We just fought over it…
recently i've had a huge argument w/ my husband on the topic
that he doesn't regularly pray, and since we just had our first
baby, i wanted him to change of course, so our daughter can have good role
models and influences. i pray all my prayers, but i can't handle that my husband
doesn't want to try to offer all of his. i'm very frustrated, angry and sad.
he said if i continue nagging him i can pack my bags and leave. what do i
do?? i'm just so confused and hurt!
Walaikum assalam,
1. Don't nag. Rarely does nagging and argument work with people. Allah Most High told His Chosen One, the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace),
"It is from the mercy of Allah that you are easy with them, for if you were hard and harsh of heart they would have dispersed from around you. So pardon them, ask forgiveness for them, and consult them regarding your affairs. And when you resolve, put your trust in Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)." [Qur'an, 3: 159]
2. Know that your husband is responsible for his own actions, and you for your’s.
As such, if you have tried to enjoin the good and he clearly refuses, you have discharged your immediate responsibility. Long term, you should have a well thought-out plan to encourage him to practice his deen.
3. The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) compared the believer to a tree.
When there is a lack of fruit on the tree, one should look at the reasons behind this.
Similarly, lack of concern for worship and obedience to Allah is the result of a weakness in one’s faith and certainty in the eternal realities of religion. If faith is sound, its fruits are manifest.
Therefore, avoid the issue of prayer, and seek to create a positive environment through which your husband’s religious commitment, in the long run, can be expected to be strengthened.
Focussing on the beauty of our religion is the way to attract others to it: this starts with our own actions, and behavior, and also those of one’s children, as well as the environment created in the house.
3. The Qur’an softens hearts, as Allah promises in the Qur’an, and makes light enter into them.
Recite the Qur’an out loud at home.
Donate the reward to your husband. (Of course, you do not lose any of it yourself; rather, you get the added reward of gifting.)
Listen to beautiful Qur’anic recordings (such as those of Shaykh al-Hussary) in non-annoying ways.
If the words and meanings of the Qur’an, and its beauty, do not, in the long run, sway your husband, its baraka and light will, inshaAllah.
4. Make dua for your husband with every prayer. It is enough for us that Allah has promised us: “Call on Me; I will answer you.” [Qur’an, 40.60]
Thus, one’s goal should be long-term.
5. As for fixing the short-term problem you fell into, remember the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace):
The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) counseled more than one Companion:
"Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow a bad deed with a good one and it will wipe it out; and deal with people with the best of character."
This is the best of counsels, as it came from the Best of Creation (Allah bless him & give him peace).
Walaikum assalam,
Faraz Rabbani.
