick Out!

(Ixon shakes his head like a rabid dog trying to gain control of his inner mind, and Copeland scoops him up for a powerful ring rope suplex! Ixon rests in the corner and Copeland charges at him like a wild animal. Ixon lifts his gigantic boot into the running Chris Copeland. Del Lobo brings a bit of offence to the fight by executing a devastating piledriver to Chris Copeland.)

Jimmy: That will push all the mind games straight out of the ear of Chris Copeland.

(Ixon continues his wrath by sending Chris Copeland straight to hell with a pump handle slam. Copeland touches his back in pain as Ixon Irish whips him into the ropes. Ixon lowers his head and Copeland jumps over top. He gains momentum and performs a flying acrobatic cross body into a pin.)

1…2..1/2 (Ixon kicks out!)

(Copeland runs off the ropes and pulls a move out of the book of Old School! A leg drop finds the mark and JT Dolar shakes like a leaf. Copeland looks mildly pleased at his actions! Ixon suddenly grabs Copeland by the throat and makes his way to his feet, still holding onto Copeland! Ixon screams!)

Ixon/Dolar: I think I know who I am now!

(Copeland pushes himself away, bounces off the ropes and uses the momentum to level Dolar with a superkick!)

1…2…3 Chris Copeland pins JT Dolar!

Jimmy: Dolar seems to have unlocked the Caramilk secret of his soul, but this will have to wait until next match to see it’s mush!

Tournament Round 2
CJ Scott VS Zang

(The camera cutshots to CJ Scott who is walking down the hallway. He walks by the locker room of Zang and he decides to peak inside. The old man is rubbing the sculptures shoulders of Zang. Zang is calmly sitting down at the bench... CJ Scott looks at the camera, his eyes are widened by the enormous mass of Zang. The voice of Chad Kroeger of Nickelback lights up the American Airlines Arena, “How You Remind Me”. The camera changes views to a bird’s eye point of view of CJ Scott walking through the curtains tapping his chest. The fans cheer, this pound for pound, the best wrestler in the World today, and that’s not bragging, it’s the f---ing truth)

(“Break Your Neck” begins to play. After a moment, Zang marches to the ring with the Old Man walking behind him taunting CJ Scott.. Zang enters the ring and raises his arms.)

(The lights go out. When they come back on. Zang and CJ Scott are already in the ring! Battling it out!)

(Zang with a whole burst of energy delivers the spear right into CJ Scott. The fans all get off their feet as Zang goes wild! CJ slowly revives but Zang continues on his attack, by lifting up CJ in a gorilla press. With no troubles, Zang lifts him up about nine feet into the air, and drops him flat on his face with his patented reverse chokeslam!)

Jimmy: Zang is treating CJ Scott as a play toy in that ring, Rudy.
Rudolph: Zang has such tremendous strength. He can’t be beat!

(CJ Scott wipes tears out of his eyes when Zang turns his back for a split moment. CJ Scott hurries in nailing Zang with a straight-armed clothesline. The aggression of CJ Scott kicks it up a notch as he blasts Zang in his hairy chest several times with knife-edge chops. Zang holds his chest in pain as the old man starts to nervously run outside the ring searching for a weapon of choice)

Jimmy: We have never seen the old man so active before!

(CJ Scott grabs the Mohawk of the oversized man and delivers a snap mare followed by a vicious guillotine headlock. Zang swings his arms and tosses CJ Scott between the middle and bottom rope. Scott rolls out and the old man nervously licks his lips. The old man searches around and finds the ring bell! Zang climbs out the ring as the old man swings the ring bell in his direction! CJ Scott ducks the blow… Zang receives the chime of the bell flat on his face!)

Jimmy: The old man has done the same mistake… AGAIN!

(The old man drops the bell on the ground as Zang has outraged look upon his face. CJ Scott springboards and delivers a cross body catching Zang and the old man!)

Jimmy: You have to understand the stamina of these wrestlers…
Rudolph: A bigger man like Zang, if he fights in many matches in one night, he will just eventually collapse.
Jimmy: There are advantages and disadvantages of being that damn big!

(Zang mumbles a few words to himself as CJ Scott guides him into the ring. CJ perches himself on the top rope and goes for broke as he soars through the air and completes an insane sunset flip off the top rope!)

1…2…3! (CJ Scott pins Zang!)

Jimmy: The endurance factor kicked in. Like you proposed Rudy.

Tournament Finals
Ixon VS Zang

[Back in the classroom:]

(Ixon kicks in the door and Myron jumps with fear!)

Ixon: Come here you little bag of shit!

(Much like the Boogy man. Ixon snatches the child from the safety of his bed and holds him by his little kicking feet! With a huge overhead swing, Ixon smashes Myron’s lil head all over the tiled floor. Pieces of play-doh (brains) are all over the floor. Ixon picks up the carcass and licks the inner head of Myron. Good Lord! JT Dolar turns into IXON!!!)

(Zang is watching a monitor and just loving the chaos! Zang is panting for oxygen as the old man has a respirator over the mouth of Zang. Dolar walks by Zang’s dressing room noticing the fatigued Zang)

Ixon: (a gust of wind catches the grey hair of Ixon) I am the last ounce of oxygen in your respirator.
Old Man: Hey you… you get outta here. Let us get to the ring!

(Zang is almost being carried by the old man as the remixed version of “Break Your Neck” by Busta Rhymes fills the arena loud and clear. The old man is rubbing the gigantic shoulders as he carries himself to the ring)

Jimmy: Here we are again, Rudy.
Rudolph: It’s going to be judgment day for one of these wrestlers.
Jimmy: Zang is looking pretty battered and bruised already, Rudy.
Rudolph: The fatigue factor is so important. Ixon is a new man. He’s possessed I tell ya!

(The whole arena dims as the crowd grows deathly silent, waiting in an ill fated anticipation for what is inevitably to come. The lights then slowly come on and then dim down again. Suddenly a wolf's howl echoes through the arena piercing desolation into the hearts of those around. The methodic guitars of "Second Death" by Living Sacrifice then chime in. The voice continues on alone saying "Presently waiting, Second Death." trailing off in an ominous echo. When the echo stops the lights flash on with a bang. As the lights come on and eyes begin to come back into focus there is a man crouched in the ring cloaked all in grey. The smoke flees from him as he stands and removes his hood to reveal the man known only as Ixon. Ixon lumbers forward to the ring and rotates into the ring and goes into the form of a cross with his arms out.)

(The bell sounds. Zang woozily stands in the center of the ring as Ixon winds the ferocity of his fist up. The old man screams!)

Old Man: Zang, wake up!

(Ixon swings a knock out punch square in the visage of Zang! Zang does a three-sixty spin landing on his side. The old man rubs his forehead as Ixon slowly pins the leg of Zang!)

1…2…3 (Ixon destroys Zang with one knock out punch!)

Jimmy: Have you ever witnessed that, Rudy?
Rudolph: One punch! One punch! That’s all it took! Ixon shattered Zang into pieces!

(Paramedics storm to the ring as Ixon hides himself behind the cloak slowly departing. They rush into the ring and the old man is on top of the big girth trying to slap some sense into Zang! Zang lays there unconscious until a paramedic places a respirator on top of the mouth of Zang. He puts a highly scented piece of material and it immediately wakes up Zang! Zang uncontrollably swings his arms destroying the paramedics!)

Jimmy: OH my! Zang is angry!
Rudolph: Don’t worry Jimmy. The old man is the only man that knows how to calm down Zang. And he’s here. So there’s nothing to worry about.

(The old man enters the ring with his arms out. Zang stares his bloodshot eyes into that of the old man. The old man runs! But Zang catches him before! Zang, with relative ease, hoists the old man in the air. One hand is palmed on the skull of the old man, the other squeezing his knee joint. He twists the head of the old man and BREAK’S HIS NECK! He lies out his knee and with much force; he slams the wiry old man BREAKING HIS BACK!)

Jimmy: Uh oh. I suggest we leave, Rudy. We are in a potential hazardous spot here.
Rudolph: I agree.

(The two commentators scatter away from the scene. Zang is on one knee as if he is proposing a loved one for marriage. In front of him is his long-lived friend-the old man. The scene slowly fades away zooming in on the broken man known as Zang)

The UWA says goodbye to the ever-so powerful and uncontrollable ZANG!


Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Final