Answered by Sidi Yahya Birt, UK
A little background on me: I am a recent convert. I began the process last fall and observed Rhamadan, though having little understanding of the full intention and impact of it's meaning. I did not have enough witnesses, so didn't "officially convert" until April. I have the sincerest intention and want to learn and know about Islam, but find that I am pushed too hard. I am expected to act and have the understanding, faith, and knowledge of a born Muslim, but somewhere in there, people forget that I only recently converted. I would like to have some basis to quote from AL QUR'AN or from the the sayings of the Prophet tell people to "Back Off!" "I am
learning!" "Be Patient with me!" I cannot learn the same level of Piety and understanding, in 6 months, that others have taken 30, or 50 years to develop. Some people look down on me, and I feel like they are pushing me away from Islam. I won't let them! They say that it is the shayton getting to me, but I feel that if there is any truth to that, then the shayton are acting through them.... not distorting my thoughts.(In this Holy Month, we all know the shayton and the Jinn are all chained up anyway... and all of the fish in the sea are praying for us to have strength...) When I try to explain that I feel overwhelmed, they say that I should use the free time that I have and it seems they would have me submersed 1000% into the study of Islam. Too much at one time can have a bad effect. I am learning to become very weary of talking to these people, who were the people I looked up to most. They were patient with me, they didn't push me....now I feel alone in the journey. I don't feel like I can ask them questions like before. How can I tell them to be patient with me? Did the Prophet say
anything about patience with converts? Please help.
Walaikum assalam,
Converts, in the early days, have entered a big new world that is often confusing for them, and so they do not always protect their new found faith adequately in the early days. One manifestation of this is the propensity to ask ordinary Muslims questions about Islam which they are not equiped to answer, while not possessing the restraint to refer you to someone else who knows better.
My best advice would be to deliberately find one knowledgeable scholar in your city whom you respect, and to ask him to help you by giving you answers and advice when sought for. It is highly desirable if you agree to have some private tuition with this scholar, and ideally that you agree upon what is the right pace for you to proceed in learning the basics.
So the best way to avoid bad or ill-informed advice is to nominate this one learned person to act as your mentor, and then to politiely decline the active advice of others, while acting as a good brother to them, until you have found your feet. Finding your feet means obligations might fall on you later on in life, like providing a lawful income for your wife after you get married).
As for gradualism in religion, the Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:
"Verily this religion is inexorable, so enter its depth gently (Ahmad, 12618); if you try to seize it all at once, it will overpower you" (Bukhari,39).
A contemporary American scholar in Hanafi jurisprudence, Hedaya Hartford, who is also a convert, comments on this hadith that: "We must take this religion one step at a time. It is a complete way of life and requires time to adjust. In learning your religion, you must begin to re-examine and regard things in its new light. Apply Allah's commands in the spirit of 'We hear and we obey' (Qur'an, 5:7). Assimilating what you learn consistently will facilitate this. It is through Allah's mercy and wisdom that we are shown our faults gradually. As many converts to Islam can attest, it may take years to really shed non-Islamic manners and patterns of behaviour. Whether new to Islam or not, your keeping to Islam is a tremendous blessing from Allah, for in it lies the means to earthly and eternal happiness."
Source: Hedaya Hartford, 'The First Steps', Islamic Marriage, first edition (Damascus: Dar al-Fikr, 2000), p. 19.
So what about those first steps? A man came to the Holy Prophet and asked: "Messenger of Allah, say something to me about Islam which I will not ask anyone else except you." He said, "Say, 'I believe in Allah', and then remain upright [literally go straight]." (related by Muslim)
The great scholar Imam Nawawi comments on this prophetic tradition that remaining upright means persevering in the path by doing what is obligatory and leaving what is forbidden.
How should we aim to progress towards Allah?
The Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said that Allah Most High said: "[...] My slave does not draw closer to Me with anything more beloved to Me than that which I have made obligatory upon him. My slave continues to draw closer with optional extra acts until I love him. [...]." (an excerpt from the hadith narrated by Bukhari)
About Him Most High saying "My slave does not draw closer to Me with anything more beloved to Me than that which I have made obligatory upon him", Imam Nawawi comments, "There is proof that performance of obligatory acts is better than optional extra acts. It has been narrated in the hadith literature that 'the reward of the obligatory is preferred seventy times over the reward of the optional acts' [related by Ibn Khuzayma]."